21
THE RESULTS OF GUS’S second personal foray into the world of DNA testing were waiting for her when she arrived home from work on Friday. While the envelope was nondescript, she immediately recognized the address in the top left corner. At the sight of it, Gus’s first emotion was relief. Just getting both parties to cooperate had proven to be no easy feat. First, Gus had had to arrange to see Lola without Olympia hovering—a mission she’d accomplished by asking Olympia if she could babysit Lola one night while Olympia went out. Then Gus had had to convince Lola to open her mouth extra wide—ostensibly, so Gus could “see how many teeth” she had. At that point, she’d surreptitiously scraped the inside of the child’s cheek with one of the so-called buccal swabs that had come in the Home DNA Kit she’d ordered online. Lola had, of course, screamed and cried, but Gus had subdued her afterward with a big bag of Gummi bears.
Convincing Patrick to contribute his sample had been equally trying. Gus had finally gotten her way by employing a combination of flattery, cajoling, and, well, threats. “I’d really rather not have to get the state of New York involved in this,” she’d told him. “Maybe you’re not aware that I’m a certified family court lawyer for the state of New York?” After that, he’d committed to the task, even as he’d been something short of pleasant about it.
As Gus’s fingers tore hungrily into the paper, she wondered why she was so invested in the results. What was it to her who Lola’s real father was? Was she trying to bring joy and clarity into the life of her lonely middle sister? Or were her motives more self-interested than that? Maybe the mission had more to do with proving that she was right and that she wasn’t the clueless little sister that her older ones still seemed to think she was. It had also crossed Gus’s mind that, should she succeed in reuniting Olympia’s family, Olympia would be permanently indebted to her.
Of course, Olympia might also be furious. What if she didn’t actually want to know who Lola’s biological father was? Or what if she already knew and had been lying to others and possibly even to herself to protect her fragile heart? And what if learning who Lola’s real father was only made Olympia lonelier? What if Patrick still wasn’t available? In truth, Gus had no idea of his relationship status. For some reason, these negative outcomes only occurred to Gus as she unfolded the paper and scanned the letter…
“Dear Ms. Hellinger,” it began. “There is a 99.9% chance that Lola Rae Hellinger is the biological daughter of Patrick Arthur Barrett.” It was a match! She’d been right all along! Gus was so excited by the letter—and so desperate to share it with the implicated parties—that she immediately folded it in fours, stuffed it into her back pocket, grabbed her keys and wallet off the countertop, and headed out. She dreaded the drive to Brooklyn. It took so f*cking long at rush hour! But she didn’t have the energy to take the subway. And she felt that news like this was probably best delivered in person.