CHAPTER 13
JET
When the going gets tough, the tough get going!
Closing of every Jack Goldwater Show
The following is a partial transcript from the Jack Goldwater Show, “More Human Than Extrahuman,” which aired on Oct. 30, 2112:
Jack: So, if you just joined us, we’re here with Frank Wurtham, a doctor of psychiatry and chairman of the popular Everyman Society, who has also just written the best-selling book, Seduction of the People, a blistering account of the extrahumans and the Squadron. (Audience: “Woo!”)
Jack: Dr. Wurtham made it very clear that he sees the extrahumans as a threat to society, to the whole world. That in his opinion, the best thing for people would be for the extrahumans to just go away.
Wurtham: Or to swallow cyanide capsules, whichever’s more convenient.
(Audience: Laughing, lots of applause.)
Jack: Now, now. No need to condone suicide. And there’s two sides to every story, even to Seduction of the People. So let’s welcome our next guest. Billed as New Chicago’s Lady of Shadows, she’s the face of the Squadron and has saved the city twice so far this calendar year alone. Boys and girls, give a warm welcome to Jet!
(Audience: Applause and cheers, sprinkled liberally with booing.) (Jet comes onstage. Awkward moment as Jack goes to kiss her cheek, but she stops him with the strategic offering of a handshake. Jack kisses her glove, to audience “Oooh”ing and some applause. Jet offers her hand to Wurtham, who ignores it. Jet sits to Jack’s right; Wurtham is on Jack’s left.)
Jet: Hello, Jack. Thank you for inviting me to your show.
Jack: Great to see you, Jet. You’re looking lovely. You just come from a sponsor photo op? Maybe posing with the mayor? Or more than posing? (Audience: “Ooooh!”)
Jet: Jack, you know that I prettied myself up just for you. (Audience: Laughter, some applause.)
Jack: Well, I’m flattered. But more than that, I’m curious. Have you read Seduction of the People?
Jet: Actually, I’ve been so busy stopping Hellion from poisoning the reservoir that I’ve had little downtime available. (Audience: Applause.)
Jack: And we’re all grateful to you for your actions.
Wurtham: Speak for yourself, Jack.
Jack: All right, not all of us are grateful. Doctor, do you mean to say you’re upset that Jet saved the city from certain death?
Wurtham: What I’m opposed to is these freaks in spandex running around and doing the police’s job for them. I’m opposed to a handful of so-called people lording it over us as if they were gods. I’m opposed to them convincing society that we need them, that we’re too weak to exist without them.
(Audience: Wild cheers, some boos. Jack throws a hand up in the air.)
Jack: Hold on. You’re saying that the heroes are muscling out the police?
Jet: That’s insane. I’ve always supported our fellow crime-fighters.
Wurtham: They’re not your fellows. It takes true courage for a normal man or woman to put themselves in harm’s way to serve and protect, knowing they could take a bullet or worse, to protect the innocent. (Audience: Cheers.)
Jet: You’re saying I don’t do that?
Jack: Now wait—
Wurtham: The police don’t have devilish abilities to aid them. They just have their beliefs and their training. The police are people.
Jet: Extrahumans are people.
Wurtham: Extrahumans are freaks, misanthropes. (Audience: Cheers.)
Jet: (Angrily) We’ve been given special abilities and we choose to use them to help society, so that makes us freaks?
Wurtham: Your so-called special abilities are anathema!
Jet: So now you know the mind of Jehovah?
Wurtham: You work with shadows.
Jet: I do.
Wurtham: “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17. I say again, you are anathema! (Audience: Applause.)
Jet: Actually, I’m an agnostic.
(Audience: Some laughter; more booing.)
Jack: (To Wurtham) Now Doctor, you’re making some wild claims here.
Wurtham: Like what?
Jack: You said—you just said that the extrahumans lord it over people as if they were gods, that they convince regular people that we’re too weak to exist without them.
Wurtham: Exactly.
Jack: How so?
Wurtham: By seeing their faces everywhere. By hearing of their exploits nonstop in the liberal media.
Jack: Uh-oh. Guess I’m on your You Know What list, eh? (Audience: Laughter and clapping.)
Wurtham: To be fair, not all of the media has bought into the Corp-Co party line about how the extrahumans are really superpowered teddy bears. Lynda Kidder got it right. (To Jet) Are you familiar with Ms. Kidder?
Jet: Reporter for the New Chicago Tribune. Been out of touch for three days. Her editor put out the word that she’s on some hush-hush assignment.
Wurtham: Like maybe finishing her Pulitzer-prize-winning Origins series, eh? You know she didn’t publish the final article.
Jet: What happens in the workings of the news media is outside of my expertise.
Wurtham: I’m sure. But Ms. Kidder had the gumption to tell the world the truth about you people. (Audience: Bursts of clapping.)
Wurtham: She said, “It seems unfair that an extrahuman would take on mere mortal criminals. What chance does a standard human, a normal, have against someone who can fly, or can bend steel, or can dazzle you with light?”
Jet: I’m very familiar with her work, sir. The rest of the quote is, “But then again, as many extrahumans would tell us, life isn’t fair.” It’s from part eight of her Origins series. May 14, 2112.
Wurtham: I suppose along with your shadows, you also have a photographic memory?
Jet: I’m well-informed.
Jack: She watches the liberal media. (Audience: Laughter and applause.)
Wurtham: Say what you will, but Ms. Kidder got it right. She was on to the extrahuman crusade against humanity.
Jet: What crusade?
Wurtham: You’re looking to make us defenseless against you.
Jet: Of all the—
Wurtham: How many crimes have you stopped recently? Not against other extrahumans. Against mere humans. How many?
Jet: I don’t make it a habit to count all my victories …
Wurtham: False modesty. How many?
Jack: Come on, Jet. I’m sure you must have an idea. Let’s say in the past three days alone. Have you busted up any crimes committed by regular folk?
Jet: Yes, of course.
Wurtham: Of course. How many?
Jet: Five.
Wurtham: And the police couldn’t do it … why now?
Jet: Why … of course the police could have. I just got there first.
Wurtham: So you think you’re better than the police.
Jet: I’m not saying that at all.
Wurtham: But you just said the police could have done the job that, oh, they’re supposed to be doing. But instead, you show up with your flouncy cape and do the police’s job for them.
Jet: It’s not for them. It’s … Look, you’re misunderstanding my role.
Wurtham: And what is your role, exactly?
Jet: To serve the people of the world and protect them however I can.
Wurtham: Hmm. To serve and protect. Now where have I heard that before? (Audience: Laughter.)
Jack: Have to admit, that does sound familiar.
Wurtham: And this is just the first step. They’re making our own police and firefighters irrelevant. Soon they’ll make our soldiers irrelevant. And then, with no way to fight against them, they’ll take over. (Audience: Boos.)
Jet: You’re being unreasonable. We’re here to help people.
Wurtham: We don’t want your help. What will it take before your kind understands that we mere humans can take care of ourselves? We’ve done just fine without your kind, and we’ll do even better once we rid ourselves of you! (Audience: Cheering wildly.)
Jack: (to Jet) He’s saying that you’re not wanted.
Jet: I understand that’s what he’s saying, Jack.
Jack: How does that make you feel?
Jet: Like I’m wasting my time. If you’ll excuse me, I have a job to do.
(Jet walks off the stage. Roaring applause from the audience.)
Jack: Well, I guess what they say is true: When the going gets tough …
Audience: The tough get going! (Wild applause and cheers.)