“It’s too small and dark. We can take our blankets and lie under the stars. Or we can just give up sleeping altogether and walk toward the road.”
“No, no. It’s ages before dawn yet. I can go back to sleep, but I think . . .” He fumbled for his discarded neck cloth and wiped the sweat from his brow and neck. “I think perhaps I’d like to talk.”
The words came as a surprise to them both. They didn’t pretend that he had the weather or coaching routes or any other topic on his mind. She knew instantly what he meant.
“Of course.” She sat up. “Shall I light the lamp?”
“No. Don’t bother.” With the door open, some moonlight shone through the opening. He could discern the silvered outline of her profile, and the concerned glint in her dark eyes. That was enough.
He drew her down beside him, nuzzling in her thick, jasmine-scented hair. He was unsure how to begin. He’d never spoken of that night with anyone, not in detail. But years of keeping his silence hadn’t seemed to help matters. Perhaps it was time to try talking instead. He had to do something, if he was ever going to put this behind him. To seize control of his days and his nights, and weave them into some semblance of a normal, boring life.
He wanted that kind of life. He wanted Minerva to be part of it.
“It will be unpleasant to hear,” he warned her. “Are you certain you won’t mind?”
She snuggled against his chest. “You lived through it, Colin. I can find the strength to listen.”
“Perhaps we should wait for daylight.”
“If you want to wait, we can wait. But I’m ready now if you are.”
He took a deep, slow breath and then plowed straight in. “I’ve no idea what caused it. The accident, I mean. We were coming home from a visit with some neighbors. It wasn’t a long trip. We had no footmen with us, only a driver. I’d fallen asleep on the rear-facing seat. My parents sat together, across from me. I remember listening to them talk and laugh about something. My mother was teasing my father for his overindulgence, I think. I drifted off to the sound of their voices. And then I woke sometime later. To screams.”
She slipped her arms about his torso. “You must have been so confused.”
“Completely. I had no idea what was happening. It was dark, and we’d careened off the road. I’d fallen from the seat. Somehow, I learned that the carriage had overturned and I’d landed atop the door. I’d cut my head on the latch.”
“Here.” She felt for the scar on his temple.
He nodded. “Other than that, I seemed to be unharmed. But I was terrified. The darkness was so complete. Like wearing a blindfold. And the smell of blood . . .” His gut clenched, and he paused to master his composure. “It was so thick. Smothering. I called for my mother, and she answered. Her voice was weak and strange. But she just kept telling me over and over that all would be well. That I must be brave. That surely someone would come to help us soon. I wanted to believe her, but I knew she was unable to move.”
“Where was the driver?”
“Severely injured. He’d been thrown from the driver’s box some distance back, but we couldn’t know it at the time. We only heard the horses in agony. Theirs were the cries that woke me.”
“And your father?”
“Dead.”
“You knew that already?”
“No, but my mother did. The way they’d landed . . .” He drew a shaky breath. “This is the unpleasant part, pet.”
“Go on.” She stroked his shoulder. “I’m listening.”
“There was a spike of some sort. To this day, I’m not certain whether it was part of the carriage or something in the ditch. A bit of fence, perhaps a branch . . . but they were impaled on it. The both of them. It went all the way through my father’s chest and then into my mother’s side.”
She shuddered in his embrace. “Oh. Oh, Colin.”
“It gets worse, I’m afraid. As long my mother kept talking, I knew she was alive. And even when she couldn’t speak anymore, her breathing was so raspy and loud. But when even that stopped . . . I went utterly mad. I panicked. I wanted out. I screamed and beat on the carriage walls until I think I went unconscious. And then—” He choked back his emotion. He’d come this far. He had to get it all out now. “And then the wild dogs found us. Drawn by the noise and the scent of blood. They finished the horses. I passed the first half of the night screaming to get out, and second half praying they wouldn’t get in.”
“Oh God.” He felt her tears, hot and wet against his skin.