10
Dan Carney is back. It’s Monday morning and he’s swaggering down the school corridor, surrounded by laughing boys in baggy trousers and studded belts, boys with swirling tramlines shaved into their ultra-short hair, boys with expensive trainers and designer-label hoodies. They punch Dan lightly, ruffle his braided hair, tell him he’s the coolest. Nobody, they remind him, ever tried to burn down the school before.
Dan just laughs.
And right in the middle of the bad-boy gang, her arm linked through Dan’s, is Lily Caldwell. She is wearing strappy ankle boots with skyscraper heels and a skirt so short it’s more of a very wide belt. Her lashes are so thick with mascara it looks like she has whole families of tarantulas stuck to her eyelids.
My heart thumps and my cheeks glow pink. I have waited almost a week to see Dan again, and now he’s back, arm in arm with the meanest girl in the year, and I haven’t a clue what to say.
‘Hello’ doesn’t really seem to cover it.
I just stand still, hugging my satchel, as the badboy gang sweeps past. Right at the last moment Dan catches my eye and my heart leaps, but his brown eyes look right through me as if I don’t exist.
I wasn’t sure what Frankie meant when she told me Dan was bad news, but I know now, and it hurts. It hurts so much that my eyes blur with tears, and I almost miss the smug grin Lily throws me over her shoulder as the whole bunch of them turn the corner and disappear.
Frankie takes my elbow. ‘Hey, hey,’ she says softly. ‘What did I tell you? Never trust a boy.’
She hands me a tissue and I wipe my eyes, dredge up a smile. ‘Better?’ she checks. ‘Don’t take it personally, Anya. Kids like Dan and Lily don’t bother with the likes of us, not usually. Maybe outside of school they’ll be OK, once in a while, but inside these walls they have an image to keep up. You’ll never see Lily Caldwell being nice to the likes of you and me, or Dan Carney bothering to notice we’re alive. It’s just the way things are.’
‘But… why?’
Frankie rolls her eyes. ‘There’s this whole king-of-the-jungle thing going on at school,’ she explains. ‘At this school, anyway. The lions are in charge – they’re at the top of the heap. They just have to roar and everyone jumps to attention. That’s what Lily and Dan are, see? Then you get elephants and antelope and herds of wildebeest and stuff, who are all a bit scared of the lions…’
Jungle, zoo… I was right about the wild animals bit, anyhow.
‘What are we?’ I ask, my voice still shaky. ‘What are you, me and Kurt, in this jungle?’
‘We’re zebra and lemurs and parrots,’ Frankie says. ‘The cool, interesting ones.’
‘Yes?’
‘Yeah, but Lily and Dan don’t realize that,’ she frowns. ‘To them, we’re right at the bottom of the pile. Ants and frogs and minnows. And we don’t mix. Mess with the lions and they’ll eat you up!’
‘I know Lily does not like me,’ I say. ‘But I thought Dan was different!’
‘No,’ Frankie says. ‘He’s not. Don’t kid yourself.’
I guess that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I let myself believe in miracles, even though I know they don’t exist. What was I, to Dan? A girl who didn’t understand the language, the rules, the law of the jungle. A girl who didn’t matter, invisible, forgettable.
‘What shall I do, Frankie?’ I ask.
Frankie sighs. ‘Blank him,’ she says. ‘Ignore him. OK?’
All through maths and French, I doodle in the margins of my exercise books, torturing myself with questions. I’ve heard of girls being dumped after just one date, but just one kiss? It may be a new world record.
What was so awful about me, anyway? Was I too sad, too silent, too serious for a boy like Dan? Did my breath taste sour or stale? I’m certain it didn’t. Maybe my kissing technique was bad?
At least Dan isn’t in maths or French to witness my gloom. PSE is a different story.
‘Ignore him,’ Frankie tells me as we file into class. ‘He’s not worth it.’
‘Not worth what?’ Kurt pipes up, but Frankie tells him he wouldn’t understand. We sit down near the front, and Dan, Lily and a few of the scally-boy crew mooch in late. Dan’s eyes catch mine again, and this time I could swear they flicker with something dark, unspoken, before sliding away.
Dan and his friends slouch into seats at the back while Miss Matthews clears her throat and tries not to look anxious. The whole lesson is one big joke to the bad-boy gang. ‘Hey, Dan,’ one of them smirks. ‘You’re all fired up today, aren’t you?’
‘Maybe, maybe not,’ Dan grins. ‘That’s the burning question!’
There’s the sound of tearing paper from the back row, and Lily sniggers and asks if anyone has a lighter. Miss Matthews doesn’t relax until the bell goes to signal the end of the lesson – well, maybe she’s just relieved it’s not the fire alarm. At least nothing has been burned, charred, torched or fried – except perhaps her nerves.
Dan slouches up to the desk and drops a crumpled paper on to it. ‘I’m on report, Miss,’ he says. ‘You have to sign to say I behaved in class.’
Miss Matthews sighs. ‘And did you behave?’ she asks.
‘Erm…’
‘Let’s just say you were no angel,’ Frankie mutters, packing her bag. ‘Better hang up your wings, hoodie-boy.’
Dan dredges up what might be a guilty look.
‘I’ll try harder next time,’ he tells the teacher. ‘Can you sign it? Please?’
Miss Matthews signs the sheet, and Dan slopes off. Frankie, Kurt and I head for the door, but Miss Matthews calls me back.
‘Anya?’ she says. ‘Can I have a word?’
I pause by her desk. Miss Matthews takes my exercise book from the pile and opens it. Suddenly I remember writing about my first day here, about kids like wild animals who yell and roar and stampede through the corridors, ranting, frantic teachers, lessons that made no sense at all. Oops.
‘I am in trouble?’ I ask.
‘Trouble?’ she repeats. ‘No, no, of course not!’
‘My English is not good,’ I whisper. ‘I get things wrong…’
‘Anya, this is a wonderful piece of writing. The spelling and grammar aren’t perfect, but your feelings jump off the page. It shows a far greater grasp of English than I expected. You have a talent!’
I blink. ‘I do?’
‘You do. And now that we know what you can do, perhaps you will try to take part a little more in other classes? Show all your teachers what you can do?’
‘I will try…’
‘I can see now how hard these past few weeks have been for you,’ Miss Matthews says. ‘I didn’t quite realize – I don’t think anybody did. But you will settle, Anya. And I’m here for you, if you need to talk, if you ever have any problems. Do you understand?’
I nod, blinking back my shock as I pick up my satchel. ‘Thank you, Miss Matthews,’ I say. ‘Thank you!’
I walk out into the corridor, my head high, my heart a little lighter than before. Dan Carney is lurking just outside the classroom, minus his friends. He rakes a hand through unruly black braids, takes a step towards me, but it’s my turn now to look right through him, just like Frankie said.
I walk on down the corridor, to where Frankie and Kurt are waiting.