Seeing the hurt look on Aiden’s face causes me to quickly jump out of the hot tub, saying, “Uh, I need a minute.”
Then I run down to the beach and cry.
I cry for everything I'm missing out on.
And because Aiden just heard B say he loves me.
I cry for all the hurt I’m causing everyone.
Maybe I should just walk out into the ocean and never come back.
Damian plops down in the sand next to me. “I’m an idiot. I got excited and put it on speaker, not even thinking about Aiden. I hope I didn’t screw things up for you.”
“It’s okay, Damian. I’m not mad.”
“For what it’s worth, I get it now. You’re stuck. You can't go forward and you can't go back. You’re like a hamster on a wheel, spinning and spinning but going nowhere.”
I sniffle and wipe the haze of tears from my face. “Exactly.”
“The last time we talked, when you told me you were cracked, I didn’t get it. And other than the first night, I haven’t seen it. You looked like your normal happy self. But the look on your face when you got out of the hot tub. You couldn’t hide it. You looked exactly like you did at your dad’s funeral. I’m so sorry I haven’t been more understanding. There’s no excuse for why I haven’t talked to you more. Been more supportive. I was busy doing stuff that didn’t matter.”
He wraps his arm around me and pulls me toward his shoulder.
“Damian, I don’t think you can understand what you haven’t gone through. Now do you see why I’m not going back? This is killing me. If Vincent hadn’t happened, I know I would’ve been there today. I would’ve celebrated with him in person. I’m so incredibly proud of him.”
“But then you wouldn’t have met Aiden. I like him. And I like his sister a whole lot.”
“I like Aiden too. That’s why when I left to come here, I wasn't planning on going back. I can't take heartbreak too. I can't form a lasting relationship with someone when I'm lying to him.”
“I think Aiden loves you.”
“Which only makes it worse. I don't want to hurt him. His nose got broken because of me. Imagine what Vincent could do to him. And what it will do to his heart when he finds out the truth.”
“So you like B more?”
“Everything with B is familiar. I know what to expect from him. And he’s growing up. He’s not smoking. God, his eyes are so beautiful when he’s not high. And what he did for Gracie. He’s like home . . .”
“But?”
“But my idea of home is kinda starting to shift.”
“Like how you said Aiden made your loft feel like home?”
“That’s the real reason I can’t go back there. Because Aiden ruined it.”
“Keats, how? What did he do?”
I touch my mouth and start crying harder.
“He ruined it like he ruined my lips. When he was there, it felt like home. And I don't ever want to kiss another boy.”
“Then don’t.”
“But I promised B.”
“Why did you promise him?”
“Because I want to go home. I want my life back. I want to press rewind.”
“If you did that, then where would Aiden be?”
“That's the problem. I don't know where all my friends from school would fit into my life. And I’m really worried about B now.”
“Why?”
“Because if Vincent hears what B just said. It’s gonna put a big target on him.”
“Do you still love him?”
“I’ve always loved him. It sounds bad that I dated Sander for so long and was in love with someone else, but I was. He was my dream guy.”
“Even before you and B got together—those two years you were friends—everyone knew. Why do you think none of the other guys ever hit on you?”
“Because they thought of me as B’s.”
He nods his head.
“I even wrote a song about it. Because I wanted that. I wanted to find a girl who would look at me that way. I know you were fighting some when you were on tour with us, but I always believed you’d work it out. I thought you’d marry him someday.”
A wedding flashes into my mind. Our beach at sunrise. Even though it’s a crazy time to have guests, it would have to be at sunrise.
Stop it.
Don't do this to yourself, Keatyn.
Think about now.
“Can I be honest with you?” Damian asks.
“No, Damian, lie to me. I'm sick of the truth. I want you to tell me it's all going to be okay. Just lie to me.”
I start crying again, so he hugs me tighter. Which, in turn, makes me cry harder as I remember the way he hugged me the night of my party.
I determinedly stop crying and state, “It was love at first sight for you and Peyton.”
He looks at me funny and says, “Yeah, I told you that.”
I pull out of his arms, get to my feet, and pull him up with me. “Come on. We have something important to do.”
“Where are we going?”
I smile at him. “We’re going to do what I should’ve done the second you met her. We’re going to make a wish.”
He smiles at me and starts down the pathway toward the mermaid fountain.
“No, this way.” I lead him up to my room. “I have something more powerful.”
“Did you make your wish when you got here?”