Populazzi

Chapter Thirty-Six



The next day was Tuesday, and the whole school was buzzing about my post and what it might mean. I heard it all: some hoped for a catfight, some thought I'd break down sobbing, some worried I might go Columbine. A few people came right out and asked me what I planned to do, but I wouldn't answer.

Only the Populazzi seemed completely disinterested. I wondered if they'd even show up Friday morning. Not that it mattered: the result would be the same either way.

I spent the week preparing. I'd have loved a lecture hall with an IMAX screen, but The Heap and my laptop would have to do. Edited together, my three favorite clips were barely two minutes long, so I'd have plenty of time to talk before the bell rang, even if I showed the video more than once. After I'd had my say, I'd post the footage online, so everyone could enjoy.

Thursday night I ran through my spiel one last time. It was solid and it was devastating. I felt strong, powerful, and righteous. I couldn't wait until morning. Just before bed, I hopped on to Cara Leonard Is a Great Big Whore to see what people were saying. Most sounded as excited about tomorrow as I was. I bet I'd have a great turnout.

As I was about to log off, a new post appeared. It was from Robert Schwarner. "'Anger, fear, aggression. The dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.'"

It was a Yoda quote.

Robert, with whom I hadn't spoken since I'd sent him away from The Heap, was sending me a Yoda quote through a site called Cara Leonard Is a Great Big Whore.

He could have been sending it to the group, of course—there was certainly a lot of anger and aggression there—but I got the feeling he'd meant it for me.

So why post to the group?

I looked to see if he was online so we could chat. He wasn't.

I read the quote again. What was his problem? Was he seriously telling me not to be angry? I deserved to be angry! As for fear, I thought I was showing a pretty spectacular lack of fear by standing up for myself in front of the entire school. Aggression? The Populazzi had been plenty aggressive. Wasn't it about time someone gave it right back to them?

Stupid green Muppet.

I turned off my computer and went to bed.

I kept thinking about the quote.

Worse, I saw it: Robert Schwarner, sitting in a swamp on a log, his face green, saying the quote in his squeaky Yoda voice.

The quote was crap. That's all it was. Happy Hopeless fan-boy crap.

I tossed and turned all night.

***

Eventually it was morning. I sighed. It was time.

I put on a very special outfit, grabbed everything I needed, and drove to school, making a quick stop on the way. By the time I got to Chrysella, the hall outside The Heap was crammed with people, but the crowd parted to let me inside.

This could have been because of my date with Trista.

Or it could have been because I was dressed like Princess Leia.

Not exactly like her. I hadn't had time this morning to go to an actual costume store. I wore my puffy white robe, with my curls pinned up in makeshift buns on the sides of my head. Instead of a blaster, I held a Ping-Pong paddle.

Trista was waiting in The Heap, along with the rest of the Populazzi. Once I entered, it was like I'd broken the seal keeping non-Populazzi out. Spectators started to creep inside to get a better view.

Trista rose to meet me in the middle of the room. It was a standoff at high noon—or eight a.m. She looked me up and down.

"What are you wearing?"

I pulled a thumb drive out of my bathrobe pocket.

"Trista, on this drive, I have a very interesting video. One I guarantee you don't want people to see. It's from a party. Stuff that happened after the word 'boo.'"

Everyone started to murmur. Trista's smug smile faded a moment, but she forced it back into place. "You don't have anything,," she spat. "You're lying just to get attention. That's all you want. You'll make up anything for it."

She sounded strong, but her eyes were frightened, and in them I could see her mind searching for a solution that would help her save face.

"The video is real," I said, "but you're right—I do want attention. At least I did. School sucks when you're invisible. You feel like you don't even exist. I always thought if someone like you noticed me, everything would change. And it did. When I started hanging out with you, the whole school knew who I was. It was amazing. It made me feel like I mattered. I loved it so much, I didn't even care that the person everyone knew wasn't me at all."

More people had pushed into the room, and the crowd was getting antsy.

"Hey," called a guy I'd last seen passed out on my father's floor. "When are you showing us the video?"

"I'm not," I said.

No one seemed to believe me. Some people laughed; others shouted, "Shut up!" "Come on!" "Just do it!" One of the Computer Dorks pushed to the front to offer his laptop, as if that's what was stopping me.

"No, I'm serious. I'm not."

"So why the hell are we all here?" another guy shouted.

"I don't know. I'm here to try to be me again. That's why I'm dressed this way. It's for the two people at this school who liked me for me. They saw a girl I can't even find anymore, but I know she's someone who won't hurt another person just because she can."

Silence. Then Ree-Ree called out, "Looo-serrr!"

The crowd seemed to agree with her. They groaned and groused and even cursed as they filed away. Several started singing Nate's "Succubus" song. Others made peeing noises.

Trista moved closer to me. She kept her voice low.

"No one believes you really have anything on that drive ... but you do."

I nodded.

"Why wouldn't you use it? I would."

"I know."

Trista looked at me like I was speaking another language she was struggling to understand. She gave up. "Suit yourself."

She walked to the other side of the room, where Brett was waiting. She folded herself into his arms for a long kiss, then the two walked out, arm-in-arm. The still-thick crowd streaming out parted to let them pass.

"You do know Princess Leia wore a white dress and not a furry white robe, right?"

I turned. Robert Schwarner was behind me.

"I didn't have a white dress. And I only changed my plan this morning, so I didn't have time to get one."

"Hmm."

"Come on, can't you be a little impressed? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get corkscrew curls into buns?"

"They're really supposed to be more braids."

"You know, you're awfully judgmental for a guy who runs around in a BeastSlayer cloak all the time."

"'I cannot teach him,'" Robert/Yoda said to no one in particular. "'The boy has no patience.'"

"That one doesn't work. I'm not a boy. And Yoda does teach Luke after he says that."

Robert sighed, shaking his head with the resignation of an old Jedi master who'd seen it all.

"Robert, I'm really sorry. I hate myself for the way I treated you ... enough to impale my skull with the better part of fifty bobby pins and a full can of hairspray to look as much like Princess Leia as possible—if Princess Leia had a penchant for fuzzy bathrobes."

"You know, there are places where you can get real Princess Leia costumes. I could take you."

"You sure you'd want to? It's not easy to be my friend right now. I'm a bit of a social liability."

"'Stay and help you I will,'" Robert Yoda'd.

The crowd had now cleared enough that we could leave The Heap. We walked the hall together in an easy silence.

"Hey, Robert," I said before I ducked into English class. "They're great movies. Not overrated at all."

"Apology accepted."

I walked to my island of a seat. For a second I thought I'd mess with people and sit someplace new, then watch everyone scatter. If I really didn't care what anyone thought, it would have been funny.

The minute class ended, I beelined for the door, pausing only slightly to set my Ping-Pong paddle in front of Archer. I didn't want to embarrass him by having an actual conversation with him, but it was a gift and I wanted him to have it. The paddle was brand-new, and on its handle I had written a short message in permanent ink: I hate horror movies.

I saw him frown as he read it, but I didn't let myself linger. I wanted to get through this day as soon as possible. The less time I spent at Chrysella the better ... plus I had plans.

It took a while after school to get everything ready, but I finally made it to Yardley. I rang the doorbell, then ducked behind the bushes. If Claudia was home, I knew she'd be the one to answer. Lenore had a phobia about people coming to the house unexpectedly.

Claude came out and saw my two baskets right away. The first held an assortment of fifteen adorable stuffed deer, all smiling up at her. The second basket held a colander with a big red bow on one of its handles. Inside it, I'd placed a huge pile of snickerdoodles. The top five cookies were each frosted with a single letter and together spelled the word "MERCY."

Claudia looked over the whole spread.

"First of all," she said as if I were right there in front of her, "it is patently unfair to engage the aid of the deer friends, who—judging by their happy little smiles—do not know all the details. Second, these do not look like Harriet Ralston snickerdoodles. Finally, the quotation is 'the quality of mercy is not strain'd.' So if you're looking for forgiveness, it would make far more sense to put a bow and cookies on the absence of a colander."

"Points duly noted," I said, still crouched in the bushes. "May I have a rebuttal?"

Claudia nodded.

"The deer friends wanted to come," I said, emerging from the bushes and joining her on the porch. "I told them it was a bad idea and might seem manipulative, but they didn't care. As for the snickerdoodles, they're store-bought, though I added the frosting letters myself. Mom and Karl aren't speaking to me, so I didn't think asking for cookies would go over well. As for the last one, I have no rebuttal ... except I'm not sure where on the absence of a colander the bow would stick."

"Points taken."

We just stood there a second. It was terrible. In nearly twelve years, Claudia and I had never had a major fight. Now I felt like there was this giant balloon of awfulness between us, and I had no idea how to pop it and go back to how things had been.

"I did choose them," I said. "It's the worst thing I've ever done in my life. I swear, I would do anything to take it back."

"You can't."

I didn't want to believe it, but I knew she was right.

Claudia sat on the step. "I wish I could take it back, too."

"You?"

"The Ladder was all my idea. I pushed you into it, even when you didn't want to. I felt like as long as we were working on it together, we'd stay connected and I wouldn't lose you."

"Claudia..."

I wanted to tell her she could never lose me, but I'd already proven that wasn't true. I shut my mouth.

"Then when the thing happened with Marsh, I got this idea that both our lives would be magically transformed," she said. "I wanted it so badly. I don't know ... maybe if I were you, I'd have done the same thing."

"You wouldn't have."

"Maybe not ... I don't know. But you wouldn't have done any of it without me. I've been your Lady Macbeth. You were fine with Thane of Glamis, but I pushed you to be king. It's only right I'd get a little blood on my hands."

"Settle for pink frosting?" I asked. I reached into the basket of snickerdoodles and handed her one. The balloon of awfulness was still there, but it was a tiny bit smaller. I didn't know if it would ever go away entirely.

As we sat and ate, I told Claudia everything that had happened since the party: the Facebook group, the video clips, and what I'd done that morning.

"Three hundred people think Cara Leonard is a Great Big Whore?" she asked.

"And growing. I'm quite the cultural phenomenon." Claudia picked up a second cookie and scraped off the icing with her teeth. "So you had the chance to become Supreme Populazzi, and you let it go."

"Yeah. You're not disappointed, are you?" "No."

"Swear on the Bell?"

"I do. I've actually been thinking about it a lot, and I realized something."

"What's that?"

"Thane of Glamis is a wicked awesome position."

"It is," I said, biting into another cookie. "Wicked awesome."