VII
My plan of life henceforward was more or less established, but I had to make one last decision. Archie and I met by appointment. He looked ill and tired. We talked of ordinary things and people we knew. Then I asked him what he felt now; whether he was quite sure he could not come back to live with Rosalind and me. I said once again that he knew how fond of him she was, and how much she had been puzzled over his absence. She had said once, with the devastating truthfulness of childhood: a€?I know Daddy likes me, and would like to be with me. Ita€?s you he doesna€?t seem to like.a€?
a€?That shows you,a€I said, a€?that she needs you. Cana€?t you manage to do it?a€He said, a€?No, no, Ia€?m afraid I cana€?t. Therea€?s only one thing that I really want. I want madly to be happy, and I cana€?t be happy unless I can get married to Nancy. Shea€?s been round the world on a trip for the last ten months, because her people hoped it would get her out of it too, but it hasna€?t. Thata€?s the only thing I want or can do.a€It was settled at last. I wrote to my lawyers and went to see them. Things were put in train. There was nothing more to do, except to decide what to do with myself. Rosalind was at school, and she had Carlo and Punkie to visit her. I had till the Christmas holidaysa€“and I decided that I would seek sunshine. I would go to the West Indies and Jamaica. I went to Cooka€?s and fixed up my tickets. It was all arranged. Here we come to Fate again. Two days before I was to leave I went out to dinner with friends in London. They were not people I knew well, but they were a charming couple. There was a young couple there, a naval officer, Commander Howe, and his wife. I sat next to the Commander at dinner, and he talked to me about Baghdad. He had just come back from that part of the world, since he had been stationed in the Persian Gulf. After dinner his wife came and sat by me and we talked. She said people always said Baghdad was a horrible city, but she and her husband had been entranced by it. They talked about it, and I became more and more enthusiastic. I said I supposed one had to go by sea.
a€?You can go by traina€“by the Orient Express.a€?
a€?The Orient Express?a€All my life I had wanted to go on the Orient Express. When I had travelled to France or Spain or Italy, the Orient Express had often been standing at Calais, and I had longed to climb up into it. Simplon-Orient Expressa€“Milan, Belgrade, Stamboula€| I was bitten. Commander Howe wrote down for me places I must go and see in Baghdad. a€?Dona€?t get trapped into too much Alwiyah and Mem-sahibs and all that. You must go to Mosula€“Basra you must visita€“and you certainly ought to go to Ur.a€?
a€?Ur?a€I said. I had just been reading in The Illustrated London News about Leonard Woolleya€?s marvellous finds at Ur. I had always been faintly attracted to archaeology, though knowing nothing about it. Next morning I rushed round to Cooka€?s, cancelled my tickets for the West Indies, and instead got tickets and reservations for a journey on the Simplon-Orient Express to Stamboul; from Stamboul to Damascus; and from Damascus to Baghdad across the desert. I was wildly excited. It would take four or five days to get the visas and everything, and then off I should go.
a€?All by yourself?a€said Carlo, slightly doubtful. a€?All by yourself to the Middle EastYou dona€?t know anything about it.a€?
a€?Oh, that will be all right,a€I said. a€?After all, one must do things by oneself sometime, mustna€?t one?a€I never had beforea€“I didna€?t much want to nowa€“but I thought: a€?Ita€?s now or never. Either I cling to everything thata€?s safe and that I know, or else I develop more initiative, do things on my own.a€And so it was that five days later I started for Baghdad. It is the name, really, that so fascinates one. I dona€?t think I had any clear picture in my mind of what Baghdad was like. I was certainly not expecting it to be the city of Haroun-al-Raschid. It was just a place that I had never thought of going to, so it held for me all the pleasures of the unknown. I had been round the world with Archie; I had been to the Canary Islands with Carlo and Rosalind; now I was going by myself I should find out now what kind of person I wasa€“whether I had become entirely dependent on other people as I feared. I could indulge my passion for seeing placesa€“any place I wanted to see. I could change my mind at a momenta€?s notice, just as I had done when I chose Baghdad instead of the West Indies. I would have no one to consider but myself. I would see how I liked that. I knew well enough that I was a dog character: dogs will not go for a walk unless someone takes them. Perhaps I was always going to be like that. I hoped not.