She gingerly picked up the card and examined it. On the back was an 800 number, and she turned toward the window and discreetly punched the number into her cell phone. “Customer service,” she said quietly when prompted. “Customer service. Customer service. Customer service. Customer service!” On the other end of the line, someone with an unplaceable accent greeted her.
“Hi, my credit card isn’t working? I just need you to clear this up so I can charge my lunch,” she said.
“Thank you, ma’am,” the woman on the line said. This “ma’am” sounded warm and inviting, not at all the judgment she was expecting. “While I bring up your account, I’ll be glad to tell you about special offers and services customized for you. Ma’am, yes, ma’am, you have a past-due minimum-payment balance, and until that balance is paid, we’ve been instructed to withhold authorization. Would you like to pay that balance now?”
Evelyn scooted her chair closer to the window and leaned into the phone. “The thing is, I need to pay for lunch, and they’re declining the card. Can we fix that?”
“Well, ma’am, our records show that a payment on this card has not been made since February and the outstanding balance is—”
“I didn’t know it was that long. Honestly, I have a lot going on right now. I’ve been meaning to pay it.”
“I see, ma’am. We are always glad to help our valued clients. I am authorized to create a payment plan for you at this time.”
“Listen, the thing is, I’m at lunch right now and I just switched wallets so I only have this one card with me today. I had to go to this dreadful thing at a sports bar earlier, you see, so I kind of have to pay for lunch with this card. Isn’t there something you can do?”
“Yes, ma’am, please hold, and let me see which offers we can bring you today.” After a couple of minutes of Hall & Oates, the woman was back on the line. “I can authorize further charges at this time with a transfer of your balance to our Pewter Card, which is a new card specially created for credit-challenged consumers like you. Now, with this offer does come a higher APR and annual fee. Would you like to hear the details of this offer?”
“No, I mean, that sounds fine. So I can use my card now, right?”
“Yes, ma’am, you would be free to use your card at this time, and you will be able to continue using your new Visa Pewter Card once it arrives in the mail. I will need a verbal ‘yes’ at this time to activate the new member agreement.”
“Okay. Yes. Great.”
“Is there anything else?”
“No. Thank you. Thanks very much.” Evelyn hung up and looked at herself in the window, smoothed her hair, then put up one hand in what she hoped was a lackadaisical fashion to attract the waiter again. “A snafu with the bank,” she said when he arrived, and couldn’t help smirking at him. “You can go ahead and charge this.”
Ann called the next day and told her that since she hadn’t been at the company a full year, she didn’t qualify for stock options, and at any rate People Like Us was not close to being sold, so there wouldn’t have been a way to make them liquid. The company didn’t offer severance, which apparently was a benefit and not a right, and certainly wouldn’t apply to her being terminated for poor performance, and when Evelyn asked about an exit bonus Ann actually laughed.