Replaying the events of the evening in my mind, I was faced with the raw truth of what had really occurred. Arys’ intent had been for me to develop control, to conquer the undeniable call of the bloodlust before it devoured me. I had failed.
I should have been content to be there with him in that moment, but I was worried. Arys had stopped me from killing more than once. I couldn’t always rely on him to fix my mistakes before I made them.
This was bad. I was slipping further into the clutches of a weakness I now knew we both feared. I couldn’t let it claim me, but I was running out of time. Every time I gave in to the welcoming splendor of the bloodlust, I lost a bit more of what little humanity I had left. Arys’ words echoed inside my head. Master it or it masters you.
Epilogue
It was as close to normal as I was going to get. I had the house to myself, a rarity. I didn’t like to think about it much, but I still wasn’t comfortable being in Raoul’s house alone. With an episode of Castle on television and the scent of pizza permeating the house, I curled up on the couch with a coffee in hand.
My laptop sat next to me on the middle cushion. I glared at it and clicked a few things randomly. Though I hadn’t had much time to break my way into Veryl’s files, I wasn’t having any luck. At all.
Setting my mug on the coffee table, I took a bite of pizza before typing “open password protected files” into Google. The results were repetitive. Sites trying to sell me software or the same bits of information that were getting me nowhere. I needed to find a professional to do it for me, one who would keep his or her mouth shut.
One thing at a time.
I glanced at the old, leather journal where it sat on the far end of the coffee table. I hadn’t opened it yet despite how badly I wanted to know what was inside. It felt good to sit on my couch and watch TV like a normal person. I didn’t get to do this enough. I wanted to savor it. The moment I opened that book, it would all end, and I’d be faced with reality again.
I laughed at a quip on the show, glancing up to re-immerse myself in the fictional on-screen world. I couldn’t look at the television without my gaze straying to the large, framed photo above it. It felt surreal to stare into my own eyes without recognition.
The gift I’d received from Kylarai and Zoey had been a photo of Shaz and me. Kylarai had captured it with her camera early one morning as we’d been trotting through the farmer’s field to her backyard.
In the picture, I was staring off into the distance while Shaz leaned into me, his face rubbing alongside mine. It was really weird to see myself as a wolf. I never did, not like this. Shaz stood out brilliantly next to me with his bright green eyes and white fur. My ash blond fur and dark eyes weren’t quite as striking, but I had to admit, together we looked good. Maybe even beautiful.
It was one of the most meaningful gifts I’d ever gotten. I’d cried a little when I first saw it. It symbolized a side of me that I saw less frequently these days. It also made me ache for Shaz.
I was expecting him close to dawn. Until then it was just me, my locked files and Arys’ journal. More than enough to keep me busy.
While munching on pizza I made a few more feeble attempts at busting into Veryl’s files. I didn’t want to give up, but I was getting nowhere. I was also using it as a way to procrastinate on the journal. Whatever was in the files could wait; I couldn’t access it, and anything inside had been hidden from me for a while now. Arys’ journal was right there, waiting for me to open it.
Since our night at the hotel a week ago, he had done all he could to avoid talking about it further. He thought he was going to destroy me, thereby destroying us both. I understood his concern, but I was skeptical. I’d come close to death enough times to know that it could never be so cut and dry.
So some witch had been able to see that Arys wasn’t a lone soul? So what? It didn’t mean we were destined to self-destruct. Lena, too, had been aware there was something big between us, but she’d never spoken of doom and gloom, although she had been full of warnings.
I missed her. It hurt to think about her, flashing back to the night she died. I still wished I could have made Maxwell suffer. However, I had a renewed confidence since I’d killed him. I’d said that if anyone had a right to Harley’s place in Vegas, it was me. Knowing that to be true, I didn’t fear anyone or anything coming out of Sin City now. If they came, I’d be ready.
I couldn’t say that I missed Veryl. He was one individual I simply couldn’t mourn. If that made me a bad person, then so be it.
Since his death Lilah had taken over the office. We hadn’t spoken about it much. I didn’t know whether or not the information he had on her had been leaked. I didn’t ask.