Jill did as he said, but looked up over her head to stare at him, not her reflection. “I know why you haven’t touched me.” Jill didn’t take her eyes off him. “I can’t blame you. Steve’s right, I look like shit.”
Turning her around, Slade glared down at her. “Steve’s a fucking idiot.” Slade raised an eyebrow as if emphasizing that fact. “And I’m taking it slow with you until you’re stronger.”
“Don’t lie to me, Slade.” Jill tried to look away, but he wouldn’t let her. “I would totally understand if you want to call off our wedding.”
“Jill, I’m going to marry you because that is what I want.” Slade’s voice turned into a growl.
“I’m gross,” Jill replied, then laughed at her choice of words, despite her eyes misting with tears.
Slade didn’t laugh. “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
“You have to say that.” Jill rolled her eyes.
“No.” Slade’s voice held conviction. “I don’t. I just know exactly what will put you in jeopardy and as badly as I want to lay you down underneath me at this very moment, it’s not going to happen. It’s not worth the risk.”
“So is this what it’s going to be like being married to a doctor?” Jill grumbled, but her heart felt a little lighter. “I get a little sniffle and...”
“This is not a little sniffle and you know it.” Slade had already put on a pair of slacks and reached over grabbing a shirt.
She sighed and then eyed him. “Where you going?”
“To get my tux with the rest of the men you and Caroline have been ordering around.” He winked at her. Leaning down, he kissed her softly. “I cannot wait to make you my wife. I love you.”
Jill kissed him back with a tight hug. “I love you.”
“Now rest for a while and I’ll be back soon.” Slade smiled. Something flickered in his eyes, but was gone as soon as it appeared.
As the door closed, Jill felt more alone than she ever had and she knew it was fear making her feel this way. She could yell right now and Slade would be in front of her in two seconds flat. Glancing at the closed door, she thought about doing just that, but didn’t. She’d be damned if she let fear win. She was stronger than that.
******
Slade went the opposite way of the game room, where he was supposed to meet the guys, past his office and out the door to the parking lot. He continued until he knew he was out of sight of the cameras. Stopping, he just stood, staring at nothing. With his hands clenched at his sides, his body pulsed in rage. It took every ounce of discipline he possessed not to show any negative emotion around Jill, around any of them. He was their doctor. He should be able to do something except watch the woman he loved slowly starving to death in front of his fucking eyes.
Tilting his head back, he held back the roar he felt building in his chest. Afraid if he let go, he would be too far gone in his rage to return to the man he needed to be for Jill. All his life he had waited for her; though he didn’t know it until he had seen her that first day playing tag football, and still he had tried to fight it. Flashes of memories filtered through his brain as he stood, head back with his eyes closed.
Jill’s words came back to him like a punch in the gut. For her to even think for one minute that he didn’t want to marry her, make love to her, told him he was failing miserably at taking care of her. For Jill to have any doubts of his devotion to her was unacceptable. His insides twisted at the mere thought of not having her in his life, so why in the hell did he have such a hard time expressing that to her? Just the thought of losing Jill brought his rage even closer.
His eyes opened, black as night as he stared toward the sky. “I will not lose her.” His voice was hoarse with emotion. Bringing his head down he wasn’t surprised at the wetness on his face. Determination and rage filled his soul as did the love for his mate. “I will not fail her.”
Turning, he swiped his face before heading back inside, feeling a little more in control. He grabbed the door handle and swung the door open.
“Fuck!” Steve jumped back with a squeal. “I think I just shit my pants.”
Slade didn’t say a word as he passed Steve.
“They’re all waiting for you and sent me to find you.” Steve walked fast to keep up with Slade. Then almost ran smack into him when Slade slowed by the door to his room, but then kept going.
Making it to the game room, Slade stepped inside, his eyes finding Sloan. “I’m turning her after the wedding.”
Sloan didn’t say anything for a second, but of course, Steve did.
“You can’t!” Steve said a little too fast. When everyone looked at him, he shuffled his feet nervously. “I mean, she’ll be mad. She doesn’t want you to turn her. Can’t somebody else maybe later next week or something.”
“Later next week?” Slade tilted his head, his eyes narrowing at Steve. “Why later next week?”