"I should have tried harder," he countered, holding the door to her dorm open. "If I'd been even a little more conscious ... I don't know. Mason might still be alive."
Eddie and I, I realized, should both have been in therapy as soon as we got back from winter break. I finally understood why everyone said blaming myself for Mason's death was irrational. Eddie and I were both holding ourselves responsible for things that had been beyond our control. We were torturing ourselves with guilt we didn't deserve.
"Hey, Lissa. Come here."
The serious subject was put on hold as Jesse and Ralf waved at her from across the dorm's lobby. My defenses immediately went up. So did hers. She didn't like them any better than I did.
"What's this about?" asked Eddie warily.
"I don't know," she muttered, walking over. "I hope it's fast."
Jesse gave her a dazzling smile, one that I had once found really hot. Now I saw it for the fake piece of crap it was. "How's it going?" he asked.
"It's going tired," she replied. "I need to get to bed. What's up?"
Jesse looked over at Eddie. "Would you give us a little privacy?" Eddie looked at Lissa. She nodded, and Eddie backed up enough to be out of earshot but still watch her. When he was gone, Jesse said, "We have an invitation for you."
"To what, a party?"
"Kind of. It's a group ..." Ralf wasn't so good with words, and Jesse took over again.
"More than a group. It's only for elite people." He gestured around. "You and me and Ralf... we're not like a lot of other Moroi. We're not even like a lot of other royals. We have concerns and issues that we need to take care of." I thought it was funny that he'd include Ralf. Ralf's royalty came from his mother, a Voda, so he didn't even carry one of the royal names, even if he technically had the blood.
"It sounds kind of ... snobby," she said. "No offense. Thanks for the offer, though." That was Lissa. Always polite, even to creeps like these.
"You don't understand. We aren't just sitting around. We're working to get things done. We're - " he hesitated and then spoke more softly, " - working on ways to get our voices out there, to make people see our way no matter what."
Lissa gave an uncomfortable laugh. "Sounds like compulsion."
"So?"
I couldn't see her face, but I could feel her working hard to keep it as straight as possible. "Are you out of your mind? Compulsion's forbidden. It's wrong."
"Only to some people. And apparently not you since you're pretty good at it."
She stiffened. "Why would you think that?"
"Because someone - a couple people, actually - hinted at it." People? I tried to remember what Christian and I had said in the feeder room. We'd never mentioned her by name, though both of us had bragged about having seen someone use compulsion. And apparently, Jesse had noticed other things about her. "Besides, it's actually kind of obvious. People love you. You've gotten out of so much trouble, and I finally figured out why. You've been working people over this whole time. I was watching you in class the other day when you convinced Mr. Hill to let Christian work with you on that project. He never would have let anyone else do that."
I'd been with them in class that day. Lissa actually had used compulsion on her teacher to get help for Christian. She'd been so caught up in her pleas that she'd compelled Mr. Hill without even realizing it. Compared to other things I'd seen her do, it had actually been a pretty weak show of compulsion. No one had noticed. Well, almost no one.
"Look," Lissa said uneasily, "I seriously have no idea what you're talking about. I need to go to bed."
Jesse's face grew excited. "No, it's okay. We think it's cool. We want to help you - or actually, we want you to help us. I can't believe I never noticed it before. You're really good at it, and we need you to show us. Plus, none of the other Man? chapters has a Dragomir. We'd be the first to have every royal family represented."
She sighed. "If I could use compulsion, I'd make you guys go away. I told you, I'm not interested."
"But we need you!" exclaimed Ralf. Jesse shot him a sharp look and then turned his smile back on Lissa. I had this weird feeling he might actually be trying to compel her, but it had absolutely no effect on her - or me, since I was watching through her eyes.
"It's not just about you helping us. There are groups of Man? at every school," said Jesse. He was leaning close, and suddenly, he didn't look very friendly anymore. "Its members are all over the world. Be a part of it, and you'll have the connections to do whatever you want with your life. And if we can all learn to work compulsion, we can stop the Moroi government from doing stupid things - we can make sure the queen and everyone else make the right decision. Everything about this is good for you!"
"I'm doing fine on my own, thanks," she said, stepping back. "And I'm not really sure you know what's best for the Moroi."