CHAPTER 22
BY THE THIRD day they were all exhausted. Vivian had not done anything as physically demanding as trekking through the wilderness for many years, and the rest of them had had only one night’s real rest from the trip to The Property before turning around and heading back.
They risked small fires at night, and kept two people on watch at once. Nobody mentioned the baern attack, but everyone was thinking about it. Pathik wasn’t talking much to anyone, and that worried Rachel. He said only what was required, and whenever he saw her coming his way he found some reason to move. She saw Daniel take him aside and talk to him, but Pathik seemed unmoved by whatever he had said.
She missed him. And she knew he had to be hurting. She gave him some time, but finally, she waited until he had his back to her and approached him. He was busy with the fire, and he didn’t see her until she was right behind him. He turned to face her as though she were something dangerous.
“You all right?” She took his hand in hers without thinking.
He pulled away roughly. “I’m fine.” For a moment it seemed like he would say more, but he just looked at her with eyes she couldn’t read, and walked away into the dusk.
Rachel walked away too, numb. She kept thinking about how it was her fault. If she hadn’t let Pathik go to town, if that man hadn’t grabbed her. She kept seeing Indigo, driving away with Jonathan in the truck.
“Shall we see about gathering some more wood for the fire, Rachel?” Vivian was trying her best to be useful. She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand, and left a smudge of dirt on her temple.
“Sure.” Rachel answered listlessly, still thinking about Indigo.
“Oh, Rachel. You’ve got to snap out of this. It isn’t good for you at all.”
Rachel shook her head. “How can I? How can I just snap out of it? It’s my fault they got Indigo. It’s my fault that we’re all here in the middle of nowhere, going to who knows where. It’s all my fault.”
Vivian pulled Rachel toward her and wrapped her arms around her. “It’s your fault your father’s here with us. It’s your fault we are together. It’s your fault that Elizabeth was able to see Indigo again, that they were able to know that their love for each other was still there, still strong. It’s your fault she got to meet her grandson.” Vivian squeezed her, hard. She whispered in her ear. “If you want to blame yourself, Rachel, blame yourself for those things, those wonderful things. None of them would have happened without you.” She leaned back so she could see Rachel’s eyes. “Life is filled with risk, Rachel. And you have to take it. You taught me that.” Vivian smiled and smoothed Rachel’s hair. “Now let’s go get some wood. I’m ready for dinner.”
On the last night before they got back to camp, Rachel found Pathik sitting by himself. He’d seemed to improve slowly over the last few days, talking more, seeming more like himself. But Rachel was still worried. She sat down next to him.
“Pathik,” Rachel stammered. She wasn’t sure what to say.
He turned to her. “Rachel.” He watched to see what she might do, his eyes locked on hers.
She sat, silent, for the longest time. She looked back at him and thought about how he could choose to shrink from love, when he’d seen so much loss. She thought about how she had been shrinking from love, all of her life, how she’d been glad to live on The Property, isolated, with no temptation to make a friend her age, or fall in love. Finally she reached out and took his hand. This time, he let her. This time, he covered her hand with both of his, and when he looked at her, the message in his eyes was clear.
“I’m here,” she said. And they sat, close, until it was time to go to sleep.