Chapter 15
I was two blocks from the house before I finally got the nerve to call Lanna. I’d walked to a park I’d found on an earlier excursion. It was nothing too impressive. In fact, it wasn’t impressive at all. I think my parents’ yard was bigger and better kempt. Most of the equipment looked like it should’ve been banned. I chose the best of three rickety, splinter-infested picnic tables and took a seat. I was facing outward, my back resting against the hard edge of the table.
There was a chill in the air despite the blue sky. I wrapped an arm around myself then watched the cars go by as I listened to the line ring.
“Do you have time to talk?” I asked.
“Always,” Lanna said. I heard some shuffling noises and assumed that she was going off in search of some privacy of her own. “Are you okay?” she asked a few seconds later.
“Yeah, I think so. Wait, are you with Dustin? Am I interrupting?”
“Yes, I’m with him. Yes, you’re interrupting. In fact, that makes your timing perfect. He’s getting a little too grabby and I’m not sure his ex is such a wench. She always seemed so crabby but I think the problem is that he’s kind of a pig,” she proclaimed.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
She sounded surprisingly cheery. “Don’t be. It’s probably for the best. I don’t want to get too attached to anyone around here when I don’t know what I’m doing this fall. Mr. Hands-On is ensuring that is not going to be a problem.”
“How are Dani and Felicia doing? Are they getting along any better?”
“Holly. You did not call to talk about Dani and Felicia.” She was quiet a beat before saying, “Because Felicia just told me that you talked over an hour yesterday.”
“You’re right. I wanted to talk to you about Max.”
“Am I going to like this?” she asked. Her tone was teasing and alert.
I let out a nervous laugh. “I have no idea. Mike is staying with us—,” she groaned in sympathy, “—so that’s been fun. But the thing is…” I paused, my heart hammering because her answer was more important to me than I wanted to let on. “Did you know that Max supposedly has a crush on me?” I squeaked into the phone. I startled myself, realizing that I was almost on the verge of tears. I was afraid that she’d tell me I was right and then I’d feel horrible because all of the things that Mike had said were true. But I was even more afraid she’d tell me I was wrong.
Because I really, really wanted Mike to be right.
“A crush? Hardly,” she snorted and my heart took a swan dive. “That poor guy has been suffering from one of the most intense cases of unrequited love that I’ve ever seen.” She paused and her voice flew up a few octaves. I could almost feel her mentally clapping her hands in delight. “But…yay! He finally told you!”
“He didn’t tell me. But you’re saying you knew?!”
“He didn’t tell you? You finally figured it out for yourself?”
“You knew?” I repeated.
Lanna sighed. “I knew. It wasn’t hard for me to figure out. He watches your every move with sad, puppy dog eyes when you’re not looking. Of course, you couldn’t be aware of that. But for me, it was impossible to miss.”
“You didn’t think, as my best friend, you should’ve told me this?”
“Max asked me not to. You had Collin. He was always really worried about you finding out. Worried it would affect your friendship, you know?”
“So you…you knew when you sent me out here with him.”
“Guilty as charged,” Lanna said. “And proud of it, too. It was a genius move on multiple levels. It got you away from the chaos here, away from Collin. Better yet, hopefully it’s given Max the chance that he never thought he’d get.”
“Huh,” I said. That would explain all of the secret looks between the two of them. Looks I never understood.
“I feel so stupid,” I admitted. Stupid…but relieved. “How did I miss it?”
“Sometimes it’s hard to see something when you don’t know what you’re looking for. Besides, Max never wanted you to know. Trust me, he was good at hiding it,” she said.
Was he? Or was Mike right? Was I that self-absorbed? I hoped not.
“So now that you know, what are you going to do about it?” Lanna wondered.
I gave her the most honest answer I could. “I have no idea.”
She was quiet for a minute but then she charged ahead. “Just be careful with him. Okay?”
“What do you mean?’
“Don’t hurt him.”
“I love Max. I’d never hurt him.”
Lanna gifted me with a long, draw-out sigh that barreled into my ear as it flew out of the line. “You would never hurt him on purpose. But without meaning to? You hurt him all the time. Holly, you’ve been hurting him for years.”
I gritted my teeth because that’s exactly what Mike had said.
“He’s had girlfriends,” I protested.
Not a lot. But a few. Most girls seemed to see Max as the let’s-be-pals-type. Isn’t that what I realized the day I found out Tori wanted him? Most girls, like me, never looked at Max any other way. I smacked myself in the forehead with my palm.
Unaware of my mental rambling, Lanna continued on. “Of course he’s had girlfriends. You were engaged! He’s in love. That doesn’t mean he’s a glutton for punishment. He did what he had to do. I think he thought if he dated, he’d find someone that would help him get over you. I think they did help, for a while. But in the end, I think he just can’t make those feelings go away.”
Thoughts of Max’s heart being shredded by a cheese grater slammed into my mind. I may have whimpered. Lanna may have ignored me.
“How did things with…what was her name? Tori? How did they go?”
I groaned. “They didn’t go the best. But you knew that, didn’t you?”
She made a noncommittal noise.
“That’s why you didn’t want Max to bring me to Collin’s the night Felicia lost her keys.” A dozen other times came to mind as well. “And that’s why you laughed when I set him up with Tori.”
“Guilty,” she admitted again.
I squinted off into the distance, momentarily lost in thought. That couldn’t have made Max feel too great. Me, pushing him off on someone else like that. I ran my hand through my hair, wondering how many more days Mike was going to be around. I couldn’t imagine talking to Max about any of this with his brother here.
Then again, I couldn’t imagine talking to Max about this regardless.
“I can’t believe I set him up with Tori,” I moaned.
“Well, you didn’t know,” she said diplomatically. “Now you do. To be honest, I’m glad you know. Because now…” She sighed again. This time, it seemed less theatric and like something she just couldn’t help. “Just be careful with him,” she repeated.
“Was he…” I could barely push the words from my mouth. “Was he happy about what happened with Collin and me?”
“No,” she was quick to say. “Well, maybe he was relieved that it happened before the wedding instead of after. But he was livid. I mean, you were pretty torn up about it. So he was all torn up over the fact that you were torn up. No matter what’s going on, or who you happen to be with, he just wants you to be happy.”
“So, do you guys talk about me? I mean, like that?” What an odd thought, those kinds of chats going on without my knowing. I frowned just thinking about it.
She laughed. “Not really. He never really talks much about it but he’s never had to. I talk enough for the both of us. I saw this coming before he even realized it. Boys and girls,” Lanna said in her best authoritative voice, “cannot be friends. They just cannot be. There are lines that will inevitably be crossed. That’s just the nature of things. It’s the damn hormones we’ve been cursed with. They just can’t help but get in the way and make a mess of things.”
“That’s not true,” I argued. “What about you and Tony? You and Tony have never crossed those lines.” I was met with dead silence. “Lanna!” I hissed. Still nothing. “You and Tony?!”
I heard her puff out an indignant breath. “There was this one time—” She cut herself off. “Actually twice if you count—” She cut herself off again. “Never mind. The details don’t matter. The point is that it’s not possible.”
“Okay,” I relented because I couldn’t scrape together an argument.
She must’ve been mulling over my situation in her mind because she let out another little self-satisfied, happy little sound.
“Is this why you sent me out here with him?” I didn’t know whether I wanted to kick her or kiss her.
“It was only part of the reason. Mostly, it was everything I said to you that day in the parking lot. But yes, I had hoped that you two would figure things out. The problem was, I knew you would never figure it out if you didn’t go. Especially if Max left and you stayed. It would’ve been the worst kind of opportunity wasted. You’ve never been away from Collin long enough to give Max a chance. Wait,” she said as if something had just occurred to her, “are you going to give him a chance? I mean, do you like him? Like that?”
“I think I might.” I definitely did.
“Perfect,” she said.
“Do Dani and Felicia know?” I couldn’t imagine either of them being able to keep it a secret.
“I don’t think so,” Lanna said. “If they know, they’ve never said a word to me. Dani doesn’t pay that much attention to things that don’t pertain to her. And Felicia, she’s a bit too flakey to know what’s going on.”
“Okay,” I breathed out the word.
“What are you going to do?”
“Wait until Mike leaves. Then I guess I should talk to Max.”
***
I took my time walking home. I wanted to give the two of them time to get out of there. I wasn’t sure I could face Mike right then. Or Max. A million thoughts were bouncing around in my head. The most prominent was the fear that Max no longer felt the same. Had I pushed him aside one too many times? He’d had me alone for a good chunk of the summer now. Collin couldn’t possibly be any more out of the picture than he was.
I replayed a hundred scenes over in my head, trying to see something that I’d missed. But I didn’t want to read into something that wasn’t there. Regardless of how he felt about me that way, Max was just a good person. He was always doing nice things. So all of the nice things he’d done, did they mean something or was it Max just being Max?
Maybe a little of both?
I groaned as I threw myself down on the couch.
Lanna had assured me Max was just being cautious.
I realized she had a point. The summer was already almost half over. I would be heading home…well, I didn’t know when. But the longest I could stay was until the end of August. Classes would be starting after that so there was no way around leaving by then. Was it even worth trying to start something when, really, our timeframe was so limited? Could we have a summer fling and then go back to being just friends? Would that put too much of a strain on our friendship? Would it change it too much? Would it be worth it to find out? What if Max didn’t think so? What if Max had thought of all of these reasons, too? What if that’s why he’d never said anything now that he virtually had me all to himself?
I rested my head against the cushions, staring at the ceiling.
Hours passed before they came home. By then I was wrapped up in a spare blanket, flipping through the channels again. It was late and Max leaned his head over the couch to tell me goodnight before he headed off to bed. I tried to read something in his expression but I saw what I always saw. Just Max.
Mike, on the other hand, took the remote from my hand, dropped himself into the chair again, and turned the volume up.
I would’ve glared at him if I thought it would do any good. What I knew was that it would just encourage him. If I’d had any hope that the forced heart to heart with Mike would’ve erased some of his obvious dislike of me, those hopes were quickly doused.
He was sitting with his feet propped up on the coffee table. The television was blaring. He had some sports recap show on. I had the distinct hunch he was going out of his way to make me miserable.
Two episodes later, without a doubt, he was succeeding.
He hadn’t said another word to me so I was giving him the same courtesy.
I’d let him have the bedroom. The problem was that the only television in the house was in the living room. That’s where I was supposed to be sleeping. Mike had a habit of staying up half the night but most nights, he’d at least done that elsewhere.
I squirmed deeper under the covers and tried to discreetly tug the pillow over my ears. Apparently I wasn’t discreet enough because he turned the volume up, overriding any relief I may have found.
“Mike! Seriously?!” Max shouted a few seconds later as he came into the room. “You do know I have to work tomorrow, right?” His hair was a mess and he was squinting into the light. I was sure he had been sleeping until Mike cranked up the volume. I let out an inaudible sigh because he looked adorable.
Mike mumbled something that was probably supposed to pass as an apology. He clicked the remote until the volume turned down. Max’s eyes crept to me. I was peering out of the blanket I was wrapped up in.
“You gonna stay up all night?” he asked Mike.
Mike shrugged. “Dunno.”
“Come on,” he mouthed to me. He nodded toward his room. I only hesitated a few seconds. Sleeping in the same bed with Max after what I’d learned was still less stressful than hanging out with Mike. His sole purpose on this visit seemed to be to make me lose my sanity.
I accidentally met Mike’s gaze as I made my way around him. He was smirking his madding smirk.
“You’re welcome Max!” Mike bellowed.
“Shut up for once,” Max grumbled back.
I scampered down the hallway after Max, wondering if this was going to be awkward. We’d shared a bed two nights in a row while we were traveling. But that was different. It was different because I hadn’t felt then the way I did now.
“I’m sorry about him,” Max grumbled as he bounced into bed again. “I think he’s leaving tomorrow. I told Grandma what a pain in the ass he’s been. She was pretty insistent he come stay with them a few days. He hasn’t agreed yet but I’ll talk to him again.”
“It’s okay,” I said as I slipped under the covers.
“It’s not,” Max said, sighing into the darkness. “He’s usually not such an ass. I don’t know what his problem is when he’s around you.”
I wiggled around in the bed, trying to get comfortable and wishing that Mike weren’t just in the other room. I was far too aware of how close Max was. I could still smell, ever so faintly, his cologne. My heart sputtered erratically. I clenched the sheet in my fists. I needed to get a grip. I was turning into a pathetic mess.
Over Max.
Max, on the other hand, was completely relaxed. So relaxed that by the time I’d finished readjusting myself, his breathing had already evened back out.
I laid there in the dark, thinking it was just as well he fell asleep. I was probably dangerously close to saying something that I hadn’t thought out well at all. I mean, how would you even begin a conversation like that?