Thirty
Tilly and Jenna were sitting cross-legged on the creaky double bed Jenna shared with her sister Maia, the younger by four years. The girls were binding up their neck-length hair in strips of rag to make it wavy the following morning. Tonight, as Mrs Mitchelmore was spending a rare weekend with Mrs Sanders, Tilly was going to squeeze into the bed with Jenna and Maia. The three girls loved these occasions and would giggle long into the night, sneaking downstairs at some point and bringing back cocoa and biscuits.
The little room, in which was squeezed a nightstand, had a curtain across an alcove where the sisters hung their clothes on a rod. Thanks to Jenna and Jean’s seamstress skills the whole family had more clothes than most, mainly made up from bundles of clothing that Denny had procured. The bed was spread with a pretty multicoloured quilt of Jenna’s own making. The walls were donned with a long mirror Denny had removed from an old wardrobe and a variety of gaily painted shelves he had put up for the girls’ belongings.
‘How’s your new quilt coming along?’ Tilly asked, her voice muffled from the next rag she had between her teeth.
Jenna was busy stitching another quilt for her ‘bottom drawer’.
‘About halfway done. I want to crochet some cushion covers. Dad’s got hold of some good used woollens – you’d be surprised what well-off people sell him for next to nothing. They usually plump for him doing them odd jobs or some gardening owing to what their kind call ‘the servant problem’. Mum and I are going through it all tomorrow and set the girls to unpicking and winding up balls. If there’s any left over after enough has been set aside for Dad, Adrian and the little ones to have a new jumper or cardie, she’s going to let me have some for the cushion covers.’
‘You’ll have a lovely room when you and Sam get married. You’ll be living at The Orchards, so you won’t have to worry about getting a whole houseful of stuff together.’
‘I hope so,’ Jenna replied, tying her last rag then looking down glumly.
‘Something wrong? You and Sam aren’t having problems, are you?’ Tilly wriggled closer to her cousin.
‘Sort of . . .’
‘What do you mean, sort of?’
‘I’m not sure but sometimes I get the feeling Sam is losing interest in me.’ Jenna shrugged.
‘But he always seems so keen on you,’ Tilly protested. ‘Has he said something then?’
‘He moans that he gets fed up always having Dad breathing down our necks,’ Jenna said, aiming a vexed look at the floorboards. From below, Denny could be heard roaring with laughter.
‘But Sam should understand Uncle Denny is only being protective of you. You’re not quite sixteen yet and Sam won’t be seventeen until next January. What does he expect? Here, he’s not pestering you to do anything . . . naughty . . . is he? Uncle Denny would have his guts for garters.’
Jenna glanced at the door, looked back then leaned towards Tilly’s ear. ‘He’s always putting his hands on my bosom when we are alone.’
‘And you let him? Or do you push his hands off?’ Tilly gasped.
‘Does Finn try anything with you?’
‘No, never, he only pecks me on the lips because he says he respects me. He says we’ll take things slowly and do things properly.’
Tilly’s tender face was aglow with smiles. Finn treated her as if she was a delicate petal. He held her hand and he hugged her gently. He left her at Petherton’s back door with a kiss on either cheek then a warm touch on her lips. He always spoke kindly to her, he laughed with her and never at her, and asked often if she was all right. He had even brought her back a little gift when he returned from seeing his new academy principal. The two-inch glass angel with tall wings she would treasure forever. He had said, ‘I’ll be away all through the week but we’ll see each other nearly as much as before.’ Tilly couldn’t be happier with her courtship.
Her sister Cathy at Meadows House envied her. ‘I wish someone like your Finn would come to the House,’ she’d lamented, ‘or I’ll end up as an old maid.’
‘Your time will come,’ Tilly had reassured her.
With sighs of woe, Jenna said, ‘You’re lucky.’
‘You said that with heartfelt envy and . . .’ Another description wouldn’t come to Tilly, then she was worried. ‘Heck, he hasn’t tried anything else, has he?’
‘No of course not – and he wouldn’t get very far if he did.’
Jenna had lied on both counts. After going through the cocoa and biscuits routine, when Tilly was fast asleep and little Maia snuggled in between them and sucking her thumb, Jenna lay awake in the darkness on her side, weeping silent tears.
A few weeks ago Sam had surprised her by slipping into the house while her parents were out making their monthly visit to Jean’s mother, who years ago had gone to live in nearby Helland. ‘Thought I’d take the chance to see you all alone for once,’ Sam had said cheekily.
‘I can’t stop for long,’ she had said at the sewing machine, distinctly uncomfortable at his unexpected appearance and the sly twist in his eyes. ‘I promised Mum I’d get all this done before she gets back.’
‘I won’t hold you up for long. I’ve got work to get back to too. I just want a proper cuddle, that’s all.’
‘What does that mean?’ She’d stayed rigidly where she was but he was soon yanking her into his tight embrace. He didn’t aim his lips at hers but nuzzled her neck and throat, forcing her head back uncomfortably. His breathing was heavy and snorting.
‘Gently, Sam, I don’t like this.’ She struggled to get free.
He loosened his grip on her. ‘Sorry, Jen, this better? It’s just that I want to be with you so much. Let’s nip into the front room and cuddle on the settee.’
‘I’m not sure about that if you’re going to maul me about. Swear there will be no wandering hands. Don’t forget I’m under age, apart from Dad being out to get you, you could go to prison.’
‘I’d never do anything to hurt you, Jen, you can trust me. I promise I won’t be rough with you. You do want to cuddle up with me, don’t you? We’ve been going steady for weeks. I love you. I just want to hold you. There’s nothing wrong in that.’ He ended by sounding aggrieved.
‘Do you really love me, Sam?’ Jenna searched his flickering eyes.
‘I’ve loved you for ages. I told you how long it took me to draw up the courage to ask you to be my girl. We deserve a little time on our own without all your brothers and sisters in the way, following us around and cracking silly jokes. Please, Jen. Why do you think I’d want to hurt you?’
That swayed her. ‘You’re right, there’s always someone about, and anyway Dad should trust us. I’ve never been flighty. I know what’s wrong and what’s right. I’d never do anything to let my parents down. Let’s spend a while being close.’
The front room wasn’t kept just for special occasions with so many people living here, and Denny and Jean did not believe in keeping the room cold and mainly unused. To them, life was for living not for acquiring fancy things to protect behind glass or in cupboards. The fire was kept in with logs and the wind-fallen sticks that were thirteen-year-old Adrian’s job to forage. Standing in front of the second-hand upholstered long settee that was adorned with crochet throws and knitted cushions, Sam held and kissed Jenna more thoughtfully for a long time.
He eased Jenna down and sat with her encircled in his arms. He glanced about. ‘I love this room, and it’s lovely being here with you like this.’ He kissed the top of her head.
Feeling safe, cherished and happy now he was being gentle with her, she wriggled in closer to him, tucking her legs up on the seat. ‘Yes it is.’
‘I asked my father about, um, the facts of courting. I can ask him anything, we don’t get coy in our house.’
‘With so many children there’s not a lot of coyness here really,’ Jenna joked. ‘I’ll let you in on something. Mum’s expecting again.’
‘Well, there’s still plenty of room for another baby, even another set of twins.’ Sam paused, then he spoke while reddening as if his face was nearly on top of the fire. ‘Um, Dad said that if a couple want to do everything they can use a rubber thing so there’s no risk of a pregnancy. He said he didn’t know about it when he was young but he doesn’t regret having me.’
‘You’re not hinting at anything, are you?’ Jenna said crossly, pushing his arms away from her. He had ruined the wonderful rosy romantic atmosphere. ‘If you don’t respect me, Sam Lawry, then you had better leave this minute!’
‘I was only saying, Jen.’ There was hurt in his tone. ‘For goodness sake, I thought we were so close now we could discuss private matters. If you don’t trust me perhaps I should go.’
‘No, don’t do that. I’m sorry, it’s just that . . . forget I said anything.’
‘It’s all right, treasure, I understand you want to wait until we’re older, when going the last mile will be special to us both. Sorry for being an inconsiderate sod. It’s lovely just being here like this.’
He held her in light arms for some time and Jenna was pleased, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t bring back the bliss of those first precious moments.
Using his thumb, Sam gently rubbed behind her ear. He had forgotten his father’s advice at the outset to always start off tentatively with a girl and he had ravished poor Jenna like she was a piece of meat. Charlie had detailed the places he called the erogenous zones on a woman, the most intimate ones he had named had turned Sam’s face and neck to flames. ‘Don’t go on until she’s totally at ease and accepting what you’re doing. Remember most of all, my son, have your fun and sew your oats for many years before you settle down. Whatever you do, don’t get yourself tied down with that Vercoe girl, she’s nice enough but you don’t want to end up part of that ragbag family, breeding brats and ducking and diving for a living. Don’t forget she’s not out of the woods yet; her age. There’s a big wide world out there. Your mother and I love having you home but we’d also like to see you break out and do something with yourself.’
It was time for another kiss. Carefully placing his hand on the side of Jenna’s face he brought his mouth to hers and kissed her long and thoroughly.
Enjoying his kisses, Jenna responded and soon relaxed into them. Sam was caressing under her chin and she liked that. Every few seconds he stopped touching her with his moving fingertips as if signing that he was taking things at her pace and comfort. Sam put his palm lightly on her collarbone and slowly, slowly tip-fingered his hand down until it was on the swell of her breast. It gave Jenna a delicious tingly feeling and she didn’t want it to stop. She allowed Sam to slip his hand in under the neckline of her dress and over her chemise to lie fully on her breast. That was going to be his limit, she decided, but the gentle tweaking with his thumb and forefinger and massaging was utterly exquisite and she was filled with desire between her thighs.
She had told Tilly the truth. Sam had not tried anything she didn’t want him to do. When his hands had left her bodice and travelled down and inside her underclothes she had ached and panted for him to do more. She had shifted for him when he’d hoisted up her skirt, freed himself and then after some fumbling and desperation he drove home inside her. The pain was too much for her to bear but only for a moment, and then she had striven with him, feeling as if she was rising ever and ever towards some sort of heaven. The heaven came for her and Sam an instant after, and he’d lain on her out of breath but still making guttural noises of pleasure and she felt like a woman for having pleasured him.
Pulling apart from her while still keeping them lying down he’d pushed down her skirt, saw to himself, then held her in his arms. ‘Oh my God, I never thought it would be as beautiful as that. You all right, Jen? Did I hurt you? You did like it? You seemed to.’
‘It was wonderful, Sam, because it was with you.’
‘I didn’t think you’d want to but you did. It’s natural, isn’t it? No wonder people do it all the time.’ He kissed her lips then lay down his head to settle his breathing.
After a few silent moments Jenna’s mind tumbled over with other considerations. ‘We’ll have to get engaged now, on my sixteenth birthday on December first. You’ll have to ask Dad, he’s old-fashioned like that.’
Sam was silent. She shifted to see his face. The firelight was flickering across it and suddenly he didn’t seem like the quiet Sam of old, who had taken ages to pluck up the nerve to ask her out.
‘You do want to get engaged, Sam?’ Worry and an edge of shame dug into her.
‘There’s plenty of time for that, Jen. Just because we’ve done it once don’t mean we have to do it again,’ he said. But she had not liked the way he was smiling.
‘You did use one of those things you mentioned?’ Her whole inner self was aflame with indignity. What did Sam really think of her now?
‘No I don’t have any yet; I need to go into town to a pharmacy. Didn’t think we’d go so far today. We’ve got nothing to worry about, you can’t get pregnant the first time.’
Jenna had heard that before and her mother had declared it was an old wives’ tale. She felt sure Sam would soon get some of those ‘rubber things’. He might ask his father more advice about them. Charlie Lawry would know what they’d done. Sam had taken it for granted, because of her eagerness to have sex with him, that they’d be doing it again. Jenna had felt sick.
She felt sick now, unable to get to sleep while Tilly and Maia slumbered peacefully in their innocence. She was due on tomorrow and was praying she actually would get away with her first, and all too willing, frisky encounter.