He glanced at his shirt and dropped his hands from my shoulders. “A hard day at work.”
Disgusted with him and myself, I ripped the blanket off my shoulders and tossed it at his face. My frustration wasn’t limited to his career choice. He had kept me in the dark, hiding the rest of his life from me, lying until he thought he could trust me with the truth, or maybe he hoped he’d never have to tell me. Instead, Evan told me, which doubled the betrayal.
“I’m going home. I’ll call you tomorrow.” I stood and broke into a jog, knowing I wouldn’t be able to maintain my composure for much longer. He lunged for me, but I evaded him with a last minute sidestep.
In all honesty, I didn’t know where I planned to go, much less sleep at night. I didn’t want to see Vera yet. I hadn’t determined the extent of her role in Evan’s scheming. The email didn’t confirm or deny her complicity. Instead, it made me second-guess everything. Until I had more information, I wouldn’t step foot in her apartment again, which meant I had to check into a hotel because my parents’ house wasn’t an option. Dealing with my mom right now would send me into a tailspin. One needling comment and I’d explode.
I darted through the trees, and away from the man who turned me inside out with nothing more than a smile or a fleeting glance. Water seeped through the holes of my laser-cut leather ballet flats. Mud splashed my pants. I nearly slipped on the wet grass more than once, but I kept putting one foot in front of the other, determined to put as much time and space between Ryker and me as possible. If I concentrated hard enough, I could pretend the last three months hadn’t happened.
That he wasn’t following me.
That he’d let me go.
That everything would right itself, and I’d be happy again.
“Hattie,” Ryker said, enveloping my hips with his large hands and yanking my back against his chest. The warmth of his body penetrated my soaked shirt. The steady beat of his heart drummed against my spine. My eyelids slid closed in dismay. His warm breath tickled my ear, and my entire body stiffened, every bitterly cold muscle in my body coiling tighter and tighter. The chaotic buzzing in my head got louder and louder as my jumbled desires swirled relentlessly through my mind.
“Let me go.” Tears bled from the corners of my eyes, and sadness rippled in tiny waves through my soul. “Please, just let me go. I’m not playing this game with you today. Okay?” I pleaded weakly, my voice wavering.
He tightened his grip on my hips, and electric sparks shot through his fingertips, igniting my barely suppressed yearning for him. “No, you’re upset, you’re soaking wet, and it’s dark. I’m not letting you wander the city right now, regardless of whether you think I’m playing games with you.”
I cradled my head in my hands as a veil of lust whirled around us. I mentally sliced it into a million jagged pieces, desperately searching for any remnants of my common sense. How could I feel so close to him yet so far from him all at once? How could I want him but hate him?
“I had a bad day. I don’t want to fight with you today. I need some space to get my thoughts together. I’m not running away.”
“Listen,” he whispered as he tangled his fingers in my hair, brushing it away from my face. “I’m not a hit man, and I generally don’t go around beating up people. What happened today was unusual. For the most part, I analyze the numbers, secure waivers from legislation, make ominous phone calls, raise the money, covertly manage or redirect the media, and facilitate the consummation or destruction of deals.”
“Is everything you do legal?”
“I won’t lie, some of it steps over the line, but as of today it’s all in the past. I don’t want to do it anymore. I haven’t in a long time. I don’t need the money, and I don’t want the headache anymore. It’s over, okay?”
I dropped my hands, and they swayed like tumbleweed against my legs. “You don’t have to quit for me. We’re just…” My voice trailed off, and I shrugged. I didn’t know how to define our relationship. We were so many things—all of them contradictory, like a string of double negatives. In the end, they canceled each other out, but instead of equaling a positive, we were left with a void. “We’re nothing,” I mumbled, and my lungs contracted in my chest, my entire being objecting to my declaration. I was screwed up, and I didn’t know if I’d ever be normal again.
“We’re a lot of things, but nothing isn’t one of them.” His low, velvety voice caressed me like an embrace. Shivers danced down my spine, begging me to turn around and kiss him. Devour him. Take what he offered while I still had the chance.
I groaned, curling my hands into fists and leaning into him. My body was at war, craving him and hating him. “It should be the only thing,” I countered.
Sensing my capitulation, he twirled me around and trailed kisses along my neck. “Nothing has changed since last night. Don’t run away now.” He tilted my head up, searching my face for something. Forgiveness? “Tell me I didn’t ruin this, ruin us,” he whispered next to my ear, his voice raw and needy.
I cursed my body as I slanted into him and angled my head to the side, inviting his touch. “Everything has changed.”
“How?”
“I went to see Evan today.”
Twin lines marred the skin between his eyebrows and lines bracketed his mouth. His gray eyes glowed like moonstones. “I warned you to stay away from him and Senator Deveron. Nothing good will come out of confronting them. We need a plan.”
A strangled sob tumbled from my lips. “I had to talk to him. I had to know.”
His fingertips dug into my arms. “You had to know what?”
“Why he did it. If I ever meant anything to him. If our relationship had been a game from the very beginning.”
He sighed as he shook his head. “And what did you find out?”
I swallowed and fixed my gaze on the tree behind him. “He has a private investigator following me.”
He brushed his fingers along my jaw line and then along my cheek, sweeping away my tears.
“I know,” he admitted.
I frowned. “How did you know?”
“He hired them before you went to Mexico. I didn’t know for sure, but I assumed he still had someone following you, especially after you ended the engagement.”
“Vera helped him too.” I bit the corner of my lower lip. “Well, I’m not sure exactly what she did. Do you know anything about that?”
“No.” He shook his head. “If she helped him, neither he nor Senator Deveron mentioned anything to me. She might have helped in a non-material way, but I don’t think she knows anything. I doubt they’d confide in her. It’d be too risky.”
Relief surged through my veins. “I guess you’re right, but it’s hard to believe in anyone now.”
“You can believe in me,” he rasped, resting his forehead against mine.