Was I really supposed to receive my graduate degree in two months? Did I really secure that internship at the International Foreign Policy Council? Did I really think I could slip back into my old relationship with Evan like nothing had happened?
In one impulsive second, I tossed it all away. And for what? A flash in time with Ryker—a man who offered nothing. Promised nothing. A million explanations filtered through my mind that I could offer the authorities to justify the images on the screen.
That I suffered from Stockholm syndrome.
That someone held a gun to my head.
That I had been drugged.
But I’d know the truth. It haunted me. It tortured me. I was addicted to Ryker. I would never say no to him. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not three years from now. I wanted him, even though I knew wanting him was wrong.
I couldn’t help it.
I couldn’t stop it.
I didn’t want to.
Yes, Ryker knew about the cameras. Yes, I’m sure he realized we were being recorded. Yes, that was probably part of his plan. And yes, the video threatened my ability to recapture my future…a future I didn’t even know if I wanted anymore. None of it seemed as real as what I felt for a man I loved to hate and hated that I loved. It was a demoralizing, gut-churning conclusion that had me curling into my seat of the car.
No, not my seat.
Ignacio’s seat.
Ignacio’s car.
Ignacio’s driveway.
Ignacio’s house.
Ignacio’s video.
I was surviving on the charity of a man known for his cruelty, a man who had just threatened to destroy me.
I had officially hit the bottom. My life was broken. I was broken. Every fucking thing was broken. Shattered. Destroyed. I couldn’t even pretend otherwise.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“Do you want to go inside or do you plan to sleep in the car?” Ryker asked leaning inside the backseat of the car, his hands braced against the doorjamb.
“Did you know?” I asked, my mind still reeling with the implications of the conversation with Ignacio. I didn’t know how long I’d sat, unmoving in the backseat of the car with the door still open. When I scanned the exterior of the villa, I noticed that everyone had long since gone inside.
He cocked his head to the side, and his eyes drifted over me. Undoubtedly, I looked like a wreck. I felt like one, both mentally and physically.
“About what?” he asked.
My eyes fell to my lap, and I ran my finger along the frayed hem of my too long t-shirt. “About the video?”
“The video conference with your father scheduled for tomorrow morning? Is that what you’re talking about?”
My eyes flickered to his as I chewed on my lower lip, rolling it between my teeth. “No.” I cleared my throat, piecing together the courage to ask the next question. “The one of us together in your bathroom.” Waiting in frozen silence, I momentarily stopped breathing.
His eyes widened. “Fuck.” He slammed his hand against the outside of the car. The hollow metal sound echoed through my ears. “Fuck,” he said again, as he pushed away from the door and took a few steps back, his body rigid, his nose flared. “I knew there was a camera in the bathroom. There are cameras everywhere. Ignacio records everything…everyone.”
“Is that why you…you…” I scrubbed my hands over my face. “It that why you were with me? So you could blackmail me later?”
Ryker shook his head. “No.”
I scooted toward the opening, dangling my legs out the side of the car. “Then why?”
He stalked toward me and dropped his hands on my thighs. A spark of anger mixed with arousal ignited under his hands and I shivered one long, traitorous shiver that traveled the length of my spine.
“Tell me,” I whispered, swallowing over the growing lump in my throat. “I need to know, because Ignacio said—”
Shadows flashed through his silvery gray eyes. He covered his hand over my mouth, interrupting me. “I did it because I wanted you, but we can’t go there anymore, Hattie. I already told you it was over. We made a mistake. I planned to erase the video the night you left. I was waiting for Ignacio to go to sleep, but I didn’t do it because you ran before I had the opportunity.”
My breath whooshed out of my chest and I swayed toward him, bringing my lips only inches from his. I knew I couldn’t kiss him or touch him ever again, so I closed my eyes for a split second as I shook my head. “Ignacio plans to use the video against me. He’s going to ruin me, my life…everything.”
“No, he won’t.” His fingers dug into my thighs.
“How do you know?”
“Because I won’t let him.” He withdrew one of his hands from my legs and rubbed the back of his neck.
“Can you control him?” Stupid question—I know. Of course he didn’t have any leverage to control Ignacio. Ignacio was his boss of sorts. His fucking father. Still, my eyes searched his, silently begging him to contradict me.
“He’ll do what I tell him to do.” His tone was solid, definite, and full of confidence. Was it misplaced? I didn’t know.
“How can you say that?”
“I don’t work for him.”
“But…” I ran my hands through my hair, tearing my fingers through the tangled strands.
“Look, Hattie, I can’t tell you everything, but I promised you could go home and you’d get your life back, and that includes walking away without a video or any other incriminating evidence hanging over your head.”
I sat unmoving for a second, waiting for him to add to his explanation. He didn’t. He wouldn’t, but he’d given me all the reassurance I needed. “Okay,” I said feeling relieved, but also feeling like an idiot for believing in him.
“Come on. Let’s check out your new room.” He held out his hand. I slid my hand into his and hopped out of the car. I didn’t want to let go of him. He was the only solid thing in my life, but he didn’t give me the choice. He dropped my hand the minute my feet hit the pavement—one more symbolic gesture pointing to his imminent departure from my life.
“New room?” I questioned, following him toward the villa instead of the shack-like structure he put me in when I arrived the first time.
“Yes. I arranged for you to have a room in the villa.” He glanced over his shoulder. “Next to mine so I can check on you from time to time, but for the most part, you’ll be free to roam the villa and its grounds.”
Surprised, I stopped walking. “I can go wherever I want. No one will stop me?”
Ryker turned to face me. “As long as you don’t do anything stupid, you’re free to stay in your room, go to the pool, and watch television.” He shrugged. “Whatever you want, except use the computer or the phone.”
“Alone?”
“No.”
“Are you going watch me?” I chuckled, but it came from nerves rather than humor. I didn’t need to feed my growing attachment to Ryker. My situation reminded me of one of those ‘don’t feed the animals’ signs. It only encouraged the animals to rely on humans for food. In my case, spending more time with Ryker would encourage my mushrooming addiction to him.