"Charlie?" she asks, putting her pencil in her crossword book and closing it.
Charlie just goes shuffling along, jaw hanging down, a long runner of drool also hanging down. But he has an unpleasant half grin on his face that Vera doesn't care for. This one may have lost most of his marbles, but the few left in his head are mean marbles. Sometimes she knows that Charlie Burnside genuinely doesn't hear her when she speaks (or doesn't understand her), but she's positive that sometimes he just pretends not to understand. She has an idea this is one of the latter times.
"Charlie, what are you doing wearing Elmer's bee slippers? You know his great-granddaughter gave those to him."
The old man — Burny to us, Charlie to Vera — just goes shuffling along, in a direction that will eventually take him back to D18. Assuming he stays on course, that is.
"Charlie, stop."
Charlie stops. He stands at the head of Daisy's corridor like a machine that has been turned off. His jaw hangs. The string of drool snaps, and all at once there's a little wet spot on the linoleum beside one of those absurd but amusing slippers.
Vera gets up, goes to him, kneels down before him. If she knew what we know, she'd probably be a lot less willing to put her defenseless white neck within reach of those hanging hands, which are twisted by arthritis but still powerful. But of course she does not.
She grasps the left bee slipper. "Lift," she says.
Charles Burnside lifts his right foot.
"Oh, quit being such a turkey," she says. "Other one."
Burny lifts his left foot a little, just enough for her to get the slipper off.
"Now the right one."
Unseen by Vera, who is looking at his feet, Burny pulls his penis from the fly of his loose pajama pants and pretends to piss on Vera's bowed head. His grin widens. At the same time, he lifts his right foot and she removes the other slipper. When she looks back up, Burny's wrinkled old tool is back where it belongs. He considered baptizing her, he really did, but he has created almost enough mischief for one evening. One more little chore and he'll be off to the land of dreamy dreams. He's an old monster now. He needs his rest.
"All right," Vera says. "Want to tell me why one of these is dirtier than the other?" No answer. She hasn't really expected one. "Okay, beautiful. Back to your room or down to the common room, if you want. There's microwave popcorn and Jell-O pops tonight, I think. They're showing The Sound of Music. I'll see that these slippers get back to where they belong, and you taking them will be our little secret. Take them again and I'll have to report you, though. Capisce?"
Burny just stands there, vacant . . . but with that nasty little grin lifting his wrinkled old chops. And that light in his eyes. He capisces, all right.
"Go on," Vera says. "And you better not have dropped a load on the floor in there, you old buzzard."
Again she expects no reply, but this time she gets one. Burny's voice is low but perfectly clear. "Keep a civil tongue, you fat bitch, or I'll eat it right out of your head."
She recoils as if slapped. Burny stands there with his hands dangling and that little grin on his face.
"Get out of here," she says. "Or I really will report you." And a great lot of good that would do. Charlie is one of Maxton's cash cows, and Vera knows it.
Charlie recommences his slow walk (Pete Wexler has dubbed this particular gait the Old Fucks' Shuffle), now in his bare feet. Then he turns back. The bleary lamps of his eyes regard her. "The word you're looking for is feline. Garfield's a feline. Got it? Stupid cow."
With that he continues his trip down the corridor. Vera stands where she is, looking at him with her own jaw hanging. She has forgotten all about her crossword puzzle.
In his room, Burny lies down on his bed and slips his hands into the small of his back. From there down he aches like a bugger. Later he will buzz for the fat old bitch, get her to bring him an ibuprofen. For now, though, he has to stay sharp. One more little trick still to do.
"Found you, Potter," he murmurs. "Good . . . old . . . Potsie."