Along came the spider

Chapter 29

N THE CITY OF WILMINGTON, DELAWARE, Gary Murphy was shoveling away four inches of snow. It was Wednesday afternoon, the sixth of January. He was thinking about the kidnapping. He was trying to keep under control. He was thinking about the little rich bitch Maggie Rose Dunne, when a shiny blue Cadillac pulled up alongside his small Colonial-style house on Central Avenue. Gary cursed under the breath streaming from his mouth.

Six-year-old Roni, Gary’s daughter, was making snowhalls, setting them out on the icy crust that topped the snow. She squealed when she saw her uncle Marty climbing out of his car.

“Who’s that boot-i-ful little girl?” Uncle Marty called across the yard to Roni. “Is that a movie star? It is! I think so. Is that Ron-eee? I think it is!”

“Uncle Marty! Uncle Marty! @’ Roni screamed as she ran toward the car.

Every time Gary saw Marty Kasajian, he thought of

161 the really putrid movie Uncle Buck. In Uncle Buck, John Candy was an unlikable, unwelcome, unlikely relative who kept showing up to torture a whitebread midwestern family. It was an obnoxious flick. Uncle Marty Kasajian was rich and successful; and louder than John Candy; and he was here. Gary despised Missy’s big brother for all of those reasons, but most of all because Marty was his boss.

Missy must have heard Marty’s commotion. How could anyone on Central Avenue or nearby North Street miss it? She came out of the back door with a dish towel still wrapped around one hand.



“Look who’s here!” Missy squealed. She and Roni sounded like identical piglets to Gary.

Quelf*cking surprise, Gary felt like yelling. He held it all in-the way he held in all of his true feelings at home. He imagined beating Marty to death with his snow shovel, actually murdering Kasajian in front of Missy and Roni. Show them who the man of the house really was.

“The Divine Miss M! ” Marty Kasajian continued to motorrnouth a mile a minute. He finally acknowledged Gary. “Hiya doin’, Gar, old buddy. How ‘bout those Eagles? Randall the C’s on fire. Got your Super Bowl tickets lined up?”

“Sure thing, Marty. Two tickets on the fifty-yard line.

Gary Murphy tossed his aluminum shovel into a low bank of snow. He trudged over to where Missy and Roni were standing with Uncle Marty.

Then they all went inside the house together. Miss y brought out expensive eggnog, and pieces of fresh apple-raisin pie with hunks of cheddar on the side. Marty’s piece was bigger than all the others. He was The Man, right?

Marty handed an envelope to Missy. It was Missy’s 4’allowance” from her big brother, which he wanted Gary to see. Really rub salt in the wounds that way.

“Mommy, Uncle Marty, and Daddy have to talk for a coupla minutes, sweetheart,” Marty Kasajian said to Roni as soon as he finished his piece of pie. “I think I forgot something for you out in my car. I dunno. Could be on the backseat. You better go look.”

“Put your coat on first, honey,” Missy said to her daughter. “Don’t catch cold.”

Roni laughed-squeaked as she hugged her uncle. Then she hurried away.

“Now what did you get her?” Missy whispered conspiratorially to her brother. “You’re too much.”

Marty shrugged as if he couldn’t remember. With everybody else, Missy was okay. She reminded Gary of his real morn. She even looked like his real morn. It was only with her brother, Gary had noticed, that she changed for the worse. She even started picking up Marty’s obnoxious habits and speech cadences.

“Listen, kids.” Marty hunched in closer to the two of them. “We have a little problema. Treatable, because we’re catching it early, but something we have to deal with. Pretend like we’re all adults, y’know.”

Missy was instantly on guard. “What is it, Marty? What’s the problem?”



Marty Kasajian looked genuinely concerned and uncomfortable now. Gary had seen him use this hangdog look a thousand times with his customers. Especially when he had to confront somebody on an overdue bill, or fire somebody in the office. “Gar?” He looked at Gary for help with this. “You want to say something here?”

Gary shrugged. As if he didn’t have clue one, right. F*ck you, a*shole, he was thinking to himself. You’re on your own this time.

Gary could feel a smile spreading, coming all the way up from his stomach. He didn’t want it to show, but it finally broke across his lips. This was kind of a delectable moment. Getting caught had its own subtle rewards. Might be a lesson here; something to go to school on.

“Sorry. I don’t think this is funny.” Marty Kasajian shook his head and said, “I really don’t, Gary.”

“Well, I don’t either,” Gary said in a funny voice. It was high-pitched and boyish. Not really his voice.

Missy gave him a strange look. “What is going on?” she demanded. “Will you two please let me in on this )I Gary looked at his wife. He was really angry at her, too. She was part of the trap and she knew it.

“My sales record with Atlantic really stinks this quarter,” Gary finally said, and shrugged. “Is that it, Marty?”

Marty frowned and looked down at his new Timberland boots. “Oh, it’s more than that, Gar. Your sales record is almost nonexistent. What’s worse, what’s a lot worse, is that you have over thirty-three hundred dollars in advances outstanding. You’re in the red, Gary. You’re minus. I don’t want to say much more, or I know I’ll regret it. I honestly don’t know how to address this situation. This is very difficult for me. Embarrassing. I’m so sorry, Missy. I hate this.”

Missy covered her face with both hands, and she began to cry. She cried quietly at first, not wanting to cry. Then the sobs became louder. Tears came into her brother’s eyes.

“That’s what I didn’t want. I’m sorry, Sis.” Marty was the one to reach out and comfort her.

“I’m all right. ” Missy pulled away from her brother. She stared across the breakfast table at Gary. Her eyes seemed small and darker.

“Where have you been all of these months on the road, Gary? What have you been doing? Oh, Gary, Gary, sometimes I feet like I don’t even know you. Say soi-nething to make this a little better. Please say something, Gary.”



Gary thought about it carefully before he said a word. Then he said, 111 love you so much, Missy. I love you and Roni more than I love my life itself.”

Gary lied, and he knew it was a pretty good one. Extremely well told, well acted.

What he wanted to do was to laugh in their goddamn faces. What he wanted to do most Was to kill all of them. That was the ticket to punch. Boom. Boom. Boom. Multiple-homicide time in Wilmington. Get his master plan rolling again.

Just then, Roni came running back inside the house. A new movie cassette was clutched in her hands, and she was smiling like a Balloonhead.

“Look what Uncle Marty brought me.”

Gary held his head in both hands. He couldn’t stop the screaming inside his brain. I want to be Somebody