"Of course it was," I told him, looking down into my cup. "Unless you believe I really did let Stan 'attack' Christian."
"No," he said. "I don't believe that. I never did. I knew you'd be unhappy when you found out about the assignments, but I never once doubted that you'd do what you'd have to for this. I knew you wouldn't let your personal feelings get in the way of your duty."
I looked up again and met his eyes, so full of faith and absolute confidence in me. "I didn't. I was mad...Still am a little. But once I said I'd do it, I meant it. And after spending some time with him...well, I don't hate him. I actually think he's good for Lissa, and he cares about her, so I can't get upset about that. He and I just clash sometimes, that's all... but we did really well together against the Strigoi. I remembered that while I was with him today, and arguing against this assignment just seemed stupid. So I decided to do the best job I could." I hadn't meant to talk so much, but it felt good to let out what was inside of me, and the look on Dimitri's face would have gotten me to say anything. Almost anything.
"What happened then?" he asked. "With Stan?" I averted my eyes and played with my cup again. I hated keeping things from him, but I couldn't tell him about this. In the human world, vampires and dhampirs were creatures of myth and legend - bedtime stories to scare children. Humans didn't know we were real and walking the earth. But just because we were real didn't mean that every other story-time paranormal creature was. We knew that and had our own myths and bedtime stories about things we didn't believe in. Werewolves. Bogeymen. Ghosts.
Ghosts played no real role in our culture, short of being fodder for pranks and campfire tales. Ghosts inevitably came up on Halloween, and some legends endured over the years. But in real life? No ghosts. If you came back after death, it was because you were a Strigoi.
At least, that's what I'd always been taught. I honestly didn't know enough now to say what was going on. Me imagining Mason seemed more likely than him being a true ghost, but man, that meant I might seriously be heading into crazy territory. All this time I'd worried about Lissa losing it. Who had known it might be me?
Dimitri was still watching me, waiting for an answer.
"I don't know what happened out there. My intentions were good ... I just... I just messed up."
"Rose. You're a terrible liar."
I glanced up. "No, I'm not. I've told a lot of good lies in my life. People have believed them."
He smiled slightly. "I'm sure. But it doesn't work with me. For one thing, you won't look me in the eye. As for the other... I don't know. I can just tell."
Damn. He could tell. He just knew me that well. I stood up and moved to the door, keeping my back to him. Normally, I treasured every minute with him, but I couldn't stick around today. I hated lying, but I didn't want to tell the truth either. I had to leave.
"Look, I appreciate you being worried about me...but really, it's okay. I just messed up. I'm embarrassed about it - and sorry I put your awesome training to shame - but I'll rebound. Next time, Stan's ass is mine."
I hadn't even heard him get up, but suddenly, Dimitri was right behind me. He placed a hand on my shoulder, and I froze in front of the door leading out. He didn't touch me anywhere else. He didn't try to pull me closer. But, oh, that one hand on my shoulder held all the power in the world.
"Rose," he said, and I knew he was no longer smiling. "I don't know why you're lying, but I know you wouldn't do it without a good reason. And if there's something wrong - something you're afraid to tell the others - "
I spun around rapidly, somehow managing to pivot in place in such a way that his hand never moved yet ended up on my other shoulder.
"I'm not afraid," I cried. "I do have my reasons, and believe me, what happened with Stan was nothing. Really. All of this is just something stupid that got blown out of proportion. Don't feel sorry for me or feel like you have to do anything. What happened sucks, but I'll just roll with it and take the black mark. I'll take care of everything. I'll take care of me." It took all of my strength just then not to shake. How had this day gotten so bizarre and out of control?
Dimitri didn't say anything. He just looked down at me, and the expression on his face was one I'd never seen before. I couldn't interpret it. Was he mad? Disapproving? I just couldn't tell. The fingers on my shoulder tightened slightly and then relaxed.
"You don't have to do this alone," he said at last. He sounded almost wistful, which made no sense. He was the one who'd been telling me for so long that I needed to be strong. I wanted to throw myself into his arms just then, but I knew I couldn't.
I couldn't help a smile. "You say that...but tell me the truth. Do you go running to others when you have problems?"
"That's the not the same - "
"Answer the question, comrade."
"Don't call me that."
"And don't avoid the question either."
"No," he said. "I try to deal with my problems on my own."