14
Cloudy and dull, with some light rain or drizzle at first and sunny spells later
NO SIGN OF Ned this morning. Normally he drops past the kitchen window on to the trampoline in time for breakfast before I leave. Shreddies he has, or Cheerios.
He found the old washing line, the one we used to play with. Talk about gobsmacked. I had no idea he even remembered. Need it. Busy. Go away, he signed. God knows. He slammed his door before I could ask.
Not your average nine to five, undertaking. Death doesn’t look at his watch. A late finish, dark by the time I make it to Somerfield to pick up something for our tea. I choose Somerfield Special Chow Mein. Lester didn’t care for oriental food, but me and Ned are now free to sample the flavours of the East. I buy extra noodles. Two cheeky cans of Stella find their way into my basket, I knoweth not how.
There’s no point calling, I’m home! I say it anyway. I mosey to the kitchen, unpack the shopping by the sink, same as. Four minutes in the microwave on high.
There is a card on the sideboard. In Sympathy it says. Dear Lee, I’m so sorry for your loss. Lorelle has got beautiful curvy handwriting, artistic. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do. Well, well. Buonasera, señorita. As a matter of. Knock it off, Lee, back in your box. A time and a place.
Quiet. No TV blaring. I open the back door, let myself out. I crack open one of the Stellas. The stone bench under the window reminds me of our mother. She found it in a reclamation yard. I sit on it. It’s got a broken griffin at one end.
She used to write messages to herself. She stuck them on Post-Its all over the house. We read them daily. New ones appeared as the old ones fell off. I am a conqueror. I choose hope. God is not finished with me yet. Healing wisdom … Get some! Every surface of the house was papered with information, the information that held the secret to the cure. They were in capitals, underlined. That’s how important they were.
Cancer is caused by imbalance! The logical way to SOLVE this is to use NATURAL Products to safely Target and Kill cancer cells! (E.g. laetrile, found in apricot kernels)!
She signed up for acupuncture, kinesiology and light therapy. And she was happy because happiness too was a cure. Stress AND sadness cause cancer! She smiled and laughed. She had a whale of a time, because if you don’t laugh you’ll cry and months of detoxing and oxygenating will be out the window.
On the walls, mirrors, kitchen cupboards: Reclaim your inner terrain! We took note. The only thing that can let you down is your ATTITUDE. We adjusted our attitudes. We did everything the leaflets said. We obeyed the pamphlets. We banished sadness. We said the affirmations. We believed. The cancer didn’t stand a chance.
*
I PUT THE tea on. Ned is outside, bouncing. He has a look of surprise on his face, like he’s trampolining against his will. The twangs are the comedy sound of things going pear-shaped – our theme tune – like some kids’ cartoon, The Knobs.
Ned’s benefit money is going to cease unless he gets a job pronto. We no longer have Lester’s disability allowance. My plan is to spend twenty pounds a week less. New world, new rules, same old us. I am not unduly worried. I have a plan. We don’t use central heating but we need to pull back in the area of electrics. In the area of food I have come up trumps, if I say so myself. But. I do require an Italian fund, needs must. In this one area I cannot scrimp. It will have to be in the region of one hundred pounds. Undercover Lee has done his research and Il Terrazzo is around about fifty squids a head, plus wine. So far I’ve got about twenty-nine in the pot. Well on the way. Tulips. Tiptoeing. Sorted, dare I say.
*
WE STAND IN Chapel 1 looking at Lester in his box. I guessed I would be tongue-tied and I was right. I talk to dead men all day long. Funny. When he was alive I spoke one-way remarks to Les twenty-four seven. Only difference now is the small matter of a pulse. Then there is Ned. He presses his lips together, stares. He looks like a fish out of water. He has never been at my work before. I loaned him my other suit jacket. He slipped it on over his Simpsons T-shirt. You can still see Homer’s surprised yellow mug peeking out between the lapels.
We have now studied Lester’s face longer than ever before. A decent job by Derek. He has used plenty, I can see, to cover the darker staining. Typical Les, sloping off without warning. Sod off to the rest. Don’t go away they say on Extreme Makeover during the ads, and he didn’t. He went nowhere, but he buggered off just the same. Why not other people’s reality if you’re sick of your own? Fair play. This real enough for you, Les? Lying here covered in make-up with us two knobs looking on.
I have nothing to say. Zipped, I am. Les has arrivederci’d leaving us none the wiser. One time alive as if he were dead and now dead as if nothing had changed. Buenos noches.
Ned leans in. He touches Lester’s arm, his hand. Examining it. I don’t recall Ned ever touching Les. Or vice versa. I don’t remember any of us touching any of us come to think of it. Ned lowers his head till it lies on Les’s chest. I check the door. I’m not embarrassed, per se. I don’t know what I am. Looks like he’s listening for a heartbeat except (a) Ned is deaf and (b) Les is dead. The blind leading the blind. Les would have loved it.
I don’t feel anything much, I wait but nothing comes. I notice the picture of the lakeside sunset is askew so I step over to straighten it. When I turn back Ned is upright again, like he never listened to nothing on Les’s chest. Like I imagined it. Maybe I did.
I replace Lester’s lid before we leave.