CHAPTER Nineteen
Alek
I dreamt of her again, the girl who died in my arms.
The nightmare involves a fire of some type. There’s a deserted road close to a marsh or a swamp. I’m not sure. I do know that I’m terrified. Smoke surrounds the car I’m inside, choking me. I kick my door open and fall out of the vehicle. I cough so hard, I’m thinking my insides will come up if it continues.
I glance across the area. The lump always lies in the road. I know what I’ll see before I move my feet in that direction. But still, I walk over there. She wears a yellow dress as bright as the sun.
The girl’s face belongs to Erin.
“Please don’t leave me here all alone,” she pleads.
I bend down, reaching out to comfort her, and cradle her in my arms. And then, both our bodies catch fire, the flames licking at our skin. I scream in agony just before I wake up.
I’m not burning alive. Erin isn’t dead.
She lies beside me, holding me in her arms.
Erin
“What happened in your dream?” I ask, massaging his hair and caressing his back as we lay in bed, our naked bodies entwined together. He’s visibly shaken. I’m not sure what to do for him. He embraces me, burying his face against my chest. A long moment passes, and I’m thinking he has fallen asleep again.
But then he says, “Eight years ago, I was in a gang run by a man known as the Phoenix. This wasn’t a kiddy street gang. This was a group of kids who had influential parents. You know the kind, the ones like your frat boys sometimes form. It was a vital thing to do. My father’s overbearing ways got on my nerves. In his eyes, my older brother, Dmitri, could do no wrong. He was the perfect pure-blooded Russian son I could never be. Father always said my American blood made me weak. I set out to prove him wrong. So, at the stupid and impressionable age of fifteen, I found the Phoenix through my cousin, the son of my father’s sister. I had to agree to go through an initiation, and I would be marked.”
“Your tattoo,” I say, completely wrapped up in his story. He nods and subconsciously massages his arm. I knew he’d tell me about his past one day, but I guess I figured it would happen later on in our arrangement.
“There were ten disciples. That’s what the Phoenix nicknamed his errand boys. He was very excited to have me on the team, since I travelled back and forth between Russia and America with my mother on a regular basis. He even gave me my own unique nickname, the Scarlet Phoenix. I thought being in this gang would solve everything.
“What I didn’t know was how much the Phoenix hated my father. They’d been enemies since childhood. He used me and my cousin as bait, a way to make our parents suffer. Between my father’s illegal firearms he smuggled through the country on a regular basis, and the correspondence the disciples carried back and forth between enemies, something was bound to fall apart. And it did.
“Father somehow ticked off some members of the Sicilian Mafia. Something about a batch of guns they never received. They accused Father of fraud. The Phoenix sent Nikolai to deliver the note telling them this news. That didn’t work out so well for my comrade.
“I begged the Phoenix to go and get him out. I knew he was being held at a place in downtown Leningrad, but I wasn’t sure exactly where. He’d saved me from a vicious attack by a gang member. I owed him my life. With the help of my cousin, I found the warehouse where Nikolai was being held. The three of us almost made it out undetected. Things weren’t meant to happen that way, though.” He pauses, closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath.
“You don’t have to go on with this story, Alek.”
“Yes, I do. I want you to understand who I truly am, where I’ve come from. Where I want to be,” he says, lifting a hand up to my face, caressing it.
“On the way out of the complex, we’re spotted by one of the guards. He opened fire, taking my cousin out, a straight shot to the head.” Alek closes his eyes and pauses a short moment. I’m holding my breath too.
“He almost hit Nikolai. We make it to the woods. I use the phone I took off of my dead cousin to call my brother, Dmitri. He answered, listened to my story, and tells me how I chose to take the side of a band of rebels that are hell bent on destroying our father. So now, I’ll have to find a way out of it myself.”
“Oh, Alek, I’m sorry he did that to you,” I say, not knowing exactly how to comfort someone who has experienced something like what he has just told me.
“It wasn’t my brother’s neglect that bothered me. He’s always been an a*shole towards me. What hurt the most is that I’m almost certain I heard my father’s voice in the background. I know in my gut that he overheard our conversation,” he says, glancing deep in my eyes, pain storming inside them.
I want to kiss away every bad memory so he’s left with nothing but good ones, the kind we can make together.
“What happened to this Phoenix guy?” I’m almost afraid to hear his answer.
Alek shakes his head. “I have no idea. He could be anywhere, though. He’s a chameleon, Erin, the charming kind that can make you think jumping off a fifteen story building is doable. A few years after the Phoenix incident happened, Mother found a way to leave our father. He did something terrible that even she couldn’t forgive. She took me, Adriana, and even Nikolai out of Mother Russia. And even though she and father were separated, he still takes care of our financial needs. That doesn’t make up for the way he treated us, though.
“Shortly after that, Mother took us away and focused her attention on turning us into child prodigies, enrolling us in the best music schools Europe had to offer. And now, here I am.” He gives me a weak smile.
“Wow, he must be a real head job.”
“Which ‘he’ are you referring to?”
“This Phoenix guy,” I say, thinking his father could easily be lumped into the deranged group too; but I don’t want to hurt his feelings by saying so.
“To put it lightly, yes.”
“Is that why you had the nightmare?”
“No. That’s another story for some other time,” he says as he stares in my eyes, a sadness riding inside his.
“Thank you for sharing that with me.”
“You don’t have to thank me Erin. I’d trust you with any of my secrets.”
Right, so he’s fishing now. It’s my turn to open up and demonstrate my trust. But I can’t.
“You can trust me in the same way. You do know that, right?” he asks and lifts my chin up so I’m now staring into his eyes.
“What do you want to know? My life isn’t half as interesting,” I answer. The way he gazes at me as we lie here in bed together punches through me.
“For starters, I’d like to understand who you are. I want you to feel free enough to open up to me, to trust me.
“I do trust you,” I say.
“Then tell me about your family. A name, a place, anything to give me a hint of who Erin Angelo truly is.”
I can’t tell him those things just yet. He’d never look at me the same way again if I told him about the events that happened in my life five years ago. So I go for a diversion tactic. “For this to be an arrangement based on sex, we sure do cover some deep shit.”
“Don’t do that, Erin. Please.”
“Do what?”
“Push me away. Let me help you get through this,” he pleads.
“I’m working on it. Opening up more, I mean.” That’s about all I can promise him right now.
The way he touches me this time feels differently from any of the previous moments we’ve had before. He kisses my lips gently as he enters me. We don’t make a marathon of thrusts, grunts, and gasps out of our sex this time. Alek and I are no longer at war. Sharing our bodies becomes more of a need, a desire to experience something beyond the physical. Even the orgasm that rocks through my body rushes through the core of my soul, my heart.
After I stop trembling, Alek comes next. As his body vibrates, I wrap my legs around him and massage his back. I kiss him as eagerly as he has done for me and do my best to keep from hiding all of myself as he stares into my eyes.
I still can’t shake the feeling that he’s searching for something with the way he glances into my eyes. And he still hasn’t told me which part of his awful story fuels his nightmare, the one where he cries out in his sleep, asking for someone to save ‘her’.
Don’t kid yourself, Erin.
I know what he searches for in my eyes. He wants to know that I trust him. For Alek, the word means everything. Tonight, I learned about a terrible part of his past. I hate that I’m not able to do the same thing for him just yet. I can’t tell him about what I did five years ago.
Eventually, I will. Or I think I will. It just won’t happen tonight. There’s one thing I’ve figured out in all of this, though. Alek’s happiness means the world to me. And why is that? Even Rightous Me knows the answer to that question.
Because you’re falling for him.
* * *
Sitting in La Scala’s VIP section, we get the best view of Alek when he steps out to the podium. Luca, Carla, Rafe, and yes, Adriana sits to my left. By now, the word has gotten around that I’m the new woman in the great Maestro’s life. I don’t usually mess around with gossip columns, but Selene calls almost every day to tell me about an article she saw describing Alek Dostov’s latest plaything, a designer from an up and coming label called Black Butterfly. Hey, whatever they want to believe let them do it.
The more gossip we have, the more publicity there’ll be for Black Butterfly. And then Rafe and Luca won’t have to worry about anyone buying out everything we’ve worked so hard to create.
Unfortunately, my 3D view of the maestro’s podium also means I’m seated very close to Katerina. She sits in a spot located directly across from me.
Mental daggers are flying, and I’m super happy when the lights dim in preparation for the Maestro’s entrance. Alek strolls out on to the stage, and the crowd goes wild with applause. Dressed in the black tuxedo I designed specifically for this night, the sight of him snatches every bit of air out of my lungs.
His hair is slicked back, and the attitude associated with most maestros comes so easily for him. It’s hard to believe he’s only twenty-three-years old. I can see why he was chosen for such a high position at his young age. Sitting there gawking at him, I no longer feel like a silly school girl. I sense the woman inside me coming alive each time she glimpses at the man who has become such a vital part of her life.
My chest heaves, as I try to contain my excitement. I even feel a tear or two preparing to fall. I’m still not prepared to deal with those just yet. This preview show means so much to Alek, and for that reason alone, tonight is just as important to me. Adriana takes my hand, squeezing it. Tears line her eyes too. She loves her brother, and he adores his sister.
After what Alek shared with me last night, I now fully understand why all of this means so much to their family.
Alek raises his baton, and the drummer fires up the opening notes to the prelude. He doesn’t just guide the music, he owns it. He’s a man who was made for the show.
Everything falls into place. His ensemble stays on key. Nikolai’s lead dancers don’t miss one step. The outfits I designed for Mystical’s Gothic Ballerina line move along with the dancers’ bodies so well, that I find it hard to believe I designed them. Even Lila’s version of My Heart Will Go On doesn’t irritate me as badly as I originally thought it would.
Especially since she’s wearing the dress I designed for the Mystical Diva. I almost had a heart attack when I found out she was planning to wear it. Turns out snooty Lila preferred my design over her own.
This sneak peak of the big performance happening in two weeks moves along without a hitch.
Feeling confident, I just know there’s nothing that can go wrong. I’m stepping outside of my comfort zone, and taking a chance on believing I’ll find that damn pot of gold everybody keeps teasing me about. You know the one the people like to say waits at the end of a hard to find rainbow? Yeah, that one. There has to be a rainbow nearby. With the way everything is falling into place there’s no way that my luck can run dry.
At the end of the performance, we all rise to our feet. The custom calls for the maestro to stand center stage with his leads. Alek does this with such grace and class and I cannot wait to get him home so I can f*ck him until he passes out. Yeah, I’m that turned on by all of this.
Several roses fly up on the stage. I steal a quick glance at Alek’s mom and do a double take. She’s talking to a man who looks familiar to me. Katerina’s expression tells me the conversation isn’t going so well.
Squinting, I focus on the man. The long gray hair held back in a ponytail catches my attention first. I know that hair. The only other man with locks to rival his is Fabio. Petre came to the show? I had no idea he enjoyed symphonic productions.
After some debate, Katerina rises and trudges toward the exit. Instinct tells me to follow Petre and Alek’s mom. There’s this lump of unease sitting in my chest, getting heavier the longer I stare after the pair who just disappeared through the doors leading to the hallways located just outside the auditorium.
“I’ll be back in a bit,” I say to Adriana and Luca. “Could you let Alek know I’ll be near the dressing rooms?” She’s so caught up in being comforted by Luca, I wonder if she’ll even remember what I just said. “Right. Okay, never mind me.” I glance up at Alek and blow a kiss to him.
And then I head toward the place where Katerina and Petre just disappeared to. Alek doesn’t notice me leaving because he’s engrossed in a conversation with Nikolai and his players.
I head through the door and out into the hallways. It doesn’t take me long to spot Katerina and Petre, my life coach. And the two are really going at each other.
“What are you doing here in Milan? I told you to stay away from my family and me,” Katerina hisses.
“I’ll never stay away from you. Sergey’s a fool, letting you go the way he did. If you were mine, I’d never have let you leave,” Petre says, his body pressed up against Katerina’s in an intimate position. Clearly they know each other.
“If I’d known what you had intended to do with those boys, I would never have allowed you near my son. You sent Alek into a slaughterhouse,” Katerina hisses at him.
“No. I taught your son how to become a man. Something your husband never once tried to do,” Petre answers.
I stand there horrified. All of the feeling leaves my muscles. I’m thinking I’ve stepped into one of those weird carnival houses where the mirrors distort everything and make you feel crazy in the head. But there aren’t any mirrors in the theatre’s hallways. What I’m seeing is real.
“Get off of me,” Katerina orders. She hauls off and slaps his face. The smack whips his head to the side. I wait for him to hit her back, but he doesn’t. Instead, he does something even worse. Growling like a wild animal, he grasps her upper arms, lifts her up off the floor until she appears to be standing on her tiptoes, and begins shaking her. This stirs something in my stunned body, and my feet race forward.
“Stop this!” I yell, rushing up to Petre and begin digging my nails into the fleshy part of his neck.
“Erin stay out of this,” Katerina orders. How could she defend this man who has obviously made fools of us both? I wish somebody would tell me what planet I’ve just landed on.
“What the hell?” Petre turns and focuses his wild-eyed gaze on mine. I wonder what has happened to my calm natured coach. Releasing Katerina, he turns to me.
Right away, I take a step back. This isn’t the kind-hearted man I’ve spent the last year or so revealing all of my innermost thoughts to. “Yes, Erin. Mind. Your. Business.” He grabs me by the shoulders and shoves me backward. Somehow, my three-inch heels tangle up. I collide with the floor, my skull slamming against it. Stars start flying all around me as I lay there staring up at the ceiling.
Something or maybe someone zips by me. “Son of bitch! What the f*ck are you doing here?” I hear Alek’s voice call out. A pair of arms surrounds me, helping me come to a sitting position. I turn to face a terrified Adriana whose gaze is locked on her brother who is beating the shit out of my phony life coach.
As I stand there watching, Petre somehow dodges Alek’s next punch and then hauls off and slams him to the floor. But a fired up Alek overpowers the older man. He shoves on top of Petre and wrenches his arm around behind his back. “I taught you everything you know, boy. Do you honestly think you can defeat me?” Petre gasps to Alek who has a knee crushed in his back.
A group of people have gathered in the hallway. I’m terrified of what’ll happen if Alek kills Petre in front of everybody. Before long, I’m pretty sure the press will arrive on this scene, or someone will start snapping pictures of Alek
I shuffle to my feet. “Alek! Stop, don’t do this.”
“You won’t terrorize any of the people I love, ever again.” He twists Petre’s arm back further. I can hear his bones popping. I don’t know what’s most terrifying: Petre’s cracking limbs, or meeting this side of Alek I’ve only glimpsed once before at the Alcatraz.
Katerina returns with Hagar and Nikolai trailing behind her. I didn’t even see her leave. Nikolai grabs Alek by his arms, while Hagar easily secures Petre. “Get the f*ck off of me, Nikolai,” Alek snaps, wrenching his tuxedo jacket back up on his shoulders. He glances over at Katerina and says, “Are you alright, Mother?” She nods as security guards rush onto the scene.
Alek stalks over to me. “Are you okay, baby?” His lips tremble and his eyes hint at a story I may never understand. “This man—this piece of filth is the bastard I told you about.”
“Petre is the Phoenix? No. Can’t be. This is my life coach,” I whisper. I can feel the hint of an asthma attack building up in my chest. He stalks over to where Hagar holds Petre with an embarrassing ease and rips open his shirt.
The tattoo of a red phoenix surrounded by black flames is etched into his left chest muscle.
“This is the man who sent Nikolai to stand down a group of crazy ass sex traffickers, if you must know the truth, Erin. He caused my cousin’s death, and destroyed my family,” Alek explains to me, his voice trailing off as he glances at his mother.
I don’t need an explanation of what Petre, no wait, the Phoenix did to screw up the Dostovsky’s family. Katerina’s guilty expression makes it pretty obvious. We all stand and wait for the carabinieri, the Italian police force, to arrive.
“Don’t ever let me catch you around any of my family or friends ever again,” Alek warns Petre.
“Are you threatening me, Scarlet Phoenix?”
“Don’t call me that,” Alek answers.
“You seem to be forgetting, Alek doesn’t make threats, only promises. That is what you taught us to do, right?” Nikolai adds, standing by Alek’s side.
“You made all of us trust you, Petre, or whoever you are.” I’m unable to just let all of this go without saying anything. “I thought you were my friend.”
Meeting my gaze with an empty one, he says, “Dear, sweet Erin. So innocent. In this life we live, we learn, and then we burn at the end of the journey.” He gives me a smile, a polite one, as though we just finished discussing a class topic.
“Get him out of here before I get arrested for smashing his face in,” Alek orders the carabinieri who have now filed into the hallway.
The man I know as Petre, the same one who terrorized Alek and Nikolai in another lifetime, walks out of the theatre as though he doesn’t have a care in the world.