chapter 9
Endings and Beginnings
I wish you could see his eyes, hear his voice, and sense the fragrance of Heaven about this young and innocent boy, all wrapped up in a few simple words that he shares, and the manner in which he shares them.
The boy who came back from Heaven was the son we knew, but something more. He had been “away from [his] earthly bod[y] . . . [and] at home with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:8), and the experience had changed him forever. It took us some time to understand that.
When Alex emerged from his coma in January 2005, he rejoined our world gradually. It was like seeing someone slowly push out of a fog separating two different realities. He was present without being fully aware. Like a newborn baby, he had to learn how to make sense of this world.
As the days went by, Alex’s mind began interpreting the information from his senses. His conscious mind was going back to work. He quickly learned how to communicate, using rudimentary signs for yes and no. Soon he was capable of forming words with his mouth, giving him access to a world of more complex ideas and expressions.
Even at this point, as basic as his messages were, he was signaling to us that he had been to places and seen things that we couldn’t imagine. Yet so much was still beyond his ability to explain.
From our perspective, our son had been a sleeping six-year-old boy in a hospital bed. Our prayers were focused simply on bringing him back, on seeing his eyes open, and on being able to tell him we loved him. Then, knowing we serve a loving God, we dared to hope that the Alex we had raised from infancy, our unique and recognizable Alex, would return to us.
Dwelling in the invisible world had sharpened Alex’s spiritual senses far beyond what is ordinary for a little boy. It left him with a powerful longing to be with his Lord and Savior once again, whether in the flesh or in the spirit. It even endowed him with a new sense of humor that was the substance of inner joy.
Even before Alex emerged from the coma, people would come out of his room after prayer and tell us they had experienced something spiritually powerful, just from speaking to God beside his bed. Today many more are being transformed by Alex and his life. He has opened up just a little bit about what he saw and learned, though there are aspects of it he still won’t discuss—in some cases, details about Heaven that he has been told not to share.
+ + +
I’ve been amazed by Alex’s closeness to Jesus. One day his dad, Kevin, had a question for me:
“Jami, I don’t want this to come out wrong, but . . . well . . . I’m starting to wonder if Alex has something of a prophetic gift. I know it sounds a little funny, but—”
“Prophetic gift,” I interrupted, “you don’t have to tell me. Two years ago, after church I was in the foyer pulling on my coat. I saw Alex in his wheelchair across the foyer and decided to go say hi. We talked for a little bit, and then just as I turned to leave, Alex said, ‘Jami, you need to go home and read Deuteronomy 18.’
“‘Okay, Alex, I’ll do it. Can you tell me why I need to read Deuteronomy 18?’
“‘God told me to tell you your son is coming home.’
“I just stared at him, Kevin. How did he know anything about my teenage prodigal son, living in a different city with his father? I had wanted him to come home so much and had been praying for him constantly. With the child support all arranged, it was out of the question, not to mention that he wanted to live with his father. But there Alex was, telling me my son was coming home. It was a bit of a shock to hear, but on the other hand, Alex says a lot of surprising things. I said good-bye and hurried home, sat down in a chair, and opened the Bible to Deuteronomy 18. The first verse talks about the establishment of the Levitical priesthood in the nation of Israel through the tribe of Levi. It took my breath away. Levi is the name of my prodigal teenage son. Two weeks later, my Levi moved back to live with me.”
Jami Kreutzer, a family friend from church
+ + +
In late 2006 and into 2007, Alex began to tell us more about angels, demons, and Heaven itself. We already had a basic understanding of his experience—his trip to Heaven, his encounter with spiritual beings, and so on. We knew he’d had what is commonly called a near-death experience, and we realized he wasn’t the first person to come back with such an account. It was true that he had spoken of seeing angels during the time he was emerging from his coma. And we knew miracles had already occurred: the vertebrae in his neck had returned to their normal position without medical intervention, for one thing.
At that point, however, what we knew about the whole matter was only the tip of a vast, astonishing iceberg. As Alex regained the ability to communicate with more than labored, one-syllable words, he could tell us far more. For instance, Heaven is not the “next” world; it is now. Heaven is not in “the heavens” or the sky. It is everywhere and nowhere. Alex says it’s hard to explain.
Our earthly minds struggle to understand a “place” that is not a place and a “time” with no past, present, or future, but only the eternal now. The earth, the sky, the cosmos, and time—these are things that God made. They are the home He made for us, and He enters into them to interact with us, but He doesn’t live in space or time. Time will end, and even this universe will end. But God, His angels, and all of us who accept His gift will live together forever in Heaven.
Yet we didn’t view these events as particularly unusual. For us, the time itself was unusual. Watching our son sleep for seven weeks—that was unusual. Our everyday lives had been turned upside down, and in a way, there was no usual—not for us. When life careens off course, we tend to expect the unexpected. So what was happening around Alex was probably less surprising to us than it may seem to you.
The years following Alex’s return to our home, then, were about endings and beginnings—it was the end of Alex’s coma and our dependence on the hospital. But it was also the beginning to a new and challenging kind of family life. Even more than this, it felt like the beginning of our awareness of another world, the powerful reality that continues to permeate our son’s life.
I’m Not Allowed to Tell You
“I’m not allowed to tell you.” I guess that I’ve heard that phrase several hundred times during the past five years. You see, I tend to pester Alex with a lot of questions. Who wouldn’t? When someone in your household professes to visit Heaven, to see angels, and to watch demons flee, it piques your interest. But Alex doesn’t appreciate questions that are asked merely to satisfy a curiosity rather than to draw near to God. I’m always intrigued by the kinds of questions Alex will answer and the kinds he won’t. The details he gives are often surprising and unpredictable—the devil’s having three heads when manifesting directly to Alex, for example, or angels’ wings that look like “masks.” Such things don’t come from picture books, movies, or video games.
Alex knows where his boundaries lie, which subjects he is not to reveal. But there are other reasons he chooses not to speak. Alex often says, “Daddy, this isn’t about me.”
Alex truly doesn’t want to make a big deal out of what he has seen. I think that when he first began sharing, he had no idea what the impact would be beyond his mommy and daddy. He is a shy boy, and what seemed to him like a pebble tossed into a lake created ripples that fanned out further than he could have ever expected. He’s not crazy about the attention.
He’s also well aware that others cannot see what he sees, and I know he wishes they could. I suppose it feels strange for him to know he has the only eyes that see certain realities. It has been said that in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. Alex definitely has a sight most of us do not, but there is nothing in Alex that enjoys being “king.”
When I try to talk to Alex about heavenly things, he is almost always uncomfortable. Some items he isn’t permitted to discuss; other times he struggles to find the needed vocabulary. It can be difficult for him to determine what falls into those limited areas and what he can reveal.
Another reason Alex is sometimes reluctant to share all he has seen in Heaven is that he feels as if he’s telling everyone, if you will, what’s under the gift-wrapping of their Christmas presents. Alex has seen Christmas morning. He’s had a sneak peek at wonderful, shining gifts marked “Do not open before Christmas” for the rest of us. He doesn’t want to spoil the great joy we will all experience when we ourselves arrive in Heaven and toss away the ribbons and wrappings.
Thinking about that point, I asked, “What about you, Alex? Will your current experience of Heaven take anything away from the day when you go there forever?”
A massive smile came across his face. “No way. I can’t wait to go!” That wonderful day pulls upon his heart with an irresistible spiritual magnetism. I then pointed out to him that if Heaven is too wonderful to be spoiled for him, the same could be true for the rest of us. So why not tell us what’s inside a couple of those packages before Christmas?
He got the point and became slightly more generous with his details. But some matters remain off the record; his lips are sealed this side of eternity.
One day, as we talked over all these chapters, Alex said, “Daddy, are you sure we should really write this book?”
“Well, I did pray about it, Alex,” I said. “But if you’re uncomfortable with it, and if God doesn’t give you a clear go-ahead, then we won’t publish it. Can you tell me what you’re struggling with?”
“I don’t want people making a big deal about me.”
“Well, I agree with that, and you know, no matter what we do or say, some people are probably going to do that anyway. What we have to share, though, is encouraging others. We want to help them think about God in new ways, and we want to bring honor and glory to His name. Even if some people make a big deal over you, won’t it be worth it if many, many more of them make a big deal over Jesus?”
Alex remained quiet, betraying a continuing sense of unease.
“Alex,” I began, attempting to help him see a broader picture, “some people in the Bible saw Heaven too. Take John, for instance. He traveled to Heaven and saw amazing things that he came back and wrote about for millions and millions of people to read. People are encouraged when they read about Heaven because they get a glimpse of the awesome majesty of God and are reminded that Heaven is a real place. In Revelation 4, John tells about how he saw angels with six wings—”
“I saw that!” Alex grinned.
I asked him to tell me more . . . and you have now heard his testimony in this book. We hope it brings the majesty of God alive for you in new ways so that your life can continue to grow in discipleship to Christ.
Alex is always delighted to discover that what he has seen is also described in the Bible. Naturally, Beth and I know exactly what Alex has and hasn’t learned about the Bible, since we’re the ones who have taught him from birth. And Alex has described countless details about Heaven that we know he had not previously learned from the Bible. For example, we never taught him the book of Revelation. We spent our time with Alex in the Gospel of John.
“Daddy, I’m just a kid!” Alex says. “I don’t know all the stuff that’s in the Bible. I just know what Jesus shows me.”
Alex’s Trips to Heaven Continue
Perhaps by now it is clear that Alex has been to Heaven several times, but the first trip on the day of the accident was different from what occurs now. At the time of the accident, Alex proceeded through a tunnel of light and had a series of interactions with angels and with God. At that time, he could also observe earthly events such as what happened at the accident site (even after the MedFlight chopper had already taken his body from the scene) and the emergency room, where he and Jesus watched as doctors operated on Alex’s own body. He remembers the discussions concerning whether he would stay in Heaven or return to earth. Many of these reports seem fantastical, but they are not unprecedented in the realm of near-death/life-after-death experiences. Others who have gone to Heaven have described many details similar to Alex’s experiences.
Alex’s experiences have one major difference, however: he still periodically goes to Heaven. When does this happen? Mostly in his sleep. It also happens occasionally when he lies in bed awake. There’s a certain regularity about how the visits progress. He arrives just inside the gates. He talks with the angels who stand guard. Those angels are usually buzzing with excitement about the day when Jesus will return to earth. And as usual, they always tell Alex not to be afraid.
“Alex, why do the angels always tell you not to be afraid? What do you think they are referring to?”
“I think the angels are talking about the glory of God.”
This answer is consistent with Scripture. These powerful angels know they are talking to a human being, who is unaccustomed to the magnificence and unfiltered glory of God—what the Bible calls the shekinah. The Lord once granted Moses his request to see the awesome glory of God. But God told Moses to stand in a cleft of the rock as His glory passed by, and God protected him with His hand. Moses couldn’t look upon the face of God and live. When Moses came down Mount Sinai to rejoin his people, Moses’ face was glowing with God’s reflected glory, and the Bible tells us that when the Israelites “saw the radiance of Moses’ face, they were afraid to come near him” (Exodus 34:30).
+ + +
God knows how to extend grace to sustain a person. He has a way of bringing out glory from every situation, so I don’t think it’s so far-reaching that a loving God, a graceful Lord Jesus Christ, would touch a young man’s life and show him things.
At the same time, we believe that the Bible is infallible. The Word of God is the final statement, and all things must be filtered through it. So if Alex says he’s seen Heaven, we have to go through Scripture and ask, “Has anyone else seen Heaven?” And if that answer is yes, and since Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever, then it can be yes today. And that’s the basis from which we evaluate all revelation—whether we’re skeptical or whether we’re believing—we evaluate all revelation from the Word of God. If God has done it before, He can do it again.
Pastor Robin Ricks, Christ Our King Church
+ + +
Or consider those shepherds keeping watch over their flocks by night when Jesus was born. “An angel of the Lord appeared among them, and the radiance of the Lord’s glory surrounded them. They were terrified” (Luke 2:9). There are many angelic visits recorded in Scripture where people were frightened at the sight of angels. No wonder the angels of Heaven are worried about a little visitor’s reaction to the glory of God.
Next Alex will enter the Temple and speak to God Himself. On the way, he may speak to other angels, or he may not.
“Alex, when you move about in Heaven—”
“I can move by my own power there. My legs work perfectly in Heaven,” he smiles. “On earth, I can’t walk or move around, but it’s different in Heaven.”
+ + +
Everyone has a purpose, and Alex’s purpose is to spread God’s Word. . . . I lost my buddy for a while, but it is worth it because of all the people that will come to Jesus.
Aaron Malarkey, Alex’s brother
+ + +
How wonderful to know that God’s grace offers Alex a place where he can have the full movement he was created to have, as well as a foretaste of the perfection he will one day enjoy!
Even in Heaven Alex doesn’t have the perfect “resurrection body” that Paul describes in the New Testament. He is a visitor who still has his earthly body; it’s simply free of human wounds there. Alex eagerly anticipates the day when he is in Heaven to stay and will finally receive his heavenly body.
Alex converses with God until the Lord tells him the visit is finished. Sometimes other angels are in the meetings, and sometimes it is only God and Alex.
“Alex, do you miss God when you’re here?”
“No, Daddy, it’s the opposite. I miss God when I am with Him, because I know I’m going to be away from Him, and I never want to leave. It’s sort of like right now, Daddy. You’re getting ready to go to your office, and I’m already starting to miss you. That’s how it is when I’m with God. I can’t wait until I just get to stay. You can’t imagine what it’s like to be with God, but to also know you’re going to have to leave. That’s why when I return from Heaven I usually cry.”
Alex also has an ongoing connection with Heaven in his prayer life. A few years ago, when I was wrestling with a particular issue, I did what has become natural to me: I prayed about it. Then, just before leaving to go to work, I asked Alex, “When you are praying today, would you remember to pray for me?”
Alex looked at me with a penetrating gaze and said, “Daddy, I’m always in prayer because part of my brain, through the Holy Spirit, is in constant communication with Heaven. My mouth is for talking to people.”
+ + +
I went to learn from Alex about God.
Pastor Robin Ricks, pastor of Christ Our King Church
+ + +
My mind immediately went to the verse in the Bible that says to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17). I had always thought it meant we should pray a lot, but somehow Alex’s words caused me to better understand the continuous nature of communion the verse is calling us to.
My Meeting with an Angel
Thanks to Alex, talk of the presence of angels, demons, and the devil became commonplace in our home—hardly anything to cause alarm. By the middle of 2006, I thought I had seen and heard just about everything regarding the spiritual realm; nothing could surprise me. We always took these visitations seriously, but they no longer elicited astonishment. Then on a warm summer evening in 2006, Alex said, “Daddy, there is an angel in our house, and he wants to talk with you.”
I admit it: I was caught off guard . . . again, for the thousandth time. Unsure of how to respond, I laughed a little nervously and said, “Wait a minute, Alex, you’re the one who’s the ‘angel boy,’ not me!”
Alex looked at me matter-of-factly, completely ignoring my evasion.“It’s the angel John who is asking for you.”
“His name is John? Can you tell me anything else about him?”
“Well, you’ve already met him, sort of. He helped the other angels pull you out of the car when we had our accident. There were five angels who carried you, and John was one of them. He’s the one who held your head.”
“I never knew that, Alex. And he has come back?”
“No, not really. He is here all the time. He follows you around a lot.”
Still a bit nervous, I said, “What do you want me to do, Alex?”
“Just look for him, Daddy! He’s right here.”
“Alex, I can’t see angels the way you can.” Alex’s experience with angels is so familiar to him that he takes it all for granted, often forgetting that others don’t see as he sees.
His brow furrowed, and I could tell his mental gears were turning.
“Daddy, what is that word that means you can see through something?”
“Um . . . transparent?”
“Yes, Daddy, that’s it. Just try to be transparent in your spirit. Then you’ll see the angel.”
Oh, that’s all I had to do, just be transparent in my spirit. For Alex, it was as simple as that. But what did that mean? I struggled to get my mind around what Alex was trying to explain, but after a few minutes of intense concentration, all I saw was what everyone with “normal” vision sees upon entering our house—a living room with furniture. I felt spiritually uncoordinated. My son couldn’t function in the physical world, but I was handicapped in the spiritual world. Who had the greater disability?
A strong sense of disappointment settled over me. I have learned to trust Alex when he makes these kinds of proclamations, but something was hindering my receiving what God had for me.
“Alex, I need to take out the trash. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
Alex, who had been studying my face, sensed my low spirits. “Daddy, don’t give up on seeing John, okay?”
Alex always wanted Beth and me to enter the spiritual realm with him—to experience what he experienced and to see what he saw.
“I’ll keep trying,” I said. “I’ll do my best.”
Taking the Malarkey trash bins to the street takes effort. Our driveway is about a tenth of a mile long. After walking to the end of the driveway, I paused in the growing dusk. It was a beautiful evening. I waited and listened and heard . . . a chorus of crickets.
I really was trying, because I believed Alex. There were too many times he had spoken into people’s lives, too many times he had direct experiences with angels, too many miracles to doubt that God had opened to Alex some rare window into the heavenly realm. Surely if an angel had a message from God to deliver to me, I must have the ability to see or hear it. I slowly lifted my heart and my hands to Heaven. “God, I am here. If You want to say something to me through one of Your angels, I am willing to receive any experience You want me to have.”
Some people are physically challenged; I must be supernaturally challenged. Alex must be far beyond me. I looked back toward the house, deeply breathing the night air. Then suddenly I said, “I have anointed you with a message of hope.”
Where did that come from? A sudden chill ran over my body as I glanced around. There was nothing out of the ordinary to see, but Someone had just spoken to me in my spirit. A trembling of my spirit gave me the sense there was more. Like a radio signal tuning in to the right frequency, it came first in fits and starts. My heart raced within my chest. The Lord was directly communicating His will for me. I took off running up the driveway and burst through the door. I was all thumbs riffling through the counter and desk, looking for anything to begin writing:
I have anointed you with a message of hope . . .
for the church . . .
the body of Christ . . .
and those who will be the body . . .
that He will be raised up and seen in His true glory . . .
This is the word of the Lord given to you by the angel John.
I dropped the pen and reread what I had just written.
“Alex! Alex!”
Seeing my joyous state, Beth and Aaron gathered around, listening with amazement.
“He spoke to me . . . in my spirit . . . at the end of the driveway. John the angel spoke to me and said . . .” And I read aloud the message I had just received.
Beth and Aaron sat in surprised wonder, but Alex wasn’t the least bit moved. If I’d told him the crickets were singing tonight, he would have had the same response—no big deal, happens all the time. I was ecstatic, but it was all old hat to him. Just when the rest of us were basking in the warmth of that spiritual afterglow, Alex said, “There’s more. You should go back out there.”
I went back out to the identical spot—I wasn’t going to tamper with anything about this experience. Before long, the voice came again:
Speak of Me, for Me, and about Me
Use Alex to show who I am
I have chosen him as a screen upon which to show Myself
I am unity, the Trinity, a complete circle,
Your story will lead to praise and worship, there will be altar calls
Your bills are the least of My worries
I will be with you all the days of your life
I will speak to you
I will guide you
I am in you
I am about you, you be about Me
My love is unconditional
My vengeance is restricted for the holy
My apostles died for Me, will you die for Me?
I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last.
Back at the house, I again wrote furiously before hurrying to Alex’s room. He had fallen fast asleep. The morning seemed days away. I was so eager to share with him what I had received. When Alex finally woke up, I read to him all that I had written down.
Nonchalant he simply said, “You got all of it.”
It was all routine for him, but I felt as if I’d been lifted up, turned upside down, and shaken to my very soul. Please understand, I don’t come from a background that regularly embraces supernatural invasions into our physical realm; my faith pilgrimage had been highly conservative. But even in the process of publishing this book, I can see what the Lord revealed to me beginning to be fulfilled.
Perhaps discussions of another, spiritual realm make you uncomfortable. If so, you’re in good company—they make me uncomfortable too. It is one thing for others to have supernatural encounters, quite another when you are the recipient. Nothing even remotely close to this experience had ever occurred in my life. My mind had to struggle to catch up with my spirit. If you don’t have a neat theological box in which to put all these things comfortably away, don’t worry; neither do I. They are what they are. I am simply reporting what happened. Fortunately we have the Scriptures as an infallible guide to evaluate everything we experience.
+ + +
My grandson’s and son’s faith in Christ has created a resilience in them that has changed this tragedy into a story of wonderful meaning and purpose for me, my family, and many others.
Dr. William Malarkey, Kevin’s father
+ + +
The Real Angels
While some people have difficulty contemplating the spiritual realm, others seem to have an unhealthy fascination with heavenly things. It can become a way to avoid either responding to God as He has revealed Himself in the Bible or doing the work of God in the mundane, ordinary days that compose our lives. After all, don’t we all have times when we wish we didn’t have to clean the bathroom? As much love as there is in my family, there are some days when I would like to be transported away from my duties and lie on a sunny beach contemplating angels!
Heaven, angels, and miracles are wonderful and fascinating. If all Alex and I have done is provided a momentary thrill through telling what has happened in our lives, though, we have failed most miserably. The Bible clearly speaks against those who worship the creation rather than the Creator. In the same way, if we aren’t careful, we can become enamored of the messengers and miss the God who created and sent them.
Angels are not cute little cherubs who live on the limbs of Christmas trees; they are powerful created beings to do the work of God. The Bible constantly describes the angels as God’s messengers and special agents, crossing over into the physical world to carry out His assignments. The Bible also tells us to be hospitable since we may one day entertain angels without realizing it, as others have done (Hebrews 13:2).
If I may offer a humble word of exhortation, the enemy is a deceiver who masquerades as an angel of light. We all need to be on guard against counterfeit truth. Anything that doesn’t square with Scripture is counterfeit. Alex’s angels never operate outside the parameters we find in Scripture—the measure of authenticity.
You don’t need to see or talk with angels to live a life that glorifies God. Don’t be derailed in your quest for meaning by seeking a supernatural experience. Seek God through His Son, Jesus Christ.
Alex’s hope is that upon hearing how God has revealed Himself in Alex’s life, you will be drawn to the only One who provides true hope.
From Alex
I Still Visit Heaven
Then as I looked, I saw a door standing open in heaven.
Revelation 4:1
I don’t really like talking about Heaven very much these days. I liked it better telling my mommy and daddy things when they were new experiences for me. I was excited to share what I was seeing. I know God has a purpose for my car accident and for what He has shown me in Heaven. I know that all of this can help other people. But it’s hard to talk about heavenly things. They are harder to describe than things on earth. I don’t have all the words I need.
When Daddy starts asking me questions now, I usually roll my eyes and try to get to the last question. When we’re done, I’m hoping for a video game or some time just to play with Daddy.
Last night my daddy shared with me that sometimes God wants us to share what He shows us, and sometimes He wants us to keep it to ourselves. He told me how the apostle Paul was told not to tell what he had seen in Heaven. Daddy told me that God told John the opposite: that he should share what he was shown in Heaven—or at least some of it.
This made me feel relieved. I believe that I am a combination of John and Paul. I know that I need to share some of what I have seen in Heaven, and I also know that God has told me not to tell about other things. I am allowed to tell my parents some things that they are not allowed to share, and some things I do not even tell them.
God knows exactly what I can handle. He knows how much I can understand, and He knows what would be too hard for me to keep from sharing. He is perfect!
One night my dad said he believed I was only sharing about 10 percent of what I have seen in Heaven. This put a big smile on my face.
Still, I wasn’t sure if I should share all of this in a book. I asked my daddy about it, and I told him that I don’t want people making a big deal about me. But I’ve decided that it’s okay to share some things because, after all, Heaven and angels are a part of the Bible’s message. I hope it will bring people closer to God.
So I will tell you a little more.
When I visit Heaven, I see angels flying around the throne of God. They are singing as they fly.
I thought that the two wings over the angels’ faces were masks, but later when my daddy and I talked about it, I realized they were wings.
Does the Bible tell how the angel Michael is next to the throne, writing down what people do on earth?
I know I am with God when I am visiting Heaven, but you can’t see God on His throne—the angels fly so fast that they block Him from view.
Nobody gets to see God’s face until later.