Last Chance Book Club

Chapter 20


Dash knew Savannah was avoiding him. She’d been up and out of the house before him. And she hadn’t even made coffee or a thermos. Now he was sitting in his office at Painted Corner Stables, trying to figure out what he should do next.

Because yesterday, when he’d held her in the kitchen, it had felt right. And he wanted to be the guy she leaned on like that. Not the guy she avoided. Or the guy she was having low-down, dirty sex with.

He loved her with all his heart. He just hadn’t told her yet. He needed to say the words. But he didn’t want her to react the way Hettie had all those years ago. He couldn’t stand that.

He was mulling over his options when Rocky deBracy strolled into his office. She wore a serious look on her face that didn’t exactly match her bright pink Angel Development T-shirt. “Dash, honey, I’ve got some bad news for you,” she said, sitting down in his single office chair.

His gut tightened. “Is Aunt Mim okay?”

She cocked her head. “Relax, it’s not Miriam, although I understand she’s not doing too well.”

“She’s doing right poorly. But if it’s not Miriam, then what? Another snafu at The Kismet?” He tensed. He wasn’t in the mood for bad news today.

“I’m going to say it quick, sort of like pulling off a Band-Aid.”

“Get on with it, honey.”

“Hettie and Bill have eloped. They went to Georgia last night, and I gather they spent their wedding night at a hotel in Augusta. Lillian Bray doesn’t know whether to be overjoyed or scandalized. I personally think this is going to shift the power balance in Last Chance. As the chair of the Ladies’ Auxiliary, Lillian is going to have to deal with Hettie on a daily basis. I mean, Hettie is now the minister’s wife.”

Dash tried very hard not to smile.

“You don’t look devastated.”

He shrugged.

“C’mon, Dash, don’t be a tough guy. I know this has to hurt.”

“I guess I’m a little surprised at Bill choosing Hettie. I mean, Hettie can’t cook.”

“Yeah, I know. But Savannah says that the cooking part wasn’t the important part of Miriam’s marital advice. In fact, I just saw Savannah, and she wasn’t even surprised. Man, I’m striking out this morning with my gossip. I thought both of y’all would be really shaken up by this news.”

“Sorry to disappoint you. Would it make you feel better if I wept into my coffee? To be honest, this is inferior coffee. I had to make it myself this morning, and I’m not very happy about that.”

“I don’t want you to be unhappy. But I did think that you’d be shocked at the very least. I mean I was under the impression that you were still trying to impress Hettie. I thought, well, you know, with the money you gave to the theater that you were—”

“Trying to buy her love?” he said into the silence.

“Well, yeah.”

He shrugged. “I guess maybe it started out that way. I mean, I just wanted to make her happy, but things change.”

“Oh, my God.” Her eyes widened. “I came up here as a friend to offer you comfort and compassion. To make sure that you didn’t fall apart and go down to Dot’s and screw up a good thing. But now I’m thinking you don’t need me.”

He shrugged. “I appreciate your concern, Rocky, but I’m fine.”

She frowned, and he could practically see the wheels turning in her mind. And Rocky had one of those very active minds that was liable to put two and two together and come up with more than just the correct answer.

She gave him the stink eye for a minute, and then suddenly a smile blossomed on her face. “Oh, my God. You stinker. You and Savannah. Oh, God, I should have seen it coming. It’s like… It’s like… well, to be honest, it’s just like Pride and Prejudice.”

“What?”

“It’s like the book where the hero and the heroine hate one another until they don’t.” She smiled, and then she frowned.

“Oh, no, Dash, this is a disaster. You need to get down to the Kountry Kitchen in a hurry because Savannah’s ex just arrived in town. And he looked like a guy who means business. And I don’t mean the honest kind.”

“What?”

“Dash, that man looked like he was ready to drag her back to Baltimore. And she looked like she was having the worst day of her life.”

Well, that sure did light a fire under Dash’s backside. He got up and ran to his Eldorado with Rocky on his tail, giving him advice.

“Now, remember that Savannah isn’t going to be impressed if you knock her ex-husband’s head off.”

“I’m not about to do anything stupid like that,” he promised as he climbed into his Caddy. He gave Rocky a little smile as he pulled out of his parking space. “I’ve grown up some.”

“So has she,” she yelled after him.

By the time he got to the Kountry Kitchen, Rocky and her ex were gone.

He looked for her at the theater. But she wasn’t there. The work crew was making good progress on the structural reinforcements needed in the auditorium. Zeph was doing amazing work repairing and restoring the woodwork in the lobby. The old place was going to rise from the ashes, quite literally, and he was happy about that.

Earnest Brooks would be proud of him.

He headed home, relieved when he found Savannah’s Honda in the driveway and no sign of the ex-husband. The time had come to confess his feelings. Hell, he was sort of inspired by Bill and Hettie. Maybe he should run off with Savannah, too. That would put the ex at bay.

Of course, if they did that, they’d have to bring Todd along, because it would be dirty pool to run off with Todd’s momma without making sure the kid didn’t have any deep-seated objections.

So, okay, they couldn’t run off. But they would figure something out. He was feeling almost optimistic as he took the porch steps two at a time.

He didn’t find Savannah in the kitchen. Miriam was in the parlor, watching a soap opera, and didn’t exactly know where Savannah was. Hell, Aunt Mim didn’t sometimes know where her own self was these days. His optimism slipped a little.

He climbed the stairs and found Savannah in her bedroom. She was standing by the bay window staring out at the big live oak in the front. Her gaze was a little unfocused. She looked tired and sad.

His heart twisted in his chest. No one had to tell him he was a day late and a dollar short. While he’d been thinking things through, everything had changed.

She turned from the window with an expression on her face that might have been a smile. But it wasn’t happy. Her gaze lingered on him for a moment, and then moved to the doorway he’d come through, and then down to the carpet.

He braced himself. She said nothing. But he could read the words on her face. She was going to say good-bye. Like every damn person in his life, she was going to leave.

But it was costing her. At least he could see that in her face. She hesitated as if she didn’t want to say the words. As if she wanted to spare him the pain.

And then a big tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek, and he had to stop himself from crossing the room and holding her tight and speaking of love.

He couldn’t do that. Not now. It was hard enough without laying himself open. God help him, he wanted to lock the door and keep her inside.

But he couldn’t. He had never been able to keep the people he loved from saying good-bye. He wasn’t good enough, or strong enough, or important enough to hold them.

“You’re going.” It wasn’t a question. He didn’t need to ask.

She brushed the tear away from her cheek. “I have to.”

He didn’t ask why. He didn’t need to know why. It didn’t matter anyway. People always left. There was always a good reason why someone couldn’t stay. And the only way to survive a thing like this was to pretend it didn’t matter.

He shrugged. “Well, the highway runs right through town, princess, and you know the way. It’s probably just as well. Hell, that theater project was a big money pit.”

She snuffled back her tears. “You told me that at the beginning, but I wouldn’t listen. And now I know that all the money came from you. And it was all about Hettie.”

“Honey, Hettie has—”

“I know about Hettie and Bill. But that’s beside the point. I can’t take your money.”

“Is that the reason you’re going? Because of the money? If that’s the reason, then you’re being dumb.” His heart knew a moment’s reprieve.

“That’s not the reason I’m going.”

“Oh.”

“I have to go. Greg wants to spend time with Todd. He’s promised. And I have a visitation agreement with him that gives him the right to see Todd every other weekend. He says that if I stay here, I’ll have to fly Todd to Maryland. Even if I wanted to fight him on that, the law is on his side. But I don’t want to fight him. I can’t keep Todd from his father, if his father is finally willing to make the effort. How can I do that?”

Oh, man. Her words were like missiles aimed right at his most vulnerable places.

“You can’t.”

“When I ran away in March, I knew this might happen. I knew that if Greg wanted to see Todd on a regular basis, I would have to rethink. Of course, Greg has surprised me, but I still have to do the right thing for Todd.”

“Good for you.”

“I knew you’d understand. We both lost out on time with our fathers. I can’t do that to Todd.”

He nodded. “You need help packing?”

She shook her head. “Most of my stuff is in storage up in Baltimore. We’ll be going on Saturday.”

He nodded again and then turned on his heel and walked out of the room.

This is why AA told guys like him to stay out of relationships.

Damn. He needed a drink.

Savannah didn’t know what, exactly, she had expected of Dash. A little, stupid part of her wanted him to bar the door and tell her that she’d be a fool to leave.

A little part of her wanted him to get down on his knees and beg her to stay.

A little part of her wanted him to make some grandiose proclamation of undying love.

Yeah, the spoiled little girl she’d once been wanted that.

The grown woman knew the folly of those fantasies. First of all, she wasn’t sure she could admire a man who begged. And second of all, Dash wasn’t the kind of guy who begged. And third, just because they’d been sneaking off for hot monkey sex didn’t mean it was love.

Right. Her head could say this over and over and over again but her heart wasn’t buying it. She loved him.

But he didn’t love her. He’d made it clear that it was just dirty, meaningless sex. And he’d given her money because of Hettie.

And his reaction to this news had been so… Well, he’d told her the highway ran right through town, and she knew the way out.

He’d not done one single thing to stop her.

So it only made sense that she go back to Baltimore, especially since Greg had bestirred himself to come here and promise that he’d do a better job with Todd.

Of course, he’d skipped town before even seeing Todd. Which was annoying. And typical. And confusing. But he’d come, and that was a major breakthrough.

She sat at the kitchen table and drank another cup of coffee. She’d had so many she was almost jittery, so it wasn’t any surprise that she practically jumped out of her skin when Champ roused himself from his nap at her feet and started barking.

A moment later, the door slammed, and Todd’s heavy footsteps sounded down the hall. “Hi, Mom, are there any cookies?”

The dog skipped around the boy, wagging his tail and smiling. Todd gave him a couple of pats on the head. “Just a minute, boy. I need cookies, and then I’ll take you for a walk.”

Todd made a beeline to the cookie jar, which Savannah kept stocked with his favorite peanut-butter-and-raisin cookies.

He grabbed three and reached for Champ’s leash.

“Todd, before you go.”

He turned with a question in his face. Boy, his face had slimmed down these last couple of months. And so had the attitude. He wasn’t perfect, but Last Chance had been good for him. Dash had been good for him.

But biology trumped all that. “Honey, I heard from your dad today.”

He stopped moving. The dog kept prancing and wagging its tail. “You did?”

“Yes. He wants us to go back to Baltimore.”

Todd blinked. “Back to our old apartment?”

“Well, no. We would go back to live at Grandmother’s for a while until I found another place.”

“Grandmother’s?” He looked down at the dog.

“I know. You’d have to leave Champ here, but I’m sure Dash would take care of him all right. The thing is, your dad has promised to be better about visitation. Don’t you want to spend every other weekend with your dad?”

She saw that look in her son’s face. That heartbreaking look. And she knew how he felt. “Yeah,” he said.

“So, I think it’s probably better if we go back. I mean, Grandmother wants to send you to Gilman, so…”

“Yeah. Maybe I can try out for football.”

“I’m sure your dad would be proud of you. He played football.”

“Yeah, I know. Dash and I looked up his college stats. He was a pretty good linebacker for Maryland,” Todd said.

“He was. I saw him play,” Savannah said.

“He could probably teach me stuff.”

She doubted that Greg would spend the time, but she said, “Yeah.” She had to say that because maybe, just maybe, there was a chance. If she thought otherwise, she wouldn’t be taking this step. “We’ll need to start packing our stuff. We’re leaving Saturday morning bright and early. I have a bunch of errands to do tomorrow. I guess I’ll have to shut down the theater renovation.”

He looked down at the dog. His mouth quivered. He was learning how to be a man. He didn’t cry. He didn’t whine. He sighed. And then he snapped the lead onto the dog’s collar. “I gotta take Champ for his walk.”

Dash left the Eldorado in the driveway. Getting drunk was one thing, but getting drunk and killing someone was a whole different kettle of fish. He’d mixed booze and motor vehicles one too many times.

He hurried down the drive and onto the sidewalk. He kept walking, head down, counting the seams in the concrete. Counting was a good thing. It kept his emotions from exploding. It kept his heart from falling into pieces.

He could count and remember to breathe. Two cracks… breathe in. Two cracks… breathe out.

He made it all the way to Palmetto Avenue. He turned right toward Dot’s, and he stopped.

The Kismet stood between him and the bar. He looked up at the marquee. Half an hour ago, he’d known without a doubt that Uncle Earnest was proud of him.

But now what? What would happened to The Kismet when Savannah left town? He made his way through the new security gate and into the theater. Zeph was hard at work installing a section of new fluting in one of the damaged columns. The new wood lacked the patina of the old, but the carvings lined up perfectly.

The old black man touched the wood with a reverence that captivated Dash. The smell of charred wood had diminished over the last week. Now there were other smells. Sawdust, and varnish, and plaster.

Something important was rising up out of the dust and dirt and ashes. And on Saturday, all of this would stop. Savannah would go.

He closed his eyes.

“I heard the news about Miz Hettie,” Zeph said.

Dash almost laughed. If he went off to Dot’s, everyone in town would misunderstand.

“I brought some Nehi,” Zeph nodded to a battered plastic cooler that looked like it had been with Zeph through the Vietnam War. The old guy finished turning the handle on a wood clamp and turned around. Sawdust and wood shavings clung to his baggy blue jeans. The collar and cuffs of his old plaid shirt were frayed. But his smile was big and wide as he opened the cooler and brought up two glass bottles of Nehi orange soda pop.

He handed one to Dash and twisted off the top of the other. “There’s nothing like a cold Nehi to fix what ails you.” He raised the bottle in salute.

Dash hadn’t tasted Nehi soda in years. He opened the bottle, took a gulp, and lost himself in reverie. Damn, he used to drink Nehi all the time. Uncle Earnest had a cooler of it behind the candy counter.

“Earnest always drank Nehi. He used to say that sweeping up was thirsty work,” Dash said.

“Yeah,” Zeph replied. “I remember old Mr. Brooks. Of course, when I was a child, I had to sit upstairs.”

“I’m sorry about that. It wasn’t that way when I was here.”

Zeph shrugged. “Wasn’t your fault. Mr. Brooks was a fair man living in unfair times. People wouldn’t have come at all in the sixties if he hadn’t put the blacks upstairs.”

“He was a fair man. I miss him.” Dash’s voice wobbled in an embarrassing way. When Earnest died, Dash had been playing baseball. Earnest wasn’t a member of his immediate family so, naturally, Dash wasn’t allowed time off. Instead he drank himself into a stupor and got himself into trouble.

“You know there’s a trick to living alone,” Zeph said, looking Dash right in the eye, as if he knew what scared Dash most of all.

Dash took another gulp of soda, pushing away the memories, focusing on Zeph. Until this moment, he’d never really considered the kind of life Zeph had been leading. Zeph was probably the loneliest person in Last Chance.

“So what’s the trick?”

“Read.”

“Read? That’s a surprise. I could have sworn you were going to tell me to get a dog.”

Zeph smiled. “Oh, no, Mr. Dash, you don’t need a dog. You already kind of have one. And you’ve got several good cats and all those horses. Not to mention all the kids who come to your riding and roping school. And the kids on the baseball teams and the football team. No, a good book is a whole lot easier to take care of than a dog. And when you read, you can go anywhere.”

“I never was much of a reader.”

“I didn’t start out that way either. But a man does what he has to.”

Dash wanted to ask Zeph why he was so alone. Why he lived out in the woods. Why he moved around Last Chance like a shadow. But he couldn’t ask those questions. Zeph would never have answered him. The old man had demons, and Dash knew all about those.

Dash turned away, casting his gaze over the work in progress. God help him, he didn’t want to give up on this project. He wanted it to go on. But he didn’t want it to go on without Savannah in his life. “You think watching movies would be as good as reading?” he asked.

“Maybe. But a good book lasts a lot longer than a movie. And you can get books for free from the consignment shop. Or, if you had a mind to, you could get a library card. And when you go to the library, you could visit with Miss Nita, and that’s always nice.”

“Good point.”

Dash finished his soda and handed the bottle back to Zeph. “You’re doing a great job, Zeph. I don’t think anyone else could have rescued that woodwork.”

“It’s my pleasure, Mr. Dash. I love giving new life to old things.”

Dash turned around and headed toward the door. When he reached the sidewalk, his desire for a drink had eased. It was almost as if Uncle Earnest’s ghost was there behind him. The taste of orange soda in his mouth was a reminder that a sober life was a much better life.

And Zeph had just reminded him that he wasn’t alone. Not really. He had the horses, and the kids, and Miriam. Not to mention the gals of Angel Development, Inc.

He stared up at The Kismet’s marquee. Uncle Earnest would never have stood between a boy and his father. Never in a million years. Never for selfish reasons. Never.

He was going to be like Uncle Earnest.

Dash would ask Savannah’s permission to finish this project. It made no sense from a money point of view. But that didn’t matter. If he built it, people would come. And he’d have the kids in the theater to go along with the kids in the horse program and the kids in Little League and the kids in the football program.

Heck, it was damned hard to feel lonely in a place like Last Chance.

Dash ran into Todd and Champ on his way back to the house. The boy was crying.

“Hey,” Dash said, his voice sounding dry and rusty in his own ears. “What’s the matter?”

The kid rubbed his eyes and gave a shrug. “Did Mom tell you? We’re going back to Baltimore.”

“Yeah, I heard.”

“My dad said he wanted to see me on weekends.”

“That’s a good thing.”

Todd nodded, his mouth quivering. “Yeah. I’d like that. But we have to live with Grandmother for a while.” He gave Champ a little pat. And then it was almost as if the kid collapsed. He plopped down on the sidewalk and buried his face in the dog’s flank. And Champ smiled and licked his face with the adoration only a dog could give.

Dash’s chest got so tight he could hardly breathe.

He’d hung on to a dog like that once. On the morning, decades ago, when they’d come to take him away from the ranch where he’d spent the first eleven years of his life. His life had been hell on that ranch, but he didn’t want to leave it. Not if it meant leaving that old dog; Murphy was his name.

He’d cried himself out that day. That good-bye had been the hardest one of all. He never did know what happened to that dog. The social service people probably sent Murphy to the pound.

“I’ll take care of Champ for you,” he said. “You don’t need to worry about him.” Dash hunkered down and squeezed Todd’s shoulder. “I’ve been where you are now. I know exactly how it feels. Like someone is taking away your best friend in all the world. But having a chance to spend time with your dad is more important. You don’t have to worry about Champ. He’ll never want for anything. Ever.”

“But I promised Zeph.”

“What did you promise, son?”

“I promised I would always be there for him.”

“I’ll take that on for you.”

“I don’t want you to.”

Oh, God, this kid was going to grow into a good man. Even if his no-account father didn’t come through, Todd had his mother. And Savannah was like a momma lion when it came to her boy. She would do the right thing by this child.

“I’m glad you’re taking that responsibility so seriously, son. I’m proud to know you,” Dash said, his voice growing embarrassingly gruff.

Todd raised his head. “Are you crying?”

Dash forced a laugh then. “No, I don’t do that sort of thing.”

The kid studied him. “You are crying, aren’t you?”

“Well, I’m trying not to. I’m going to miss you.” And the words got stuck in Dash’s throat. Until he uttered them, he didn’t even know how true they were.

A big fat tear rolled down the kid’s cheek. “Me too. I wish my dad was like you.”

A fountainhead opened up in Dash’s heart, and a spring of something clean and heady bubbled right through him. The spring became a creek, became a brook, became a river that grew and grew until its current washed away the self-pity he’d been feeling and smashed down the walls that had taken a lifetime to build.

And he didn’t fight the current. He expected it to smash him and batter him, but it didn’t do that. It carried him along to a peaceful place.

In that humbling moment, he had a name for the emotion that clogged up his throat and watered up in his eyes. He loved the kid. And the miracle wasn’t that he could love, but that the kid loved him back. But having Todd love him carried all kinds of responsibility with it.

He vowed, in that moment, that as long as he drew breath Todd would never want for anything. He would take care of this child, and he’d do everything within his power never, ever to let him down. And right now, doing right by this child meant letting him go.

“C’mon. I know you want to spend time with your dad, don’t you?”

Todd nodded. “But why can’t I have both?” He looked up at Dash. “Why can’t I be your friend?”

“You can. I’ll always be here. You can call me anytime.”

Todd wiped the snot from his nose with the back of his hand. “I don’t think so. They say you’re a bad man.”

“Who says?”

Todd shrugged. “Some lady who came to the school and asked me a bunch of questions.”

“What kind of questions?”

“Like whether I ever saw you drunk. Or whether you ever got into fights. Or whether you…” The kid looked away and pressed his lips together.

“Whether I what?” Dash’s temper made a sudden and unmistakable reappearance. His hands closed into fists, and the adrenaline surged through his system.

“You know.”

“No, I don’t know.”

“Touch me.”

Dash had to work very hard not to speak the long string of profanity that ran through his brain.

The kid looked up at him. “I told them you were okay. I told them that just because you liked to play catch you weren’t some weirdo. The woman who came and asked the questions didn’t believe me. She kept asking the same questions over and over again. I finally told her she was a bitch and that got me into all kinds of trouble with Mr. Middleton. But to tell you the truth, that woman was a bitch.”

Dash stood up. “It was probably a mistake to use that word.”

“Yeah, whatever. I’ve heard my father use it plenty of times.”

Dash squeezed his eyes closed. The fury he felt was like a white-hot poker to his insides. But he held himself together. “I’m grateful you told the truth.” It was amazing how calm he sounded.

The kid turned away. “Yeah, it didn’t get me very far, though. I mean, now I have to go to the Gilman School and live with Grandmother, and I can’t take the dog, and I can’t go to football camp.” He sighed. “And Zeph was going to take me fishing.”

“Zeph?”

He shrugged. “Yeah, I see him around town. He knows all the good fishing spots. There’s no place to fish in Baltimore.”

“Son, there are always places to fish. You need to get your daddy to take you.”

The kid looked up at him. “Right, like that’s going to happen. Dad is more likely to take me to some pool hall and make me sit in the car. But hey, he buys me video games.”

The boy wiped the tears from his cheeks. “I’m going to walk the dog down to the theater. We’re leaving on Saturday. So I need to say good-bye to Zeph.”

Todd turned and headed in the direction Dash had just come from.

Dash headed back to the house.

He was furious.