CHAPTER Four
Fury bubbled up inside Victoria. She threw the papers down on the table and her chair scraped back against the deck. “You told me you were Dylan’s guardian,” she accused.
“Coguardian.” Connor shrugged. “And we share custody, too. We need to discuss it.”
The coldhearted bastard had nearly given her heart failure. She’d thought she’d have to beg to be allowed a say in Dylan’s upbringing. All her unspoken reservations about her ability to be the kind of mother that Dylan needed came crashing in on her.
A gust of chilly wind cut through the fabric of her dress. She shivered. Crossing her arms, she rubbed her hands absently up and down her body. She couldn’t allow her insecurities to take hold. She had to believe in herself. Because she was the only parent Dylan had.
Joint custody and coguardianship. How on earth was that going to work? Damn, what had Suzy been thinking?
Or not thinking.
Clearly Suzy had not imagined dying. Suzy would not have thought how impractical it all was to juggle such a young baby between two households.
Sure, it had been done before. But Connor had no motive to cooperate—it wasn’t as if he was the baby’s father. Still, as a single man who ran a large business, he probably wouldn’t want to be hamstrung with a baby. Her heart lifted a little at the realization. In fact, he’d be glad to be rid of the burden.
Connor moved his chair a little nearer and Victoria tensed as she always did when he invaded her space. He stopped, too close now, and leaned toward her. Protectively she tightened her arms around herself. She could smell the crisp, lemony scent of his aftershave, which still lingered after the long day.
The light-gray eyes held her captive. “Victoria, if you don’t mind keeping Dylan for another day or so while I get a room ready and painted out for him, I’ll take him as soon as I can. Certainly by Thursday.”
The spell snapped. Don’t mind keeping Dylan? Then give him up to Connor in a day or two? That wasn’t happening!
Pushing her chair back, she leapt to her feet. “Dylan will live with me,” she cut in, desperate to get this settled as quickly as possible.
“With you?” Connor tilted his head back and gave her a raking glance. He looked unnervingly assured. “No way!”
“What do you mean, no way?” For one awful moment she thought he’d seen all the way to her soul. Read her doubts about her mothering abilities. Then she pulled herself together. She would learn. She would ask the caregivers at the day-care center a thousand questions. There was no way she could do a worse job than her own parents. “How will you cope with a baby? You don’t even have a home!” At the blaze of fury in his eyes Victoria wished she’d left the last rash bit unsaid. Heck, she didn’t even know if it was still true. “I mean, your ex took your home.”
“And I bought another,” he said very softly, his eyes glinting dangerously.
So he thought a home could simply be bought?
Something of her skepticism must have shown, because he added, “I have a house with a garden to play ball in and a swimming pool to splash around in—not a shoebox like this.” Connor cast a disparaging look around the small deck, his gaze pointedly resting on the pale-cream couches and white carpets visible through the glass sliders. “At least Dylan will be able to grow up a boy in my home. What kind of life would he have here?”
“I’ll buy a suburban house with a garden,” she said, thinking back to the warmth and love that had filled Suzy’s parents’ home. “I haven’t needed more than this until now.”
She could afford to do it. Her savings were in a healthy state. Despite the lump sum she’d insisted on giving Suzy to help with the IVF expenses, which had been worth every cent. The outcome had been Dylan.
“And that’ll mean your commute to work will increase.” He gave her that sharklike smile. “Or did you intend to stop working?”
“Of course not!”
She needed to carry on working, otherwise how would she be able to give Dylan everything he deserved? Good day care and private schooling were expensive. And Dylan would get the best. She had no intention of leaving Dylan to the mercy of her own ignorance. And besides, it wasn’t only for Dylan. She loved her job. It gave her a sense of self-worth. And it paid pretty damn well, too. She couldn’t imagine giving up the client base she’d worked so hard to build. Nor would she ever throw away the independence she’d strived all her adult life to secure.
“Don’t try telling me you would give up work if Dylan lived with you,” she challenged, “because I won’t swallow it.”
“But I can take as much time off as I want to spend with Dylan—I’m the boss. And I have a full-time housekeeper. Dylan would be well cared for. It has nothing to do with double standards.” His bleak gaze settled on her. “Unlike you, I can devote as much time to Dylan as he needs.”
The emptiness that lay behind his eyes was the very reason she could never surrender Dylan into his care. He would never be able to convince her he could give Dylan more love than she could. If her parenting skills were in doubt, Connor’s were even more so.
A strong surge of maternal yearning took her by surprise. She swallowed. She would not lose Dylan to the block of rock who stood in front of her.
The baby was hers.
Hers.
And she would fight with everything she possessed, every weapon at her disposal, to make sure Dylan stayed with her. She, at least, was capable of giving him love.
“He’s not leaving here.” She realized her voice had risen.
“Victoria, be sensible—”
“I’m being perfectly sensible.”
He gave a snort. “With the hours you work you don’t have time for a baby. Suzy told me—me and Michael,” he amended as her brows drew together. “She was worried about you. She thought you’d buried yourself alive. All you lived for was building a practice that would lead to more status.”
“Buried myself alive?” The idea that Suzy had discussed her with Connor hurt. “What about you? You started a new company—and not just any company, the Phoenix Corporation is a huge venture.”
“Yes, but I employ a large staff, I delegate—I don’t do everything myself. I still found time to visit Michael and Suzy—”
“You pig!” Victoria couldn’t believe she’d heard right. “How can you say that? You cruel—”
“Oh, God, I’m sorry, Victoria.” His chair crashed backward and he came toward her, his hands outstretched. “I didn’t mean it that—”
She slapped his hands away. “You meant it exactly that way.” Her fingers stung. She stared down at her reddening palms. The tears she’d stanched so fiercely for the past two days leaked out.
“Victoria, I’m sorry.” His arms closed around her.
She fought him off, elbowing him fiercely. “Let go of me, damn you!”
He dropped his arms and stepped back, breathing heavily.
She stormed past him through the glass sliders. Half a dozen strides carried her across the living room and she yanked the front door open, her clammy hands clutching the door handle to keep her trembling knees from giving out. She’d wanted him to hold her, to share the grief … but never like this. “Get out.”
“We need to talk about Dy—”
“I have nothing to say to you. Go.”
“Victoria—”
She kept her gaze averted, horribly conscious of the soundless tears streaming down her face and the nausea rising in the back of her throat. “Please, just go.”
He stumbled past her. At the last moment he turned. “If you need—”
Hot, blinding anger surged, and she said, “I don’t need anything you can give me.”
Without another word Connor left.
The funeral was finally over. Mourners huddled in groups in the church hall sipping coffee from white cups.
Connor glanced to where Victoria stood in silence beside three women who he assumed must’ve been friends of Suzy’s. The scooped neckline of the fitted black dress she wore accentuated her collar bones and the delicate line of her throat, and her tall, slender body moved to-and-fro as she rocked Dylan. But she didn’t spare him a glance. She’d barely spoken to him today.
Guilt gnawed at him. How had he managed to screw up so royally two nights ago? Judging by the dark rings around her eyes, she hadn’t slept since. She was hurting. He could feel it. Hell, she’d made him so mad, but that was no excuse. Nor did the knowledge that he’d never intended to wound her so deeply ease his guilt.
He was worse than the pig she’d called him.
She’d loved Suzy. She would never forgive him for implying that she’d neglected Suzy before her tragic death. And how could he blame her?
The baby’s head was nestled close against her shoulder, and Dylan’s eyes widened with interest as Connor came closer.
“Here, let me take the baby.”
He saw her stiffen, her hold tighten around the baby, as she became aware of him. “No!”
Did she think he was going to rip the baby away from her?
“Please?” Couldn’t she see his remorse? “Dylan must be heavy.”
She edged away from the group she’d been standing with, but not before one of them gave him a strange look. He didn’t care. It was Victoria that concerned him right now.
“We’re fine.”
Her pallor, her reddened eyes, the way her fingers dug into the blanket that swaddled Dylan gave lie to that. She so wasn’t fine. But he wasn’t about to argue with her here for everyone to see.
“Victoria …” Connor searched for the words that would mend everything between them, that would put them back into the state of almost-truce that had existed before his insensitive accusation. And came up dry.
“Go away,” she hissed. “You’re not taking the baby from me.”
“Victoria—” An elegant woman with short hair wearing a black-and-white houndstooth suit came up beside them eyeing Connor with curiosity. “I wanted to say how sorry I am for the loss of your friend.”
“Thank you, Bridget.”
“And who is this fellow?” Bridget studied Dylan with decidedly wary eyes, causing Connor to suppress his first grin in days.
“This is Dylan, Suzy’s baby.”
“Oh.” Bridget exchanged long looks with Victoria. “How dreadful. Is her family looking after him?”
“Suzy doesn’t have any close family—her parents are dead, and she was an only child. Dylan’s been staying with me.”
His smile fading, Connor watched Bridget—whoever the hell she was—process that information silently. Victoria must have seen her doubts, too, because her arms tightened around the baby, causing Dylan to squawk in protest.
Connor reached for the wriggling baby. “I’ll hold him for you.” Dylan lurched toward him with a gurgle before Victoria could argue.
Bridget examined him with interest.
Connor nodded politely.
With visible reluctance Victoria performed the introductions. “Bridget, this is Connor North, a friend of the Masons. Connor, Bridget Edge is managing partner at Archer, Cameron and Edge.”
“Connor North? Of the Phoenix Corporation?” Bridget’s gaze sharpened. Connor could see her mentally tallying up his assets. “I didn’t know you were connected to Phoenix, Victoria.”
Victoria looked trapped.
Connor couldn’t resist saying wickedly, “We’ve been friends for years. We met at Suzy and Michael’s wedding—I was best man and Victoria was maid of honor.”
“How romantic.” Bridget gave him a thin smile before her gaze settled back on Dylan. “This arrangement of looking after the baby isn’t going to be permanent, is it?”
“No,” said Connor.
“Yes,” said Victoria, her color high.
Dylan blew a raspberry.
“Well, it sounds like you two have matters to sort out.” Bridget’s carefully plucked eyebrows were nearly up to her hairline. “Please call me at the office later, Victoria. I think we should talk.”
The tension in Victoria’s slim figure only increased with her boss’s departure. As the last of the stragglers drifted out, leaving Connor alone with Victoria … and a sleeping Dylan in his car seat, he said, “Come, it’s been a long day. Time for me to take the two of you home.”
“You know I’m going to have to call the office,” said Victoria.
Work. The funeral barely over and already she was fretting about work.
“All Frigid wants is for you to confirm that the baby won’t interfere with your billable hours.” Connor knew his cynicism was showing.
“Bridget. Her name is Bridget.”
He kept his face deadpan. “I’ve always had a problem with names—you know that.”
“Let it go, Connor.” But her lips twitched.
So she did have a sense of humor. If he hadn’t been watching her carefully he’d have missed that barely perceptible movement.
Outside the sky had turned gray and ominous, promising rain. As they headed toward the row of pines where the Maserati was parked, Connor said, “If Dylan comes to stay with me that will solve all her concerns.”
“No.”
So Victoria was digging in her heels. Connor knew the only way he was going to make her see sense was to be brutal.
“You’ll never be able to raise a boy.” Pausing beside the car, he set the infant seat down and opened the rear door. After securing the infant seat without waking Dylan, he turned back to Victoria and raked his gaze over her, telling her without words that he considered her wanting. “I give you two weeks tops before you surrender.”
For a moment, he thought he’d shaken her. Then she narrowed her pinkened eyes. “You don’t think I can do this? I’m the one who was watching him in the first place!”
Victoria had backbone, he had to give her that. But then, given her career he would’ve expected it. The question was: would she be able to cope all alone with a demanding job and a baby? He doubted it.
Connor took in her hands clenched in front of her breasts, and the way her mouth trembled. Her crushed-rose lips only emphasized her pallor. She looked too damned fragile.
For a moment he considered sweeping her into his arms, holding her close …
Then he shook the impulse away.
This was Victoria, not some frail butterfly. And she didn’t need anything from him—she’d told him so herself.
He stepped closer to her. “That wasn’t a dare. You don’t need to prove anything to me. All I want is Dylan.” And dammit, that was the truth of it. “Make it easy on yourself, let him stay with me.” That’s what he wanted desperately—what Michael would’ve wanted—his son to stay with him. But he couldn’t say that. He’d already hurt her enough. “You can come and visit as often as you want.”
The gold-green eyes that clashed with his were full of turbulence. “You think I haven’t thought of letting him go to you? But I can’t!”
“Why not?” he challenged.
“Because …” She gnawed at her lip.
“Because?” he prompted, forcing his gaze not to linger on her mouth.
“Don’t ask this of me.” There were shadows in her eyes that went way beyond grief. “I can’t do it.”
“It would be the easy solution.”
She hesitated, clenching and unclenching her hands. “Easy solutions aren’t always right. Suzy and I had been inseparable since we were five. I met her on our first day of school. Did you know that?”
He shook his head.
“She was tiny, like a beautiful, blue-eyed doll. She had blond curls, whereas I had dead straight, mousy hair. I felt so thin and tall next to her—she made me want to look after her.”
Victoria’s eyes had glazed over, and Connor knew she’d forgotten about him, about where they were, about the approaching storm. She was in a place he could not reach.
“We seemed like such opposites. Suzy so social, me so quiet.”
“You were fortunate that your friendship endured for all those years.”
“She was so much more than a friend. More than a sister, even. She was my confidante. My family. The person I trusted more than anyone else in the world when my family let me down.” Her gaze cleared. “I can’t give Dylan up. Don’t ask it of me.”
Connor’s sigh went all the way to his soul. He’d already hurt her beyond belief with his swipe that she hadn’t had time for Suzy before she died. How could he take her last link with her friend away from her? Even though he knew that Michael would’ve wanted Dylan to be with him.
The provision for sharing of guardianship and custody in the will had startled him. Victoria was a working woman who clearly didn’t have time for bringing up a child. What had the Masons been thinking? Suzy must’ve insisted on it, never believing the will would have to be acted on long before Dylan grew to adulthood.
But whatever the will provided for, it was absolutely irrefutable that Suzy’s death had left a vast chasm in Victoria’s life.
Connor drew a deep breath and made the biggest concession of his life. Despite what he believed was the right thing for Dylan—and him, he would go along with the provisions of the will. “Then we’ll have to split the custody—work out which of us gets which days.”
Emotion flashed in her eyes. “How can you even suggest that? It took Dylan almost the whole weekend to settle with me. He’s missing his parents, and now you’re suggesting ripping him away from me.”
“Not ripping,” said Connor firmly. “We’ll share him.”
“And he’s going to know what’s happening?” She shook her head so hard the silken mass of her hair whipped from side to side. “No, he’s not going to understand the terms of a custody arrangement. His parents are gone. Right now everything in his little life is in upheaval. I’m his only constant. How can you yank up the few roots he has left and take him away from me?”
She had a point. He remembered how Dylan had snuggled against her earlier.
“And you can’t take Dylan away from my home. That’s all that’s familiar to him right now. Another change of place is going to unsettle him all over again.”
He tilted his head to one side and replayed her words through his mind—Another change of place is going to unsettle him all over again. “That’s it!”
At his exclamation Victoria stared at him as though he’d taken leave of his senses.
He hit a hand against his forehead. “The answer is simple.”