He looked at her miserably then. He had just wanted to forget it all for one night. It had been such a relief to be away from the hospital, and Page, and even Andy.
“I guess I just forgot to call.” It was a terrible excuse, and he knew it.
“I wish I could forget too. Maybe you're lucky,” she said sadly. She couldn't walk away from any of it, and she wouldn't have wanted to. And three days before, she wouldn't have walked away from him either. Now everything was different. “You can't just blank out on this, Brad. It's really happening, and you have to face it. How would you feel if she'd died last night?”
“How do you think I'd feel?” He looked grim as he watched her.
“Andy needs you too. And maybe you need to be with Allyson. If something happens …” She couldn't have been anywhere else, but Brad didn't agree with her.
“Sitting with Allyson won't change anything,” he said defensively. “She's going to live or die, whether I'm there or not. It just upsets me, and maybe trying to drag her back at any cost isn't the answer.”
“What are you saying to me?” Page looked horrified. “Are you saying we should let her die?”Page wanted to scream just listening to him. What had happened to him? What was he saying?
“I'm saying I want Allie back. Allie. The girl she used to be, and would have become if this hadn't happened. Beautiful and strong and intelligent, and capable, able to do anything she wanted. Do you really want her to live if she's going to be less than that? Do you really want a brain-damaged child to nurse for the rest of your life? Do you want that for her? Because I don't. I'd rather let her go now if that's what she's going to be. And sitting there, watching her, while her brain swells, and a respirator breathes for her, isn't going to make a damn bit of difference. We've done what we could. Now all we can do is wait. And waiting here or waiting there doesn't make any difference to her.” But what if it did? What if she knew they were there with her?
Page looked sickened by what he was saying. “Andy needs you as much as she does. Or is that too much for you too?” She was giving him no mercy, but right now, in her eyes, he didn't deserve it. He was failing all of them, and for totally selfish reasons.
“Maybe it's all too much for me. Has that ever occurred to you?” he asked, taking a step closer to her again. He hated seeing her now, it always turned into an argument or a reproach, or a series of accusations.
“It occurs to me that you're indulging yourself, and making some terrible decisions. Time hasn't just stopped because you want it to, Brad. This isn't 'time out' while you sort out your sex life. Allie needs you, no matter what you think of her condition or her future. She needs you even more because of that. And Andy needs you. The poor kid is terrified, he's watching his family fall apart in front of his eyes, he knows his sister may die, he doesn't know where you are, and all of a sudden he's living with the neighbors.”
“Then maybe you need to come home at night,” Brad said, and was startled when Page stood up and walked several steps closer to where he stood.
“Let me tell you something, Brad. I'm not leaving Allie more than I have to until we know if she'll make it, or until she dies. And if she does …” Tears filled Page's eyes as she said the words, but her voice didn't waver. “I'm going to be there with her, holding her hand, and holding her as she leaves this world, just as I did when she entered it. I'm not going to be at home, or with you, unless you're at the hospital too, or even with Andy. But at least I'm not with some floozie somewhere, trying to pretend this hasn't happened.” She turned away from him then. She couldn't stand the look on his face, which told her that he had already left them.
“Page.” She turned to look at him then, when she heard the tears in his voice, which surprised her. He sat down heavily in a chair, and dropped his face into his hands. “I can't stand seeing her like that. It's like she's already gone … I can't stand it.” Page couldn't understand what made him think he had a choice. She couldn't stand it either. But she knew she had to. For Allie.
“But she's not gone,” Page said quietly, wanting to comfort him, but afraid to come any closer. There was so much between them now, so much pain and loss and disappointment. She no longer trusted him, or believed in him. She hardly knew who he was now. “She still has a chance, Brad. You can't let go of that till she does.”
“She'd be better off dead than a vegetable, Page, and you know it.”