39
DESPITE A GOOD soap and scrub in the bath, fresh clothes, and a much-needed rest after last evening’s adventures, Henry still smelled smoke. After more than one dream of facing a fire, he’d awakened in a panic—only to settle his head back on his familiar pillow in blessed relief. It was over. Dessa was safe. The mob had disbanded with a few broken ribs and noses, but despite the destruction of Pierson House and one opium den, there had been no loss of life. Thank God.
Finding a place to take Dessa and the others had been nearly as challenging as rescuing them. Dessa asked about being taken to the Whites’, but Henry discouraged that until knowing whether the violence was truly quelled. She’d readily agreed, wanting to avoid any possibility of putting a private residence in danger, least of all one belonging to her dearest friends.
He would have suggested his own home but doubted that would be viewed as proper, even with his mother still there. He did, however, invite Mr. Dunne to stay with him, making a note to remind Barron to put away the wine he usually kept in the parlor.
When Foster offered the Verandah—wisely rejected for being too close to the source of trouble—Henry realized a public place was the best option. He suggested they stay at the Windsor, as his guests. It was, after all, still a plush hotel, capable of drawing wealthy tourists despite its location mere blocks away from the worst of the Fourth Ward. But the horrified look on the face of the girl called Liling had Dessa and even Jane quickly shaking their heads. Dessa whispered something to him about suicides in the main staircase, and so he pursued that avenue no further.
They had at last agreed upon the respectable—though not extravagant—Alvord House. It might not be one of the most popular hotels anymore, not with Market Street traffic spreading out, but the hotel clung to its elegance with free private baths, excellent meals, and most importantly, a secluded entrance just for ladies.
Foster had arranged for a police officer to escort them and another to concentrate his beat walk at the corner, on the lookout for any hint of trouble—a sign to Henry that the man might well be capable of the concern he claimed to have. It was hard to doubt a man who’d chased him into a burning building.
Orders for protection drew some attention from the hotel staff, but with Henry’s generous tip they didn’t ask questions.
After seeing that the girls were well taken care of, Henry had gone to the White home. Despite his ragged appearance, he was readily admitted by William and soon joined by a concerned and curious Mariadela. Henry explained, as briefly as possible, what had happened, but finished by telling them where Dessa, Jane, Nadette, and the Chinese sisters could be found. They were in immediate need of clothing, since theirs had been lost in the fire. Henry promised to pay for all necessary purchases, from shoes to shawls, and William pledged he would charge him 10 percent below cost.
As he dressed that morning, Henry had only one thought on his mind: seeing Dessa.
And that would happen soon. She’d agreed to meet him after lunch, out at City Park. It was only there, on a bench in the open parkland, that they would find any time alone.
Liling and Mei Mei were fully dressed in brand-new, store-bought Western gowns from White’s Mercantile, as were Dessa and the others. Both sisters allowed their hair to be free of everything but simple pins at the sides, also provided by Mariadela, making them appear even younger than they were.
They’d just finished a late breakfast, which had been brought to the room. Though Henry had offered to pay for several rooms, none of them could bear to be parted so soon after their ordeal. So a bellboy had been called to drag in another mattress, and the sisters slept on that, while Jane and Dessa took the bed and Nadette grabbed nothing more than a pillow, curling up on the floor in front of the door without complaint.
It had been near dawn when they’d at last settled down from their anxious rehashing of the night’s events. One by one, they’d talked out their experience with the hope of putting it behind them.
Dessa learned that Remee had run down the street to Miss Leola’s at the first sign of trouble and somehow convinced the women there to help. Jane said she’d heard one of the girls say Pierson House may not be a place any of them wanted to join, but just knowing it was there had brought comfort. The girls now had a choice, if ever one wanted to leave—which this girl hastened to add she did not. But even if she never chose the Pierson House option, she wasn’t going to let anybody take it away.
That had brought tears to Dessa’s eyes. In spite of all her mistakes, perhaps her efforts weren’t completely in vain. But the image of Pierson House left in shambles made her doubt herself anew. God might have prevented the fire. . . .
She caught back such thoughts, as if Sophie herself were there to scold her. “We may question the circumstances God allows to draw us to Him or to teach us, but we must never question His love. His will is known to those who seek it, all in good time.”
Dessa drew in a deep breath. She’d learned her lesson about not taking on too much too quickly; now she must remember not to question His love, no matter what had happened last night—or what might happen today.
Standing before the only mirror in the room, which was attached to the dressing table, Dessa caught a reflection of the girls sitting behind her—Nadette and Jane, Liling and Mei Mei. Dessa had asked about Remee and been told she was last seen going off with some of her former sisters in the trade. Dessa wondered if she ought to worry about that, but somehow knew she didn’t have to.
She wiped her face with a damp cloth one last time. She’d already scrubbed away any leftover tension from last night, but wanted to look her best. No one, not even Dessa herself, could doubt the depth of Henry’s feelings for her after last night. He’d rushed headlong into a burning building for her!
Yet her heart fluttered every time she imagined meeting him today, with equal parts anticipation and fear.
“You look like you’re goin’ to a execution instead a meetin’ a beau,” Nadette said with a sharp eye on Dessa.
“He’s not—”
“Don’t you dare deny it now, Miss Caldwell,” Jane said, coming up behind her to tuck a stray strand of hair into her loose chignon. “We all saw him kissing you.”
“And he faced a fire for you; don’t never forget that,” Nadette added.
Dessa couldn’t help but smile. “I won’t. Believe me, I’ll never forget that. It’s just . . . Last night was rife with emotion. I’m not at all sure Mr. Hawkins will feel the same in the light of day.” Especially after she told him what she had to say.
“He ‘Mr. Hawkins’ now, Miss Caldwell?” asked Liling. “No. You greet him ‘Henry’ today. So he know nothing the way it was before fire.”
Dessa turned from the mirror to face them all. Each one looked so hopeful, as if she represented their dreams too. She wanted to tell them the best of their futures shouldn’t depend upon anyone but God and themselves, that her own future would be fulfilling with or without Mr. Henry Hawkins, because she was following the will of God.
But the truth was, the blessing of love was something she’d hoped for despite her busy life. That had never been more clear than since she had met Henry. Not all women shared that dream; Sophie had set such a wonderful example of that, an example Dessa had expected to follow. But she knew now that she shared a closer kinship with the women whose faces she stared at—and that their shared dream included marriage.
If it wasn’t to be hers after all, she had no idea how difficult that would be to face.
Henry felt like a youth again. Excited, hopeful, insecure. He was ready to make plans for the future. A future he hoped would be shared with Dessa.
The bank was behind him now, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t start up another business. He could easily go back to selling dry goods—though he doubted the Whites would welcome his competition again.
Which led him to consider asking Dessa how she would feel about moving to Leadville so Henry could be nearer his mother. He knew her own modest dry goods store was capably run by the Owen family, and Henry had no desire to usurp them. But the store was on the meager side, and Leadville had far outgrown the simple requirements of miners. There were real families out there now, and with them came more sophisticated needs. Needs Henry was only too happy to be able to provide for. He’d be careful to avoid selling the type of equipment his mother offered so they would complement each other rather than compete for the same customers.
Yes, this could work out very well indeed. If Dessa wouldn’t mind leaving Denver, at least for the foreseeable future.
She would most likely want to rebuild Pierson House; he couldn’t imagine her thinking anything else. How would marriage, if he was blessed to have her agree, fit into her hopes and plans for her mission? Was whatever she felt for him enough to let them find someone else to oversee a venture that was so important to her?
Still, he knew he hadn’t imagined those kisses last night. They hadn’t been one-sided, and that made his heart dance between his concerns.
Henry resisted the surprising urge to twirl his walking stick as he paced before the park settee, their designated meeting spot. Fallo had left him there, then gone on to the hotel to retrieve Dessa. Henry pulled out his pocket watch for the third time. They should be here at any moment.
When he looked up, he was pleased to see his carriage approaching. She wasn’t even late. It was only his eagerness that had made him impatient.
Waving away Fallo’s assistance, Henry himself pulled out the step and aided Dessa from the carriage. She greeted him with a smile, but it wasn’t the most dazzling smile he’d ever seen on her lovely face. Nonetheless, after a kiss to her hand, he did not let go. Folding her arm through his, he set a leisurely pace along the parkway, wishing he had something clever to say. Something they might laugh over to banish the unnecessary tension.
But she looked nearly as nervous as he felt.
Dessa could barely breathe, let alone speak. What could she say? How could she tell him she wasn’t all he believed her to be? How could she tell him that if it hadn’t been for the goodness and generosity of Sophie Pierson, Dessa herself might have been forced into the kind of life suffered by the women she longed to help?
“Were you able to rest well after the excitement of last night?” Henry asked after they’d walked a little way from the carriage.
“The ladies and I were up far too late, talking about all of it.”
Her arm was still linked with his, and he put his walking stick under his free arm to pat her hand. “You were very brave in all of this, Dessa. I admire you for that. And for so much more.”
Now her blood pumped so madly through her veins that she felt light-headed. “May we sit?”
The settee wasn’t far, and he led the way, allowing her to take a seat first. Dessa fussed with a button on one of her new gloves; she wished she could take them off, hold them, fiddle with them in the hope of spending some of her nervousness, though the afternoon breeze was pleasant enough to keep them on. “Henry—”
He smiled and lifted one of his hands as if he could catch on his palm the sound of his name flowing from her lips. “Pardon me, but do you know I’ve dreamed of hearing you say my name? Silly, isn’t it? For too many years I’ve been ‘Mr. Hawkins’ to everyone but my uncle Tobias—and believe me, having him say my name brought me no thrill.”
She’d been looking away for fear of giving away the depth of her feeling for him. He must know the important things first and not be distracted by her complete and utter hope that he might somehow love her. But hearing him say such things, she couldn’t help herself. She raised her eyes to meet his, and the moment he recognized what she’d tried to hide, his smile grew wider.
“There, that’s better,” he whispered.
Dessa knew she shouldn’t have given in, shouldn’t even now gaze at him with every corner of her heart exposed. But she wanted to remember this moment as he looked at her with her own feelings mirrored in his eyes. “Last night made me realize I’ve allowed my feelings for you to grow, and yet we really know so little of one another. Of our pasts.”
He frowned. “I know you must be disappointed in me. When I think back on it, I’m disappointed in myself.”
Hurriedly, she shook her head. “No, Henry. It’s not you I’m disappointed in. It’s myself.”
He remained still, waiting for her to collect her thoughts and speak. She knew he would wait as long as it took.
“There’s much you should know about me before you truly invite me into your life.”
“Tell me, then,” he said gently. “Tell me everything you think I need to know.”
“I was orphaned nearly at birth. My father was already dead, killed in the war. He never knew about me. My mother died shortly after my birth.”
Henry took one of her hands—the one intent upon pulling at the stubbornly perfect glove—and held it in his.
“My brother was three years older than me, and we were sent to an orphan asylum. But there were others living there too—grown people with noplace else to go, people who were sent there because they had no one to take care of them. And unmarried girls who found themselves in trouble. Those were the ones who became my mothers; all those aunts helped me survive. I’m alive today because of them, Henry. Women just like those in the Fourth Ward right here in Denver.”
She took a breath, then went on. “When my brother was ten and I was seven, we were put on a train and sent West to work. My brother went to a farm in Kentucky, and I went to St. Louis as a maid of all work. I never saw my brother again. He died in an accident, falling from a loft.”
She wiped a tear that tickled her cheek on its downward path. She hadn’t even known she was crying. “I knew I was much better off, hired into the Pierson family home. I worked my way up from lowliest maid to assisting the housekeeper, because I wasn’t afraid of hard work and I knew how to be discreet. In a family like the Piersons, that was a requirement.”
“Discreet?” He said the word with some concern.
She nodded. “The only son, Sophie’s older brother, was an embarrassment to the family. Anyone who helped quell the rumors—to the extent that we could—was appreciated. But then . . .” She was no longer crying. Now she was only afraid, afraid of what he might think. “Bennet Pierson was rich, charming . . . handsome. He had learned at a very young age that he had special appeal to girls.”
Dessa went on, seeing that he still looked at her with interest and attentiveness. “He was quite a bit older than me, and by the time I caught his eye, he was already married. Marriage, of course, did not keep him from behavior he was accustomed to before.” She pulled her hand from Henry’s tender hold and put it to her forehead. “I don’t know why I was so foolish, except that I was young. Barely seventeen. I knew—I knew—what he was like. He used the staff as if it were just one more service we provided. Before it was my ‘turn,’ I’d looked upon the others with pity and a bit of disgust, I think. And I never gave them a bit of sympathy when he was finished with them. Until . . .”
She didn’t want to go on, didn’t want to finish this confession. He must know what she was trying to tell him. Such a long moment went by that Henry cleared his throat, shifting in his seat. But he said nothing. Did he not care if she continued?
Dessa let her shoulders slump. If Henry thought as little of her as she’d thought of herself all these years, he might as well hear the rest. “When he paid attention to me, I thought I might be different from the others. He gave me little gifts, and I thought mine were prettier, more expensive. I thought that meant he cared for me more than he had the others. He spent so much time trying to charm me, never giving up despite my . . . resistance.”
She sucked in another fortifying breath. “Sophie had been on an extended trip to Europe, or it never would have happened. When she returned, she requested me as her maid, and we became friends even with the difference in our ages and stations. Sophie would have set me straight before . . . well, before it was too late, if I’d let her know what was going on. She was so levelheaded, so wise. She didn’t find out until she spotted one of the gifts her brother had given me. She knew immediately what it meant, and was horrified.”
Dessa wrung her hands together, not daring to look at Henry. “By that time, I’d been with Bennet once. Sophie was determined I never take that risk again and demanded that her family let me accompany her to New York, where she planned to live for a while until starting the kind of mission we began here.”
“But how do you know, if Sophie Pierson took you away before this—this romance—died, that the scoundrel didn’t hold you in higher esteem than the others?”
The weight upon her rounded shoulders multiplied. “Sophie’s mother didn’t want to let me go, so Sophie had to tell her the truth—what her brother had done. When their mother confronted him about it, he denied it. Someone in love doesn’t deny the object of their love just to escape a scolding. And that’s all it would have been.”
Henry was silent a long time, and she could think of nothing else to say. She’d offered him her only excuse—youthful indiscretion, he’d called it last night. But somehow this was different, because it was so much more personal.
“Did you love him?”
The question, quietly issued, held a hint of sadness.
She shook her head, still not looking at him. “I suppose that makes it worse, doesn’t it? To do something out of blind love might be more easily forgiven. But I . . . I was foolish enough to think he might love me out of all the others. And I realized over the years that I was prideful enough to want to prove that. But I could never have loved him, not knowing the way he treated so many women before me.”
Another long pause followed, and then Henry shifted again, setting his walking stick at their feet and turning so that he was facing her. He took both her hands in his, waiting until she looked at him.
“Dessa,” he said softly, “your past isn’t so much different from mine, you know. Pride was the culprit behind what I did too. I thought I shouldn’t have to work all the years it would have taken me to accumulate my initial investment.”
Dessa pursed her lips. She hadn’t wanted to ask him about the other part of his past. She had no right, not with her own. But the question was there anyway, and she couldn’t hold it back.
“And you, Henry? Did you love the woman in Chicago?”
His gaze never left hers. “I thought I did, at the time. But if I’d truly loved her, I wouldn’t have chosen the money over her, would I? I could have confessed what I had done and returned the money, asking her to wait if I’d been arrested. Yet I chose to return home, pick up the money, and use it exactly as if I’d never met her at all.
“I can’t say our pasts don’t matter. But hasn’t everything that happened in our lives before today made us who we are? I love the Dessa of today, and I know I’ll love the Dessa of tomorrow, too.” He squeezed her hands. “Your heart is what I love. Your compassion for others, your eagerness to help, no matter what’s needed. Perhaps it’s true that we have much to discover about each other. But we know each other for who we are today. And we can watch over what we’ll become tomorrow. Together.”
Dessa let go of his hands to cast herself at him, not caring what anyone around them might think or say. Out here, they were free of the law, even that of etiquette. She couldn’t keep herself from him any more than she could capture the tears flowing from her eyes.
“I was so afraid to love you,” she cried. “But that fight was no use. I think I’ve loved you since I first stepped into your office.”
He caught her face between his palms. “Then will you do me the honor of marrying me?”
She laughed. “Oh, Henry! Yes!”
Then his lips claimed hers, and Dessa knew in this life she would never be happier.