“How?! Whose?!” screamed Dave.
“Long term!” screamed Josh. “Look! We need a consistent message. And the message is that we got wasted last night!”
“Then what fucking leg do we have to stand on?”
“We’ll have to adjust the speeches,” said Josh. “Like we all have a problem, but he has the biggest.”
“What?!”
“Adjust the speeches!”
Dave popped a pill from a prescription bottle.
“The fuck is that?”
“Not Tylenol, don’t fucking worry!”
“I’ll be right back,” I said. “Right back!”
“Wait! What’s the opening statement? Who speaks first?”
“What did we decide?”
“We didn’t decide.”
“Decide!”
I ran out the door to the elevator and headed straight to the lobby, stopping only to accidentally get out of the elevator every time it opened for someone else, which was four times. In the lobby I tried to figure out which direction the gift shop would be in. Everything was a clinking, garish red maze, especially in the state I was in now. The casino looked like a straight person’s attempt to replicate what he thought a gay kid he bullied in high school would have designed. I hated Las Vegas. Why hadn’t I pushed harder to do this on Dave’s birthday? I picked a direction at random and started running as fast as I could, which was not fast at all, in this state. A hand blocked me by the shoulder and knocked me down.
“Where you going, asshole?”
It was Willie. He was dressed in a sharp blue suit, newly pressed, over a crisp white shirt, a garment bag over his shoulder. His shoes were white buckskin, or something along those lines—whatever it was, it looked polished and rare. I was in puffy yellow-and-gray New Balance sneakers that I had promised Sarah I would only wear in the gym but somehow still found myself wearing all the time.
I was embarrassed to be in the same casino as a guy who looked as good as Willie did.
“Hey! Willie!”
He put his hands on my shoulders and took a moment to really take me in.
“You look like shit, my friend.”
“I’m okay.”
He draped his arm firmly across my shoulders. “Come with me. We need to catch up first. Just you and me.”
He walked me up to the bar in the center of the casino and ordered four tequila shots.
I said I was too hungover from earlier in the day.
“Don’t make me drink all four of these,” he said.
I did what seemed like the less irresponsible action and picked up the tequila shot.
“To health, wealth, and the beauty of our children.”
“To health, wealth, and the beauty of our children.”
I downed the shot and immediately felt better.
So that’s how that worked.
“If you ran for president,” said Willie, “and I knew you’d be a terrible president, and you were running against the best president ever—a pro-legalization, pro-gay-rights Reagan—I would vote for you. You know why? Because you support your people. You just do. That’s more important than having a good president—having a country where everyone is going to stand by their people, just because they do. Do you know what I mean?”
Two more tequila shots arrived. I dutifully took one and swallowed it. “I’m good for now,” said Willie to the bartender.
He turned back to me. “You made a mistake with Sarah. There are no two sides. There is no justification for something like that.” I know, I said. “And the fact that we all make mistakes—all of us—doesn’t make this one okay.” I know, I said. He pushed the other tequila shot in front of me. “Here,” he said. That’s okay, I’m good, I said.
“No, you really need to drink this,” he said. “I need you to drink this before I tell you this.”
Willie stared right at me.
I felt sick again. I stared at the drink in front of me.
“Hey. Look at me.”
I stared at Willie’s forehead.
“I can’t let you make a decision without knowing everything. I can’t have you thinking everyone’s perfect but you. Hey. Look at me.”
When I looked him in the eyes, he stared back for a while and either saw something he was looking for or didn’t.
“I love you guys. I really do,” he finally said. “It’s been a really hard first year out. I know it’s all going to be worth it, but it’s been hard. I know it seems like maybe I have it all together, like I’ve got it all perfectly figured out, and it’s just guys like Dave who are kind of a mess.”
We both laughed.
“But yeah, it’s hard for me, too. For all of us. The best thing ever is being here with everybody. We really have to do this more often.”
“To health, wealth, and the beauty of our children.”
“To health, wealth, and the beauty of our children.”
He bumped his forehead into mine, hard. When his head hit my head, I noticed that my headache had gone away completely.
“Now where the fuck is everybody?!”
As soon as the room key beeped, Josh started shouting from inside the room.