Chapter 25
Claire
I was breaking up with Jonathan. Today.
I couldn’t take this shit anymore. It was way too much and I was tired of crying about it alone. I needed to end this affair for my own sanity—for my health. I knew that he and I were bound to break up down the line anyway, so as amazing as our relationship had been, it was time to cut him off.
He had no idea what I’d been going through over the past few weeks, and I wasn’t going to tell him. He’d put the pieces together with time, and by then he’d have hopefully found someone who was a much better match.
I’d been contemplating this for a while, but once I cried myself to sleep last night while lying in his arms, I knew that letting him go was what I needed to do.
I didn’t eat lunch with him this afternoon, and I answered all of his sweet random texts with a
“We’re still really busy down here, but I promise I’ll come see you later.” I didn’t bother opening any of the notes on his latest flower and chocolate deliveries either; I didn’t want to back out of this.
I waited until the end of the workday, rehearsing my speech over and over, bracing myself for his reaction. As soon as my clock struck six and the “Goodbye Jonathan” alarm on my cell phone sounded, I took the elevator up to his office.
“Good afternoon.” I stopped at his secretary’s desk and cleared my throat. “Is Mr. Statham available right now?”
“Miss Gracen,” she said, smiling, “you know as well as I do that he’s always available for you.” My heart sank. “I know, but is he busy with another client? I don’t want to interrupt anything important...”
“Oh, no. Not at all. His last appointment ended over an hour ago.” She picked up her phone. “Mr.
Statham? Miss Gracen is here to see you.” She motioned for me to head inside.
I exhaled and shut my eyes before twisting the doorknob. Stay focused and make it quick... Don’t make a scene and don’t cry. Whatever you do, don’t cry...
The moment I stepped inside, he swept me into his arms and kissed me. “You’re the best part of my day.” He carried me over to his desk and set me down. “Are you alright? You look sick...” I think we need to break up. I think we need to break up. Say it! “I’m fine.”
“Hmmm.” He walked over to his cabinet and grabbed a bottle of water. He handed it to me and put his hand on my forehead like he was checking for a fever. “You sure you’re okay?” I nodded.
He reached into his jacket and pulled out a rectangular jewelry box. “I meant to give it to you yesterday, but the board meeting lasted forever and I forgot all about it. I want you to open it with me later.”
“I can’t accept this...”
He rolled his eyes and placed it into my purse. He moved behind his desk and started packing his briefcase. “Are we still on for dinner tonight? Ashley and Caroline mentioned wanting to make apple pie together so—”
“I think we should break up.”
His head shot up. “What?”
I felt a lump rising up my throat and forced it back down. “I don’t want to be with you anymore...” I swallowed and tried to keep my tears at bay.
I thought he was going to say something—anything, but there was only silence. Deafening silence.
He narrowed his eyes and strolled over to me, making me step back against a wall. “Is this some type of joke?” He hissed. “Because it better be...”
“It’s not a joke.” My voice was a whisper. “I can’t do this to myself anymore...”
“What? Where the f*ck is this coming from?”
I ignored his question. I started reciting the speech I’d written earlier. “I think it’s best if you and I go our separate ways, Jonathan. I know it may be hard for you to understand why right now, but we weren’t going to make it too much longer anyway. I’m grateful for everything you’ve—”
“Stop talking.” He pressed his chest against mine and looked directly into my eyes, forcing my body to react against my will. “You’re not making any sense and you know it...” He placed a firm hand at the small of my back and used his other hand to run his fingers through my hair. He whispered, “You’re just having a rough day...Let me fix it.” I almost leaned in and kissed him, almost gave in to the warmth that was coursing through my veins, but I jerked my head to the side and pushed him away.
He stared at me for a long time—half confused, half aroused, and I knew I was going to have to go with the worst possible approach if I really wanted to end this.
“Claire...” He sighed. “I’m not sure what happened to you today, but you seem out of it. Whatever it is, let me know so I can make it better...Go sit on the couch so we can—”
“I. Don’t. Want. You. Anymore. What part of that don’t you understand, Jonathan? How many times do you need me to repeat it?”
His eyes darkened and he took a step forward. “Is this your attempt to initiate angry sex? Because I’m seconds away from f*cking some sense into you.”
“It’s. Over.” I felt my heart breaking, but I kept going. “You and I don’t belong together and I’m tired of pretending like we do. As much as I’d love to continue this f*cking fantasy, I need to get back to reality. And my reality doesn’t include you. The past months were fun, but I’m done with this and I’m done with you.” I made a beeline for the door and twisted the doorknob, but he grabbed me by my shoulders and spun me around.
His eyes were blazing with fury, but he kept his voice soft. “I’m going to give you one more chance to tell me where the f*ck this is coming from.”
“I just told you where...”
“Bullshit, Claire. We were in bed twelve hours ago and you weren’t raving like a damn lunatic then. I want the truth.” He paused, and then he lowered his voice. “Just tell me what’s going on...Have you met someone else?”
“What? No. I—”
“Then what’s the problem? And what makes you think I’m going to just let you go? You think you’re going to walk out that door and I’m not going to follow you?”
“Jonathan, please lis—”
“You won’t make it down the hall.”
I knew I wasn’t making any sense, but I had to do this in any way that I could. “What we have is impossible...I think you’ve known that from the beginning because—”
“No. I haven’t. I—”
“Let me finish...” I felt him clasping my hands in his and I almost broke down. “As crazy as this may sound, the feelings I have for you are feelings that I’ve never felt for anyone else—not even my ex-husband...” I jerked my head away as he leaned in to kiss me. “But I recently realized that...It’s hard for me to explain but—”
“Try me.”
My voice cracked. “I knew from the moment that I started dating you that this was going to end very badly for me.”
“It doesn’t have to end at all.”
“It doesn’t have to continue either. I don’t want to—”
He forced his lips onto mine and kissed me until I couldn’t breathe, murmuring against my mouth.
“I love you, Claire...And I need you...Stop acting like this...” I broke away, panting, making him look more confused than ever.
“This is only the second serious relationship I’ve been in throughout my entire life and I think that’s part of the problem...When I was married to Ryan, he used to—”
“Your ex-husband is an a*shole who never f*cking deserved you.” His face turned red. “Don’t you dare compare me to him.”
“My point was that—”
“That you don’t want to be happy.” He dropped my hands. “That me loving you doesn’t matter because you don’t love me. And I was okay with that, because I could wait. Because I know you’re stubborn and everything in your world is black or white, right or wrong, appropriate or inappropriate.
Fine. I get that. But you must not have been paying attention to how things operate in my world, because you’re out of your damn mind if you think that weak ass excuse you just gave me justifies a break up.”
He brushed a hand against my cheek and softened his tone. “I’ll be at your house at seven tonight.
After dinner, you and I can have a real discussion about what’s been going on with you. Whatever it is, we can—”
“I thought you said you’d do anything to make me happy.”
“I did. And I meant that.” He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me. “Whatever you want me to—”
“Let me go. And don’t follow me.”
He sucked in a breath and clenched his jaw. “No.”
“That’s what I want...” I murmured, not sure if he’d even heard me.
“If you had any idea what I felt for you... If you could feel exactly how much you mean to me...” He paused and I saw the veins in his neck begin to swell. “You wouldn’t dare ask me to do that...” I stared at him for several seconds, wanting to say “You’re right...Let’s just forget this ever happened and make love to each other,” but I couldn’t do it.
“You letting me go and leaving me alone would make me happy.” I rushed the words out of mouth, trying not to notice the pained expression on his face. My bottom lip was quivering, and even though I’d been trying my hardest to hold back tears, I felt a few of them slipping down my cheeks.
“Is that what you really want?” His heartbroken eyes stared into mine and his voice sounded hoarse. “For us to be over? Just like that?”
“Yes.”
He sucked in a deep breath and exhaled. For the first time since I’d known him, he didn’t look like he was calm and in control; he looked completely powerless.
He reached around me and twisted the doorknob, slowly pulling the door open, looking at me like I’d just crushed his soul. “Bye.”
“I’m so sorry, Jonathan...I just think that—”
“Bye.”
I swallowed. I turned away from him and rushed down the hall, onto an open elevator. I pressed
“lobby” and prayed that the doors would shut as soon as possible, that he wouldn’t follow me and squeeze in at the last moment.
He didn’t.
I was free.