Chapter 18
D o you want some help?”
Jacob looked up as Seth lounged in the doorway, his casual pose not matching the emotion in his voice. They hadn’t spoken since the schoolhouse.
“I’ve got little to pack.”
Seth sighed.
Jacob folded a blue shirt, then glanced again at his bruder. They’d never been separated before, not for any length of time. He realized it would be strange and sad to not have his best friend right across the hall, but then, marriage was supposed to be a chance for a new best friend.
“I’ll miss you,” Jacob admitted.
“Jah, but we always knew it had to come to this—marriage, I mean. I just didn’t expect you to move away, but I know Mrs. Lapp needs you both.”
“You’ll marry as well one day soon.”
Seth frowned. “Who? Which reminds me—I’ve heard it nosed about that I’m a ‘tortured soul’ of sorts, just looking for a fraa.”
“Sorry.”
“Somehow I don’t think so.”
“No, I’m not.”
They grinned at each other, then Seth’s face took on a more serious expression. “This thing you’re doing tomorrow, the wedding. Lilly seems like the kind of person who expects forever to be a given in a relationship.”
Jacob straightened his spine.
“And I don’t?”
“It’s not that. I just—well, things happen in life. People die. Suppose Sarah was left alone. Then what?”
It was as if Seth had seen into Jacob’s mind and heart the past few weeks. He shivered—if he knew for certain …
He shook his head as if that would clear his mind, wiping it free of impossible possibilities.
This time Seth misread him. “It could happen.”
“Of course it could!” Jacob’s anger at Seth, at Grant, at Sarah for loving Grant—but especially at himself—poured out through his words and into his clenching fists.
“Then why drag Lilly into this … this—”
“This what?” Jacob demanded, pretending he didn’t know what his brother wanted to say.
“This ugly thing you’re daring to call a marriage. This thing that uses Lilly. For what? For your own selfishness?”
Jacob turned away so that Seth wouldn’t see his face blazing with shame.
“That girl deserves more than that.”
Jacob’s breath came fast and hard. Seconds of charged silence ticked by.
Then Seth spoke. “You still haven’t answered my question.”
Jacob turned back to him. “Fine. If Sarah were alone, she’d stay alone—at least as far as I’m concerned as a married man.”
Seth looked doubtful. “So you’d want to be with Sarah if she were left alone and you weren’t yet married?”
Jacob took a step round the bed.
“All right, Seth. What do you want? Do you need me to say that I still love Sarah? I do. Do you want me to tell you that I’m going to put everything I’ve got into this marriage? Jah, I am. Is that good enough for you?”
“Maybe it’s not good enough for Lilly.”
Jacob was in front of him in seconds, his voice tight. “Do you think I don’t know that? Do you think it doesn’t matter to me that I can’t get over Sarah? That I can’t give Lilly everything?” His daily rationalization surfaced. “But she knows what she’s getting.”
“Does she? Really?”
“She’s willing to build with what there is, what there can be. That takes guts. I respect her for it. The rest will have to come.”
“And if it never does?”
Jacob narrowed his eyes, studying his brother. “Why all this worry about Lilly?”
“She’s going to be my sister-in-law, part of the family.”
“I know you, Seth. There’s something else. You wanted to knock me one at the school. Why?” Jacob’s head swam as a sudden realization crashed over him. “You care for her, don’t you?”
Seth’s eyes glowed like blue flame. “Of course I care for … my brother’s bride.”
“You do. That’s what this is about.”
“You’re narrish, Jacob. I want you to treat her right, that’s all. To realize that what a woman needs is passion as well as kindness. She needs a whole, devoted heart.”
“I will give her my whole, devoted heart. That’s what the marriage ceremony begins.”
Seth blew a breath out in disgust. “If you think you can fool her—why, you can’t even fool yourself. You can’t go through the motions of being a husband when it’s another man’s wife that you want.”
“Your concern is admirable,” Jacob bit out, not knowing how to respond to the conviction of the provoking words.
“Somebody’s got to keep up the idea of honor around here.”
Even those who hadn’t been invited showed up to help Lilly the day before the wedding. She was pleasantly surprised at the number of women who gathered to help cook and clean. Lilly’s mamm had tried to join the bustle of activity but had soon wearied. Lilly found her crying in the pantry of the kitchen.
“Mamm, what is it?”
“It’s just—I know I should be helping, should have helped you with your dress and all. But … I just feel so bad. I can’t face all those women and their energy.”
Lilly slid her arm around her mother’s thin shoulders. “Mamm, it’s all right. I’m just so glad you’ll be here tomorrow. You don’t have to do anything. Derr Herr has blessed us with many hands to help. Let me take you upstairs and you can have a nice nap. I’ll be up later to try my dress on for you. Come on, we can go up the back stairs so no one will notice.”
She shielded her mother’s face against her shoulder and led her up the steps. Then she tucked her comfortably beneath a mound of quilts and slipped back downstairs.
Ellie Loftus, the bishop’s fraa, met her in the kitchen. “The Lord sees how well you care for your mother, Lilly. He will bless you for it.” Her voice was low. “But I know how hard it is to not have a mother’s help at this time. I want you to know that if you ever need anything—advice, comfort, or just a gut word, that I will be glad to help.”
Lilly smiled. “Danki.”
“Good. Now, we’ve got the creamed celery and the roasting chicken cooking. The rest of the food will be arriving throughout the day. Ruth Loder and Alice Plank have made good headway on cleaning and dusting. You’ll want to do the master bedroom, I’m thinking—Edith said she’d help you.”
Lilly swallowed, not really wanting to dwell on the master bedroom, when the kitchen door opened and Mary and Samuel Wyse bustled inside. Mary caught Lilly’s hand as Samuel stood with his arms full of something large and covered by a patchwork quilt.
“It’s a present, Lilly,” Mary whispered with excitement.
“Ach, danki!”
Lilly gestured to the master bedroom as the place to put it as the other women tossed greetings to the groom’s parents.
Lilly felt a surge of excitement at wondering what gift could be beneath the quilt. They entered the master bedroom where Samuel eased his burden to the floor with a muffled thump. He rose and bent to kiss his wife’s cheek and then Lilly’s in a warm salute that left tears in her eyes. He left the room, closing the door behind him.
Mary Wyse smiled at her. “Samuel and I are both so happy to welcome a daughter to our family. I have to confess, Lilly, that there were a few years that went by when I longed for a little girl, but the Lord saw fit to send me two wild colts instead. So …” She knelt down and slipped the quilt off the gift, revealing a beautiful hand-carved trunk. “So, I waited. For my first daughter-in-law— you, Lilly. I’ve been waiting and praying for you for a long time. And for quite a while I’ve been collecting pretty things from here and there, keeping them to give that special woman. You, Lilly.” She tapped the top of the trunk. “Will you open your gift?”
Lilly dropped to her knees, placing a hand on the trunk. “You have no idea how much your words mean to me … Mamm.” She ducked her head shyly. “To think that I’ve been cherished in your prayers is plenty of a gift.”
As Lilly lifted the metal latch, the trunk opened to reveal the fresh smell of cedar that wafted from within. Lilly gasped at the beauty of the crocheted tablecloth that lay folded on top. The workmanship reminded her of the delicate intricacy of the summer flower—Queen Anne’s Lace—and she marveled silently at its beauty. Below that, there were doilies and fine linen handkerchiefs, as well as smaller quilts that Lilly knew to be baby quilts. She couldn’t help the blush that stained her cheeks and was grateful for the warm hug her soon-to-be mother-in-law gave her.
“Ach, Lilly, please forgive me for adding those, but I do hope the Lord blesses you with a lap full of kinner.”
Lilly nodded, trying to resist the enticing image of a multitude of small Jacobs running about the place.
She ran a hand over the curved inside of the trunk’s lid and was surprised when her fingers grazed a small notch in the otherwise perfectly smooth surface. Instinctively, she curled her fingertip into the groove and the trunk lid gave way to reveal a hidden hollow carved into the lid.
Lilly smiled at Mary. “Another surprise?”
Mary looked confused, her head tilted to better see.
Lilly eagerly felt inside the space and withdrew a beautifully carved length of wooden links, almost like a very short chain. She pulled the wood toward her and saw the initials AW burned into the curve of one of the links.
“I’m sorry,” Mary Wyse said, her face set into unfamiliar, stern lines. She held her hand out for the item.
Lilly put the carving into her outstretched hand. “A child’s toy?” she asked with pleasure.
“Nee, this is no toy.” Mary covered it with the folds of her apron as Lilly looked on in surprise. “I’m sorry, my dear, but this belongs in the family. I didn’t realize it was there or I would have removed it beforehand. Please forgive me.”
“But there’s nothing to forgive.”
Mary’s face relaxed and Lilly suppressed the curiosity in her that longed to question the wooden chain links. But, if her new mamm wanted her to ignore its existence, then she would. “I love all of these beautiful treasures,” she added quickly, hoping to relieve Mary of any doubts about her sincerity.
A sudden knock on the door broke into their conversation and Edith Miller poked her head round the door. “You ladies done in here? We’ve got some cleaning to do.”
“Jah.” Mary Wyse rose to her feet and Lilly joined her, bending to receive the woman’s warm embrace.
“Danki so much for all of this,” Lilly whispered. “You’ve equipped me with a lifetime of beauty.”
Mary kissed her cheek. “You’re welcome, my daughter,” she said before leaving the room with a smile at Edith.
Edith Miller was the thin, wiry Amish postal woman of Pine Creek, and she had a sharp tongue and a quick wit. Lilly loved talking with her and wasn’t disappointed now when Edith waved some dust rags at her.
“Come on, Lilly, time to clean the most important room in the house.”
Lilly blushed as the other women laughed together, then went to join Edith in the familiarity of what was once her parents’ room.
Lilly paused at the door to thoughtfully survey the place with its well-carved furniture and long windowpanes. She avoided looking at the bed. she’d already gone over her brief conversation with Jacob about sleeping arrangements a hundred times in her mind. He’d come over late one evening and there had been a suppressed energy about him that had made her feel like he’d come with more purpose than just discussing the ongoing wedding plans. He’d circled the kitchen like a caged cat and finally stood still and looked her square in the eye.
“Lilly, I’ve … uh … been thinking about it some, and I wanted to talk with you about the wedding night. Our wedding night.”
She hadn’t been able to control the blush that stained her cheeks and assumed a practical manner, her best defense in awkward situations.
“Ach, well, go ahead then.” She sank down at the kitchen table and tried to keep her voice casual, despite the growing lump in her throat.
“Right. I’ll go ahead. It’s like this. We talked a bit the night of the engagement about taking time to court, to get to know each other …”
“That is correct.” Her stomach flipped in naerfich anticipation of what he was trying to say.
“Well, I just wanted to be clear about all that. I know that things … uh, plans have been moving fast and I don’t want you to think that I’ve forgotten. No real wedding night until we’ve … courted.” He appeared relieved that he’d got it out and let one lean hip rest against the counter.
“So who will sleep where? There’s only the one bed.” She couldn’t believe she’d asked that oh-so-practical but oh-so-embarrassing question that set him to pacing once more.
He had a stranglehold on his hat and stopped once more to slap his thigh with the twisted object.
“In the bed. We sleep in the bed. It will be—fine. You’ll see.” He seemed like he was trying to convince himself as much as her, and she’d nodded mutely in return. But now, the reality of cleaning the bedroom brought the whole feeling of discomfort rushing back once more.
“Might as well have another gift now before we tackle this very important room,” Edith said, snapping her from her reverie.
The thin woman handed her a large package wrapped in brown postal paper.
“Ach, Edith … what is it?”
“Open it and see!”
Alice entered the room and came up behind Lilly, trying to peer over her shoulder.
Lilly tore the wrapping with trembling fingers. She always loved having gifts to open. When the paper fell to the floor, she gasped with pleasure at the mound of quilt she held.
“It’s wonderful,” Alice said in her ear. “Put it on the bed.”
Lilly settled the mound onto the bed and began to unfold it.
“I know it’s not a wedding quilt, but it’s a Christmas one all right. Me and some of the girls worked on it down at the back room of the post office this past summer. I’ve been praying about who to give it to—and the Lord brought you to mind when I heard about the engagement.”
The three women unfolded the thick spread, heavily quilted with thousands of tiny stitches. In the center was an applique angel, blowing his trumpet in proud announcement.
“Edith—it’s so beautiful! Thank you so much!” Lilly’s eyes filled with tears of joy and she moved to embrace Edith’s thin shoulders. Edith patted her hard on the back, then stepped away.
“Ach, come on now, let’s set this room to rights. Alice, would you help? I think the quilt is just the right amount of cheer that’s needed in here.”
Lilly tried to concentrate on the feeling of the even stitching beneath her hand as she helped Edith smooth the beautiful quilt atop the bed. But there was no getting around the swamping sensation of loss that she felt when she realized that she’d probably have no real wedding quilt of her own. Gifts like Edith’s were priceless in thought and beauty, of course, but there could be nothing like sitting with a community of women and making your own stitches on a quilt that was meant to symbolize a generation of time.
Lilly knew what those stitches would have meant to her, a yielding, a pacing of self and energy that would serve as reminders of even temper, conscious decisions, and thoughtful words. To have laid her own hand to fabric that would perhaps see new life brought into the world, nurture the sick, and cover Jacob in his old age would have been something that she would have dearly loved and cherished. But she thought as she smiled at the angel on the quilt, perhaps the Lord would bring forth a different means of comfort besides a quilting, and with that she had to trust and be content.