Chapter 31
Here, drink this.”
Jacob slid a Styrofoam cup into Lilly’s hands and watched until she took a sip of the hot chocolate. They were in the Lockport Hospital’s ICU waiting room and had been there for an incredibly long two hours without news.
Grant Williams paced the hall, obviously not wanting to disturb them, and Jacob was grateful for his consideration.
Lilly sat still and straight, her slender hands still holding her mother’s nightgown. He tried to hug her, but she wouldn’t relax, so he just sat beside her. They were alone in the room, and he prayed the passing time would not bring bad news. Grant had mentioned something about possible organ damage.
“She must have been walking in her sleep,” Lilly said.
“What?” It was the first full sentence she’d said in an hour, and he stared into her blue eyes, huge in her white face.
She looked at him and spoke matter-of-factly. “My mamm … somehow she must have been walking in her sleep.”
He took a deep breath, then turned away from her for a moment, slowly shaking his head. “No, Lilly.”
“What do you mean, no?” she snapped.
He looked back at her and watched as her cheeks filled with angry color.
“Lilly … I don’t think this was an accident.”
“Of course it was.” Her bottom lip quivered. “Of course it was.”
He felt his eyes well with tears and reached to draw her close. She yanked herself away from him. “Don’t touch me.”
He let her be, just once brushing her hand. He waited.
She drew a shuddering breath. “Her gown … it’s a summer one.”
“I know.”
“It’s just so silly … her choosing a summer gown on Christmas day …” Her voice broke and she curled into herself, drawing her knees up and rocking slightly.
He moved to gather her to him, and this time she collapsed against his chest. He ached to absorb her pain, to take it from her somehow.
“Lilly, it’s going to be all right.”
She pulled back to stare up at him. “How could she do that? How could she … I should have known. I thought something was wrong earlier … I might have stopped her.”
“Nee, this has nothing to do with you.”
“She seemed so happy—”
She broke off when a man cleared his throat.
“Mr. and Mrs. Wyse … I’m Doctor Parker.”
Jacob rose to shake the Englisch man’s hand while Lilly visibly composed herself and straightened upright on the couch.
“Would you mind if I pull up a chair?”
Jacob grabbed a plastic-backed chair. “Here, doctor. Please sit down.”
“Thank you.”
Jacob sat back down and caught Lilly’s hand in his own.
“Mrs. Lapp is going to be fine … physically,” Dr. Parker began.
Lilly stiffened next to him, then spoke.
“Physically, doctor?”
“Yes, her vital signs are good. There is no organ damage that we can find. She’s come around a bit. We’ll have to watch her, of course, but, as I said, I believe her to be out of danger at the present.”
“That’s good news, Doctor,” Jacob said, waiting for the rest as he studied the concern in the other man’s eyes.
“Do either of you happen to know why she was outside? Dr. Williams said she was wearing a summer gown.” He glanced at the fabric Lilly clutched in her lap.
Jacob squared his shoulders. “We understand that this was not a mistake.”
“I don’t understand,” Lilly said firmly. “She was gut today … eating well, talking …”
Dr. Parker nodded. “Yes, unfortunately that is sometimes the case when someone has made the decision and come up with a plan. They almost feel relieved, released somehow that their pain will soon be over.”
“My mother had no plan. We’d just entertained visitors.”
“Mrs. Wyse, how long has your mother been depressed?”
“She … she’s not been the same since my father died. That was two years ago.”
“I see.”
Jacob exhaled. “Doctor … we … we just thought that she was changed by her husband’s death. Feeling poorly, you might say. Is there … is there something else we might have done, that we could do to help her?”
Dr. Parker spoke gently. “Please, don’t blame yourselves. I’ve lived in this area for nearly twenty years and I have a great deal of respect for your people and your ways. Because of who you are and how you live, clinical depression doesn’t typically occur in your community at the rate that it does in the outside world. But it does occur, and it’s a very real illness. Yet it’s one that responds well to medicine and to proper counsel.”
“To medicine?” Lilly asked. “I … I don’t know …”
“Mrs. Wyse, please don’t be afraid of the medications. They are very effective and can make all the difference in someone’s life—sometimes the difference between wanting to live and wanting to die. And, in addition to that, medicine can help improve a person’s quality of living, their daily life.”
“I see.”
Jacob felt her turn to him and he looked down into her tearstained face. “Lilly, we’ve got to try and help her. Derr Herr gives a doctor wisdom and medicines that work. Should we turn our backs on that blessing?”
She shook her head and then faced the doctor. “Please do whatever you can … I … I want my mother to have a better life.”
Dr. Parker smiled. “We’ll keep her here in the hospital for a time. Our fourth floor houses an inpatient mental health care unit. She’ll stay for two weeks so that we can stabilize her medication and provide her with therapy before you take her home. I appreciate your support, Mrs. Wyse, Mr. Wyse.” He shook their hands and then walked from the room. He paused briefly to talk with Grant, then continued down the hall.
Lilly sighed aloud and her voice quivered. “I pray this is right, Jacob.”
“It is, Lilly. You will see.”