Nine
THE SHOW WAS DARK ON MONDAY — NO PERFORMANCES. SO Bailey had time to spend with Betty and Bob Keller, something she had come to look forward to. It was the first Monday in June, and this morning Betty was resuming her summer group Bible study. Every Monday morning throughout the summer, three of her friends would stop in for an hour-long Bible discussion — at least according to Betty. “We see each other here and there during the other seasons.” Betty had smiled, talking about her friends. “But we know how busy we can get. That’s why we keep our weekly meetings to just the summertime.”
The study would start in five minutes, and Bailey was still fixing her hair in her room. But already she could hear the voices of the other women. She hurried herself, aware that she’d be ready by now if she hadn’t gone on Facebook this morning. Her intent, as always, was to update her page with something encouraging for the girls who had befriended her. Bailey liked to think of the couple thousand people who followed her on Facebook as genuine friends … and her page the place where they met in something of a virtual living room. A place to hang out.
She’d found a verse from Ezra 10:4 that seemed especially fitting. “Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it!” The verse was powerful for Bailey … just reading it made her feel stronger. It reminded her of how she had moved on after Cody, how she had been forced to rely on God’s strength and rise up to the matter. Also how she had relied on the support from her family — and even from Brandon — to have the courage to move on. Maybe a few of her Facebook friends were going through similar situations, and the Ezra verse might speak to them.
Bailey ran the brush through her hair. The trouble with the verse was that it brought Cody’s name to mind — the way so many moments in a day still did. And that caused her to check his Facebook page. She’d told herself a hundred times that looking in on Cody wasn’t healthy. She didn’t need to know what he was doing or how his football team was coming along. It wasn’t smart for her to analyze his page, reading his wall or checking out his information to see if he was still single. Every time she looked in on him, she only walked away feeling worse, rejected all over again. And every time she asked herself the same question: How could he go on like nothing was wrong? Like they hadn’t just walked away from the greatest love either of them might ever know?
But today was worse than ever. All along she’d known that at some point she would look at his Facebook and find a picture of Cheyenne and him. It was inevitable, since he was spending his time with her. Bailey had read every one of Cody’s updates on Cheyenne, how she was healing and coming along after the accident. Of course he was with her. But still, she’d never seen a picture of them together.
Until this morning.
Bailey listened for the women’s voices in the front room. They would talk for a few minutes first — Betty had told her that much. If she wanted to join the Bible study, she still had a little time. She dropped to her desk chair once more and in a few clicks she was back on Cody’s page. His profile picture was the same — a group shot of him and a few of the players. He looked as handsome as ever, his face more chiseled maybe. Stronger — if that were possible.
The photo was something Cody was tagged in, and it was taken by one of the players, Arnie Hurley. It was posted last night — Sunday — and it showed Cody and Cheyenne sitting in his pickup truck while half the football team held a sign welcoming her back. Since she was sitting in the truck, Bailey couldn’t make out exactly what she looked like. But what she could see shook her confidence completely.
Cheyenne was gorgeous — striking cheekbones and big brown eyes. Straight dark hair to her shoulders. Bailey had never felt more plain in all her life. She leaned close to the screen and tried to get a better look. When Cheyenne was fighting for her life in a hospital bed, she’d looked nothing like she did now. But that made sense — what with her head bandaged and the swelling in her face after the accident. Now she looked like a supermodel.
Bailey breathed out, fighting the defeat that welled in her heart. No wonder Cody hadn’t called her. He was clearly in love with Cheyenne. He could tell her he didn’t feel worthy of her love or try to convince her that their lives were too different for a relationship between them to work. But the truth was here — in the Facebook photo. Cody’s face was lit up, his smile as genuine as the look in his eyes. He was happy and committed to her. There was no other way to read the picture.
Bailey checked his information page once more and saw that he was still listed as single. Which made no sense. He should be truthful and just tell the world how it was. He was in a relationship with Cheyenne Williams.
Bailey clicked the X at the top left corner of the page and Facebook immediately disappeared. Great … you did it again. Her time on Facebook had made her late, and still she had to go back one more time, take one more look. Bailey didn’t know what was wrong with her, why she couldn’t let him go. She had no reason to think about Cody now. Especially when things with Brandon were better than ever.
She stood, took her Bible from the nightstand next to her bed, and headed out to join the others. As she approached, they were so lost in conversation it took a few moments for them to notice her. Each of them had a Starbucks drink, and their Bibles weren’t opened yet. Perfect timing, Bailey told herself.
Betty noticed her first. “Bailey, … come in. Take a chair.” She motioned to the seat beside her, one she had obviously left open on purpose so that Bailey would have a place to sit. “We were just catching up.”
The other women raised their cups and the tallest of the four grinned at Betty. “Here, here. We need our catch-up time.”
“Alright … this is Bailey Flanigan. She’s a new Broadway dancer, starring in Hairspray.” Betty smiled at her and patted her knee. “Bailey is brilliantly talented and she has a strong love for God. He has amazing plans for her, right?”
Bailey felt nothing of the sort, not after the way she was struggling in her stage role, and especially not after looking at Cody’s Facebook page. She tried to shake her discouragement. “Yes.” She remembered to smile. “That’s my prayer, anyway.”
“It’s a promise!” The tall woman held her index finger upward, as if to heaven. “God’s already decided that His plans for you are good, right?” She looked at her friends.
“Right.” A woman across the room nodded sweetly. She wore bright red shoes and a smile that lit the room. “You can pray that God will help you understand those plans. But you don’t have to worry. He definitely has good plans for you.”
Already a sense of peace pressed in around Bailey. She was going to love this Bible study … these women and the knowledge they possessed. Bailey had missed meeting for a regular Bible study — something she had always done on campus at Indiana University. This time would be good for her. “Thanks.” She looked at both the women who had added to the conversation. “I needed to hear that.”
“Alright.” Betty was clearly the leader, the one who kept them on track. “Let’s have everyone introduce themselves. Tell a little about your life and why you’re part of this group.”
She looked at her tall friend, the one on her other side. “Barbara, you go first.”
“Very well.” Barbara sat straight and spoke in a way that was eloquent and clear. “I’m Barbara Owens, the baby of the group … though we won’t say exactly what that means,” she laughed, and the others joined in. She took a sip of her drink and waited for the room to settle again. “I’m married to the love of my life.” A soft look filled her eyes. “We have three kids and seven grandchildren.” She paused, but only because she wasn’t in a rush. Everything about Barbara emanated confidence. She was very pretty, and something told Bailey she had been successful in her life.
Barbara still had the floor. “Let’s see … I love to decorate and sew … and I make a new cross-stitch wall hanging for my house every year.”
“And you’re the CEO of your own company.” Betty gave her a friendly elbow in the ribs. “Don’t be modest.”
“Oh, that,” again Betty laughed. “Yes, I grew up on a ranch in Texas, and today I’m the CEO of my own New York company.” She paused. “I met Betty at a Pilates class downtown and by the end of the afternoon we were swapping Bible verses and promising we’d get together that weekend with our husbands.” She smiled and put her hand briefly on Betty’s shoulder. “We’ve been like sisters ever since. I wouldn’t miss our summer Bible study.”
Betty’s expression showed how much Barbara meant to her. She moved to the next woman in the circle, the one with the red shoes. The woman didn’t need to be asked twice. “Hi, Bailey … my name is Sara Quillian, and I live in the apartment building here. I met Betty and Bob at one of the building’s rooftop barbecues. Betty was talking about Jesus in no time, and we began making a point of finding time to be together. We’ve been friends for a decade.”
“At least.” Betty crossed her legs at the ankles and shot a kind smile across the room. “You and I are in charge of telling the people in this building about Jesus, right?”
“Exactly.” Sara took a quick breath and explained how she had been a child in World War II when she first realized how important it was to live for God. “We don’t have time to hold a grudge against someone. They could be gone before sundown.”
Bailey let the words hit deep inside her heart. Was there a message here from God? She thought about Sara’s words … how a person could be gone by sundown. The way Cody might’ve been killed in Iraq or Cheyenne in her terrible wreck. She wasn’t sure if she carried a grudge against Cody, but it was something she needed to think about. Sooner rather than later.
Sara went on explaining that she had been married more than fifty years, and that she hoped for another fifty more. Bailey smiled at the thought. Was that how she would feel fifty years from now … like her only wish might be for another half a century with the man she loved? Was Brandon a guy she could love like that? The image from Cody’s Facebook page shot through her mind … Cody and his new girl. Bailey let the thought go and focused on what Sara was saying.
“I was the first female editor of my university’s school paper.” She paused. “Believers need to be visible,” she nodded, her eyes sparkling despite the wrinkles around them. “That’s why I love that you’re performing on Broadway, Bailey. We’re no light at all if we’re not a light in a visible place.”
Bailey nodded, as Sara’s wisdom sank in. “My parents say that.”
“Your parents are right.” Sara eased her feet in front of her, and for a few seconds she gazed at her shoes. “I love a pair of new red shoes … have I mentioned that?”
“Not in the past hour.” The fourth woman was more petite and quieter than the others. She had a pretty face and a sparkly smile. It was easy to see how stunning the woman must’ve been when she was younger. She grinned at Bailey. “I’m Irma … It’s not my turn yet, but I had to say that.”
Again they all laughed, and Bailey was struck by the closeness among them. These friends had learned the secret of accepting one another exactly as they were. The thought reminded Bailey that she should call Andi Ellison soon. Her friend from Indiana University was living in Los Angeles now, but with a little effort they could still stay in touch.
Betty looked at Bailey. “Sara’s full of godly wisdom. Something she won’t tell you.” She glanced back at her friend. “Her home is the regular stop for several local pastors and Campus Crusade workers. She loves her family and she thinks it’s important for women to be strong in our society.”
Bailey listened, curious. Strength wasn’t usually something she aspired to. “How do you mean … we should be strong?” She turned to Sara.
“Strong in society, vocal about our beliefs.” Her eyes were kind, but they held a no-nonsense look. “For you, that might mean speaking up for your faith, being the voice of truth for your cast.”
“She’s right.” Irma was the silliest in the group, Bailey could tell. But in this moment she was very serious. “It might not be enough to shine on stage. God might be asking more of you.”
Bailey thought about Chrissy and her obvious anorexia … and the members of the cast who seemed to sneer at her faith or her connection with Brandon. Bailey had no idea how she might be more vocal with them, but she believed this: If she asked God for help … He would show her. “Thanks … I’ll think about that.”
It was Irma’s turn. She rustled herself as tall as she could. “I’m Irma, and I’m vertically challenged, but like I always tell my kids — I’m more fun per inch than anyone I know.”
Again the ladies raised their coffee drinks and a couple of them clapped in agreement. “No argument here.” Betty tilted her head, her eyes on Irma. “Why don’t you start with your name and save the jokes for later, honey.”
“Right.” Irma pointed at Betty. “You did say that.” She turned to Bailey. “I’m Maria Rangel, but most people call me Irma.”
“All people,” Betty pointed out.
“Okay,” Irma shrugged. “All people. Anyway, let’s see. I began this Bible study when I met Betty at church twenty-two years ago. My family and my faith are everything to me. Oh …” she pointed her finger in the air as if she wasn’t quite finished, “and I’ve been married fifty years to the man of my dreams — Al Rangel.” She stopped long enough to gaze upward, as if she were lost in romantic thoughts about Al.
Bailey giggled. She enjoyed these women, their wisdom and faith, their combined years of happy, successful marriages. She had much to learn from them — and already she looked forward to the summer Monday mornings they would share. Irma explained that she liked to travel and how she’d been to the Holy Land and to Greece and several times back to her hometown in Mexico.
“But you should know this,” she leaned over her legs and brought her voice to a whisper. “I had heart surgery in 2009.” She shook her head and waved her hand, like she was dismissing an irritating fly at a summer picnic. “We don’t talk about that much … except to let it serve as a reminder.” She sat up again and looked around the room. “What’s the reminder, girls?”
A chorus of their voices responded almost in unison. “Love well … laugh often … and live for Christ.”
“Exactly.” She laughed at her own story. “You have one chance to get it right, Bailey. When it comes to your God … your family … your time on Broadway.” She allowed the dreamy look to return to her eyes. “And the man you fall in love with.”
“Good point.” Barbara looked thoughtfully at Bailey. “Are you in love yet, Miss Bailey?”
“Ummm …” She laughed, not ready for the question.
“Take your time, dear; it’s your turn.” Betty clearly didn’t want Bailey to feel flustered by the straightforward question.
Betty didn’t need to worry. Bailey liked this, being forced to think about her life … why she was here … and whether she was in love or not. This was a safe setting, a place where she could be honest and learn something along the way. “I’m Bailey, obviously.” She smiled so they could see she was relaxed. “I moved here a little more than a month ago — around the first of May. I’m the oldest of six kids, and the rest are all boys.”
Irma gasped. “Your poor mother … she must be a saint.” She smoothed the wrinkles in her wool skirt. “I had all girls. Four of them.”
“Sisters would’ve been great.” Bailey laughed. “But boys are a lot of fun, actually. I love having brothers.” The group weighed in on how much food boys ate and the blessing of having sons.
Irma raised her eyebrows as if she were offended. “Okay … so I missed that blessing.” She burst into a series of giggles. “Let’s just say I was blessed by missing the blessing of boys. Raising girls was heaven on earth.”
Bailey loved Irma’s spunk. But gradually the room turned its attention to her again and Bailey picked up where she left off. “My dad’s one of the football coaches for the Indianapolis Colts, and my brothers all play football.” She told them a little about each of the boys, including the fact that three of her brothers were adopted from Haiti.
“Well, I’ll be …” Irma sat back in her chair, not teasing for once. “Your mother really is a saint.”
Like she’d done before, Bailey explained that adopting the boys ten years earlier had been good for all of them. “It was crazy at first, but it was a family decision … and God has blessed us all through it.” She told them about her part in Hairspray, and the role she’d played opposite Brandon Paul in Unlocked.
“Brandon Paul!” Barbara slid to the edge of her seat, her eyes wide. “The Brandon Paul?”
“Yes.” Bailey giggled again. “I guess I was pretty vocal about my faith when we filmed the movie.” She paused, glad for the chance to remind herself. “Brandon became a Christian the last week on the set. My dad even baptized him.”
Another gasp from Irma. “I read about that! So that’s what happened!”
“See …” Sara nodded, her approving smile aimed at Bailey. “That’s what it means to be strong. Good girl, Bailey.”
She smiled and felt the heat in her cheeks. “It wasn’t me.”
“It never is.” Betty turned a kind look her way. “It’s always God in us, anytime we do any good at all.”
“So … that takes us back to the original question?” Barbara must’ve made a very good CEO. She had no trouble directing the conversation, and she did so with a clarity and gentleness that would’ve made her an easy leader to follow.
Bailey stifled another laugh and looked at her lap for a long moment. She wasn’t sure how much to say, but she could be honest with these women. Nothing she might say would ever make it beyond the four walls of the Kellers’ apartment. Bailey took a quick breath. “Well … Brandon and I talk a lot.”
“Brandon Paul?” Irma’s eyes were wide again. “So then … is he your Al?”
Bailey pictured Brandon, the way he’d looked holding her in his arms on the 103rd floor of the Empire State Building … or how it had felt riding in the carriage beside him through the streets of New York City. She smiled at the memory, but even as she did she felt herself shrug. “I’m not sure … I’m really not sure.” She looked at the faces around her, all of them so grounded in their faith, so solid in their love for the men they’d married.
“I’ve been wanting to ask you, Bailey …” Betty’s voice was quieter than before, her question pointed and careful. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but what about the photograph that used to sit on your desk? The one of you and that handsome young man.”
Bailey felt her heart sink. “That’s Cody. I loved him for a very long time, but … he’s out of my life now. Someone from my past.” She smiled, more to convince herself than any of the ladies in the room. “I’m over him.”
“Is that why you took the picture down?” Again Betty’s question held a knowing, but it wasn’t forceful. Just her way of trying to know Bailey better.
A long sigh came from Bailey and she bit her lower lip. “I just … I didn’t want to look at him anymore.”
“Does Brandon know about Cody?” Sara uncrossed her ankles, but kept her pretty red shoes neatly together.
“He does … they know about each other.” She felt a well of sadness rise within her. “Cody has someone else now … he doesn’t think about me anymore.”
“Hmmm.” Barbara didn’t look sure. “How long did the two of you date?”
A sad laugh came from her. “Not long, really. A few months.” There was too much to the story to tell it all now. “We grew up together. We had feelings for each other long before we started dating.”
“I doubt he’s moved on. Not entirely.” Barbara sat back, unconvinced. “Look at you, Bailey. You’re beautiful from the inside out. A guy would be crazy to miss that.”
Bailey wanted to think so, but lately she doubted everything about herself. She wasn’t Cheyenne — it was that simple. And she wasn’t one of the Hollywood starlets who vied for Brandon’s attention. She believed him that he wasn’t interested in anyone else, but still … “I guess … if I had to answer the question, I’d say Brandon Paul is the one in my heart now. He wants to have a relationship, but I don’t know.” She looked intently at each of them. “How do you know? I mean … how were you sure about the men you married?”
Betty was the first to answer. “The picture of you and Cody?”
“Yes …” Bailey wasn’t sure where she was going with this.
“When it’s the right man … you’ll have the look in your eyes that you have in that picture.” She angled her head, sympathetic to all Bailey was feeling. “I’ve heard you talk about Brandon … but I haven’t seen that look in your eyes. Only in the picture.”
The conversation shifted to the Bible, and 1 Corinthians 13. The women planned to spend all summer looking at the chapter most famous for its teaching about love. Today they talked only about the first verse: “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”
“That’s why we must not only be vocal and visible,” Barbara pointed out. “We must love most of all.”
“Amen to that.” Betty shared a quick smile with her friend.
When the study was done, Bailey thanked the women and hugged Betty. Then she returned to her room and found her journal, the new one her mom had given her for the move to New York. She wrote about the women — Betty and Barbara, Sara and Irma, of their love for their God and their families, and their nearly two hundred years of combined marriage.
I want that kind of love one day, she wrote … Is Brandon the guy who I can love like that … the one who will love me fifty years from now? She hesitated, reading over what she’d written. Please God … lead me to that kind of love. Until then, help me to know that You are enough.
She also wrote down Sara’s admonition to be strong, and she jotted a few sentences that had come up that day — how the idea of being strong and vocal was only possible or effective when it was set against the backdrop of love. “Soaked in love,” Sara had said.
Bailey liked that. It reminded her of her place with the cast of Hairspray. Everything about her job was still new, the people still a little intimidating. But they needed God’s love as much as anyone. Maybe more. If she were going to truly shine on Broadway, she would need to find a way to be strong and vocal. But absolutely soaked in love.
And finally she wrote the thing that stayed with her most, the part Betty brought up. She remembered her night on the Empire State Building, and the quote Brandon had brought up. How the eyes were the window to the soul.
Take more pictures with Brandon, she scribbled on the next line of her journal. See if my eyes have that look. Yes, that’s what she needed. More pictures of Brandon and her — so she could analyze her eyes.
Maybe that was the real reason Bailey had moved the photo of her and Cody from her desk. Because deep down she knew that what Betty had said was true. Real love … true love … the kind that could last a lifetime would require a guy who loved God more than life, a guy who could lead her and laugh with her and listen to her. And with all that, Bailey would know he was the right guy for one very simple reason.
Her eyes would look like they did in the picture of her and Cody.