Looking at Cass’s smile from the chair next to mine, I knew I didn’t really have a choice. “Let’s take a risk.”
Two hours later and I knew I’d made the right choice. Staring back from the mirror was a slightly different version of me. My previously one-length hair now hung in choppy layers around my face and to just past my shoulders. The white-blonde highlights threaded heavily through my natural blonde changed my look completely. The hair which had defined me as the same for the last five years now told the world I was not that soft, na?ve girl anymore. I loved it.
We walked out, each of us with an extra layer of confidence thanks to Mum’s treat. Cass’s change was more subtle: her fringe was heavier and the colour had a glossy hint of plum. “Let’s grab a coffee before we go back,” she suggested and we made our way to the indie coffee shop across the road.
“Sitting having a coffee with you, like this, always reminds me of that day in Birmingham. You made me realise what a fool I was being, keeping Flynn away after what had happened. I’ll always be thankful for you getting him to meet me that day.” It had been such a risk, forcing Cass’s hand, especially when she was still so emotionally fragile after the attack. But I knew how much Flynn loved her, and how that love would help her to heal.
“I wasn’t sure whether it was the right thing, especially the look on your face when I told you. But I’m glad I did. I know he’s my brother and all that, but you two make such a perfect couple. I couldn’t let two people I love carry on hurting.”
“I’m not sure we’re perfect. Is anyone? But I don’t want to consider a life without Flynn. That’s what makes me worry for you. I thought you and Jake were the same and, if I think what it would do to me if Flynn ended it, I can’t believe you’re able to even get out of bed in the morning. I’m so proud of you, Neve. You’re doing okay.” Her watery eyes reflected her concern for me, and I reached across the table to hold her hand.
“I have to. I don’t want to but I have to. What are my other options? If I don’t go to classes, I’ll fail. I don’t really have a choice, do I?”
“Maybe you do,” Cass ventured. “If you’re so unhappy, maybe you should speak to him. Find out why he did it. I don’t mean the crap he said on the day, but what really made him do it. There might be a way around it.” My head struggled to think through the consequences of her suggestion. Could I cope with finding out the truth? Could we go back to how things were, as though this had never happened? Deep down, as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I knew the answer.
“I could never take him back after this, Cass. He broke my heart. Come on, you’ve read the same magazine articles, watched Oprah with Mum as much as I have. I have to be strong. I can’t let him do it again. My heart may want to, but my head says I deserve better.”
“Well, if that’s what you believe, maybe you should give Garrett a go. You know, see if there is a chance of feeling something like you felt with Jake.”
I didn’t tell her I already knew I didn’t.
That was what worried me.
Waving Mum and Dad off outside the housing block the next day, I was glad Mum had insisted on me going home. A couple of days of home-cooked food, being pampered and spending time with Cass had brought some moments of happiness. Even Flynn had been surprisingly discreet about what had happened with Jake; Cass told me he had ripped into Jake about ending things with me, but Flynn himself was silent on the matter.
Before I left, Cass had given me a gift-wrapped box, with strict instructions to only open it when I was feeling lonely or sad. It now sat in the corner of my room, next to the pile of pebbles.
I needed to finish an essay that was due later that week so was content to sit at my desk for the remainder of the evening, accompanied only by a stack of textbooks. Not wanting any awkwardness in the following day’s lecture, I knew I needed to contact Garrett before then.
Me: Hi. Had a good weekend?
Yankee: Yes, thanks. Went to London. You?
Me: Yes, thanks. Went home.
Yankee: That’s always good. See your boyfriend?
Me: What boyfriend?
Yankee: Sorry, thought you were seeing someone.
Me: No. Why u think that?
Yankee: You acted a little strange. I was worried I’d messed up.
Me: No. Just a strange mood
Yankee: So no boyfriend then? ?
Me: No. Not looking either!
Yankee: Message received! Meet for lunch before lecture?
Me: OK. 1.30?
Yankee: It’s a date… only joking!
Me: Bye.
Yankee: What are you doing now?
Me: Bye.
Yankee: Seriously?!
Me: Yes. Bye.
I finished drafting my essay and went to bed. Lying there, I realised it was just a week since Jake had left me here, alone. My heart was still a heap of broken pieces, but at least they were now arranged in a tidy pile in the corner.
Who was I trying to kid?