Chapter Seventeen
Had she done right to tell Hadrian’s friends that he and Cousin Jasper were planning an excursion? Artemis watched anxiously for the men to return that evening.
She knew Ford had a good heart and cared about the welfare of his tenants. Surely he could not help but be moved by the plight of the young miners? And Blade was so devoted to his young son. How could he fail to picture Theo laboring under such conditions? With two such influential peers supporting him, Cousin Jasper would stand a much better chance of making headway in his efforts to bring about reform.
But how would Hadrian feel about having to reveal the tragic details of his past to more people? And what if she’d been mistaken in her belief that his friends would be willing to help? Would it create a new, deeper breach between them? And would he blame her for forcing the issue, destroying any hope of winning his wary, battered heart? Those worries plagued Artemis as she dressed for dinner.
The muted clatter of horses’ hooves and the distant sound of men’s voices sent her flying to the window, her heart thudding against her short stays. She glimpsed the four-wheeled trap coming up the lane, its passengers talking eagerly together. If they were still on speaking terms, surely that was a good sign.
Struggling not to let her hopes get too high, she sent her lady’s maid off and stood with her bedroom door slightly ajar to watch for Hadrian. The moment she caught sight of him striding up the gallery, looking ruggedly handsome and pleased with the world, Artemis could not restrain herself.
“How did it go?” She sprang out into his path. “Is Jasper willing to help? And the others?”
He started at her sudden appearance and checked his brisk stride. Even so, he might have knocked her down had he not possessed the presence of mind to grasp her by the arms. Though Artemis managed to catch her balance, his sudden nearness made her knees weak.
“It was a bit of a shock to them,” Hadrian answered. “But they all came around better than I ever hoped. Here, now—how did you know about Ford and Blade coming along? It was only supposed to be Jasper and me. You were behind it all, were you? I should have known.”
“I did send them your way, hoping you might take them along,” she admitted. “Are you vexed with me for interfering? I was only trying to help.”
“Vexed with you?” Hadrian pulled her into an enveloping embrace. “Don’t be daft. If we had more time before dinner, I’d whisk you back into that bedchamber and show you how pleased I am.”
Raising one hand, he tilted her chin and kissed her. Artemis thought she’d grown accustomed to his kisses by now. But in some blissful, bewildering way, this one felt different and better than any other they had shared. Did it signify a change in his feelings toward her, even if he was not aware of it? Or had the change taken place in her?
Before she could unravel the mystery, Hadrian released her lips and held her out at arm’s length, his gaze sweeping over her from head to toe. “This gown is new, isn’t it? It becomes you even better than the wine-colored one I like so well. It’s fortunate our lady guests are not the envious sort or they’d be green over how you’ll outshine them tonight!”
“Nonsense!” Artemis protested as a fiery blush flared in her cheeks. “Laura and her sisters are three of the prettiest women I ever met and you told me Genia was hailed as the most beautiful Englishwoman in India. They have nothing to fear from me.”
It was quite true, yet bubbles of delight fizzed inside of her at the notion that Hadrian considered her their equal in loveliness. She had only to peer into the silver mirror of his gaze to know his praise was sincere. Her misty-green gown with a gauzy overskirt was not vivid or dramatic, but it had an airy elegance that suited her to perfection. Between her enchanting new gown and Hadrian’s enthusiastic approval, she could not help feeling truly beautiful.
“Now,” she continued, “you must go dress for dinner. Shall I order champagne to drink a toast to our friends and the great things we hope they will achieve?”
“An excellent idea.” Hadrian drew her hand to his lips for a final kiss.
Then he walked backwards down the gallery, as if he could not bear to take his eyes off her.
It seemed to Artemis their dinner that night was the most convivial so far, perhaps because they had become so well acquainted and happily reacquainted during the past fortnight. Or perhaps the trip to Stanehead had reminded the gentlemen to relish their good fortune. Whatever the reason, their table talk flowed with high-spirited wit.
After dinner they bandied about ideas on how to pass the rest of the evening. Sidney Crawford was in favor of cards while Ford called for music. Genia suggested charades while Susannah mentioned drawing shades. To everyone’s surprise Jasper proposed dancing, which Hadrian was quick to endorse.
“A clever lad, this cousin of yours,” Hadrian murmured to Artemis as the party retired to the music room. “I did say we must find more opportunities for you to dance.”
She did not lack for opportunities that night. The ladies each took a turn playing the pianoforte for the other four couples to dance.
“You are an excellent dancer,” said Hadrian a while later, as he sat on the bench beside Artemis. “Graceful and sure of your steps.”
She cast him a playful smile as her fingers galloped over the keys, producing a jaunty melody. “This is the first time I have danced at such an informal gathering. Before, it was always at stuffy balls and assemblies with partners who were either reluctant or vastly uncongenial.”
“I am not reluctant to dance with such a charming partner.” Hadrian batted a roguish wink at her. “And I hope you do not find me vastly uncongenial these days.”
It was a heady delight, flirting with such a handsome man who was already her husband. “Quite the contrary. The better I know you, the more congenial you become.”
Leaning closer, he spoke just loud enough for her to hear over the music from the pianoforte. “Keep talking like that and I shall be in danger of vexing my friends. Almost as much danger as you were in earlier, when I first caught sight of you in this gown.”
His words sent a dark, delicious thrill through her. The warm tickle of his breath against her ear stirred a sensual flutter in her bosom and her loins. It was fortunate she was playing a very familiar piece or she might have got into a hopeless muddle.
“What danger was that exactly?” Her breath raced faster than the music.
He gave a low husky chuckle that was like a suggestive caress. “Why, the danger that I would whisk you into your bedchamber and ravish you repeatedly while our poor guests went hungry.”
That notion brought a feverish flush to her cheeks, even as it sparked an impish grin. “I’m sure Cook would have fed them sooner or later.”
“Scandalous disregard for propriety and the welfare of our guests!” Hadrian whispered in mock outrage. “When did my well-bred lady become such a shameless wanton?”
At one time his jest might have offended her, making her scurry back behind the pristine barrier of her reserve. But tonight Artemis could only relish his nearness, the bantering caress of his voice and the fact that he had called her his lady.
Perhaps there was hope for her to make theirs a true marriage after all, if she dared to ask for what she wanted from Hadrian.
To hell with being a good host! Hadrian darted up the main staircase following a final brandy with the other gentlemen.
Blade had suggested they share a drink after the dancing concluded and the others had all agreed. That left Hadrian with little choice but to join them when he would have much preferred to retire to bed with his beautiful wife. While the others discussed plans for political and social reform, he had sipped his brandy and pretended to listen. But his thoughts had been otherwise occupied…with Artemis.
During the second week of their house party, she had blossomed before his eyes into the woman he’d sensed she was meant to be—capable, caring and confident. She had managed the whole event with such assurance, never seeking attention but not shrinking from it, either. Though he knew better than to claim all the credit for her transformation, Hadrian congratulated himself on accomplishing what he’d set out to do.
And yet there was one consequence of this change in Artemis that he had not foreseen. It made him want her more than ever. That desire now smoldered within him as he strode down the west gallery, hoping to find her still awake and ready to welcome him into her bed.
When he reached her door, he tapped softly upon it, then waited. Receiving no answer, he knocked again, a little louder. Still the door remained shut and his straining ears detected no sound from within. Perhaps she’d fallen asleep waiting for him.
He considered entering quietly and stealing into bed with her so they might enjoy an early-morning frolic. But fearing his uninvited arrival might disturb her, Hadrian continued on to his own chamber.
When he spied Artemis rising from his bed, Hadrian let out a gasp of the most delighted surprise. With only a sheet draped about her and her dark curls falling over her shoulders, she looked for all the world like a goddess come to life.
The sight of her so captivated him that he could scarcely speak. “I—I stopped by your room. I thought you’d gone to sleep. I never expected to find you here.”
“How could I go to sleep after you whipped up my desire with your outrageous flirting?” Holding the sheet around her, she advanced slowly toward him with a bewitching sway in her step. “Are you sorry to find me here?”
Not long ago, if she’d asked him such a question it would have betrayed her doubts about herself and him. Tonight, clearly certain of her welcome, she meant only to stir the fire beneath the simmering cauldron of their mutual attraction.
He stepped toward her, opening his arms so she might slip into them, where she fit so well. “I’ll show you how sorry I am, my Lady Temptress!”
She must have known what he had in mind, for she raised her chin and tilted her head, presenting her lips in the most unmistakable invitation to a kiss he’d ever received. Hadrian wasted no time accepting. Unable to keep his mouth from hers, he captured her lips in a hot, hungry kiss. She welcomed the thrust of his tongue, caressing it with hers.
For several blissful moments, Hadrian was aware of nothing but the silken warmth of her mouth and her intoxicating scent. Then he felt a series of deft little tugs over his chest and realized she was unfastening the buttons on his coat. He was not accustomed to having a woman undress him. It made for a novel and stimulating change.
He concentrated on his amorous quest of her mouth while she finished with his coat buttons and went to work on his waistcoat. When both his outer garments had come undone, she tugged the bottom of his shirt free of his breeches and slid her hands beneath it to caress his bare chest.
He greeted her rousing touch with a sharp intake of breath that muted into a rumbling purr deep in his throat. Shrugging off his coat and waistcoat, he let them fall to the floor behind him. “I must…untie this damned cravat,” he panted, reaching up to tear apart the fastidiously tied fillets of linen, “before it throttles me!”
The instant it gave way, he pulled it off and hurled it to the floor. His shirt followed a moment later.
Whisking Artemis into his arms, he feathered her neck and shoulder with kisses as he carried her to the bed. Passion throbbed through his veins as he pried off his boots and dispatched his breeches. Then he turned his full attention back to his goddess, offering her the practiced homage of his lips and fingertips.
She did not merely accept his attentions with her usual bashful delight, but stoked his desire with admiring caresses.
“You are splendid,” she whispered, rubbing her body against his, “beyond anything I ever imagined a man could be. You make me feel like a true love goddess…or perhaps a nymph, cavorting with her lusty satyr.”
“You are trying to make me lose control of myself, with talk like that.” Hadrian rolled onto his back, flipping her up to straddle his belly. “But you will not succeed. I am determined to take my time and leave us both well and truly sated.”
Sated enough to last them all the years they would be apart? a plaintive little voice cried out from its prison in the deepest reaches of his heart. Ruthlessly he silenced it. He would not permit looming clouds on the horizon to mar his enjoyment of present pleasures. Artemis seemed content with their arrangement—why should he not be?
Desperate to distract himself from any more such thoughts, Hadrian embarked upon his quest to make this a night they would both remember for a very long time.
After they had dallied together for what seemed like hours, more than once rousing each other to the brink of ecstasy before easing off to prolong their pleasure, neither could bear to hold back any longer. Arching her hips to meet him, urging him on with a soft mew of need, Artemis took the hard, potent part of him into the secret, vulnerable part of her. This time he was certain she did not suffer even the faintest twinge of pain, but shared his primal delight, culminating in wave after wave of searing, shuddering rapture.
It was he who felt the sting later when he withdrew from inside her and they were no longer one.
Hadrian had certainly kept his promise. As Artemis lay in his arms afterward, a secretive little smile hovered on her lips. She was well and truly sated. Echoes of pleasure still rippled through her body as she recalled the exquisite caresses of his lips and tongue, the gentle eagerness with which he’d fondled her breasts.
Yet, as pleasurable the sport was she had enjoyed with Hadrian, to her it represented something more. When she’d stroked his skin, run her fingers through his hair and nuzzled his neck, she’d been trying to communicate so many feelings she could not bring herself to express in words.
Her compassion for all the hardships he had suffered. Her respect for the courage, ambition and tenacity that lifted him so far above his humble beginnings. Her admiration for his efforts to right a great wrong. Her envy of his wit and zest for life. Did all those things together add up to love? If, as Artemis suspected, they did, then this passionate encounter truly had been lovemaking.
And if he felt as relaxed and carefree as she did just now, there could be no better time to broach the subject she’d been mulling over since her conversation with Genia.
“Hadrian,” she whispered.
“Mmm?” He sounded half-asleep. Would he understand what she was about to say?
“I know when we first met, I said I didn’t want you dragging Lee halfway around the world. But I’ve been thinking—there is probably nothing he would like better than to board a ship and sail to faraway lands, to see all sorts of strange new sights.”
“What’s got into you, Artemis?” Hadrian gave a drowsy chuckle. “You’re talking daft. That little imp would shimmy up a mast or throw himself overboard before the ship even weighed anchor.”
The thought sent chills through her. But so did the thought of Hadrian sailing out of her life. “We could rig up some sort of tether for him. Our guests all brought their children from the south to Newcastle by sea and none of them came to any harm.”
“What about you, though?” It was clear from his bantering tone that Hadrian did not take her seriously. “You never sleep well in a strange bed. Imagine weeks on end in a ship’s bunk. It would drive you mad.”
He was right, but that was no consolation to Artemis at the moment. She did not trust her voice to argue further.
“It’s not that I wouldn’t enjoy having the two of you with me in Singapore.” He pressed a kiss on the crown of her head. “But I have to think of Lee’s welfare and yours. I’d never forgive myself if any harm came to either of you.”
His words spawned a question in her thoughts and Artemis could not stop herself from asking it. “Have you never forgiven yourself for what happened to Margaret and your daughter?”
His stony silence was as good as a confession.
“That was not your fault!” She was torn between her instinct to comfort him, and the urge to shake some sense into the man. “There was nothing you could have done.”
“I could have protected her.” Abruptly he pulled away from Artemis and rolled out of bed. She could hear him groping for his clothes in the darkness. “I could have kept my distance. It’s not a mistake I mean to make again!”
What was he talking about? Her deeply ingrained reserve pleaded with Artemis to keep silent. After all the tragic secrets Hadrian had confided in her, this was clearly something he did not want to discuss.
“Kept your distance?” She sat up, wrapping the bedclothes around her. “Did you have the fever first? Were you contagious?”
“I wasn’t ill!” Hadrian growled. “Not a day. But I was contagious for all that. People I get too close to end up dead.”
His words left Artemis stunned. “Surely you cannot believe you are to blame for the Fellbank Explosion or your mother’s death or Julian’s.”
“Why not?” Hadrian strode away. “There was a time you held me responsible for Julian’s death and your brother’s and sister’s. Remember?”
“Of course I remember,” Artemis called after him. “But I was wrong and willing to admit it. You should consider whether you might be wrong about this. Or do you mean to spend the rest of your life punishing yourself for a crime you did not commit?”
She braced herself for the door to slam and the receding thunder of Hadrian’s footsteps as he stormed away. Instead, a precarious silence settled over the darkened room, like freezing rain that left a cold, brittle coat of ice over everything it touched.
Why had she not kept silent? Artemis scarcely dared breathe for fear a cowardly whimper would escape her lips. Hadrian had shown her more respect, affection and kindness than anyone ever had. Far more than she deserved, no doubt, after the damage her family had inflicted upon his and the way she had treated him in the beginning. She should have been content with that and not greedy for more than he could give.
If she had, then she might have reveled in several more months of the kind of happiness that she’d so recently enjoyed. Now, she would not have that to relish while it lasted and to savor the memory of it after he’d gone. What was worse, her selfish outburst might have cost Lee the continued company of his adored Papapa.
Moments of silence stretched until they ached with tension. Then Artemis heard the soft tread of approaching footsteps and felt the mattress settle under Hadrian’s weight.
He heaved a sigh so deep it seemed to fill the whole room. “I know I didn’t cause the explosion…or the epidemic…or the duel. But the dangers of taking you and Lee to Singapore are real enough.”
Artemis could not gainsay that. And after this undeserved reprieve, she was not about to risk saying anything that might turn Hadrian against her.
He fumbled in the darkness for her hand. “I am touched that you’d be willing to put yourself and Lee at risk for me. But it is not a chance I can take. Do you understand?”
Did she? Artemis struggled with that question even as she slipped her arms around Hadrian’s neck and pressed her cheek to his, so he could feel her nod.
To her, caring for people meant holding them close and doing everything in her power to give them what they needed. But Hadrian seemed to be saying he must leave her and deny her the one thing she wanted most from him because he cared for her.