Chapter Twenty-Seven
An entire week went by without one single word from Justyn outside of when he spoke to her as Erik. Even then, his eyes seemed to glaze over, and she felt like he wasn’t really seeing her at all. She couldn’t believe how much she missed him. She had even resorted to changing her routes between classes so she might catch a glimpse of him. But he didn’t acknowledge her when she passed him in the hallway. She was invisible again—completely invisible.
Tom wasn’t talking to her either, outside of the very casual, or the very necessary. Rebecca sighed as she watched him sitting quietly across the lunchroom. He had gone back to his old table with the basketball team, but he didn’t join in with their conversation. He wasn’t touching the pizza on his tray either, and she doubted that it had anything to do with whether or not it was actually edible. She had seen him scarf down worse. But everything had changed since Jay had died. It was like a part of Tom had gone with him. He looked so sad and lost without his friend at his side. And she had gone and made things even worse for him—just one more thing for her to feel guilty about. She was going to have to start a running list so she didn’t lose track of all the reasons why she should hate herself.
“What are you moping about now?” Carmen asked.
Rebecca stirred around her chocolate pudding with her plastic spoon and sighed again, a little louder this time. “I’m moping because I’ve single handedly managed to alienate the only two guys who have ever given a crap about me in one fell swoop.”
Debbie put a consoling hand on her shoulder. “You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. None of this is your fault.”
Carmen snorted.
“I really can’t stand it.” Rebecca continued. “I just wish they would give me a chance to explain things. But neither one of them will even talk to me. I guess they must really hate me.”
“What do you expect, Becca?” Carmen huffed. Rebecca was taken aback by the harshness in her tone. She had expected some sympathy from her friends. “You dangled yourself in front of them like a glorified fishing hook, and once you had them caught in your snare, you left them flopping around on the shore until they withered. Then you tossed them back in the water like so much garbage. Of course they hate you! To be honest, I’m a little disgusted myself.”
Rebecca and Debbie were both equally amazed by Carmen’s outburst, though it was a lot harder for Rebecca to hear. She felt her lower lip start to tremble, and had to fight back the childish urge to burst into tears like a little girl.
She didn’t like it, but she had to admit that Carmen’s metaphor was surprisingly accurate. Rebecca had dangled herself in front of both Tom and Justyn, using her voice as bait. She had enjoyed having the attentions of not just one, but two handsome guys. Before she had become an overnight diva, she had never had the attention of anyone. Once she had a small taste of what popularity had to offer, she couldn’t get enough. She had secretly enjoyed watching the boys compete for her attention. And who didn’t like the thought of two guys fighting over them? Feelings had been trampled because of her vanity. It was no wonder they couldn’t stand the sight of her. She couldn’t stand the sight of herself.
“That was a little harsh, Carmen,” Debbie chastised. “Don’t you think Becca’s been through enough without you coming down on her, too?”
“Oh, sorry,” Carmen said sarcastically. Her voice went up almost a whole octave. “I keep forgetting this is all about poor Becca. Who cares that Jay is dead. Who cares that Tom is devastated about losing his best friend and his girlfriend. Who cares that Justyn is most likely guilty of murder in the first degree. Let’s forget about all that. Let’s all just sit around and feel sorry for poor Becca because she’s been through so much.”
Carmen’s face was beat red with fury, her dark brown eyes flashing dangerously. Rebecca flinched with every word that she spat in her direction. Each one was like a physical blow. It wasn’t the first time Rebecca had seen her friend that furious. Carmen had a bad temper. It often got the better of her, and had ended in more than one suspension over the years. It was the first time that Rebecca had seen that temper turned on her.
“Carmen.” Rebecca pleaded. “What did I do to make you so angry?”
“Nothing, Becca. Nothing—except you took away the only guy I ever really wanted.”
Rebecca blanched. She had never expected to hear that. She had never thought that Carmen really liked Tom. Sure, they had both spent many a slumber party imagining him escorting them to the prom. Rebecca hadn’t realized Carmen cared about him more deeply than the typical popular guy infatuation. As usual, she was too wrapped up in herself to see what was going on around her.
“If you were interested in Tom, you should have told me!” Rebecca exclaimed. “I would never have stood in your way!”
“It’s not even like that,” Carmen shouted. The cafeteria was pretty noisy, but a few people still turned around to stare at them. “I was happy for you at first. I wasn’t jealous because I really believed a sweet girl like you would make Tom happier than a pushy big mouth like me. I thought you’d make a great couple. And what more could I want for my best friend than for her to have the perfect guy? But then that vampire freak comes along . . . .”
“He’s not a freak.” Rebecca interrupted. “You don’t know anything about Justyn.”
Who was Carmen to judge her? She flitted from one guy to another every week, and never worried about their feelings. And why did she constantly have to put Justyn down? Even if it was too late for it to make a difference, Rebecca thought she needed to make things up to him by defending him as much as possible, the way she should have all along.
“That’s good, Becca.” Carmen was about ready to explode. Maybe Rebecca should have just kept her mouth shut and let her vent. She could see the veins throbbing in her forehead. It wasn’t a good sign. “Keep defending the serial killer. At this rate, you’ll probably be the only two left to walk down the aisle at graduation.”
“Don’t you think you’re being a little melodramatic?” Debbie asked her. “Come on, guys. We’re friends. Sure, the past few weeks have been rough, but we can get through this if we stick together.”
Poor Debbie. Always trying to keep the peace in a war zone. Always getting caught in the crossfire.
“You know what, Deb, if you want to stick with this two-faced backstabber, then that’s fine,” Carmen declared with a flip of her black hair. “But as for me, I’ve had it with her. This friendship is over.”
With that, Carmen picked up her tray and tossed her uneaten lunch into the nearest trashcan. Rebecca watched her storm through the cafeteria doors with a heavy heart. Her senior year wasn’t going at all the way she had planned. First, she lost her would-be boyfriend. Now her best friend was walking out on her, too. Had she really turned into a miserable, prissy diva, just like Carlotta? Had her stardom, however trivial, gone to her head? She must be doing something horribly wrong when everyone she cared about was turning their backs on her. Well, almost everyone.
“Don’t worry about, Carmen.” Debbie consoled. “You know what a hot head she can be. She’ll calm down. She didn’t really mean the things she said.”
Rebecca gave her a half-hearted smile for the effort. “We both know Carmen doesn’t say things she doesn’t mean.”
“You haven’t done anything wrong, Becca.”
“That’s not true, Deb. I’ve done everything wrong.” She sighed. “But I’m going to find some way to make it all right again.”