TWENTY-ONE
Mallory
Boston was gorgeous. It had only been gone a few weeks, but it was just as stunning as I remembered. The flowers around the city were in bloom and the sun shone brightly as I had lugged my duffel up to my apartment. My roommates had were gone for the weekend, but I enjoyed the solitary.
We had an extra-large balcony that had a monumental view of the harbor, and I planted myself in one of the chairs for the entire day. I didn’t unpack, I didn’t eat or drink—I just soaked-in the city. As much as I loved the Boston, it wasn’t home. It wasn’t Casper. I missed the small town life, the two lane roads, and Luke. I missed Luke most of all, even though it was over between us.
When Rainey called me the following Tuesday, I agreed to meet her at Faneuil Hall for lunch. I was early, but she was already waiting for me by the Christmas shoppe. It was her favorite store, no matter what town she was in. Casper has a tiny little shop that boasted Christmas year-round, but Rainey was clearly taken with the store.
“Let’s go inside,” I suggested after I hugged her hello.
Her eyes lit up like a little kid’s and she nodded. We started with the top floor and slowly made our way back to the ground floor. We spent nearly an hour in the store, but I wasn’t back to work yet, so I didn’t have a schedule.
Although my boss had promised I would have a job when I returned, he was still ironing out the details with the higher ups. I guessed they were afraid I would up and leave again. No chance of that happening.
Rainey chose a restaurant styled after a popular 90’s TV show and once we were seated, she started in on me.
“Why would you leave us?”
By us, I assumed she meant our little group, including Luke.
“Rain, I know it’s hard, but it’s harder for me to be in the same town as him, to watch him hit on other women,” I explained.
“You have to know Carrie was the one hitting on him, Mal. He would never hit on another woman with you right there.”
She sounded exasperated. I smiled at her antics. The waiter took our order and Rainey didn’t miss a beat.
She defended him. “Luke is a good guy.”
How many times were people going to say that to me? I was sick of hearing about how good he was. I knew. I had first-hand knowledge.
“I know,” I replied. “But we just aren’t meant to be, Rainey. He wants me to make all the sacrifices. He wants me to move to Casper when I love Boston. This place is my home now.”
“No, it’s not,” she argued. “Casper is home.”
She was so adamant there was hardly any room for an argument. So I didn’t argue. I sipped my water and just stared at her.
“Don’t look at me like that,” she groaned. “I only want you to really think about what you’re giving up in order to not ‘sacrifice’ for a relationship with Luke. Other than Luke himself, you’re abandoning our friendship, again, and your relationships with Gabby, Baker, and Wolfe. They all adore you. You’re kind of like the glue that holds our little group together.”
“Our group is broken, Rainey. Me and Luke, Gabby and Wolfe. Hell, you are the only one who has something good going for you with Baker,” I protested.
“Broken or not, friends stick together. And best friends stick together forever. Can you please stop focusing on the broken promises of your childhood and adolescence? I know your dad made promises he couldn’t keep, so did Luke. It’s time to grow up and accept that when something is broken, you fix it,” she said vehemently. “You don’t throw it away.”
I glared at the table so I wouldn’t look at her and see the truth in her eyes. Not only did she want me to go home to Casper, she wanted me to get back together with Luke and then help fix everyone else’s problems.
“It’s no use.” I sighed. “Luke won’t want anything to do with me now. I chose Boston over him. Again, as you put it. History really does repeat itself, doesn’t it?” I looked up at her with tear-filled eyes.
“Only if you let it,” she whispered.
She wanted to give me hope, I knew. Hope that with some hard work, I really could fix what was broken between me and Luke. But I wasn’t so sure. Fear gripped me. What if I made the effort and he refused me? Could I handle that kind of rejection? I wasn’t sure.
We avoided the conversation for the remainder of lunch. She filled me in on what was happening at home while I’d been gone. It wasn’t much. We struggled for conversation topics that wouldn’t lead us back to Luke. Or my dad. I didn’t want to discuss either of them.
“So, I think Baker and I might be getting serious,” she said out of the blue. I raised my brow at her and she smiled sheepishly. “I mean, it was supposed to be just a summer fling, but now that I’m moving home more permanently, he wants to make it official that we’re dating. He’s totally awkward when we talk about it, too.”
“Sounds like he’s making an effort, though, which is great. I am so happy for you,” I declared. I watched her smile fade.
“If only…”
“What’s with you, Rain? You have to tell me,” I begged. I’d been waiting for weeks to hear what it was that had her not drinking alcohol and having mysterious ‘business meetings’ in Boston. I deserved to know.
“I can’t tell you,” she insisted.
“Rainey, if you don’t tell me, I will get Gabby on the phone right now and demand she tell me right now,” I threatened. From her satisfied grin, I knew she was going to call my bluff.
“Gabby won’t tell anyone, Mal. Not even you. Especially not you. She’s held on to this secret for two full years,” she boasted.
“Then why can’t I know?” I whined.
“Mallory, sometimes you have to trust that the people around you know what’s best for you, even if you don’t understand. Joe pushed you to Boston because he wanted you to have a better life. He didn’t tell you about his cancer because he knew you wouldn’t have lived your life fully—which is the way you should live. No one should have to spend years watching a parent die,” she said quietly.
I knew she was thinking about Luke, how he had watched the only real father figure in his life die. I swallowed a lump in my throat.
“It’s not fair, Rainey. What makes Gabby so trustworthy and me not?”
I was a little hysterical over thinking about what was going on with her. I knew she wasn’t pregnant, of course, but it didn’t make sense why she wouldn’t tell me. We were supposed to be best friends. I felt betrayed that she felt close enough to Gabby to tell her, but not to me.
“It’s not about trustworthiness, Mallory. It’s about being able to handle the information. Gabby is a strong woman and she has dealt with an array of bad things in her life,” she said.
I considered this. Gabby’s mom had died of breast cancer when Gabby was young. She’d watched a parent die, too. I gulped. Did that automatically make her better at understanding a difficult situation?
“I’m dealing with Dad’s death, you know. It’s not like I haven’t experienced loss, too,” I muttered.
“Fine. You want to know? I’ll tell you,” she sighed and closed her eyes. When she opened them, all I could see in their depths was pain.