Gina heated two mugs of water in the microwave, dropped a tea bag into each, and handed one cup to Annie before taking her seat again. Annie used the reprieve to try to calm her jitters. Was that unknown emotion regret for letting Annie go, or something else?
“I’ve been thinking about what you said,” Gina said, taking a sip of tea. “And I realize I was pushing you too hard, too fast. I don’t want to lose you, Annie. You’re too good of a scientist for me to stand by and let you throw it away. I want you to see a therapist and try to get over this fear.”
“I don’t think that’s necessary,” Annie protested. “I just need a little time. Let me do it in small stages instead of sending me right out to the most dangerous areas.”
“I’m not sure we have that kind of time. I need you up to speed as soon as possible. The earthquake swarms likely mean something big is about to happen. I need the whole staff fully functional and operating as one.”
“Even a therapist can’t work miracles overnight.”
“True.” Gina took another sip of tea. “How about we compromise? Over the next two weeks, I want you to enter an area where you feel frightened, even if it’s only for a few minutes. Don’t do any work there, just go to the brink and evaluate your reaction. If you find the fear is lessening, we’ll assume you can conquer this by yourself.”
It was a good offer, and Annie knew it. Though fear soured her stomach, she nodded slowly. “Okay. It’s good of you to do this, Gina.”
The older woman played with a pencil on her desk. “I’m no stranger to fear, Annie. I know what it’s like to feel your heart shrivel in your chest.”
Annie couldn’t imagine tiny but intrepid Gina afraid of anything. “I don’t believe it,” she said.
Gina looked up. “My childhood was a nightmare. I had a father who brutalized me and my sister. I remember hiding in the closet and praying he wouldn’t find me. I decided when I was a teenager that I wasn’t going to let fear control me any longer. I don’t want to see you bow to it.”
Annie tried not to show her shock. Gina seemed so calm and put together. Sometimes she seemed too controlled, though now Annie could see why. Gina would be good for her father. “I’m sorry, Gina. I had no idea.”
Gina waved her hand airily. “It’s all in the past. You’re like me in many ways, Annie. Even in your family life. I’ve noticed your father is a little hard on you. You need to remember that you’re a strong woman. You don’t need his approval. Make your own way.”
“My family needs me,” Annie said weakly.
“I think you overestimate your importance to them. They’ll survive without you. You need to look out for yourself. No one else will.”
Gina had it all wrong. Insulating herself against hurt was no way to live. But for the first time, Annie was beginning to realize that being a doormat wasn’t what God intended either. Was there a happy medium where she could open herself to her family and yet be her own person as well? She wanted to rush home and look through the Bible to find out.
Gina interrupted her thoughts. “As long as we’re in agreement, you can get back to work. I want you to go out as far on the lava as you can go today. Then come back here and work on your data. And get that formula fixed for Jillian.”
“Okay.” Annie rose and went toward the door. She hesitated. “Mahalo for everything, Gina. I hope things work out with you and my father.” Gina smiled without answering, then bent her head and went back to studying her graphs. Annie went down the hall, checked her e-mail, then went outside. She had to go out on the lava bench.
Someplace dangerous, but not too dangerous. She got on her ATV and drove out across the rock. Though she didn’t like the thought of going back to where she’d vomited the other day, she had to face her fear. She got as far as the path but couldn’t make herself get off the vehicle. Maybe Gina was right and she needed professional help. She turned around and went back to the observatory.
Annie frowned as she stood in front of the seismograph two hours later. The earthquakes were increasing at the rift. She’d never seen so many in a twenty-four-hour period. She went to the bank of computers on the other side of the room and began to call up data that she could check. Wilson batted at the mouse, then tried to nibble on the cord. Her father had been unusually grouchy about him, and she decided to keep him out of the house.
“Forget it, mister.” She nudged him away. He squeaked, then hopped to the floor and went to the sofa by the door that they used for guests. He raced up the sofa and perched on top to look out the window.
“You’re frowning.” Fawn had come into the room behind her. “Is something wrong?”
“All these earthquakes make me a little uneasy.” Annie showed her the data.