Jake’s arm was strewn across me, pegging me to the bed, but I was happy to be forced to lie still for a little while longer. Smiling to myself at the not-so-gentle sound of his snoring, I marvelled that someone so gorgeous, so goddamn beautiful, was lying naked next to me. Well, half across me. I feasted on the way his golden skin was stretched taut across his shoulder and down the defined muscles of his arm. I remembered the tautness of those arms last night, next to my head, holding the weight of his upper body off me whilst we were so closely connected below. My body tingled with the memories of the hours we had spent, luxuriating in each other’s bodies after the time we’d been apart. It was two months since we’d last been together in Brighton and so much had changed since then. But not this. Not us.
I’d been at uni for two weeks and it was amazing how much difference his arrival had made. The dark clouds had parted and he was the sun in my lonely uni experience. Okay, so it was only temporary, but I was sure I could cope if this became the pattern of my life: a couple of weeks alone, followed by a weekend with Jake. It didn’t matter where, at home or in Brighton, as long as I got to spend time with him. Like this.
I loved the way we fit together so perfectly, aligned in every way. When we were standing, the height difference was noticeable as the top of my head barely grazed his chin. Yet that made me feel safe, enveloped in his arms. But lying down, the difference disappeared. Yes, I did usually wake up with either his arms or long legs draped over me, but I liked it. Loved it.
“How long have you been awake and staring at me, Myrtle?” Jake’s yawned question interrupted my ogling.
“Oh, hours,” I joked. I could spend every hour of every day and not get my fill. Jake was that type of sexy which meant I couldn’t stop looking at him. And I wasn’t the only one, either. Over the months we had been together, I had finally got used to other girls, women even, eyeing him up, even if we were walking hand in hand. Maybe it was the permanent smile in his light blue eyes. Maybe it was the way his dirty-blond hair invited fingers to play in its messiness. Or maybe it was his ripped body, toned and tightened through hours of manual labour. God, his body.
“Earth to Myrtle,” Jake sang. “Is anyone at home?” I rolled over and straddled his hips. Looking down, my breath caught at the intensity of his gaze. His words may have been joking, but his eyes weren’t. He wasn’t looking at me: he was consuming me, almost as if he was trying to imprint my image on his brain. I dipped my head and kissed him lightly.
“Let me clean my teeth and I’ll be back,” I mumbled against his mouth but, as I tried to pull away, his arms folded around me, rendering me immobile. I wasn’t complaining; there were far worse places to be than pressed up against his chest.
“You know that I love you, don’t you?” There was a serious edge to his voice, which made me wish I was still looking into his eyes.
“That’s a stupid question. Of course I do. I love you and you love me. It’s knowing how much you love me, and looking forward to this weekend, that has meant I’ve survived the first couple of weeks here. So, yes, I know you love me. Now, can I brush my teeth?” After a brief, breath-crushing squeeze, his arms relented and I slid off the bed.
When I left the bathroom a few minutes later, I was surprised to see him, already dressed, and perched on the edge of my tidied bed.
“Oh, I thought I was coming back to bed,” I said, my hands unconsciously playing with the belt on my dressing gown.
“Sit down, Neve.” He never called me Neve. Ever.
“Why? Can’t I put some clothes on first?”
“Please, just sit down.” The quietness in his voice had me worried so I obeyed.
Big mistake.
That was the moment I let it happen.
“I can’t carry on doing this.”
“Carry on doing what? What are you talking about? Why are you acting so weird?”
“This. Us. I can’t do it anymore. I want out.” The bastard couldn’t even make eye contact with me as he broke—no, shattered—my heart.
“What the fuck? You’re kidding me, right? There’s no problem with this. We’re great. At least, I thought we were,” I added, turning his face around so he had no choice but to man up and look at me. “What are you doing, Jake? I know things will be a bit different when I’m here but you can come down whenever you want, and I’ll be home again in a couple of weeks. We’ll make it work. I promise.” I tried to kiss him, but he shifted his head so all I got was a stubbly cheek.
“It’s no good, Neve. My mind is made up. I came down to say goodbye.”
Never have I felt as angry as I did at that moment. Heat poured out of me, like a volcano erupting, and for a moment, I understood what compelled people to kill someone they love.
“You came down to say goodbye? Well, why didn’t you just do that then? But, oh no, you thought you were going to get one last shag in, didn’t you? So, you knew you were going to do this when we were in bed together? When you were telling me you loved me?” With each question, the tone and volume of my voice increased. When he tried to put his arms around me to calm me down, well, it was probably only dogs who could hear me.
“Get the fuck off me! You have no right to touch me. Not after this.”
“Please, don’t be like this.” The sadness in his eyes took the heat out of my anger and I wavered, desperate to find out what was going through his head. But I knew I couldn’t cope with finding out there was someone else or, worse still, that he no longer loved me. I had to stay strong.
“Get out. Get out now!” I opened the door to my room and stood sentry.