nine
valerie avoided mason all the next day. whenever he came into a room, she made up a valid excuse to leave. She even went so far as to hide, like she was right now. Mason had come in for supper. She was going to feign being busy with patient . . . stuff, so she hid behind the thick wood column. As soon as he passed, she was going to hightail it into what everyone now called the medical office. They’d moved a sturdy folding bed in there so her patients could lie down, and Valerie had ordered instruments and medical supplies she needed for them. Or the patients. Not her patients. She wasn’t staying. This wasn’t a regular thing. It was temporary. She was temporary.
“What the hell are you doing?”
She nearly jumped out of her boots as Jolene caught her in the hall. She whipped around, pushing Jolene into the office and closing the door.
“Don’t ever do that to me again.”
Jolene held her hands up. “I’m not the one skulking around my own house.”
“I’m not skulking. I’m . . . avoiding.”
Jolene crossed her arms. “I know what you’re doing. You’re avoiding Mason. Why?”
“I just don’t want to talk to him right now.”
“Lovers’ quarrel?”
“No.”
“Then what is it?”
It was petty and stupid, but ever since Mason had planted the suggestion that she would make a good country doctor, Valerie had done her best to avoid him. First he had to remind her how great the two of them were together. And now this? It was all so . . . comfortable, convenient. It made sense in her head and in her heart. And she wasn’t going to have any of it. She was just addled by great sex and being in the comfort of her own home, around her family. His suggestion was ludicrous, and avoiding him was logical. She would not have him talk her into staying when that wasn’t at all what she wanted.
“Nothing I want you to know about.”
Jolene slid her butt onto a chair. “Come on, Val. Spill it.”
She skirted past Jolene and went to wash instruments. “I’m not going to talk about this with you.”
“I’m not leaving until you do.”
“Fine. Then I’ll leave.” She pulled open the door and nearly shrieked as Lila was there, hand poised as if to knock.
Was everyone out to scare her to death today?
“Sorry, didn’t mean to bother you. You seeing Jolene as a patient?”
Jolene snorted behind her.
“Um, no. We were just talking,” Valerie said.
“Good. Supper’s on the table.”
“I’m not hungry.”
Lila grabbed her by the wrist. “You’ve avoided having meals with your family for too long now. Enough is enough. You will eat with us tonight.”
Valerie knew her stubborn refusal to see Mason was only going to last so long, at least where Lila was concerned. “Yes, ma’am.”
Valerie walked in behind Lila, refusing to even look at Mason. But she knew he was there, sitting at the table. Jolene sauntered in behind her and took one of the two remaining chairs, which left Valerie stuck in the middle between Jolene and Mason since the rest of the seats were occupied.
Jolene leaned toward her, looking entirely too smug.
“Oh, man, I hate to get all childish and little sister on you, Val. But . . . neener neener.”
“Bitch,” she whispered back.
Brea cocked a brow from across the table. “Now isn’t this reminiscent of us as kids. You two bickering at each other.”
Jolene reached for a roll. “And you clear across the table, avoiding.”
Brea lifted her chin, but didn’t offer up a retort.
“Brea, that outfit you’re wearing is spectacular, by the way.”
Valerie felt bad that she hadn’t made enough of a fuss over how awesome her sister looked after Jolene had taken her into the city for a makeover. Her hair was cut shorter, her bangs swept to the side, and gone were the hideous outfits she’d been wearing, replaced instead by jeans and shirts that hugged her curvy figure.
Brea blushed and skirted her glance down the table, then back at Valerie. “Thanks.”
Valerie followed Brea’s gaze. She had stolen a glance at Gage, who cast a very smoldering look in Brea’s direction, which only made Brea’s cheeks pinken further.
Interesting. Very interesting. She’d like to know what that was all about. Maybe she’d ask Brea later.
Right now she intended to concentrate on getting through supper as fast as possible so she could get away from Mason. She stole glances in his direction during the meal, and even though every time she looked, his gaze wasn’t directed at her, she couldn’t help but feel he was watching her. Judging her. Expecting her to . . . what?
“So Valerie,” Brea said. “You’ve been busy.”
“Uh huh.”
“Treating a lot of people from the community,” Lila said, beaming from her spot at the end of the table. “She’s a fine doctor.”
“Thank you.” She scooped up a few peas on her fork and slid them into her mouth.
And then it started, and moved around the table. One comment after another.
“The town needs a good doctor.”
“It’s been three years since Doc Parmalee retired. Poor folks around here don’t have decent medical care.”
“Most won’t take the trip into Tulsa. Injuries, illnesses, even well baby care. It’s a shame, really.”
“Hard to get a doctor to want to live in a small community like this unless they’re from the area.”
With every word Valerie sank farther into her chair, hoping she’d become invisible.
“Valerie, what do you think about all this?”
She lifted her gaze to Lila. “About what?”
“About the sad state of our community having no doctor.”
She grabbed her glass of milk and took several gulps. “I think it sucks.”
“You could fix that, you know.”
Her shoulders tightened at Mason’s words. She snapped her gaze to his. “I’m not the solution to the problem.”
Mason didn’t seem at all bothered by her glare; instead he slung his arm over the back of his chair and stretched out his legs. “You could be, if you just thought about it. What it would mean to you, to your family and to your community.”
“You’d make an incredible doctor for the people of this area, Valerie,” Lila said with a giant smile.
“It’s what Mom and Dad would have wanted for you,” Jolene said, nodding.
Valerie shot up out of her chair, pushing it back with her legs. “No. Absolutely not. Look. I have a life. A carefully orchestrated plan that’s about to see pay dirt. I worked my butt off in school to get to this point. Besides, I have a brand-new job. I’m committed. In Dallas. I’ve agreed to a partnership with a great group of doctors. I’m going to make incredible money.”
Even as she said it, the words sounded hollow, narcissistic, selfish. Her stomach hurt.
But dammit, she wouldn’t be deterred.
“I’m not a ranch doctor. I’m not a small town doctor. I know what I want to do with my life, where I’m going.” She looked at Mason. “It’s not here.”
It’s not with you.
Mason just continued to give her that smile, the one that made her want to march over to his chair, kick it out from under him and then pummel him until her frustration with him—with this entire situation—went away.
“Everything you need is here, Valerie,” he said.
Emotion welled up and she didn’t know whether she wanted to crumple in his arms or punch his lights out. Her voice wavered as she stuttered out the words. “I can’t do this, Mason. I can’t be who you want me to be. I can’t lo . . .”
She’d almost said that she couldn’t love him, but stopped before she embarrassed herself further in front of everyone.
“I just can’t.” She turned to Lila. “Excuse me, Lila.” She turned and left the room, hightailing it two steps at a time up the stairs. She shut the door to her room and sat on the bed, her heart pounding so hard she felt light-headed. She bent over, folded her hands together and willed the shakes away.
Coming home had been an epic mistake. She’d known it, and yet she’d stupidly done it anyway. She had known something bad would happen. It always did whenever she came home. This place was filled with nothing but bad memories and failures. Her parents’ death, the failure of her marriage, and now her inability to help the people of her community.
She hadn’t been able to save her parents or her marriage. Now she couldn’t save the people of her town.
But dammit, she’d enjoyed tending to the people, enjoyed seeing the smile on the craggy faces of the elderly folks, enjoyed wiping off toddlers’ sticky fingers, enjoyed listening to the fetal heartbeats and excited faces of expectant parents. The thought of any of them not getting appropriate medical care . . .
She wrapped her arms around her middle, as if the very act could squeeze the ache away.
It wasn’t her responsibility. None of it. She didn’t have the capacity to love all those people.
She’d loved her parents so much, and that love hadn’t been able to keep them with her. She’d loved Mason, too.
She still loved Mason. And oh, God, it hurt to love him. She could never be what he wanted her to be. She refused to stay here and he’d never be happy in Dallas. She couldn’t live in this house, in this town, with its choking memories of love and loss.
And the people of the town? They’d just have to find a doctor willing to settle in the middle of nowhere and tend to them. It wasn’t going to be her.
She had to get out of here. The ranch ran just fine without her input, and would continue to do so. Jolene and Mason had it all under control, and she’d stayed here long enough.
Too long.
She went to the closet and dragged out her suitcases, then started packing.
“What are you doing?”
Valerie figured it wouldn’t take long for Jolene to barge her way in and stick her nose in Valerie’s business. “I’m leaving.”
Jolene took a seat on Valerie’s bed. Brea was right behind her and took a seat, too. “Why?” Brea asked.
She paused and lifted her gaze to her sisters. “Because I can’t be who and what everyone expects me to be here. I can’t be a ranch owner, a doctor . . .”
“And Mason’s wife?” Jolene asked.
A few seconds ticked off before she answered. She didn’t want to talk about this, but she knew Jo wouldn’t leave it alone. “Yes.”
“You were always the strongest of all of us, Val. You held it together when Mom and Dad died, took care of Brea and me, held us when we cried at night. We’d have never made it through those dark years without our big sister.”
Valerie fought back tears remembering what it was like back then. Three young girls who’d had their lives shattered in the blink of an eye. “We relied on each other. You two helped me through it, too.”
Brea shook her head. “No, Valerie. Jo is right. It was you who was the strong one, the one who made us get up every day and put one foot in front of the other. You were the one who told us life moves on for the survivors even when those we love die.”
She couldn’t remember saying that.
“And now here you are, running like a coward instead of facing the truth.”
Valerie snapped her gaze to Jolene. “This isn’t the same thing. And I’m not running. It’s time for me to go. I have things to do in Dallas to prepare for my new job.”
“You promised to stay here a month.”
Valerie shrugged. “I just . . . can’t.”
“Because of Mason,” Brea said. “Because you still love him and you can’t face it.”
She slammed the lid on her suitcase and glared at Brea. “No. Not because of Mason. I don’t love him. We’re over.”
Jolene laughed. “Please. It’s so obvious to everyone here how you feel about him. And how he feels about you. But at least he isn’t running away instead of facing his feelings.”
This was pointless. Arguing with her sisters had never gotten any of them anywhere. She zipped up her second suitcase and reached for her purse, then hauled both suitcases down the stairs, Brea and Jolene on her heels.
Mason was in the hall near the front door.
Damn.
He cocked a brow. “Leaving?”
She swallowed past the dry prairie in her throat. “Yes. I have . . . things to do in Dallas.”
“Uh huh.” He grabbed her bags. “I’ll go put these in the car for you.”
Jolene let out a disgusted sound. “I can’t believe this. He’s just going to let you go.”
Valerie turned to her sister. “He knows not to push me.”
Brea shook her head. “He knows what a stubborn pain in the ass you are.”
Jolene stepped in front of her, and Valerie wasn’t sure she’d ever seen her sister look that angry.
“Look, Valerie. You’re my big sister and I love you. But this time you are wrong. Dead wrong. You’ll regret running away and not facing your feelings about Mason, about being here at the ranch again, and how you really feel about treating the people of our community.”
Valerie lifted her chin. “I know how I feel about all those things, and none of them have anything to do with my leaving.”
Jolene grabbed her and hugged her, then whispered in her ear, “Physician, heal thyself.” She kissed her on the cheek, then walked away.
Brea hugged her, pulled away, sadness evident in her downturned lips. “Don’t go, Val. This is a mistake. You can’t run away from everyone and everything you love. They’ll all still be there no matter how far you go.” Brea fisted her hand and held it to her heart. “Right there. You can’t escape it.”
Valerie’s eyes filled with tears and she shook her head. “I have to.”
Brea stepped out of her way, and Valerie hurried to her car, half expecting to see Mason waiting for her. She dreaded the inevitable confrontation.
He wasn’t there. Her bags were in the trunk, but Mason was nowhere to be found.
She ignored the knot of disappointment tightening in her chest. This was what she wanted and she was grateful he wasn’t making it difficult for her to leave. She slid into the driver’s seat and headed down the long drive, watching the horses and cattle grazing in the pastures. She swiped away the tears that rolled down her cheeks, ignored the agonized pain ripping through her at the thought of leaving all this behind.
It hadn’t been this hard leaving two years ago. Why now? How had she become so ingrained in this place again in such a short time?
She shook her head. It didn’t matter. She was making the right decision. The ranch held nothing but pain for her. She and Mason would never work. She wasn’t a country doctor. She was supposed to live in the city. That’s where her life, her future, was.
A truck pulled into the entrance to the ranch just as she reached the end. Whoever it was climbed out and waved his hands wildly over his head. Valerie jerked to a stop and he ran over to her.
It was Red Mitchell, one of the ranch owners who lived nearby.
“Dr. Valerie, I’m so glad I caught you before you drove off.”
He was panting, his face beet red like always, mostly due to him being about a hundred fifty pounds overweight.
“What’s wrong, Red?”
“It’s Mama. She’s fallen on the floor and I can’t wake her up.”
“I’ll follow you.”
He tottered over to his truck and climbed in. Valerie drove behind him the few miles down the road to his ranch. As soon as they pulled up in front of his one-story house, Valerie threw the car in park, hopped out and went to the trunk to retrieve her medical bag.
“She’s in her bedroom, on the floor,” Red said, panting and struggling to keep up. “Straight down the hall, last room on the right.”
Valerie didn’t bother waiting for him, just ran through the front door and found Red’s mother, Eugenia, on the floor of her bedroom. She dropped to her knees, put on latex gloves, then tapped Eugenia a few times, called her name, but no response. She was still unconscious, her skin pale and sweaty.
She got out her stethoscope and blood pressure monitor. BP was low, heart rate too fast.
By then Red was in the doorway, breathing heavy.
“Red, sit down on that chair before you pass out, too.”
Red fell into a nearby rocker.
“Has she been sick?” She felt Eugenia’s pulse.
“She’s diabetic. Doesn’t follow her diet too good.”
Shit. That had to be it. “What did she eat today?”
“Don’t know. I was out plowin’ most of the day, but Mama said she was feelin’ poorly so she wasn’t all that hungry.”
Valerie dug into her bag and pulled out the glucose test kit. It told her immediately what she already knew—insulin shock. She grabbed glucose wafers, lifted Eugenia’s head and slipped a wafer into the side of the woman’s mouth. “Her glucose is off. Some sugar should bring her around shortly. Help me get her back into bed.”
By the time they had Eugenia settled in her bed, she was regaining consciousness. Valerie breathed a sigh of relief. Once she had Red’s mother stabilized and made sure Eugenia had had something appropriate to eat and drink, she and Red stepped out on the porch.
“You need to take her into Tulsa to see a specialist, make sure she follows the doctor’s instructions carefully.”
Red looked down at his feet. “That’s all fine, Dr. Valerie, but we ain’t got no insurance. And them city doctors is expensive. I get Mama’s insulin and all like I’m supposed to, but we can’t go see those doctors in the city all the time. Besides, who’s going to do my chores? It takes up a whole day to run Mama to the city.”
At Valerie’s pointed look, he swept his gaze to the floor again. “Okay. I’ll save up some money and take her soon as I’m able.”
Son of a bitch. She patted Red’s arm. “You do that.” But then he wouldn’t look at her, just the rickety wood floor of the porch. Well, hell. “Red, she’s going to be fine. Make sure she eats right and takes her insulin.”
He lifted his head and nodded. “I will. I promise. Thanks for comin’ out here in a hurry, Dr. Valerie. I don’t know what we would have done without you.”
Feeling the idiot tears welling again, Valerie made a hasty retreat, climbed in her car and headed down the road again. When she reached the end of the road, she had a choice to make. Left turn was toward the main highway. Right turn was back to the ranch.
She chewed her fingernail and thought long and hard about which way to go. Decision time.
And for the first time in her life, she didn’t know what choice to make.
Or maybe she did. Maybe she’d always known where she really belonged, and that choice scared her more than any she’d ever made before.