Chapter 30
"What do you think, the blue one or the green one?" she asked, holding up of the pretty tops that she'd bought a few months back, but hadn't had the chance or reason to wear.
Until now.
She couldn't believe she was going on a date with Trevor. Although she was nervous about what people would say after their one and only date, especially when she started to show, right now she really couldn't care less. She knew people were going to talk after the babies were born and a lot of them were going to make issue out of the fact that Trevor was the father and because of that they'd probably always think the babies were either conceived out of pity or a night of drunken stupidity.
If worse came to worse she would move out of town where she could keep her children away from the majority of the gossip. There would always be talk, but as long as her children knew they were loved she could deal with all the nonsense. There was plenty of time later to deal with the drama. Right now she was going to enjoy her night with Trevor.
"Well?" she asked, holding the blouses up higher, but the two dogs lounging on Trevor's bed weren't exactly helpful as they took turns licking Mr. Cuddles' face. "I guess I'll go with the green one," she decided. They matched Trevor's eyes, but she didn't say that out loud mostly because she didn't know where Trevor was exactly and didn't want to take the chance of coming off as even more pathetic.
It was bad enough that he knew she was in love with him. He didn't need to know that she was also kind of pathetic. Even though she had no plans of accepting his ludicrous proposal, she fully planned on enjoying this night with him.
Tonight he was hers and not just when they were alone. Tonight she was going to know how it felt to have every woman wish that they were her because she was with Trevor. For once people weren't going to assume that she was his frumpy little sister, because tonight she didn't have to hide her feelings for him.
Even though she had absolutely no doubt that he cared for her she really didn't think he loved her. How could he? She wasn't beautiful or special in any way, besides if he loved her he would have shown her long before he found out that she was pregnant. It was kind of nice that he was willing to lie to her to make her feel better and for tonight, just tonight, she was going to pretend that he really did love her and enjoy her one special night with him. When the kids asked about their relationship she could honestly tell them after tonight that they'd dated and it just hadn't worked out.
Tomorrow she would find a new place, a smaller place that she'd be able to afford with her savings for the few months that she wouldn't be able to work. She didn't have to ask to know that Trevor would help her financially, at least where the kids were concerned. It was more than her mother ever had so at least she wouldn't ever have to worry that she wouldn't be able to support her kids, because Trevor wasn't the kind of guy to skip town just to get out of child support like her own father had.
If worse came to worse she could always ask Trevor to rent her one of his apartments. It wouldn't be an ideal situation, especially once he got married, but if she had no choice she'd suck it up for her kids. This really wasn't the way she wanted to start a family, but none of that mattered now. What was done was done.
Tonight was her one special night with Trevor and she was going to enjoy it, she decided as she pulled on her green blouse and fixed her hair. Everything was going to be perfect.
A small knock at her door caught her attention. She gave her hair another look and decided there just wasn't any way to hide the small white bandage of her forehead. Taking a deep breath she shoved away her disappointment that she wasn't more of a girly girl and opened her bedroom door and forgot how to breathe as she came face to face with a bouquet of baby pink roses held by one of the best looking men she'd ever seen and tonight he was all hers.
Tonight was going to be perfect.
*********
"This is my date," Trevor bit out tightly, gesturing towards her and looking more irritated than he had a minute ago when the hot brunette came sauntering over to their table and started flirting outrageously with him.
So much for her one perfect night, she thought with a small sigh as she picked up her apple juice and took a sip and looked around for their waitress. When she spotted her across the room, Zoe gestured for the woman, deciding that she'd waited long enough to place their order. Since they walked into Joe's Tavern forty-five minutes ago they hadn't been able to say more than two words to each other because of the constant flow of either women coming over to flirt with him or guys from work coming over to chat with him.
If they saw her sitting at the small round table with Trevor they didn't show it. While most of them smoothly stepped in front of Trevor to block her out, a few guys had invited him to join them at their tables with the rest of the guys and one woman had actually asked Zoe for her seat so she could sit next to Trevor. When Trevor explained that he was with someone, a.k.a. her, a few had looked a little stunned, one guy had laughed like it a was a joke until he caught sight of Trevor's glare and sadly more than a few women had told Trevor how sweet it was to see a man spend time with his sister and left their numbers on the table for him.
"Oh, really?" the woman asked, looking her over and frowning down at her before she clearly dismissed her and went back to flirting with Trevor.
Oh, well, she thought as she gave the woman and Trevor her back and placed her order with the waitress. Trevor tried to get the waitress' attention, but the bombshell next to him wasn't giving up so easily so Zoe just went ahead and ordered him the "All you can eat chicken wing" platter.
"I'm sorry. I can't serve him that item," the waitress said, only somewhat surprising her since she had a pretty good idea why.
"Why not?" she found herself asking anyway out of curiosity to see if she was right and to have something to do to kill some time since it appeared that Trevor was busy trying to get the woman to leave.
"Because he's a Bradford," the woman explained with a shrug.
"Okay, can you bring him two cheeseburger platters then?" she asked, knowing if she didn't there was a good chance that he'd steal her food and for the first time in weeks she was ravenousness and wasn't about to share her food.
"Sure, it will be about a half hour," the waitress said, taking their menus.
A half hour? She was starving. She was pregnant with Bradford twins for god sake's and she was very much afraid that for the next seven months she'd be in a state of constant hunger as she tried uselessly to satisfy the Bradford appetite.
She really wasn't sure how she was going to survive this pregnancy or more importantly survive another thirty minutes without food. That nausea pill had done wonders for her body and she wanted, no needed, food or she was pretty sure she would die.
"If I order an appetizer is there any chance I can get it quickly? I'm two and a half months pregnant with a Bradford," she said, not mentioning it was twins because the thought was actually starting to scare her and she hadn't told Trevor yet and didn't want him finding out this way. She just hoped the woman understood because she was close to crying. Judging by the slightly startled look on the woman's face she did.
The waitress shook her head. "No, you're right. You probably won't be able to survive the wait," she said, sending Trevor, who was still trying to get the woman to leave, a glare. "I'll bring you out a bowl of clam chowder followed by chicken fingers, they'll only take a few minutes to prepare. Will that work?"
Zoe nodded solemnly. "You are my hero."
"I'll put a rush on your food," the waitress said before walking away.
"Bless you," Zoe said, fighting the urge to kiss the woman. She was starving. She really couldn't remember ever being this hungry before. Was this how it felt to be a Bradford? she idly wondered as the woman who'd been flirting with Trevor stormed off in a huff.
"I'm really sorry about that," Trevor said, sighing as he rubbed the back of his neck, looking frustrated.
"It's fine," she said, shrugging it off.
There really wasn't anything he could do about it. As much as she would have liked one perfect night with him she wasn't too angry. It was probably for the best that they didn't have a perfect night together so that she didn't have something truly wonderful to reminisce over and have "what if?" thoughts about later.
"No, it's not. This is our first date," he said, reaching over and took her hand into his. She tried to pull her hand away, but he wasn't having that. Holding on to her hand tightly, but not enough to hurt, he shifted his chair closer to her.
"Maybe we should just focus on having a nice time out as friends instead of trying for the impossible," she said, trying to pull her hand away only to find herself tugged forward and her mouth covered.
He brushed his lips over hers several times before pulling back just far enough so that he could look into her eyes as he spoke. "This is a date, Zoe. Don't try to downplay what we've got going on just because you're afraid to see where this is headed," he said softly.
"I'm not afraid?" she said, immediately wishing she'd kept her big mouth shut. Seriously, when was she going to lose that irritating habit of not being able to lie? It would come in handy in moments like this or when she was trying to get out of jury duty.
"If it makes you feel better," he said, pausing to press a quick kiss against her lips that left her wanting more, "I'm just as scared as you are, but you need to remember one thing."
"What's that?" she whispered, feeling nervous by the intensity of his gaze, the way he was looking at her as if she made him happy....whole.
"I'm not going anywhere. We'll take this one day at a time, but we are going to give this a chance, Zoe."
"We are?" she asked breathlessly, feeling herself soften as she leaned forward to meet his lips. Maybe they could give this a try, she thought just as someone yelled his name. Sighing heavily, they both leaned back and Trevor gave the man, whom she'd like to point out looked stunned when he spotted her, a quick wave.
"Zoe,-" Trevor started only to be cut off by the waitress as she placed the largest bowl of clam chowder Zoe had ever seen in front of her with an equally large plate of chicken tenders.
"I took the liberty of doubling your order," she said, giving Trevor a pointed look.
"Thank you," he murmured, gesturing for Zoe to eat.
"Thank you. It looks really great," Zoe said just as the waitress started to walk away, barely able to take her eyes away from the food as her stomach growled viciously, startling the hell out of her.
Trevor simply chuckled as he handed her a large spoon. "Don't worry about it, sweetheart. From what I heard, Haley out ate Jason while she was pregnant."
"Please tell me you're kidding me," she said, truly horrified at the prospect of eating as much as Jason and that was only for one baby. Really, how much would she need for twins?
"I'm afraid not," he said, gesturing once again for her to eat.
She eyed him for a moment, giving her food a chance to cool and trying to figure out a way to make sense of everything. One thing she couldn't wrap her mind around was the way he was taking everything. It was a little unnerving actually to have Trevor suddenly declare that he wanted a future with her. She knew it was because of the babies, but he didn't know that and one day he would and she didn't want to be the one to pay when that day came.
"Why aren't you freaking out about this?" she asked, too curious to put it off for another moment. She ate some of her soup and nearly moaned with pleasure. It was so good and apparently her stomach agreed because it didn't threaten to make her run the hundred yard dash across the restaurant to get to the bathroom.
"I sort of did freak out when I found out," he admitted sheepishly, gesturing for her to continue to eat when she stopped to frown at him.
"What happened?" she asked, wishing she'd been there when he found out. Actually, she wished he'd been there to hold her hand when the doctor came back to tell her the news or when they rolled in the sonogram and checked to see how far along she was.
Almost three months along.
She'd been shocked when they told her and hyperventilating when they mentioned twins. After they left the room she lay in the semi-dark room and tried to wrap her mind around everything. By the time they came to give her something for the pain and announced that they were releasing her she was both nervous and excited about the future, but she'd also been a little frightened that Trevor wouldn't take it well and apparently he hadn't.
"It was a bit of a shock," he admitted. "When you didn't have your, um," he cleared his throat, looking adorably embarrassed, "your um....," he trailed off, looking at a loss for words.
"Friend?" she suggested, biting back a smile at the relieved look on his face. When her period didn't show up the first time she hadn't been all that nervous since her periods had become extremely irregular with her diet and they were using protection. It was also one of the things that scared her enough to get off the insane diet she was on because she was afraid of the damage it was causing her body, but now she knew she wasn't giving her babies enough food and she felt like crying.
"Yes, I thought you were on birth control," he admitted, shaking his head ruefully. "I really was an idiot to assume anything. I should have asked, but I was so damn excited to be with you that I have to admit that I really didn't use my head a lot," he said softly, reaching out to take her free hand. "I'm sorry that I messed this up, Zoe, but you need to know that I will never-"
"About time you dropped by," Hank, she thought his name was, said as he slapped a hand on the back of Trevor's shoulder, cutting off whatever pointless promise Trevor was about to make. Even though she loved him, he didn't love her and she couldn't allow him to settle for her when she knew he would never be happy.
"I'm in the middle of something here," Trevor bit out, gesturing to Zoe.
Hank? sent her a questioning look, but quickly shrugged it off, probably not giving her a second thought as he turned his attention back to Trevor. "I was asked by that group of lovely women," he said, gesturing to a group of three women, who took that as their cue to send Trevor little flirtatious smiles and waves, "to see if you would like to join us for a drink."
"I just told you that I'm in the middle of something here," he said, jaw clenching as he once again gestured her way.
"It's fine," she said, knowing there really was no point in prolonging the evening. Any delusions she'd once had about having any type of relationship had been effectively squashed. She'd rather just sit here alone and enjoy this tasty meal before she went home to her semi-empty apartment. After nearly five months of dieting she was going to indulge tonight. Hell, she might even get dessert.
With ice cream.
Yes, she realized she was spiraling into binge eating and was probably on the verge of a major depression, but thankfully this time she had two Bradfords to help her out with the excess calories and hopefully by the time they were born she'd be over Trevor.
Okay, that wasn't very likely to happen, but at least by then she wouldn't be able to afford food for herself since she had two Bradfords to feed. It would be fine, because she'd be so busy trying to take care of her babies to think about Trevor.
She'd be fine.
Really.
Now if she could only believe that everything would be okay.