12.08
Waist Deep
There was only so much trouble you could get into before the threat of more trouble wasn’t even a threat anymore. At some point, you’d waded so far in you had no choice but to paddle through the middle, if you had any chance of making it to the other side. It was classic Link logic, but I was starting to see the genius in it. Maybe you can’t really understand it yourself until you’re waist deep in it.
By the next day, that’s where we were, Lena and me. Waist deep. It started with forging a note with one of Amma’s #2 pencils, then cutting school to read a stolen book we weren’t supposed to have in the first place, and ended with a pack of lies about an extra-credit “project” we were working on together. I was pretty sure Amma was going to catch on about two seconds after I said the words extra credit, but she had been on the phone with my Aunt Caroline discussing my dad’s “condition.”
I felt guilty about all the lying, not to mention the stealing, forging, and mind erasing, but we didn’t have time for school; we had too much actual studying to do.
Because we had The Book of Moons. It was real. I could hold it in my hands—
“Ouch!” It burned my hand, like I had touched a hot stove. The Book dropped to the floor of Lena’s bedroom. Boo Radley barked from somewhere in the house. I could hear his paws click their way up the stairs, toward us.
“Door.” Lena spoke without looking up from an old Latin dictionary. Her bedroom door slammed shut, just as Boo reached the landing. He protested with a resentful bark. “Stay out of my room, Boo. We’re not doing anything. I’m about to start practicing.”
I stared at the door, surprised. Another lesson from Macon, I guessed. Lena didn’t even react, as if she’d done it a thousand times. It was like the stunt she had pulled on Reece and Aunt Del last night. I was starting to think the closer we got to her birthday, the more the Caster was coming out in the girl.
I was trying not to notice. But the more I tried, the more I noticed.
She looked over at me, rubbing my hands on my jeans. They still hurt. “What part about ‘you can’t touch it if you’re not a Caster’ are you not getting?”
“Right. That part.”
She opened a battered black case and pulled out her viola. “It’s almost five. I’ve got to start practicing or Uncle Macon will know when he gets up. He always knows.”
“What? Now?” She smiled and sat on a chair in the corner of her room. Adjusting the instrument with her chin, she picked up a long bow and set it to the strings. For a moment she didn’t move, and closed her eyes like we were at a philharmonic, instead of sitting in her bedroom. And then she began to play. The music crawled up from her hands and out into the room, moving through the air like another one of her undiscovered powers. The sheer white curtains hanging at her window began to stir, and I heard the song—
Sixteen moons, sixteen years,
The Claiming Moon, the hour nears,
In these pages Darkness clears,
Powers Bind what fire sears…
As I watched, Lena slid herself out of the chair and carefully placed her viola back where she had been sitting. She wasn’t playing it anymore, but the music was still pouring out of it. She leaned the bow against the chair, and sat down next to me on the floor.
Shh.
That’s practicing?
“Uncle M doesn’t seem to know the difference. And look—” She pointed over to the door, where I could see a shadow, and hear a rhythmic thump. Boo’s tail. “He likes it, and I like to have him in front of my door. Think of it as a sort of an anti-adult alarm system.” She had a point.
Lena knelt by the Book and picked it up easily in her hands. When she opened the pages again, we saw the same thing we had been staring at all day. Hundreds of Casts, careful lists written in English, Latin, Gaelic, and other languages I didn’t recognize, one composed of strange curling letters I had never seen before. The thin brown pages were fragile, almost translucent. The parchment was covered with dark brown ink, in an ancient and delicate script. At least I hoped it was ink.
She tapped her finger on the strange writing and handed me the Latin dictionary. “It’s not Latin. See for yourself.”
“I think its Gaelic. Have you ever seen anything like that before?” I pointed to the curling script.
“No. Maybe it’s some kind of old Caster language.”
“Too bad we don’t have a Caster dictionary.”
“We do, I mean, my uncle should. He has hundreds of Caster books, down in his library. It’s no Lunae Libri, but it probably has what we’re looking for.”
“How long do we have before he’s up?”
“Not long enough.”
I pulled the sleeve of my sweatshirt down over my palm and used the material to handle the Book, as if I was using one of Amma’s oven mitts. I flipped through the thin pages; they bent noisily under my touch as if they were made of dry leaves, instead of paper. “Does any of this mean anything to you?”
Lena shook her head. “In my family, before your Claiming you aren’t really allowed to know anything.” She pretended to pore over the pages. “In case you go Dark, I guess.” I knew enough to let it drop.
Page after page, there was nothing we could even begin to comprehend. There were pictures, some frightening, some beautiful. Creatures, symbols, animals—even the human-looking faces somehow managed to look anything but human in The Book of Moons. As far as I was concerned, it was like an encyclopedia from another planet.
Lena pulled the Book into her lap. “There’s so much I don’t know, and it’s all so—”
“Trippy?”
I leaned against her bed, looking at the ceiling. There were words everywhere, new words, and numbers. I could see the countdown, the numbers scribbled against the walls of her room as if it was a jail cell.
100, 78, 50…
How much longer would we be able to sit around like this? Lena’s birthday was getting closer, and her powers were already growing. What if she was right, and she grew into something unrecognizable, something so Dark she wouldn’t even know or care about me? I stared at the viola in the corner until I just didn’t want to see it anymore. I closed my eyes and listened to the Caster melody. And then I heard Lena’s voice—
“… UNTIL THE DARKENING BRINGES THE TYME OF CLAYMING, AT THE SIXTEENTHE MOONE, WHEN THE PERSON OF POWERE HAS THE FREEDOME OF WILLE & AGENCIE TO CASTE THE ETERNAL CHOICE, IN THE END OF DAYE, OR THE LASTE MOMENT OF THE LAST OURE, UNDER THE CLAYMING MOONE…”
We looked at each other.
“How did you just—” I looked over her shoulder.
She turned the page. “It’s English. These pages are written in English. Someone started to translate it, here in the back. See how the ink is a different color?” She was right.
Even the pages in English must have been hundreds of years old. The page was written in another elegant script, but it wasn’t the same writing, and it wasn’t written in the same brownish ink, or whatever it was.
“Flip to the back.”
She held up the Book, reading,
“THE CLAYMING, ONCE BOUND, CANNOT BE UNBOUND. THE CHOICE, ONCE CAST, CANNOT BE RECAST. A PERSON OF POWERE FALLES INTO THE GREAT DARKENING OR THE GREAT LIGHT, FOR ALL TYME. IF TYME PASSES & THE LASTE OURE OF THE SIXTEENTHE MOONE FLEES UNBOUND, THE ORDER OF THINGS IS UNDONE. THIS MUST NOT BE. THE BOOKE WILLE BINDE THAT WHICHE IS UNBOUND, FOR ALL TYME.”
“So there’s really no getting around this Claiming thing?”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
I stared at the words that didn’t bring me any closer to understanding. “But what happens, exactly, during the Claiming? Does this Claiming Moon send down some kind of Caster beam, or something?”
She scanned the page. “It doesn’t exactly say. All I know is it takes place under the moon, at midnight—‘IN THE MIDST OF THE GREAT DARKNESSE & UNDERE THE GREAT LIGHT, FROM WHICHE WE CAME.’ But it can happen anywhere. It’s nothing you can really see, it just happens. No Caster beam involved.”
“But what happens exactly?” I wanted to know everything, and it still felt like she was holding something back. She kept her eyes on the page.
“For most Casters, it’s a conscious thing, just like it says here. The Person of Power, the Caster, Casts the Eternal Choice. They choose if they want to Claim themselves Light or Dark. That’s what the free will and agency is all about, like Mortals choose to be good or bad, except Casters make the Choice for all time. They choose the life they want to lead, the way they will interact with the magical universe, and one another. It’s a covenant they make with the natural world, the Order of Things. I know that sounds crazy.”
“When you’re sixteen? How are you supposed to know who you are and who you want to be for the rest of your life by then?”
“Yeah, well, those are the lucky ones. I don’t even get a choice.”
I almost couldn’t bring myself to ask the next question. “So what will happen to you?”
“Reece says you just change. It happens in a second, like a heartbeat. You feel this energy, this power moving through your body, almost like you’re coming to life for the first time.” She looked wistful. “At least, that’s what Reece said.”
“That’s doesn’t sound so bad.”
“Reece described it as an overwhelming warmth. She said it felt like the sun was shining on her, and no one else. And at that moment, she said you just know which path has been chosen for you.” It sounded too easy, too painless, like she was leaving something out. Like the part about what it felt like when a Caster went Dark. But I didn’t want to put it out there, even if I knew we were both thinking about it.
Just like that?
Just like that. It doesn’t hurt or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.
That was one of the things I was worried about, but it wasn’t the only thing.
I’m not worried.
Me neither.
And this time, we made a point of staying away from what we were thinking, even to ourselves.
The sun crept across the braided rug on Lena’s floor, the orange light turning all the colors of the braid into a hundred different kinds of gold. For a moment, Lena’s face, her eyes, her hair, everything the light touched turned to gold. She was beautiful, a hundred years and a hundred miles away, and just like the faces in the Book, somehow not quite human.
“Sundown. Uncle Macon will be up, any minute. We have to put the Book away.” She closed it, zipping it back into my bag. “You take it. If my uncle finds it, he’ll just try to keep it from me, like everything else.”
“I just can’t figure out what he and Amma are hiding. If all this stuff is going to happen and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it, why not tell us everything?”
She wouldn’t look at me. I pulled her into my arms, and she lay her head against my chest. She didn’t say a word, but between two layers of sweatshirts and sweaters, I could still feel her heart beating against mine.
She looked over at the viola until the music died out, dimming like the sun in the window.
The next day at school, it was clear we were the only people thinking about anything that had to do with any kind of book. No hands were raised in any classes, unless someone needed the hall pass for the bathroom. Not a single pen touched a scrap of paper, unless it was to write a note about who had been asked, who didn’t have a prayer of being asked, and who had already been shot down.
December only meant one thing at Jackson High: the winter formal. We were in the cafeteria when Lena brought the subject up for the first time.
“Did you ask anyone to go to the dance?” Lena wasn’t familiar with Link’s not-so-secret strategy of going to all the dances stag so he could flirt with Coach Cross, the girls’ track coach. Link had been in love with Maggie Cross, who had graduated five years ago and came back after college to become Coach Cross, since we were in fifth grade.
“No, I like to fly solo.” Link grinned, his mouth full of fries.
“Coach Cross chaperones, so Link always goes by himself so he can loiter around her all night,” I explained.
“Don’t wanna disappoint the ladies. They’ll be fightin’ over me once somebody spikes the punch.”
“I’ve never been to a school dance before.” Lena looked down at her tray and picked at her sandwich. She looked almost disappointed.
I hadn’t asked her to the dance. It hadn’t occurred to me that she’d want to go. So much was going on between us, and every part of it was so much bigger than a school dance.
Link shot me a look. He had warned me this would happen. “Every girl wants to be asked to the dance, man. I have no idea why, but even I know that much.” Who knew Link might actually be right, considering his Coach Cross Master Plan had never panned out?
Link drained the rest of his Coke. “A pretty girl like you? You could be the Snow Queen.”
Lena tried to smile, but it wasn’t even close. “So what’s with the whole Snow Queen thing? Don’t you just have a Homecoming Queen like everywhere else?”
“No. This is the winter formal, so it’s an Ice Queen, but Savannah’s cousin, Suzanne, won every year until she graduated and Savannah won last year, so everyone just calls it the Snow Queen.” Link reached over and grabbed a slice of pizza from my plate.
It was pretty obvious Lena wanted to be asked. Another mysterious thing about girls—they want to be asked to stuff even if they don’t want to go. But I had a feeling that wasn’t the case with Lena. It was almost like she had a list of all the things she imagined a regular girl was supposed to do in high school, and she was determined to do them. It was crazy. The formal was the last place I wanted to go right now. We weren’t the most popular people at Jackson lately. I didn’t mind that everyone stared when we walked down the hall, even if we weren’t holding hands. I didn’t mind that people were probably saying things right now, cruel things, while the three of us sat alone at the only empty table in the crowded lunchroom, or that a whole club full of Jackson Angels was patrolling the halls just waiting for us to screw up.
But the thing is, before Lena, I would’ve cared. I was just starting to wonder, I mean, if maybe I was under some kind of spell myself.
I don’t do that.
I didn’t say you did.
You just did.
I didn’t say you had Cast a spell. I just said, maybe I was under one.
You think I’m Ridley?
I think… forget it.
Lena searched my face even more intently, like she was trying to read it. Maybe she could do that, too, now, for all I knew.
What?
The thing you said the morning after Halloween, in your room. Did you mean it, L?
What thing?
The writing on the wall.
What wall?
The wall in your bedroom. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. You said you were feeling the same way I was.
She started fidgeting with her necklace.
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Falling.
Falling?
Falling… you know.
What?
Never mind.
Say it, Ethan.
I just did.
Look at me.
I’m looking right at you.
I looked down into my chocolate milk.
“Get it? Savannah Snow? Ice Queen?” Link dumped vanilla ice cream on top of his French fries.
Lena caught my eye, blushing. She reached her hand under the table. I took it in mine, then almost yanked my hand away, the shock of her touch was so strong. It really was like sticking my hand in a wall socket. The way she looked at me, even if I couldn’t hear what she was thinking, I would’ve known.
If you have something to say, Ethan, just say it.
Yeah. That.
Say it.
But we didn’t need to say it. We were all by ourselves, in the middle of the crowded lunchroom, in the middle of a conversation with Link. Between the two of us, we had no idea what Link was even talking about, anymore. “Get it? It’s only funny because it’s true. You know, Ice Queen, Savannah is one.”
Lena let go of my hand and threw a carrot at Link. She couldn’t stop smiling. He thought she was smiling at him. “Okay. I get it, Ice Queen. It’s still stupid.” Link stuck a fork into the gloppy mess on his tray.
“It makes no sense. It doesn’t even snow here.”
Link smiled at me over his ice cream fries. “She’s jealous. You better watch out. Lena just wants to be elected Ice Queen so she can dance with me when they make me Ice King.”
Lena laughed in spite of herself. “You? I thought you were saving yourself for the track coach.”
“I am, and this is gonna be the year she falls for me.”
“Link spends the whole night trying to come up with witty things to say when she walks by.”
“She thinks I’m funny.”
“Funny looking.”
“This is my year. I can feel it. I’m gonna get Snow King this year, and Coach Cross is finally gonna see me up there on the stage with Savannah Snow.”
“I can’t really see how it plays out from there.” Lena began to peel a blood orange.
“Oh, you know, she’ll be struck by my good looks and charm and musical talent, especially if you write me a song. Then she’ll give in and dance with me and follow me up to New York after graduation, to be my groupie.”
“What is that, like an after-school special?” The orange peel came off in one long spiral.
“Your girlfriend thinks I’m special, dude.” Fries were falling out of his mouth.
Lena looked at me. Girlfriend. We both heard him say it.
Is that what I am?
Is that what you want to be?
Are you asking me something?
It wasn’t the first time I’d thought about it. Lena had felt like my girlfriend for a while now. When you considered everything we’d been through together, it was sort of a given. So I don’t know why I had never said it, and I don’t know why it was hard to say it now. But there was something about saying the words that made it more real.
I guess I am.
You don’t sound so sure.
I grabbed her other hand under the table and found her green eyes.
I’m sure, L.
Then I guess I’m your girlfriend.
Link was still talking. “You’ll think I’m special when Coach Cross is hangin’ all over me at the dance.” Link got up and tossed his tray.
“Just don’t be thinking my girlfriend’s saving you a dance.” I tossed mine.
Lena’s eyes lit up. I was right; she not only wanted to be asked, she wanted to go. In that moment, I knew I didn’t care what was on her regular-high-school-girl to-do list. I was going to make sure she got to do everything on it.
“Are you guys goin’?”
I looked at her expectantly and she squeezed my hand.
“Yeah, I guess.”
This time she smiled for real. “And Link, how about I save you two dances? My boyfriend won’t mind. He would never tell me who I can and can’t dance with.” I rolled my eyes.
Link put his fist up and I tapped my knuckles against his. “Yeah, I bet.”
The bell rang and lunch was over. Just like that, I not only had a date to the winter formal, I had a girlfriend. And not just a girlfriend, for the first time in my whole life, I had almost used the L word. In the middle of the cafeteria, in front of Link.
Talk about hot lunch.