A Perfect Square

Chapter 19




SAMUEL THANKED THE TRUCKER for the ride as he let himself out of the eighteen-wheeler. He’d purposely avoided smaller vehicles. Didn’t want to end up thumbing a ride from anyone he knew.

There was no way he was ready to face friends — today would be difficult enough.

He carried his one bag over his shoulder. He’d left Katie’s bag on the doorsteps of a less prosperous-looking Amish home on the outskirts of Middlebury. Hopefully someone there would be able to use the clothes. It had hurt him to leave them, but he told himself that Katie would have been glad to know they were helping make someone else’s life easier.

As soon as the farm came into sight, a sweat broke out across his forehead. He’d stopped in a gas station last night and shaved off the beard. Not that it was very thick yet — despite what Katie had predicted.

The memory was a sharp ache in his side, like the cut of a knife.

He raised his hand to his cheek, as if to remind himself that it was real, that it had all actually happened. But the envelope in the bottom of his pack proved the last week hadn’t been just another nightmare.

As he walked toward the farm, toward Katie’s parents, he rehearsed again the story he planned to tell them. Lying didn’t come easily, but he couldn’t think of another alternative. And it was wrong. He knew that. It certainly wasn’t the Amish way to lie, but in this case not lying would hurt Katie’s family more, would be an even bigger sin. Samuel had worked through his options, and he didn’t see that he had any other recourse available.

Working on Timothy’s farm was the last thing he wanted to do. He’d left just over a week ago, unable to stomach the thought of spending another season under Timothy’s backward ways.

Now what?

A lifetime making atonement for his and Katie’s mistakes? The old anger burned in him, but he tapped it down. One thing he knew — none of this was her fault.

Katie’s error had cost her life. And what had her mistake been?

Trusting him.

The knowledge of that nearly drove him to his knees.

He paused, caught his breath as Timothy’s silos came into view while the afternoon light slanted across the fields.

His sins, they were much worse. He should have protected Katie, should have been a better husband. For that he was prepared to pay with years.

Placing one foot in front of the other, he continued slowly walking down the lane that led to Timothy’s house. They wouldn’t be home from church yet, so there was no need for him to worry about being seen. It would give him time to think. Time to be sure he had his story straight.

As he neared the old farmhouse, he didn’t see the rambling structure where he’d first met Katie or the fields where he’d worked over a year hoping to earn her father’s respect. Instead his mind went back once more, and he saw their eldest daughter, saw her how she’d looked the morning after their wedding night …

Samuel turned from his place at the window where he’d been watching the sun rise over the countryside bordering the LaGrange Inn. Pink and purple clouds fanned out above the hills that rolled one after another as the sun broke through the morning mist.

Just one thing was prettier than that sight.

Samuel heard her stirring in the king-sized bed across the room. He walked over, sat beside Katie, and combed his fingers through her golden hair — he’d never imagined that she had so much of it. When she’d taken off her kapp and removed the pins last night, it had fallen nearly to her thighs. Thick, the color of wheat, and with a slight curl to it, he thought he would be happy to stare at it for days.

Then she’d taken his hand, and he forgot about her hair.

“Gudemariye,” she said sleepily.

“Gudemariye to you, sweet Katie.” Samuel leaned forward, kissed her softly on the lips. “How did you sleep?”

“Wunderbaar, when I slept at all.” A blush stained her cheeks, but she laughed at the memory and reached for his hand. “Do we travel on to Shipshewana today?”

“First there are some things I’d like to take care of.”

“Like?”

“Like feeding you breakfast.”

“That shouldn’t take long.” When she reached forward and ran her hand down his cheek Samuel felt his heart begin to thump faster. He’d rather stay here, in this room, and forget the list he’d been making by the window. But the list wouldn’t wait. It was important as the man of the family to take care of his wife. It was important to start their marriage out as well as possible.

“We need to return your father’s horse and wagon.”

“I don’t understand.” A frown creased her forehead, and Samuel’s patience began to ebb.

“It’s not right to keep what belongs to him, Katie. He’ll be needing it, and we can get by without one at first.”

“How will you send it back?”

His hand came down hard upon the nightstand, causing the lamp to rattle and Katie to jump. Samuel stood, walked to the window, and forced himself to take several calming breaths. It was only the pressure of starting over. She didn’t mean to question his every move. Turning back toward her, he started again.

“I met a man at the feed store yesterday who has a load he needs to take to Goshen. He said he could catch a ride back and was happy to pay me for the use of the horse and wagon. We can use the money.”

“Won’t father wonder why his horse is coming back, without us?”

“I’ve thought of that, and I prepared a note.” Samuel walked over to the small table in the corner of the room. He picked up the sheet of paper and brought it back to Katie. As he handed it to her, he began explaining even before she could have read to the end. “I know this is hard for you, and I know that you don’t like lying to your dat — “

“Do you really think we can’t tell him the truth now?” When she raised her eyes to his, it felt like a razor was being drawn across his heart.

The razor opened a crevice and doubt began to creep in.

What if they were doing the wrong thing?

What if they were wrong about marrying this way, about moving away from people who could help them?

What if he couldn’t find work in Shipshe? How would he support them then?

Samuel stomped back to the window. “If you don’t trust me, then how are we supposed to build a marriage? If you’re questioning me at every turn, I can’t see how I’m supposed to hold up. It’s not easy figuring our way, you know. “

He didn’t hear her cross the room, but he did feel her arms reach around his waist. She pressed her face to his back and spoke softly, her words like a slow spring rain to a newly planted field. “I didn’t mean to question you, Samuel. I only meant to ask if this is the way it must be. If it is, then we will do it, and we’ll do it together.”

Turning to look in her eyes, he didn’t see the condemnation he expected to find. “Lying is hard, and I realize it’s wrong,” she continued. “But it’s better than having them worry. You’re right about that.”

“And it’s only for a few days.” He took her hand in his, drew her back to the bed. “Don’t you see? We’re buying ourselves a few days so that we can reach Shipshe without them calling the police or contacting the local bishop. Once we’re settled, once our marriage is a few days old, and once we have a place to stay and I have a job — “

“You will have a job. Of that I’m certain. You’re a gut worker. My dat often said that about you. “

“Then we’ll send the note with the man and the buggy?”

Katie picked up the single sheet of paper, and they read it silently, slowly, one last time.

Mr. Lapp,

Katie has run off to the city. She’s run off to the Englischers. I suppose she’s run off because of her rumspringa. I’m sending back your horse and buggy and traveling on to find her. I’ll send word when I know something. Don’t worry. I’ll bring her back.

Samuel

“Send the note. What else do we need to do?” Katie stood and began gathering her few things, placing them into her duffel bag.

“I want to go to the store in town and purchase a phone. “

“A phone?” Katie caught herself and put her fingers to her lips, then giggled. “I sound like a parrot I heard once. He was in the Englisch store in downtown Goshen. The one that sells pets. He repeated the last phrase you’d say.”

Samuel smiled as he pulled his own things together.

“And who will we be calling with this phone?”

As he explained, Katie combed and braided her hair, then pinned her prayer kapp carefully into place. Samuel wanted nothing more than to take it off her, pull the pins out, unbraid her hair, and forget all their errands.

The sun was rising though, the smell of kaffi was drifting up the stairs, and they had more miles to put between them and Goshen. They were now a few short hours from their new life together. For that Samuel was grateful.

As he walked toward the dining room with Katie, his heart swelled with hope, just as it had the day before when the justice of the peace had declared them man and wife. The Mennonite preacher had said a prayer over them afterwards, had offered his name and phone number.

Samuel still had it on a piece of paper in his pocket.

But they wouldn’t be staying in Goshen.

Their future was to the north, in Shipshewana.