Fifteen
At breakfast, Abigail noticed on the bulletin board that a Bible study for female inmates was scheduled for that evening. The idea of sitting around a table and studying the Bible with Englischers had never appealed to her before. Scripture reading, silent prayer, and meditation were usually private matters for the Amish or within your family, sitting around the woodstove or fireplace—not among strangers with varying levels of Christian commitment.
But by dinnertime, after reading and contemplating to the point of exhaustion, she felt ready to try something new. Abby decided to attend the session and invite her roommate.
Rachelle had asked a few shy questions about Abby’s faith since moving into the top bunk. The woman had been raised in a home without much religion whatsoever. Her grandmother had occasionally taken her to church whenever Rachelle’s mother left her overnight. And she remembered attending Vacation Bible School for a full week during one summer. Her grandmother had registered her, picked her up, and then driven her back home afterward. Rachelle’s mother hadn’t been keen on the notion, but she had finally agreed. “Just a pack of do-gooders telling you stories about burning bushes, sending babies down the river in baskets, and nasty Roman kings. None of it will do you a-hill-of-beans worth of good in the real world,” had been her mother’s assessment. But Rachelle had loved the week, including the camaraderie with the other kids. Looking back, she was still curious about what she’d learned.
There is a powerful God who knows us and what we’ve done, but still loves us anyway?
He sent His only Son as a sacrifice for our sins, and if we believe in Him we’ll be allowed into heaven?
Rachelle couldn’t grasp where heaven was or what it would be like, but she understood it was far superior to the alternative. She also didn’t know if there was a tally system for sin.
Is stealing a car worse than cheating on your income taxes?
Is premeditated murder the most evil thing a person can do, or is there a sin even worse than that?
Abigail had no clue about the hierarchy of sin either, but she showed Rachelle the Ten Commandments in the Bible. “This is a good place to start,” she said. “These are the most important things to concentrate on. Oh, and the Golden Rule.”
Rachelle held up her hand. “Whoa, slow down. You mean there’s this list of commandments plus a whole other bunch of rules?” She crinkled her forehead with dismay.
“No, only one rule, but it’s important. Basically, it’s do to others as you would have them do to you.”
Rachelle exhaled with relief. “Okay, I’ve heard that one.” Relief washed over her face. “I’m going to copy down these ten before we go to the Bible meeting. I’m not walking in there empty handed.” She perched on Abby’s bunk to copy the list onto a sheet of ruled paper.
Abby glanced at the clock in the hallway, waiting patiently. They would be late, but she didn’t want to hurry the girl. When Rachelle stood at last with list in hand and handed Abby her Bible, they walked to the small chapel off the common room. Abby felt nervous anticipation begin to build.
“Come in, ladies. Have a seat,” said a woman at the table. “I’m Mrs. Jarvis, and we have just begun.” She had a gentle face, warm smile, and blue eyes the shade of a robin’s egg.
Abby and Rachelle sat, stealing surreptitious glances around the table. All of the faces were familiar, yet a few were a surprise in their current setting.
“Today we are studying First Corinthians, chapter thirteen, for some ways to improve your personal relationships while you are in here and to prepare you to rejoin your lives down the road. This chapter is commonly referred to as the ‘love chapter’ and is often read during weddings. But Paul’s instructions to the people of Corinth are helpful to improve all our relationships, including those with our mothers, sisters, neighbors, bosses, and even nasty coworkers who try to stab us in the back.” A few women giggled and nodded while Mrs. Jarvis’s gaze spanned the small room.
“Who was this Paul guy?” asked Rachelle, shifting in her chair.
Two women laughed aloud, while Abby felt mortified. But Mrs. Jarvis’ smile didn’t falter. “He was a man who once persecuted the followers of Jesus after His crucifixion. But God appeared to him while Paul was on a journey, and He talked to him. Paul spent the rest of his life converting people to Christianity like the other apostles. But we’ll learn more about Paul another day. Let me read what he had to say about Jesus’ message about love:
“‘If I could speak all languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.’” Mrs. Jarvis paused for a moment before continuing on to the end of the chapter.
Abby listened, absorbing the words like a dry sponge.
“‘If I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing…Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out…When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.’”
Abby found comfort and simplicity in Paul’s teachings. And the other inmates seemed to like them too because everyone had an interpretation. Some seemed off track, but Mrs. Jarvis encouraged the conversation and didn’t correct anyone’s application.
“You shouldn’t be jealous if you’re really in love,” said one woman.
“Being smart and a good talker aren’t going to get you places forever. If you forget to love anybody along the way, you have just wasted your whole life,” offered a multitattooed lady.
“You always need to be patient with your kids if you love them as much as you say you do.” This was spoken by a girl who looked not much older than a child herself.
Abby heard the practical applications only vaguely. Her head was spinning with new thoughts. She knew she could keep Margaret’s name out of her case. It wasn’t right to get the licensed midwife in trouble for a choice she had made, but what about the truth? Love rejoices whenever the truth wins out…Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.
She loved Daniel and her children. She also loved her parents and respected their guidance over the years. She loved her Amish community, including the few women who tended to gossip more than sew at quilting bees. Hadn’t members of her district come to town for the candlelight vigil in her support?
Abby sighed. There was only one response to all that she had heard this morning. Although she loved her friend and mentor too, she had to tell the truth and pray that the English system of laws would be merciful with Margaret.
After discussing the women’s applications, the session was over. Abby wished it had lasted longer.
“Who would ever think we’d talk about loving people during our first Bible study?” asked Rachelle on their way back to their cell. “I figured we would learn more about Moses parting that ocean and all those chariots racing across the dry bottom. Then whoosh…this huge wave comes to swallow up the chariots after Moses gets his people on the other side. I saw it on TV.” She gestured wildly with her hands. “I always felt sorry for the horses. What did they do to deserve a watery grave?”
Abby shrugged, not wishing to picture drowning horses at the moment. “I liked the love chapter. It gave me something to think about while trying to fall asleep tonight.”
“That’s for sure. I’ll be planning my exit strategy with ol’ Al once I get out of here. That man is not capable of love. He’s always been about me-me-me. I need to live with only my kids for a while to get my head on straight. Then maybe I’ll think about falling in love with a nice guy for a change. Maybe he won’t turn out as boring as they all look.” Rachelle laughed so, Abby did too, but she wasn’t sure what boring men looked like. They had reached the door of their cell, but it wasn’t lockdown time yet.
“What are you going to do?” asked Abby. “I’m just going to read.”
“Oh, no, you don’t. This is our night to stick together. First, Bible study—I’m going again next week—how about you?” Without waiting for an answer, Rachelle continued, “Now we’ll both watch TV in the common room. Don’t worry. It’s a Hallmark Channel movie. Some guy gets this letter from his long-dead father and it changes everything in his life.” She hooked her arm through Abby’s elbow. “Sounds pretty good, no? It’ll be good to relax for a night.”
We haven’t done much other than relax in here, Abby thought, but she smiled at Rachelle. “That does sound interesting. Okay, I’ll come with you. And I’m coming to Bible study next week too.” She patted her hand as they headed toward the sound of laughter and a loud television set. Abby ended up enjoying the movie and appreciated the company of her English roommate and friend. After lights out, she fell asleep with Paul’s words running through her brain like a skipping record.
The greatest of these is love.
Try as she might, Catherine thought of no easy way to teach Isaiah about God. Hand gestures, pantomimes, and artistic sketches were woefully inadequate to impart so powerful a truth. The man needed to learn to read. There was no way around it. But first he needed a better grasp of common English words and phrases. His lip-reading seemed to improve each time they were together, but they weren’t together enough as far as she was concerned. That is about to change, she thought. Because she and Isaiah were adults, Daniel had no right to keep them apart.
Catherine marched toward the barn in search of her brother-in-law as soon as her laundry was hanging on the line. Her niece and nephew trailed behind her, trying to catch butterflies with little success.
The barn yielded nothing more than an amazing number of flies. Every cow and horse, and even the sow with her piglets, had opted for the outdoor pens on such a breezy day. “Stay close,” she instructed the children, “and mind where you step. We’re going in search of your daed.” The two siblings grasped hands and skipped along as though on a grand adventure.
Catherine spotted Daniel repairing the fence that separated a field of soybeans from the cow pasture. She waved and cupped her hands around her mouth. “May I have a word with you, brother?” Her heartbeat quickened upon noticing Isaiah a hundred yards farther down the fence line.
Daniel wiped his neck with a handkerchief as he walked toward them. “Is something wrong, Catherine?” His gaze flickered over the kinner with concern.
“No, nothing’s wrong, but we have run out of coffee, sugar, and mayonnaise. And we’re almost out of yeast, baking powder, and laundry detergent. Plus I need some personal items. I can’t postpone a trip to the grocery store another day.”
He swept off his hat to dab his brow. “I wish you would have told me sooner. I could have stopped on my way home from the bank yesterday.” His eyes focused skyward at a vulture soaring on wind currents. The sun had reached its zenith.
“Danki, but I prefer to do my own shopping. Besides, I need a change of scenery today,” she said. “And so does Isaiah. He needs a break away from farm chores. He kept working yesterday in the fields while you went to town on errands.” She tried to keep accusation from her tone.
Daniel cocked his head and narrowed his gaze. “I asked him if he wanted to ride with me and he shook his head no.”
“It’s not good for him to work without any leisure.”
“Leisure? We’re farmers, Catherine. We’ll have plenty of time for leisure in January when the fields are buried beneath a foot of snow.” He squinted at her even though the sun’s glare was at his back.
“Even so, I’d like to ask him if he would drive me to town. I’d prefer not to go alone because I’m unfamiliar with your horses.”
Daniel set his hat back on, nodding. “True enough. You can ask him, but I’ll take you if he doesn’t want to go.”
Somehow Catherine knew he would and so did Daniel. She marched to where Isaiah was pulling out rotted rails and stacking them in the wagon. She worked hard to pantomime the actions of driving the buggy and grocery shopping, and he readily agreed once her meaning became clear. They walked back to where Daniel was planing the end of a fence rail to fit snugly into the post, the children standing quietly by as they watched him work.
“He said he would take me,” she said, unable to hide her enthusiasm. Perhaps the fact Isaiah’s smile was wide enough to reveal most of his pearly white teeth had something to do with her joy.
“All right,” said Daniel, barely glancing up. “I’ll see you all at suppertime then.”
“You won’t, but I fixed a plate of roast beef and potatoes to reheat in the oven whenever you get hungry.”
His head snapped up with full attention. “Where will you be?”
“I’m dropping Jake and Laura off for the afternoon at the neighbor’s house. Mrs. Miller has invited them several times this summer to play with her kinner. I’d like Laura to play with other girls for a change and Jake with little boys. They spend too much time in only each other’s company. We’ll pick them up on our way home this evening.”
“This evening? I thought you said you needed to grocery shop.” His tone turned sharp.
“That’s right, but I also want Isaiah to practice his lip-reading. That would be easier to accomplish without little ones interrupting our talk.”
Daniel’s focus landed on Isaiah, who waited patiently during a conversation he couldn’t hear. “And how do you propose to teach him more English words?” He lifted one boot heel to the lowest fence rail.
“I intend to treat him to dinner in Shreve. Has he ever been in a restaurant? I’ll shape my mouth to form the names of common foods and point out the item on the menu. It might be the start of word recognition.”
Daniel grunted with disdain and picked up the next replacement rail. “You’re trying to move mountains during one supper at a local diner.” He shook his head like a mule. “I don’t think this is such a good idea, Catherine.”
“Are you saying we’re not allowed to stop to eat when our errands are done?” She shifted her weight from one hip to the other and crossed her arms over her apron.
“Oh, no. Like I said before, I wouldn’t dream of forbidding my wife’s sister from any harebrained notion she might have.” He started to plane the end of the next rail with renewed vigor.
“Danki, Daniel. I’m pleased to hear that.” She grinned at Isaiah, pointed toward the barn where the open buggy had been parked, and picked up Jake’s hand. “We’ll be off then.”
“At least give him one of my clean shirts to put on,” Daniel hollered when they were almost to the pasture gate. “He shouldn’t eat his first restaurant meal in a sweaty shirt.”
Catherine waved to indicate she’d heard him and then changed direction for the house. While Isaiah changed clothes, she filled water bottles and packed ice into the cooler. At the neighbor’s driveway, her niece and nephew jumped down from the buggy, overjoyed to play with other children. Mrs. Miller waved from the front porch.
“We’ll pick them up before dark,” Catherine called. After another wave from Mrs. Miller, Catherine and Isaiah were headed toward Shreve in an open buggy on a perfect summer day. They sat close together on the bench, and she caught him watching her several times from the corner of his eye. If his expressions were any indication, he was glad she’d invited him along.
She pointed out landmarks on the way, and he attempted to vocalize the words she formed. The approximations weren’t bad for a start, but she wished she’d had more training. Isaiah didn’t seem to mind repeating the words until either his enunciation improved or she gave up on the word. He was curious about many things they saw along the road. He pointed at a hawk soaring overhead, the lap robe they were using for a seat cushion, and a mosquito feasting on his arm, and then he waited for her to mouth each word. He found the game entertaining until they reached the grocery store. As she found each item on her shopping list, she would hold up the package and form the word.
Isaiah glanced around and then rolled his eyes. He motioned for her to hurry along as he pushed the cart up and down the aisles. Catherine assumed he was eager to get the chore over with. Few men enjoyed the usually female activity, so she filled the cart with staples and a few treats without slowing down for speech lessons.
After they loaded cold items into their ice chest and the rest into the back of the buggy, Isaiah offered his hand for her to step up.
She shook her head vigorously and pointed toward the restaurant across the street. His gaze followed to where her outstretched hand indicated. Bringing his attention back to herself, Catherine rubbed her belly and then mimed a person eating an ear of corn on the cob. He laughed and shrugged his shoulders. With relaxed familiarity, she gestured for them to cross the street.
After a moment’s contemplation, Isaiah nodded, rubbed his belly, and offered his arm. She hooked a hand in the crook of his elbow, and they entered the diner like any other courting couple. She tried not to think of them as such. She was afraid she would lose her nerve otherwise. Once inside, they were met with delicious smells and convivial conversation. After finding seats at a booth toward the back, Catherine picked up the menu to study.
Isaiah seemed content to study her. He tried to take her hand, but she pulled it back quickly and picked up her glass of ice water. She was pleased to note that many of the items had photos beside them, and she turned her menu around so he could see. When she pointed to the picture of roast beef, she mouthed the word “moo” like a heifer. For the fried chicken, she flapped her arms as though they were wings, and she did a fairly good imitation of swimming fish for the fried perch dinner. Both spaghetti and meatballs and stuffed roast turkey left her stumped, but she said “baa” like a spring lamb while pointing to the daily special of lamb stew.
It was too bad she wasn’t as good at reading people as she was at pantomiming food dishes.
Isaiah pulled the menu from her fingers, closed it, and laid it on the edge of the table. He was no longer smiling, and his cheeks had flushed to near purple. He glanced around the room and then met her eye with obvious discomfort. His own gestures indicated he wished his meal to be the same as hers…without further discussion on the subject. Then he crossed his muscular arms over Daniel’s shirt and leaned back.
She had embarrassed him. Upon the realization, shame washed over her. When the waitress returned for their order, she ordered them each a burger with fries with a blush almost matching his. By the time their meals arrived, Isaiah seemed to have forgotten his anger. He dipped fries into catsup, added steak sauce to his burger, and devoured both with obvious lip-smacking pleasure. She had difficulty swallowing the dry bun and greasy potatoes, but waited until they had returned to the buggy, away from observers, to attempt to apologize.
Her expression managed to convey her contrition better than any gestures. After a moment, he pressed a finger to her lips to stop her apologies. His eyes softened when she held her fist to her remorseful heart. He tipped up her chin and said clearly, “Okay, Cat. It’s okay.” Then he kissed her.
His lips remained on hers longer than any acceptance of an apology warranted. When he finally pulled back, she was gasping for air. Calm, cool, and collected, Isaiah released the brake, shook the reins over the horse’s neck, and started for home.
Catherine didn’t attempt further conversation during that drive to the Graber farm. For a change she’d been rendered speechless.
Nathan Fisher sat on his porch swing, reading the newspaper, and rocking his son’s cradle with his bare big toe. This was the most pleasant evening in a long while. A short afternoon thunderstorm had washed away the dust and oppressive humidity that had hung in the air for weeks. A cool breeze blew from the south, bringing the soft scent of pine, which was so much nicer than the scent from the sow pen he’d scrubbed out earlier today.
Iris had taken the pony cart down the road to sew with some of her lady friends. She’d left a large slice of cherry pie under plastic wrap on the kitchen table. He planned to enjoy his dessert with a cold glass of milk before bed. Birds were chattering in the nearby maple tree as they settled down for the evening with their customary fuss. The familiar sounds soothed him.
However, the sound of crunching gravel in the drive produced the opposite effect.
Nathan craned his neck around the porch post, frowning when he saw Patricia Daly exit her sedan. “Oh, mercy,” he mumbled, but he managed to feign a smile. He rose to his feet and tipped his hat. “Good evening, Patricia. What brings you to our neck of the woods?”
“I’m here to see you, of course. And what a nice night for a drive.” She climbed the steps to the porch. “Mind if I have a seat and chat for a while?”
“Sure.” He noticed she’d brought along her Bible.
“I was wondering how your family has been getting on. I see little Abraham is putting on weight. He’ll turn into a big bruiser at this rate.” She peered into the cradle, clucking her tongue and making cooing noises, even though the boy was sound asleep. Straightening, she walked to a chair and dragged it closer to the swing. “You have been on my mind since the grief therapy session. I wished you would have let me drive you home.”
He turned his gaze skyward for a moment. “I’m sorry I ran off like that. I had no call to lose my temper and behave like some hot-headed child.”
After an uncomfortable pause, she asked, “Why did you?”
Nathan continued rocking the cradle while he thought. “Because I was uncomfortable. I realized I didn’t belong with a group of Englischers. It’s not the Amish way to spill our guts like that.”
“The Ordnung says you are not to talk during group therapy?”
“No, not to my knowledge. We just don’t do it.”
“Amish people are supposed to wallow and suffer in their misery?”
He glanced up. “I’m not wallowing. Those other folks were wallowing by rehashing the past. I prefer to grieve for Ruth in my own way.”
She nodded but her expression didn’t change. “And you want to make sure you don’t forget your wife.”
“Of course I don’t want to forget her. She’s my son’s mamm.” He focused on the sleeping infant, who would never hear the sound of his mother’s laughter or feel her soft lips against his cheek. “Why would I want to forget?”
“You shouldn’t, but let’s see what the Good Book says about sorrow…about grief. Get your Bible, Nathan. I’ll wait for you here and sit with the baby.”
He sat temporarily paralyzed. Who is this bold woman to walk onto my porch and begin barking orders? Nevertheless, he stood, strode inside the house, and retrieved his Bible from the mantel. If not for Iris’ fastidious housekeeping, it would be dusty from neglect.
When he returned, Patricia had slipped off one sandal and was rocking the cradle with a barefoot big toe as he had done. “Turn to First Thessalonians and read chapter four, verses thirteen and fourteen. Tell me what it says in your own words.”
Thinking of no polite alternative, Nathan opened the book and silently read the passage. “It says that God wants us to know what will happen to believers when they die. Because Jesus was raised to life after death, when He comes back he’s bringing all the believers with Him.”
Patricia nodded in agreement. “That’s heartening to hear. So you will see Ruth and I’ll see my husband again. Why does the apostle Paul remind us of this?” She spoke in little more than a whisper.
“So we will not grieve like those who have no hope. Grief is natural, but if we grieve too long or too hard, God may think we’ve lost our faith.” He leaned back in the swing. “But it’s hard to stop. You can’t turn sorrow off like a faucet. Sometimes I get mad at God, even though I know that’s not right.” He thought she would rail against such blasphemy, but she actually smiled.
“I was mad for a while too. I guess that’s normal, but our fellow Christians can help us overcome our anger if we let them. I understand that our English meetings weren’t your cup of tea, but what about your Amish community? Can you talk to a deacon or to the bishop of your district?”
Nathan stared off at the crimson sun, dancing just above the treetops. Soon only the fiery glow would remain. “Like I told you before, we were new here. I’m a stranger to those men.”
“So they’ll turn a deaf ear since you haven’t been a member long enough.” She clucked her tongue with disapproval.
“I didn’t say that. It’s just not easy to show up at preaching after I haven’t gone since the funeral.”
She nodded at the closed book between his hands. “In that case, turn to Ephesians 4:11-14 and tell me what you think it means.”
“You sure came here prepared, didn’t you?” he muttered. Nathan found the Scriptures and read them over twice because he’d never heard them before. The sooner he met her demands the sooner she would go home. When he finished reading, he looked up to meet her gaze. “It says we’re supposed to keep going to preaching and listen to what the teachers and pastors say to build up the church. We can’t stop until we measure up to the full standard of Christ.”
“Are you there yet, Nathan?”
He shut the book with a snap. “No, ma’am. I’m not there yet.”
“Neither am I,” she said, grinning. “I’m still a long way off, I suppose.”
He couldn’t help but smile too.
“You’re on the right track though. At least you didn’t run in the house and hide when you saw my car, pretending not to be home.”
“Don’t think that didn’t cross my mind.” He gave his beard a pull.
“Go back to church services, Nathan. Take your son and your aunt, and let your Amish community reach out to you in Christian love.”
He ducked his head as shame filled his heart. It took an English woman to set me back on the right track. “I will, I promise. My aunt’s been threatening to go home if I don’t do something. Preaching is a good place to start. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”
Abraham stirred in his cradle, signaling the adult conversation might soon be interrupted.
“I’d better head back to Wooster. I don’t like driving on twisty roads after dark, but later tonight after I leave, read the book of James, chapter two. James tells us that faith without good deeds is dead. We are to reach out to others and lend a helping hand as long as we live. You can’t hole up alone and keep your faith. And when you involve yourself in good works, you’ll lose the guilt that’s keeping you miserable. You’ll never forget Ruth, but punishing yourself won’t bring her back. Let go of your misguided sense of responsibility. Everything in our lives happens according to God’s plan, even the untimely deaths of loved ones.” She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, squeezed, and then walked down the steps to her car.
Nathan mumbled his thanks, but he couldn’t lift his head. His face streamed with tears long held in check.