“I guess I will have to work a little harder at this groveling business,” Decker chuckled.
Anger prickled at my skin. My feelings were not a game for Decker to play with. He had damn well hurt me, crushed me. I wasn’t going to roll over with forgiveness the moment he offered me a pretty bauble or created a fairytale scene in which I was the lead princess, even if it was the most romantic gesture ever! I gave his chest a small push and took a step away. Being this close to him made it hard for me to think straight. I wanted him so damn bad it made it hard for me to understand what the right thing was. And wasn’t that just a curly question. Was there a right or wrong here? Or was it simply a chance, a chance at happiness or a chance at more pain? My feminist independent side wanted to hurt him, and by the bruise on his jaw, I guessed someone had already beaten me to it. The womanly side of me, the big, soft, tender heart that dwelled within me and made me who I am wanted to scream, ‘I forgive you’ and scale the firm rigid length of him like a horny cat in heat.
“Damn you, Decker!” I cursed. The sudden swing in my mood took him by surprise. “Is this some sickening case of you wanting what you can’t have? Is that what this is? You conquered me once but now you need to prove you can do it all over again?”
He pinned me with an angry look. “You were never a conquest to me.”
“Then what the hell was I?” He took as step forward and I was caught between wanting to take a step into his arms and taking a step back. That’s what this had become for me, a vicious tug of war between my heart and my head.
“You were everything I ever wanted and I didn’t even know it. You were the light I was missing from my days, you were the heart I was missing from my soul, and you are the fucking future missing from my dreams.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Instead my eyes filled with tears. “Crap, you’re gonna make me cry now?” I’m not sure who I was shouting at or why, but Decker panicked at the sight of my tears. He pulled me into his arms and patted me awkwardly on the shoulder.
“Shhhh, everything will be alright.”
“Oh good lord, you still suck at this,” I sobbed. The rumble of laughter under my cheek felt good.
“If it makes you feel any better, Bradley hit me.” Oh, that did make me feel better. “Actually, he hit me a few times.”
“You don’t look like you’ve been beaten,” I confessed.
“Well, it was Bradley.”
After a short silence I regained my composure and felt more than a little embarrassed by the little hissy fit I just threw in front of strangers. I glanced over my shoulder at the chef who seemed present only in body, the bored look on his face a great example of how professional he was. Jeeves was showering his horses with loving attention. With a big sigh, I turned back to face Decker. Yes, he had hurt me, but being here with him now made me feel better. The simple truth was I felt happier with him than I had ever felt before. He filled an empty space in my heart with something that made my monotone days and nights just a little bit extraordinary. Yes, he had a past I preferred to ignore. He had terrible taste in music, his gag reflex was pathetic, and he couldn’t help himself with lewd and inappropriate comments. He was also sweet, he made me laugh, and he was spontaneous and fun to be around. And I loved him. Love wasn’t meant to be simple and it didn’t come without risks. It appeared I had found love in the wrong place, in an adult film star who was supposed to be my friend without benefits. But, as it turned out, porn stars are people too, with beating hearts, sexy smiles, and mischievous eyes of liquid amber. And isn’t a partner a friend…with benefits? Yes, taking a chance on Decker was worth all the heartache I would most likely be burdened with. As if sensing my internal battle, Decker took my face in his hands, his thumbs brushing away the remnants of my tears.
“If you give me a chance, I promise the only tears on this beautiful face will be from laughter. I will perform the helicopter every morning so your day begins with nothing but smiles, I’ll hold your hair back if you puke, I will thoroughly search for missing vajazzle bling every time you wear it, and I will listen to nothing but country for the rest of my life.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s a pretty serious vow.”
“You have no idea. Just the thought of holding your hair back while you throw up is making me feel ill.” I turned my face into his palm and pressed a kiss. “I want to be better for you, I want you to be proud of me, I want to be what you need. I’ll most likely fuck up from time to time, but I swear to you, there will be no lies, no betrayal, just me working hard to be everything you deserve.”
How could a girl turn her back on that? I’ll tell you right now, she didn’t. Some chances were just worth taking.
“Okay,” I breathed.