His whispered name seemed to pull him out of wherever his mind had gone. With no warning whatsoever, he pulled her to him, holding her tightly. “I screwed up.” He held her tighter, almost breaking her in half. His voice was ragged with emotion. “I shouldn’t have...”
Not really knowing what happened, Jill didn’t know what to say. Pulling back to look up into his eyes, she saw defeat. That was the kicker. Any defeat in this man’s eyes was their downfall and it couldn’t happen.
“Look at me.” Jill grabbed his face, forcing his eyes to hers. “I love you.”
His eyes hardening at her words wasn’t the effect she was going for.
“I don’t know what happened here, but I know you tried your best.” Jill wouldn’t let him look away. “You can’t give up, Slade. I need you.”
She knew she was putting more pressure on him, but she didn’t know what else to say, what else to do. The glazed look in his eyes cleared and she knew it was working.
“I need you,” Jill repeated, placing a kiss on his firm lips. “I will always need you, but now more than ever.”
Slade’s eyes left hers, scanning his blood-covered office. “I warned them. I told them the risks.” His eyes came back to hers. “But in the end, it was me they were looking to for guidance. I was told the transfusions worked for some for a short period, but not others. She wasn’t strong enough and her body went into shock. Fuck! I should have known she was too weak.”
“But he changed her.” Jill fought for him. “That is what would have had to happen eventually, right?”
“It may have been too late. I promised my brother I would let him know when it was time and I failed. He may have been too late.” Slade cursed again, walking away from her. “I need to go check on her.”
She watched as he collected a few items, throwing them in a bag. He stopped at the door turning his head, but he didn’t look at her over his shoulder. “I love you.”
Before Jill could respond, he rushed out the door. Tears flowed down her cheeks. She wasn’t afraid for herself; she was afraid for him. If Pam didn’t make it, losing her would ruin Slade. Wiping her face, she looked around the office and knew what needed to be done. He didn’t need to come back to his office and see this as a reminder of what happened.
Grabbing as many towels as she could, Jill tossed them on Slade’s desk, except for one. Turning, she stared at the examination table as more tears threatened to fall. As she stared at the blood, Jill knew she would never forget the sound of pure anguish that had rose from Duncan’s throat. That had to be what hell sounded like. Squeezing her eyes shut, she put her hands over her ears trying to block out the memory.
Feeling someone take the towel from her hand, she opened her eyes to find Adam looking down at her. Turning, he walked away and began cleaning up Slade’s office. Steve and Angelina worked side by side doing the same. Taking a deep breath, Jill once again wiped her tears away, grabbed another towel and went to work. A Warrior never gave up. They may get knocked down, but they never stayed down, and she was a Warrior.
CHAPTER 13
Caroline slowly opened her eyes, a streak of bright sunlight blinding her momentarily. Tilting her head, she looked around the room from her position in a chair she had propped herself in to get a few hours of sleep. She hadn’t stepped foot out of Duncan and Pam’s small apartment for three days, neither had Nicole or Lana. They ate, showered and slept while waiting for Pam to pull through, praying for her survival.
Moving only her eyes, she saw Pam laying in the bed in the same position, with Duncan holding her hand, staring down at her with such hope, love and despair that it actually hurt her heart to keep looking at them. Shifting her eyes away from them, they landed on Jax who was staring directly at her from across the room where he leaned against the wall, arms crossed. In these three days, she had learned more about Jax Wheeler than she ever would have, even though they had hardly spoken. His devotion to his fellow Warrior was beyond belief, and his care for her, Nicole and Lana was just as impressive.
She couldn’t stop staring at him. It was as if her soul sought him out and couldn’t let go once it found him. Neither she nor Lana had been left alone in the room without one Warrior with them, and she knew why, without anyone telling her. If Pam didn’t pull out of this, Duncan would be out of control with sorrow and rage. It was for their protection as well as Duncan’s. If Jax was gone, another Warrior took his place. Even Sloan had kept vigil. Slade was in and out, his duty split between Pam and Jill. His focus and determination were admirable, but she saw in Slade’s eyes that Pam’s future was out of his hands now.