CHAPTER THIRTEEN
As she let herself into her house she knew immediately that something was wrong. There was an atmosphere of melancholy that was almost palpable. It insinuated itself under her skin, making her shiver. She dropped her bag on the hall table, took one step towards the lounge, and saw the small suitcase left casually at the bottom of the stairs. This was not a good sign.
She found David in the lounge, sitting in front of the television, his jacket on, a glass of whisky in his hand. He looked up at her as she entered, then his gaze reverted to the ten o’clock news playing out the day’s events on the screen.
‘Hi,’ she said, with a lightness she didn’t feel.
‘Hi.’ He didn’t even look at her.
‘How are the girls?’ She was still standing in the doorway to the room, uncertain whether she was waiting for an invitation, or just a sign that she was welcome.
‘At your mother’s.’ The item on the news was about the Pope’s planned visit to the old Eastern Bloc countries in the spring.
‘I thought you might be having them.’
‘You thought wrong. They’d been looking forward to seeing her. I didn’t want to disappoint them.’ A slight hesitation. ‘There have been enough disappointments today.’
She moved to the sideboard and poured herself a scotch. ‘I think we need to talk,’ she said. ‘I saw the suitcase in the hall. Going somewhere?’
He didn’t take his eyes from the screen. The newscaster was now reporting a suicide bomb attack in Israel. The words washed over her. At that moment there were more important issues to deal with—at least in her life.
‘I spoke to Graham Turner earlier. He has a room he wants to rent out. I thought I’d take it for a while.’ He sounded like a petulant schoolboy. He doesn’t want this, Jane thought. I can still keep us together.
‘So it’s not a permanent arrangement?’
He shrugged.
She crashed down into an armchair and took a long pull on her drink, wincing as the neat spirit burned its way down her throat. ‘When did you decide to leave?’ she said.
‘About five minutes after you left this morning.’
‘And you didn’t think to talk it over with me first. We’d arranged to go out today. Talk, relax, sort things out.’
The news had moved on. Football results.
‘Can you turn that bloody thing off?’ she said. His lack of engagement with her was casting doubts on her earlier belief that she could retrieve things.
His hand reached out for the remote and he stroked a button. The screen went black. He looked at her, but the look was dispassionate, staring at her as if she were a total stranger. ‘No,’ he said quietly. ‘I didn’t. Think to talk it over with you first, that is. Besides, you weren’t here.’
A wave of despair flooded over her. ‘I’m really sorry. Crozier insisted I attend an all-dayer. You know what my job entails.’ She couldn’t let eight years of marriage end. Not here to night. Not like this. ‘What about Gemma and Amy? They need their father.’
‘They need their mother too, but that fact seems to escape your notice whenever it’s convenient.’ His tone had taken on a cold analytical embrace.
‘That’s not fair,’ she snapped at him. ‘It’s my job. I need to work.’
His voice remained infuriatingly level. ‘No, you don’t. We don’t need your salary. You choose to work, and you choose to neglect the girls.’
Despair gave way to anger. ‘I don’t neglect them!’ She took another sip of her drink, measuring her next words carefully. ‘Is there someone else?’
He laughed, a hard, brittle sound. ‘You know me better than that. Anyway, would you blame me if there were? Our sex life’s not exactly setting the world alight is it?’
She couldn’t answer that. It was true. She couldn’t remember that last time they’d made love. Though that had been on the aborted agenda today, at least in her mind.
He stood up and set his glass down on the sideboard. ‘I’d better be going. Graham’s expecting me.’
‘Stay. Just for to night. We can talk. We need to talk.’ She tried to keep the pleading note out of her voice and failed miserably. ‘I love you, David. You know that.’
Yet here she was, sitting at home, numb with shock, as her husband, a stranger, a dab of shaving foam behind his ear, told her their life together was over. There was no one else involved, but it appeared she had lost control of the marriage; perhaps she had fallen asleep at the wheel for a few seconds, lost her bearings. The occurrence was apparently quite common, according to many of their friends, whose own marriages had needed several air bags for survival.
The hard look in his eyes softened slightly. ‘Look,’ he said. ‘I have a bag packed. Pack one for yourself and we’ll drive out to the airport and pick up a flight to Barcelona, or Paris. Your mother can have the kids a few days. She won’t mind. Just the two of us. An anonymous hotel, good food, soft beds, plenty of sex.’
She stared at the glass in her hand, swirling the liquid around. When she spoke it was little more than a whisper. ‘I can’t,’ she said. ‘I have to go up to Scotland for a few days.’
His shoulders dropped, just as the smile dropped from his face. ‘And you know what the sad part is?’ he said. ‘I’m not even surprised.’ They both stood, looking at one another as if for the first time. Jane leaned forwards and wiped the shaving foam away with her finger. He left the room and a few moments later she heard the front door close and his car revving to life.
‘Shit!’ she said and poured herself another drink.
It seemed to take ages for her mother to answer the phone. ‘Hi,’ Jane said. ‘It’s me.’
Her mother sounded cross. ‘Jane, it’s very late. The girls are asleep.’
‘I should hope so,’ Jane said, keeping her voice light. ‘Listen, mum, could you do me a huge favor? I need you to look after Gemma and Amy for a few days. I have to go away.’
‘But what about your nanny, that Annalise girl? That’s her job.’ She could sound annoyed, accusing and pleading all at the same time.
‘Yes, but she doesn’t live in. I’d need you to come here and stay, so you can take care of them after Annalise goes home.’ Jane tried to stay as casual and normal as possible.
‘Can’t you pay her extra to stay on?’ It was obvious her mother was going to fight hard to do what Jane wanted.
‘No, mum, I can’t. She has a life too. It wouldn’t be fair.’ Wouldn’t be fair, and she wouldn’t give the same love and attention the children’s grandmother would.
‘So where are you and David going?’ At last Jane heard a hint of acceptance.
‘It’s work, and David’s not going with me.’
‘But I thought…well, if David’s not going with you, what’s wrong with him taking care of them in the evenings. I’d say yes, Jane, you know I would, I love having the girls, but I’ve got a lot on at the…’
‘David’s left me.’
There was a long pause, then, ‘Oh, Jane!’ her mother said in her best, what a disappointment you are tone of voice. She’d heard that same tone so many times in her life it almost didn’t affect her anymore. Almost.
Her mother sniffed. She was crying. ‘But why? When?’ A devout Catholic who didn’t accept divorce, she was already preparing her list of accusations about whose fault it was.
‘Look, mum, I don’t want to go into details now. He’s only just left and I’m feeling a little shell-shocked. Just do this one favor for me and I promise we’ll talk about it for as long as you like when I get back.’
‘Well, I haven’t got a choice, have I?’ her mother said, sniffing back the tears and injecting a little venom into her voice. ‘I don’t have to tell you how disappointed I am, do I?’
‘No, you don’t. But you’re probably not nearly as disappointed as I am.’ Sarcasm would be lost on her but it felt good to give a little anger back.
‘Is there any hope for the marriage?’ The question was coached in an all hope is gone kind of way. What she was saying is will he take you back under any circumstances?
‘Oh yes, there’s always hope,’ Jane said, far more encouragingly than she felt. But she was not sure she believed it. Even though her mother had brought her up to obey the Te n Commandments, sometimes lies were a necessary evil.