Patting Ella’s shoulder, Suzy said, “Uh-huh, no problem, Els. A little scary there for a moment, but it’s all good.”
When they reached Ella’s house, Ava ran inside first, opening the door while Suzy helped Ella. They quickly found her some dry clothes and located the suitcase for the hospital. Ava tried to talk a very panicked Declan off the ledge. Finally, Jason took the phone and assured her that they were leaving Charleston now. Ava knew it would take them roughly two hours to make the trip home.
Ella appeared to have one more contraction in the car and they were all digging their fingernails into the leather upholstery before it was over. Ava was extremely grateful to be in the hospital surrounded by professionals who handled stuff like this every day. While she and Suzy struggled to fill out paperwork, Ella was settled into a room to impatiently await the arrival of her husband.
For some reason, Ella was determined to hold off an epidural until things were further advanced. That meant with every contraction that hit, she turned into someone with a full-blown multiple personality disorder. One moment she was her usual sweet, soft-spoken self and the next moment she was slinging insults like a pro. Suzy and Ava had been in the room with her for over an hour, and they were exhausted. When the bedside monitor showed another contraction building, they braced for the onslaught they knew was coming.
“Where in the hell is Declan?” Ella yelled through gritted teeth. “Did either of you even bother to call him?”
“Here we go again,” Suzy said under her breath as she looked at a profusely sweating Ella. “Yes, dear, he’s on his way, remember?”
“Don’t talk to me like I’m stupid, you . . . whore bag!”
Ava couldn’t help it; the look on Suzy’s face was so comical that she burst into laughter. When Ella’s face turned red, Ava knew she was next in line of attack and braced herself.
“What’re you laughing at?” Ella snapped. “You think it’s funny that your dickhead brother did this to me and then didn’t have the balls to show up? I hate your whole family, you . . .”
“Wait for it . . .” Suzy muttered.
“Skinny, skanky skank!”
“Oh my God,” Ava wheezed, turning away before Ella could see her laughing even harder.
“Hey,” Suzy protested, “why didn’t you get called a whore this time? A skank is nowhere near as bad and she even called you skinny. I hate you.”
Ella, looking like a clone of Linda Blair, rose on her elbows and spat at them, “Well, you’re both dirty whores! There, are you happy now!”
Suzy, finally getting wise, turned her back as well, leaving both of them staring at the wall. “Holy crap,” she muttered, “exorcism stat!”
Ava bit off a laugh, saying, “Please stop before she kills us both.”
“No kidding,” Suzy replied. “I had no idea that she would turn into the spawn from hell during childbirth. I mean Beth had a few moments, but nothing like Sybil back there. We should be taping this. Can you imagine how many hits this would get on YouTube?”
“If you’re brave enough to break out your phone, more power to you, girl, but I’ll tell you right now, I’m scared of her.” Ava had just finished her sentence when a Kleenex box bounced off her shoulder and hit the floor.
Suzy eyed it before taking a deep breath. “Time to get back in the trenches. Surely to God this contraction is almost over and the good Ella will return for a few minutes.”
Almost as if on cue, Ella started sobbing. “I’m so sorry, you guys. I don’t know what keeps happening to me. It’s like these things just start pouring out of my mouth and I have no control over them. I can’t believe I . . . I called you—whores.”
“Ah, that’s okay, honey; you’re in a lot of pain,” Ava said diplomatically. In truth, she was torn between laughing and running.
“Yeah, what the forgiving one said,” Suzy answered, looking vastly amused. “Speaking of pain, though, I think we need to get some drugs in your system. That would mellow you right out. Just let Aunt Suzy hit that little call button on the side of your bed and you’ll be flying through la-la land in no time.”
As Suzy was trying to convince Ella to say yes to drugs, the door flew open and Declan ran into the room. Both Ava and Suzy sagged in relief. He gave them both a questioning look as he took in their disheveled appearance. Just then, the machine of doom, as Suzy had started calling it, began registering another contraction and they both looked at Declan in anticipation. Ella was clinging to his hand and he was looking at the machine, asking, “What does that mean?”
Ava walked up to him, patting his shoulder. “Oh, you’ll find out soon enough,” she said before walking toward the door.