“All right, Brad. I'm not happy about it either.”
They were discussing it on Friday night before he went out for dinner, supposedly with clients. “How can I tell them not to come? Allie's in critical condition, and they want to see her.” It sounded reasonable, but she also knew that her mother and sister were not reasonable people. Brad had always hated them, and they really weren't fond of him either, although her mother pretended she was, but she wasn't. He knew too much about the past, her mother had always held it against her that she had told him. “I did everything I could to discourage them, but she just announced that they were coming.”
“Then you just announce to them that they can't stay here.” She could see from his expression that he meant it.
“I can't do that, Brad. They're my family,” she said uncomfortably. She had managed to run away from them finally, but she still couldn't bring herself not to see them, or keep them away completely.
“Horseshit, you can do anything you want and you know it.”
She started getting angry then. He didn't do a damn thing to help her, all he did was issue ultimatums. “Like you do, Brad? Are you afraid they might interfere with your social life, now that you've become so open about it?” The war was on again, it had actually been very restful while he was in Chicago.
“I've been busy at the office.”
“Like hell you are. And I'll bet you were real busy in Chicago.” But he wheeled on her then with an angry look that warned her not to push him any further. He was in the wrong, but he still didn't want any pressure from her. It wasn't fair, and he knew it, but he wasn't ready to do anything to change that.
“That's none of your business,” he said in a taut voice.
“Why not?”
“Things are moving too fast for me.” They were moving too fast for her too. They had moved with the speed of lightning in the last two weeks, but it wasn't her fault. “I want things to calm down before I make any major decisions.” And then he turned to her and said something that surprised her. “I've decided that I'm not ready to move out yet.” She didn't say anything as she looked at him, wondering if he'd had a change of heart, or if he was fighting with Stephanie now too, or just scared of too many changes.
“Does that have anything to do with geographies, or our marriage?” she asked, her heart giving a little leap of confusion. No matter what he had done to her in the last two weeks, he was still her husband, and maybe she still loved him.
“I don't know,” he said unhappily, but making no move toward her. “Moving out is such a big step, it scares the hell out of me. Maybe I've been a fool … I just don't know. But I don't think I could go back to the way things were either.”
They both knew that nothing would ever be the same again. She would never trust him, and they both suspected he couldn't give up Stephanie. He wondered about that most …but leaving Page meant leaving Andy. In the past week, he had thought about that a lot, and the pain of it almost killed him. Stephanie didn't seem to understand that. She said Andy could visit them, but it wasn't the same thing, and Brad knew it. “I just don't have any of the answers.” He looked at Page unhappily. “I don't know which way to turn.” He sat down on the bed and ran a hand through his hair, as Page watched him. She was leery of him now after he had hurt her so much, and was continuing to do so daily.
“Maybe we should wait and see.” Maybe some of it was a reaction to the accident, but she knew now that a lot of it wasn't. “Want to try seeing a counselor?” Page asked hesitantly, not sure she wanted to herself, but Brad's answer was quick and certain.
“No.” He shook his head. Not if it meant giving up Stephanie. He wasn't willing to do that. He didn't want to leave Page yet, but he didn't want to lose Stephanie either. Stephanie was more important to him. She seemed to embody youth and hope and the future, almost like Allie. But even he knew that his life was a mess, and everything he touched confused him.
“I don't know what else to suggest. Other than an attorney.”
“Neither do I.” He looked at her honestly. “Can you go on living like this for a while, or is it too hard on you?”
“I'm not sure. I couldn't do it forever. Or maybe even for very long. Not much longer.”
“Neither can I,” he said, looking tired. Stephanie was pushing him like crazy to leave Page, and marry her, and he knew he needed to make a decision.