31
In the banquet room the wedding was in full swing. Brian and Jillian were making the rounds again as Jim, Victoria, Lisa, Eric, and his girlfriend, and the rest of the wedding party remained together at the main table. Lisa was in a particularly bad mood, even for her. She was clearly tipsy. She and Eric had been trading jabs at each other all night. Lisa was an opinionated conservative Republican while Eric's political leanings were much further to the left. He was a big Obama fan.
Jim was attempting to hold it together for the night and not have some giant meltdown related to his current love-life debacle. He decided the way to accomplish this was to drink a lot. It certainly put him in a good mood, but also brought his mind's filtering capabilities way down.
Victoria was completely sober and picking up on some tension between Eric and his girlfriend, Annette. She had noticed it at the rehearsal dinner as well and figured their relationship was on its last legs. As she watched Eric and Lisa's heated political discussions, she could picture them together. There was a fiery passion there. She knew Lisa didn't have a lot of experience with men, but she didn't know quite how critical the situation was. Victoria figured if Annette hadn’t been on this trip, she could see these two hooking up for the night.
Thirty minutes later, everyone except Jim, Victoria, and Lisa had left the reception and retired to their rooms. Victoria was sure that many of those who left were already enjoying some passionate sex after the romantic wedding. She was jealous. She loved weddings; they always made her horny, but who was she kidding—everything made her horny. Victoria figured even Eric and Annette were probably going at it. As she glanced at Lisa and Jim, she figured that the three of them would be the only people associated with the wedding who would not be getting laid that night.
The bartender came over with three drinks: a glass of wine and a half bottle for Lisa, another gin and tonic for Jim (his sixth), and a mineral water for Victoria. He smiled, told them he was closing up, and then headed off. Jim really didn't need another drink but began working on it anyway.
Lisa's mood could probably use another couple drinks, and she took a large sip as she eyed the bottle. Victoria didn't touch her mineral water. Lisa finished off her glass of wine and then began to pour another as she said, "You know, I'm going to be thirty-six in a month, and I'm still a virgin."
Victoria perked up as she lied, "I would never have guessed."
Jim mumbled, "I was a virgin up until about six months ago."
Lisa nodded to him dismissively and then took another sip. "In fact I've never made it to the third date with any man."
Now this surprised Victoria, and she asked, "You've never been in love?"
"I didn’t say that."
"Tell us."
"When I was a senior in high school, I met this guy who was at the naval academy. We had dated a few times, and then he took me to prom. We had a great time that night. We kissed for hours, and I, uh, fell in love with him."
"What happened?" Victoria asked.
"We never saw each other again. I waited and waited for him to call me, and he never did. I left him a couple messages, but…"
"Oh, that's awful."
"I really wanted to sleep with him that night, but I was scared. I'm glad I didn't because I would have felt much, much worse."
Lisa took another sip of wine as Victoria gave her a sympathetic look. "Why do you think you've never dated anyone?"
"I find most men to be annoying and not very attractive. I guess none will ever measure up to my Doug."
"I think you're too picky. Most men have something to offer. You just need to open yourself up. If you don't, you'll never be happy."
"Maybe, but I usually say the wrong thing to men. I can be sorta opinionated."
"Really?" Victoria asked with mock skepticism.
"Yes, when I start talking about politics or religion I kind of lose it a bit."
"You should really steer clear of those subjects when you're around a guy you like. And I watched you eat…that's not how you eat when on a date is it?" Lisa looked at her offended, and Victoria added, "Sorry, I'm just trying to help. You, uh, really like shrimp don't you?" Lisa stared at her dumbfounded and then Victoria added, "Let's forget about the eating for now."
Lisa sighed then they shared a nod.
"I think you must miss the signals men send out. That's part of your problem."
"What are you talking about?"
"For example, I think Eric likes you."
Lisa looked at her shocked, "Eric? No way. He's got a girlfriend, and he's not very good looking."
"I think he's cute, and those two are about to break up. You guys would make a good couple."
Lisa sneered at her as she said, "One…he's a Democrat and two he's not tall enough."
Victoria shook her head as she said, "You are way too picky. You just need to get laid. I think that would change your whole outlook on men."
Lisa took a sip and then stared at Victoria as she said hesitantly, "You know I've never even touched one."
Jim perked up then asked, "A guy?"
Lisa sighed and then whispered, "No, a penis."
"Is that why you left the bachelorette party?"
Lisa nodded. "I knew you had a stripper and I couldn't stay."
"You missed out because you could have touched one there—a big one."
Jim perked up as he asked, "You had a stripper at your party?"
Victoria shook her head with a grin. "No not a stripper—a famous porn star. He was hung like a horse."
Jim took a sip and gave them a disapproving look. "You girls are disgusting."
Victoria raised her eyebrows as she asked, "And what did you guys do at the bachelor party?"
Jim paused. "Uh, I don’t want to talk about it."
Victoria gave him a smug look and then turned her attention to Lisa as she asked, "So not even Doug's?"
"No, we made out, and we dry humped I guess they call it that night, but no."
"Wow, I've seen probably more than thirty." Lisa widened her eyes as Victoria continued, "I couldn't imagine my life without a penis every now and then. I always hope for more now than then." They shared a grin.
"Well, obviously you're pregnant and all," Lisa said. "Oh sorry," she added as she glanced to Jim.
Jim scoffed. "Don't worry about it. I'd help you out with the penis thing except I've already got way too many women in my life." He motioned with his eyes to Victoria as he said, "This one I'm still in love with, and as you just painfully reminded me is carrying my child. Oh, and there's Caroline who left this morning." Lisa nodded. Jim took a sip of his drink and then shook his head. "But did you know last night that I had sex with both—"
"So Lisa…" Victoria interrupted. She glared at Jim. He rolled his eyes and returned to his drink as she continued, "You really should consider Eric. I think I can get you guys together."
"I have to think about it. I don’t want to marry a man who is short. Our kids could be short."
"He's like five-eleven," Victoria said incredulously. "Plus first you need to actually make it to the third date with a man before you can ever even think he might ask you to marry him. Not to mention you need to have sex before you can have a baby. You've got to take some baby steps, no pun intended…and obsessing about a guy’s height is not getting you any closer to getting laid."
Lisa sighed. "I know I'm a messed up bitch. I was the youngest child, and my parents filled my head with how perfect and beautiful I was. It really screwed me up. I don't think anyone is good enough for me."
Victoria shook her head. "You need to give a blow job. That's what you need. Nothing centers you more than sucking on a big dick." Both Jim and Lisa looked at her in shock as she continued, "You think no one is good enough for you, and you're scared. You need a big hard cock coming at your face. That'll give you some perspective. You should have casual sex with a few guys, and then maybe you can focus on having a serious relationship."
Lisa paused; her appalled look morphed into a one of uncertainty. "I guess, but I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"I really don't know." Lisa sighed, picked up her glass, and emptied it.
The sexless trio took a cab to the house. Jim was out of it completely, while Lisa was pretty tipsy, but able to function for the most part. The two women helped him up to his room with Victoria doing most of the heavy lifting.
Once they were inside, Jim stared at Victoria as he said, "You know I do love you. We should move here and have the baby. We could live in a shack on the beach. You could make puca shell necklaces, and I'd sell them to the tourists."
The two women shared a wide-eyed look. Victoria said, "He's adorable. Drunk, but adorable." Lisa nodded.
They watched as Jim swayed a bit as he removed his jacket and shirt. He lowered his pants, and as he went to step out of them, he fell back against the bed. The women chuckled. Victoria said, "He could use some help."
They helped him sit up on the bed. Victoria got on her knees and pulled his shoes, socks, and pants off as Lisa pulled off his T-shirt. Jim grabbed Lisa around the neck. "You are pretty. I think you can get a guy, just don't be so mean to them. They, uh, don't like…meanness."
"Okay," she replied with a laugh.
Jim said, "Here you can look at my penis if you want. He pulled his boxer briefs down. Lisa waited before she quickly glanced at his groin and then she looked away. He added, "It's too hot in here anyway."
Lisa returned her gaze to him and studied his lean body. He climbed higher in the bed to rest his head on the pillow. Victoria stared at him too, and they both watched as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
Victoria looked at her. "So now you've seen one."
"It's kinda nice."
Victoria gave her a naughty smile. "You want to see it get hard? Then you'll really see what you've been missing all these years."
Lisa gave her a vaguely revolted look as she asked, "Are you going to touch it or…"
"No, no. That would be wrong…on so many levels—really, really, really fun, but wrong. He's the one who took his underwear off, and he said you could look at it, so what I'm about to do isn't wrong at all…just watch this."
Victoria grinned as she made her way to the bed near Jim's face. She leaned over and whispered dirty stuff in his ear. She knew exactly what would get him going. Jim grinned as he moaned while he moved his head around while wearing a silly, sexy grin. His penis began to move as it expanded in size. Lisa stared at it, mesmerized, and then she glanced up to Victoria and grinned for only a moment before her eyes locked back on the main attraction.
Victoria lifted her head up, checked the progress, and then paused before she leaned back in and whispered something even filthier. She crawled over to his midsection. "That should do it." Jim's penis was now at about half-mast and with each beat of his heart it throbbed and expanded even more.
Lisa stared at her in amazement. "You're just incredible."
"I know," Victoria said as she stared proudly at her accomplishment.
"What did you say?"
"Trust me—you're not ready."
Lisa nodded and then went to her knees on the opposite side of the bed. They both stared at Jim's manhood, as it grew right before their eyes. Victoria said confidently, "He should be reaching down to play with it any moment now. Men just can't leave it alone. I guess I can't blame them." As if on queue, Jim's hand wandered down, and he began pulling hard on his penis. The women shared a silent chuckle as they continued watching the show.
Lisa was captivated and said breathlessly, "He's, uh, got a nice one. Not that I would really know, but…"
"No, you're right. He does."
Jim moaned and then whispered, "Oh, Caroline lick my balls again."
Lisa looked at her shocked. "Wow does that bother you?"
"No, if I had balls, I'd want her licking them also. She's hot."
They watched as he took a deep breath and then his hand fell away from his cock. As it began to slowly deflate, Victoria said, "I can't believe you've never had one of those in your mouth or your p-ssy…or your ass."
"Ass?"
"Oh, God yeah. You haven't lived until you've had a hard cock gently penetrating you there." Lisa returned a sour face as Victoria looked past her and said slowly, "It's, uh, really…yeah…" She shook her head, tearing herself from the image, and then added, "But you should take baby steps. I wouldn't start with anal." Lisa nodded matter-of-factly. Victoria stood and took one more admiring look at Jim’s body. She exhaled and then covered him up.
Victoria stood with Lisa outside of her room. Victoria whispered, "We'll both certainly be thinking of Jim when we masturbate tonight." Lisa returned an almost infantile look, and Victoria added, "Tell me you plan on giving yourself at least two orgasms after what we just witnessed."
"I, uh…"
"You do touch yourself down there, don't you?"
Lisa paused with her mouth open and then said halfheartedly, "I have."
Victoria sighed and then shook her head for a moment. "How do you get out of bed every day?" She didn't wait for an answer but said, "You probably have never had a big orgasm. If you can't give yourself one, you can't expect a man to give you one."
"Really?"
"Look, I'm just about to get my master's degree in psychology. In a few months I'm opening my own office. I'm going to be a sex therapist. I could help you if you want."
"How can you help?"
"I want to show you how to touch yourself. Give me twenty minutes, and you'll be humping the leg of the next man you see." Lisa looked at her a little put off and then Victoria added, "Just kidding about the humping thing."
Lisa nodded relieved, "Okay…I think I'd like to learn."