A Perfect Christmas

Chapter TWENTY-ONE


Earlier that evening Cait put the key in the lock and let herself into the house. After today’s revelations she found she could no longer consider this as her home. Home was a warm, welcoming place, and she now realised she had never known anywhere like that. If she had children of her own, she vowed, she would never make them feel like intruders in their own home, only to be tolerated until they were old enough to make their own way in the world. Until she got her own place, though, which she meant to do as a matter of urgency, she had no choice but to stay here.

As she closed the front door behind her, she flattened her back against it and heaved a weary sigh. She had never meant anything so much in her life as when she had said she didn’t want to be the old Cait any more but a much nicer person. It was such hard work, though, constantly having to think about what she was going to say before she said it, and in what tone of voice, and the only thing that kept her persevering was the vision Glen Trainer – or her saviour as she now saw him – had conjured up for her of herself as an old woman, sitting by herself with no one in the world to turn to, no one caring whether she was alive or dead. The thought terrified her.

As exhausting as she had found it, she had to admit that making her apologies to Jane Trucker for her previous appalling behaviour had made her feel a bit better about herself. When she had asked the capable secretary if she would be willing to help source a temporary manager as Cait herself had no clue how to proceed, and also to talk her through anything else that was required of her in order for the company to keep running in the meantime, it had been surprisingly uplifting to see the lines of strain fade from the older woman’s face. Jane’s shoulders had sagged in relief on hearing she was no longer expected to shoulder the burdens she had been carrying for the last few days, and her gracious response to Cait had been that it would give her pleasure to help in whatever way she could.

Hearing her arrival, Agnes came to greet her, saying, ‘Oh, I’m glad you’re home, Miss Thomas. I just wanted a word before I left for the night. I’ve banked up the fire for you and your dinner is keeping hot in the oven.’

Cait had expected the daily to have gone home by now and desperately wanted to start running herself a bath as the sooner she did, the sooner she could get into bed and fall sleep after her tumultuous day. Agnes’s waylaying her caused her to forget her resolve to change her attitude. ‘Just what is it you want to speak to me about, Dalby?’ she replied carelessly.

It was the hurt look in Agnes’s eyes that reminded Cait if she carried on like this she would indeed become that lonely old woman Glen had prophesied. To Agnes’s surprise she followed up her rudeness with, ‘Forgive me, Agnes, I’ve had a tiring day. What was it you wanted a word about?’

‘Well, it’s just that you know I usually finish on a Saturday the same as Sunday, after I’ve cleared up dinner about two o’clock, and the rest of the day is me own? Well, I’m . . . er . . . very aware what day tomorrow should have been for you and it could be difficult for you to get through it on your own. So what I’m trying to say is that with your parents not being here, I’m willing to stay on in case you might feel the need for someone to talk to. I can do the same on Sunday if you’d like me to.’ Agnes hurriedly added, ‘Please don’t think I’m being impertinent, Miss Thomas, ’cause I don’t intend to be. What I am is concerned for you, that’s all, one woman to another.’

Not that she was a woman who deserved Agnes Dalby’s concern after the way she had treated her since she’d come to work for them, Cait thought, overwhelmed with shame. She realised now just what the poor woman had had to put up with, being treated with such hostility by her employer in order to see that she stayed in her place and did not feel at liberty to poke her nose into their affairs. But now Cait wondered just why her mother had felt such a need to keep people at arm’s length. It had to be her ownership of the factory since it was never mentioned, but just why she felt the need to keep that a secret Cait couldn’t fathom.

Because of the events of today and the exhaustion she was feeling, she had temporarily forgotten that tomorrow should have been her wedding day. It was going to prove a hard day to get through. Although the new Cait she was desperately trying to turn herself into should grab Agnes Dalby’s offer of friendship, she felt the need to be on her own so that she could cry and wail for as long and loud as she liked, hoping this would help her over her grief for the loss of Neil and allow her to move on into the new life she was going to make for herself.

‘Thank you, Agnes, but I’ll be fine. Now why don’t you get off home? You’ve not been paid to be here, remember.’ She smiled and added, ‘But I want you to know I’m grateful for what you’re doing for me. Goodnight.’

With that she turned and made her way upstairs, leaving a very confused Agnes wondering if she had misheard her expression of gratitude. Uppermost in Agnes’s mind, however, was a feeling of amazement at the change in Cait’s behaviour. What could possibly have happened to the girl today to bring about this miraculous change in her personality?

As soon as Cait woke the next morning, the significance of the date hit her and a vision of Neil swam before her. She wondered how he was feeling right now – more than likely celebrating his lucky escape from her, she thought – and at this her face crumpled and a flood of tears began to flow. She had never felt so lonely and desolate in all her life. Then suddenly some words Glen Trainer had said to her resounded in her mind. The only one who can help you is yourself. She wasn’t doing anything to help herself lying here thinking of painful things that could only make her miserable. She couldn’t stop painful things happening to her in the future, but she could make sure that when they did she had her own circle of friends around her to turn to for comfort. The first thing she must do was find herself a place to live so that the new Cait she was more than ever determined to become had somewhere to invite new friends back to.

She had just arrived at the bottom of the stairs, intending to make herself some toast then go to the nearest newsagent’s and buy a copy of the Mercury, when she froze as she heard a key being inserted in the front door. It opened and to her surprise she saw Agnes walk in.

She couldn’t fail to spot the worried expression on the old woman’s face, which immediately turned to one of relief when she saw Cait.

‘Oh, you are up and about, Miss Thomas. I . . . er . . . I’m so used to working I didn’t know what to do with myself. I thought I’d just drop by and . . . er . . . fold that washing I put on the pulley in the utility room yesterday. And I might as well iron it while I’m at it. While I’m in the kitchen I could mash a pot of tea. Would you like a cup, Miss Thomas?’

Cait smiled at her. ‘I know you’re really here because you’re worried about me, and I appreciate that. Yes, I’d like a cup of tea, Agnes, thank you.’

The old woman smiled back at her before she went off to mash the tea.

Cait stared thoughtfully after her. This turn of events had come about because of her own small display of consideration for Agnes last night. Agnes wanted to repay her by showing some back. Cait felt she now understood how friends were made. Suddenly she didn’t feel so alone any more. She had made her first friend.