"Fans, you gotta listen to me now, how many times have I told you this? If you don't know Henreid Brothers Furniture of French Landing and Centralia, then you don't know furniture. That's right, I'm talking Henreid Brothers, home of the Colonial Blowout. Living-room sets dining-room sets bedroom sets, famous names you know and trust like La-Z-Boy, Breton Woods and Moosehead, EVEN A BLIND MAN CAN SEE THAT HENREID BROTHERS MEANS QUALITY!"
Ty Marshall is laughing even before he's got both eyes fully open. He loves George Rathbun; George is absolutely fly.
And now, without even changing gears from the commercial: "You guys are all ready for the Brewer Bash, ain'tcha? Sent me those postcards with your name, address, and el teléfono on 'em? Hope so, because the contest closed at midnight. If you missed out . . . so solly, Cholly!"
Ty closes his eyes again and mouths the same word over three times: Shit, shit, shit. He did forget to enter, and now he can only hope that his dad (who knows how forgetful his son can be) remembered and entered the contest for him.
"Grand prize?" George is saying. "ONLY the chance for you or the fav-o-rite young person of your acquaintance to be the Brew Crew's batboy or batgirl for the entire Cincinnati series. ONLY the chance to win an aut-o-graphed Richie Sexson bat, the LUMBER that holds the LIGHTNING! Not to mention fifty free seats on the first-base side with me, George Rathbun, Coulee Country's Traveling College of Baseball Knowledge. BUT WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS? If you missed out, you're too late. Case closed, game over, zip up your fly! Oh, I know why I brought it up — to make sure you tune in next Friday to see if I speak YOUR NAME over the radio!"
Ty groans. There are only two chances that George will speak his name over the radio: slim and none. Not that he cared so much about being a batboy, dressed in a baggy Brewers uni and running around in front of all those people at Miller Park, but to own Richie Sexson's own bat, the lumber with the lightning . . . how boss would that've been?
Tyler rolls out of bed, sniffs the armpits of yesterday's T-shirt, tosses it aside, gets another out of the drawer. His dad sometimes asks him why he sets his alarm so early — it's summer vacation, after all — and Tyler can't seem to make him understand that every day is important, especially those filled with warmth and sunlight and no particular responsibilities. It's as if there's some little voice deep inside him, warning him not to waste a minute, not a single one, because time is short.
What George Rathbun says next drives the remaining sleep-fog from Tyler's brain — it's like a dash of cold water. "Say there, Coulee, want to talk about the Fisherman?"
Tyler stops what he's doing, an odd little chill running up his back and then down his arms. The Fisherman. Some crazy guy killing kids . . . and eating them? Well, he's heard that rumor, mostly from the bigger kids down at the baseball field or at the French Landing Rec Center, but who would do something so gross? Cannibalism, ack!
George's voice drops. "Now I'm going to tell you a little secret, so listen close to your Uncle George." Tyler sits on his bed, holding his sneakers by the laces and listening closely to his Uncle George, as bid-den. It seems odd to hear George Rathbun talking about a subject so . . . so unsporty, but Tyler trusts him. Didn't George Rathbun predict that the Badgers would go to at least the Elite Eight two years ago, when everyone else said they'd get blown out in the first round of the Big Dance? Yeah, he did. Case closed, game over, zip up your fly.
George's voice drops further, to what is almost a confidential whisper. "The original Fisherman, boys and girls, Albert Fish, has been dead and gone for sixty-seven years, and s'far's I know, he never got much west of New Jersey. Furthermore, he was probably a DAMYANKEE FAN! SO COOL IT, COULEE COUNTRY! JUST CAAAALM DOWN!"
Tyler relaxes, smiling, and starts putting on his sneakers. Calm down, you got that right. The day is new, and yeah, okay, his mom's been a little on the Tinky Winky side lately, but she'll pull out of it.
Let us leave on this optimistic note — make like an amoeba and split, as the redoubtable George Rathbun might say. And speaking of George, that ubiquitous voice of the Coulee Country morning, should we not seek him out? Not a bad idea. Let us do so immediately.
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